Ten Years Later
Awkward: Walking in on your son masturbating.
More Awkward: Being the son.
Lucy had a basket of folded laundry and she didn't think her son was home as he hadn't come out of his room since she'd come home. She entered his room and he was laying on the bed handling his business. She screamed and dropped the basket.
"M-Mom!"
She screeched, and stood there in shock for a few seconds before covering her eyes and running out, slamming the door behind her.
Yuri Dreyar was so embarrassed he didn't even know what to do. He thought he'd locked the door, but apparently he hadn't. His mother never came in without knocking, so as he quickly put his clothes back in order, he considered what he could possibly say to her.
He picked up the laundry and refolded it, and then went downstairs with the basket.
His mother was in the kitchen, looking at a recipe although her mind was actually just completely frazzled by what she'd just witnessed.
"M-Mom?"
She turned and saw him standing there with the laundry basket. "Hi son. Welcome home from school. Did you have a good day?"
He nodded.
Lucy was a little bit more than horrified, and was almost paralyzed by disbelief.
Yuri was the kind of son everyone wished they had. He was kind, gentle, mild-mannered, and he loved and protected all his little sisters. In the days after having a nanny and Makarov, he was an important part of their family and they could count on him to cook dinner sometimes or to look after all the other kids if she and Laxus were gone for some reason.
How could her perfect son be a masterbator?! Of course, that didn't make him a bad person, but it was a little hard to reconcile her cute little baby boy with the half-grown man working out his sexual frustration.
Lucy took the basket, looked down, and said, "You didn't wash your hands, did you?"
Yuri sighed. "Mom…"
She hauled the basket straight back into the laundry room, dumped it in the washer, and poured copious amounts of bleach in before restarting them. "So what do you want for dinner?"
"I'll eat anything, you know that."
There was a long, awkward moment, and Yuri retreated back to his bedroom. He wondered if his mother had seen the photograph of Lilia Eucliffe on the bed. Hopefully not. The only thing that would have been worse than her knowing was her knowing he had a picture of Lilia in her underwear and that he put it to such use.
On his first job, he'd been really unlucky and ended up nearly being eviscerated by a demon. The level of discomfort he felt about his mother knowing he masturbated was not unlike the feeling of the beast's claw puncturing his torso and pulling so hard he was sure his guts were about to fall on his feet.
Downstairs, Laxus came home, and found none of his daughters were home. That usually meant they were at the soda shop with 'the boys,' Iggy and Sam. It was irregular for his son to not be with his sisters, but they were reaching an age where they did things on their own occasionally so he didn't think anything about it.
And then he came into the kitchen and found Lucy hacking at an onion with a butcher knife with tears streaming down her face because the onion was stinging her eyes. She looked up at him and blurted out, "Our son masturbates."
At forty, Laxus had learned to more or less take life in stride but when Lucy said this, he couldn't help but burst out laughing because she looked so absurd.
Lucy looked up at him, and waved the knife. "What's so funny?"
"Lucy, our son is fifteen. It would be weird if he didn't," he answered as he sat down on a barstool.
Over the past decade, he'd lost almost all the color in his hair, and now sported a full head of spiky white hair that was flecked with gold in places. Rather than blaming genetics, he felt it was appropriate to assign raising children and being guildmaster the scapegoats. Lucy had some grays too, but she dyed her hair in secret every few weeks.
Lucy said, "Could you have a talk with him?"
"We've already had all the talks, Babe. You brought it on yourself. I told you if we kept feeding him he was going to stop being little and cute eventually. He's turning into a man."
Yuri already towered over his mother and was well on his way to achieving his lifelong dream of being taller than his father. He was built like Laxus, with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw.
His mother ran out of onion to take her rage out on, and after throwing the chopped onion into a pan to fry, said, "He has a girlfriend. What if…"
"He's not having sex."
"How do you know?"
Laxus said, "Watch him with Lilia. He's an idiot with her. Keep in mind this is the kid who was scared shitless of little girls until he was four."
Lucy knew this was true, but she was still unnerved. "Does he know about condoms?"
"No, when we had the talk, I told him if he wants to have sex to just wish really hard nothing bad happens and he'll be fine," her husband replied.
She threw the knife and stuck it in the wall next to his head and he didn't so much as flinch as this was a common occurrence. The wall was actually full of holes from his habitual trollings. His daughter Layla referred to his barstool as the throne of the Troll King of Magnolia.
"Laxus! I am being so serious! Our baby boy is horny!"
Said baby boy was coming around the corner when he heard this, and ducked behind the wall before retreating back to his bedroom. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die, and all he needed was a shovel, or maybe Virgo as she could probably make him a nice little burrow for his death from embarrassment.
Yuri had always been a mama's boy since the beginning of time, so it was terrible for him to know his mom saw him doing such a thing or that she was currently having a talk with his father about their 'horny' son.
He stopped on the way to his room and opened the door to the bedroom where Makarov used to live.
Yuri knew if his great-grandfather was still around, he'd be laughing his ass off about his misfortune.
It had been a year since his great grandfather died suddenly in his sleep. That had been a sad, difficult time for them, and sometimes, he was still sad.
He saw his dad cry that day.
The family had another loss a couple of years prior that while not as severe, had given them their first lessons about death. Raijin the tiger was buried under her favorite tree in the backyard and occasionally, Yuri still went by and left little piles of Cheerios on the engraved stone and watched little birds come and pick them up.
After that was the empty room where Chelia used to live before she and Wendy finally moved in together on their own a few years before that. They were still very close to the family, like aunts.
Life had changed a lot as they'd grown up, but there were some things that were the same. He still had his parents and his sisters, and Lilia Eucliffe, she was the same and yet different. Sometimes they kissed, and once she let him touch her left breast. He was really glad his mom didn't know about that, because it might be too much for her to know their baby boy was not only a horny masturbator, but also a boob groper.
This was all fairly normal for someone his age, but because he was the oldest, he had to deal with his parents going through the uneasy process of having to accept him as a young man and not the chubby little baby they fell in love with.
Meanwhile, the three Dreyar girls had finished their normal afternoon soda with the boys, and stopped at a boutique that was conveniently sandwiched between the soda shop and their house. It was convenient for them and inconvenient for their father who found himself constantly funding after-school shopping trips. He complained about these excursions daily yet never told them 'no.'
Mavis wasn't really one for the shopping scene, but some boys across the river were playing kickball and that seemed like fun.
She was a creature of contradiction, but her parents were always content to let her be whoever she was. While she didn't mind dresses, she preferred sportier attire. Tiny with inhuman speed, she was a little bit more dragon than human at times. She was nearly completely carnivorous, and had a patch of scales on one cheek as well as behind an ear and down her back.
She was the most aggressive of the brood, and usually the one who started fights.
Her dark blonde hair was pulled in a ponytail as she made her way to the park in a plaid skirt and blazer, her school uniform.
She was passing over the small bridge that stretched over the river when her senses alerted to someone approaching her.
Mavis turned and found a boy with green hair standing behind her. He was shirtless, and had a cocky grin on his face.
"Hey, little girl."
"I don't talk to strangers, and you're definitely strange," she answered.
He put his hands on his hips. "I'm Orga J Nanagear the Second, Son of Lightning God Slayer Orga!"
The eleven-year-old blinked in confusion. "Never heard of him. 'Has been' or 'Never was?'"
"My dad is the most famous lightning wizard in the world."
Mavis bristled at the arrogant claim against their dragon blood. "What world? The world where you can't buy a shirt before you run up on little girls and act like a creep?"
"I came here following the scent of a dragon. I'm looking for the son of the Thunder Dragonslayer!"
Mavis suddenly felt a burning desire to punch this obnoxious kid in his smirking mouth. "He's my brother."
'Little Orga,' as his father called him, was wielding a copy of Sorcerer Weekly that named Yuri as the most powerful male wizard under the age of twenty. He was also voted the most handsome by voters under the age of 18.
"I'm gonna show him who is the best! The lightning of a god against the lightning of a little lizard! Then I'll be at the top. I'll have all the girls!"
Mavis started to unbutton her blazer as she glared at the fourteen-year-old in anger. "Yuri is popular because he's strong and handsome. You look like you were in a really sad accident but everyone is afraid to tell you because they don't want to hurt your feelings."
Orga smirked. "You know what? You're pretty cute. I like feisty girls."
"I'm going to hurt you. So don't act surprised, because it's annoying."
The boy smirked and confidently said, "I have an idea. We'll fight and if I win, you have to be my girl."
Mavis laid the blazer over the railing, and then when she moved, she moved so fast he didn't see it coming.
By the time the other Dreyar girls had completed their shopping, she'd put her blazer back on and mentioned nothing of the stranger she'd met.
Once they arrived home, they found a familiar scene. Their father was sitting at the kitchen counter annoying Lucy while she cooked dinner. This was their routine, although sometimes he cooked and she sat and bothered him.
The doorbell rang not long after they were inside and Layla and Anna were showing their mother their new purchases while Laxus looked on just in case he needed to offer any objections.
Laxus got up and answered the door, and Mavis saw the elder Orga.
The two men talked for a minute, and Orga said he suspected his son took a job in Magnolia so he could pick a fight with Yuri. Laxus called his son down, and Yuri knew nothing about it, so he turned to his daughters.
"Girls, did you run into anybody that looks like this guy?"
Layla and Anna shook their heads.
"Orga J Nanagear the Second?" Mavis asked.
Orga smiled, "That's right, cutie. You ran into my son?"
Mavis smiled back and innocently answered, "He said I was cute, so I beat him up and threw him in the river. He's probably halfway to Clover by now."
Laxus cringed not only at the act itself, but at the lack of remorse and the presence of excitement and satisfaction in her tone. She turned and went upstairs after announcing this.
The green-haired wizard said, "She's kind of small to have taken down my son. He's powerful."
"She's a monster," her father said, without mentioning what it was about Mavis that made her so damn scary.
Orga decided to go find his son, but his male ego was a little insulted that his son not only lost to one of the Dreyar brood, but the little one. He would never admit to that and he honestly didn't want his son picking a rivalry with anyone, but if he had to get his ass kicked, he would hope it would be by someone over four feet tall and at least seventy pounds.
Laxus thought about asking his daughter why she beat up a boy for saying she was cute, but he was just so damn relieved at least one of his daughters was reluctant.
As for the other two? Boy crazy, and it was absolutely sickening to their father.
The doorbell rang again, and he sighed. The older the kids became, the more traffic came to and from their house, which happened to be centrally located in the middle of everyone else. They had a big backyard, and a swimming pool, which Laxus considered a very regrettable purchase because it meant his girls laid around in swimsuits and this in turn attracted boys to their house.
If had to have one more argument about what age a bikini became appropriate…
He was grumbling under his breath when he opened the door to Gildarts.
"You're back. How did it go?"
He laughed. "Not so good. Failed my last job."
"Did you at least come back with all your body parts this time?" he said, allowing the tall, gray-and-red-headed wizard to enter the house.
"I guess that part was a success…"
The kids rushed him and even Yuri came downstairs to greet the most powerful wizard in Fairy Tail.
He was retiring from jobs to be a full-time mentor at the guild and also to spoil his own grandson, a chubby little red-headed three-year-old that looked strikingly like his grandfather. He had been referred to since birth as Crash, and very few people knew what was actually inked on the birth certificate. Since the name written there was 'Gildarts Alberona Groh,' Laxus believed it might be best if they just kept calling him Crash.
Gildarts pulled an envelope from his cape. "While I was out, I did a little side job and as part of my recompense, this guy gave me these concert tickets to see some band called SonicBam? Have you guys heard of them?"
Laxus cringed with the same dread he might have if he came downstairs to make breakfast and found the zombified form of Hades sitting at the kitchen table waiting on a waffle. SonicBam was only the most popular boy band in all of the world, and he knew this because he had three girls and two of them would sit around and listen to their music for hours.
Layla and Anna had posters, fan books, albums, and actually spent time arguing about which of these pubescent he-creatures was most attractive.
Gildarts smiled and said, "I talked to your dad, and he said he'd love to take you. It would be a real fun father-daughter bonding experience."
Not only had this conversation never happened, but Laxus found this was terrible on a level that he didn't know how to process.
But suddenly he had girls hugging him and screaming and telling him what an awesome dad he was, and he didn't have the heart to tell them otherwise. He'd been caught in Gildarts' senseless, pointless, and unnecessary trolling, and he knew he'd lost.
They ran upstairs, Yuri stalked his mother from behind the corner to see if maybe she'd forgotten the afternoon's event, and Laxus glared at Gildarts, who just smirked.
"Geezer, why are you fucking with me? Their music sounds like a constant loop of a toddler crying while an anvil rolls down a flight of stairs."
Gildarts laughed. "Your grandfather asked me to. He said when he's gone to make sure I give you a lot of shit."
"...why…"
"...and I quote, 'Because he deserves it.'"
Laxus crossed his arms. "I hope your peg leg breaks."
"That would suck, but not as bad as having to sit through several hours of SonicBam, surrounded by screaming girls," he replied.
The older man left as he had no other business but to ruin Laxus' day, and when Laxus went to the kitchen to recount his sorrows, he found his son had vanished again, unable to face his mother after the incident.
Lucy giggled at the idea of her husband at a boy band concert. It was really the most perfect thing in the world to her, because he knew he loved their girls and would do anything to make them happy. He complained to her often about the album they'd replayed at least five hundred times, but never to them.
Ah, the image of Laxus Dreyar...at a boy band concert! She just kept thinking about it and giggling.
The dryer buzzed and Laxus left his giggling wife to throw the contents into a basket. He wasn't really a folder, but he was good at wadding up stuff so it fit in small spaces.
He then had a basket filled with the contents of the delicate cycle: bras and panties of various sizes, most of them itty bitty. There was an aspect to raising little girls that was very strange, because he continually remembered back to his teenage years and considered how he felt about girls during that time. As a father, one of his greatest fears was that his daughters would encounter someone like him along the way: horny, aggressive, and weird.
Of course, his girls were smart, and they didn't have a problem with saying or doing whatever they needed to. The girls, and not the boy, had proven most likely to bust somebody up. They were like their mother: smart and beautiful and so full of talent.
The thing they were most proud of as parents wasn't how well the did in school, or how accomplished they were as wizards. It was the fact that they stuck together so tightly, since they were tiny. Lucy always said it was because their son was patient with them, they learned to be patient with each other. He was definitely their leader, and there wasn't a day that went by where he hadn't seen how they followed after their big brother.
When dinnertime came, there was a strange awkward tension in the air because Yuri couldn't look his mother in the eyes. This just made her want to talk to him more, and she definitely didn't want him to feel bad, so once they were done eating, she asked him to help with the dishes.
Yuri hated washing dishes.
He was also afraid of being alone with his mother.
He looked up at his father, as if begging escape, but Laxus declined and retreated to his home office to do paperwork.
The door creaked open after a few minutes and he found his youngest.
"Whatcha doing, Dad?"
"Paperwork. Are you excited for this concert?"
Mavis said, "I already have to listen to it all the time. It's terrible. But I'll go, just in case it's fun. And you'll go, because you don't like us to have fun without you."
"You have me all figured out, huh?"
"We can stick magic putty in our ears. It's much better that way."
He mouth turned up a little. "I think sometimes you're really the most like me. I was combative and mischievous and I liked to fight when I was your age."
"You're still like that, Dad," she said as she sat in the chair across from his desk.
Laxus leaned back and asked, "So, why'd you throw Baby Orga in the river? You didn't do that thing to him, did you?"
"He wanted to show off how great his lightning is, so yes I did."
He shook his head. "His dad was the same way. Came around crowing about his God lightning. He hasn't bothered me since then, but it always amuses me how much kids are like their parents. You're aggressive and he's an idiot."
Mavis said, "He was kind of cute, Dad."
Laxus had never, ever not one time in his life, heard his youngest make any kind of reference like this. It was immediately bothersome, as he already had two girls who had entered the 'boy crush' stage of life. He scowled at her, and then asked the more important question.
"You thought he was cute, so you beat him up and threw him in the river?"
"Is that bad?"
"That's how I'd prefer all of you deal with boys. But really, Mavis? Him. Of all the people in the whole world?"
Mavis said, "Don't worry. He was pretty but stupid. I don't date stupid guys."
"You're eleven. You don't date at all."
"I won't be a kid forever. I'm growing up."
"You're four feet tall."
"But I have little boobs now."
Laxus brought a palm to his face. "Mavis…"
She stood up, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love it when you make that face. Goodnight, Dad."
As soon as she left, he realized her sole objective in visiting his office was to troll him and sighed. After messing with his kids growing up, they were all starting to reach the age where they could turn the tables and get on his last nerve.
Downstairs, Yuri was staring into a sink full of bubbles while he quietly washed the dishes, then handed them to his mother.
Lucy had been thinking long and hard about how to talk to her son about what had taken place, but Yuri would have preferred they never speak of it, ever.
"Son, I just want you to know that you didn't do anything wrong. It's perfectly normal for a person your age to explore their body and find out what makes them feel good."
Yuri cringed so hard a tremble rolled down his spine. "Mom, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize. You can masturbate if you want to. You're a growing boy. That's just a normal thing that people do, and there's nothing wrong with you for doing it."
He wondered if she knew how uncomfortable, and weird it was to have this conversation with her. The idea that she was giving her permission and acceptance to do something he'd prefer she not even know about was upsetting at best. And a part of him wondered how he'd ever get down to it again now that he had a memory of his mother telling him it was okay to jerk off.
His mother looked up at him, and found a worried, tense look on her son's face. "You're not sexually active, are you? I mean, with someone besides yourself."
Yuri went back to scrubbing a pot and wondered when this hell of a conversation would end. "Of course not."
"Do you and Lilia mess around? I'd prefer you not, but if you have to, be safe."
He didn't know if touching her breast through her clothes one time classified as messing around, and even if it did, he would never admit that to his mother. Because she was his mother, the person who coddled and loved him and took good care of him. There were some things a boy discussed with his father, much like the girls only discussed certain subjects with their mother.
"Mom, I'm not doing anything."
He was grateful when they ran out of dishes and she gave him a big hug, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He'd gotten tall enough she could rest her head on his shoulder, so she snuggled him a bit and he sighed.
"You're growing up, my sweet Thunderbaby."
"Mom, this is so weird."
Lucy looked up and asked, "Well, what do you want me to say?"
He sighed. "I don't know, Mom."
She snuggled back up to him. "You're the awkward one. You've been just like this since you were a little baby." She reached up to pinch his cheek, "Aren't you my little cutie?"
"Mom!"
"I remember when you were a cute little boy and you were so scared of girls. If we went to the store and you saw another little girl, you'd hide behind my legs….and now you masturbate."
"MOM!"
In parenting teenagers and preteens, there was a certain degree of mutual grief exchanged. They messed with their parents, their parents messed with them. There were times when it seemed like it was adults versus kids, and it was for the most part good fun and a great way to navigate through all the interesting parenting challenges that had come and gone over the years.
Lucy was so proud of her son because he was growing up to be such a good man, but he was still hilariously aloof and serious. Sometimes it was hard not to give him a hard time because it was just so easy and she loved to watch him squirm.
He escaped, and went to the basement to lift weights. Exercise was a great way to work out the stresses of that came with realizing one was the dragon son of two trolls. It also helped alleviate the burden of being old enough to want to have sex, but too young to actually do it.
Besides, he liked how he felt and looked with muscle.
Lilia liked it too, and he felt awesome, frustered, and a little nauseated when his girlfriend complimented him.
He was bench pressing magic weights when he heard the basement door open and the familiar sounds of his father making his way down the stairs.
"Dad."
"Son."
They always had routines, little things they did together every day.
Upstairs, it was a woman's world all day long. The basement smelled like men and the girls were generally not invited to enter the sacred ground of the family's sole males.
Laxus approached his son and looked down at him. "Can you at least lock the door next time?"
Yuri rested the weight. "Do we have to talk about this? I just had a really awful conversation with Mom about it."
"How bad?"
He sat up. "She pinched my cheeks, called me Thunder Baby, and told me how it's normal for me to explore my body."
Laxus laughed at his embarrassed son's misfortune. "That's terrible. And great. Your mom loves you."
"You say that like you don't."
"You guys have been giving me a lot of shit today, so I'm on the fence about whether or not I like kids," his father answered, "I'm kind of annoyed by this whole puberty thing and if I could, I'd keep you all at around age seven for the rest of your lives: old enough to do certain things for yourself, but not old enough to be obnoxious and not old enough to want to hang posters of grown men on your walls."
Yuri furrowed his brows. "I don't think I've ever done that."
Laxus glared at his son. "I'm sure you know someone that has. Even Mavis is acting up."
"They're girls, Dad."
They began their daily ritual of lifting weights and discussing life, and Laxus found his son's mind had become a somewhat tangled mess. Puberty had hit Yuri sort of like a freight train running over a bicycle, and in the past year, his voice had changed, he'd grown a foot, and there were some hairs sticking out of his chin that probably needed to be addressed soon.
"You need to shave."
Yuri rubbed his chin. "Can't I let it grow?"
"Six hairs is cat whiskers, not a beard," he replied.
For a minute, Laxus remembered when Yuri was a toddler and he and Laxus shared in their morning routine all the way back to before Yuri was potty trained. They got ready together every morning and Yuri was so enthusiastic about being like dad he'd even pretend to shave. Now, that chubby little baby had slowly transformed and was starting to look a lot like a man.
After they finished, Laxus went upstairs to find his middle daughter. Anna was their resident bookworm and the kindest and most gentle of the Dreyar babies. Strangely, Yuri and Anna both had very calm, gentle temperaments, something not present in either of their parents. Anna was overwhelmingly kind and at the moment, was nursing a baby bird that had fallen from its nest.
Layla was an erratic, passionate genius, and Mavis was practically criminal mastermind at times. But Anna? Just amazing, overwhelmingly kind.
She was in her room feeding little maggots to the sparrow as it squeaked and beat its little wings in little box, mouth agape in expectation.
"How's he doing?"
She smiled. "He looks a lot better today. Hungry and noisy."
"Mouth open, screaming, and demanding food? I guess all babies are the same," he answered.
"He's pretty cute, right?"
Laxus nodded. "He's looking better now that he has feathers. He's lucky."
"I'm going to be sad when it's time for him to fly away."
He smiled at her a bit. "I know that feeling."
Anna said, "So about getting a puppy…"
He sat on the edge of the bed and rolled his eyes. "Here's the thing about dogs. They're cute when they're little. In fact, they're so cute you don't mind cleaning up their poop. Everything they learn to do is amazing and cute. And then they grow up, and they stop being cute yet they still demand food, time, and attention all while they get big, ugly, and mean. Actually, that's kind of what it's like be a parent."
"I'm still cute," she sweetly said, hugging on his arm. "Right, Daddy?"
"Only you."
He kissed her hair and told her goodnight, and then went to check up on Layla, who had fallen asleep surrounded by magic notes left by Makarov. He picked up the papers and knowing she slept like death, moved her under the covers. She never did grow out of loving to sleep and could it like none other.
Lucy made her rounds with the kids, and once everyone was in bed or at least in their rooms, the couple finally made it to their own bedroom.
After sixteen years of marriage, they'd achieved a level of comfortable bliss with one another that relied on Laxus' constant antagonization, her yelling at him, and, as always, a lot of sex.
Their normal conversation continued while they got ready for bed, discussing the Fairy Magic Academy, a special school for young wizards to ensure they had a place to stay and didn't grow up to be magically powerful but functionally illiterate. Then there was the guild itself, which had grown significantly, and, of course, their children.
Lucy missed having little kids in the house too, but when she felt the urge to handle a baby she had no problems offering to watch Crash for the afternoon. And then she sent him right home so he could cry all night and keep his parents up while she slept through the night.
She almost couldn't believe sometimes that she'd somehow reached age thirty-five.
They had a really good life and she'd been nothing but happy. They had successful careers and a wonderful family and they had each other. Sometimes Lucy couldn't help but reflect on the fact it all started with them running into each other at the market on some random day that hadn't seemed different from any other at the time.
"What are we going to do when the kids grow up and move out?" he asked.
Lucy seemed a little uneasy. "Well…"
"We could go on vacation. I figure in five years they'll be old enough we can go on a long vacation and they probably won't burn the house down. And a few years after that, they'll be doing...whatever they want, I guess."
His wife said, "I wonder what they're going to be like as adults."
"I'd be willing to bet my skin that they form a proper team and go on jobs together as adults."
Lucy found this to be believable and acceptable as they'd been growing according to each of their strengths and weaknesses. It was one of the many benefits of having kids so close together.
Her husband stretched. "Meanwhile, we'll be laying on the beach."
"You'll be in your office in the guild getting some work done for once," she argued.
"I can assure you that's never going to happen. I come from a long line of slackers."
She sighed and snuggled up to him. "You're never going to change, are you?"
"Do you want me to?"
"No. To be honest, I wouldn't know what to do with you if you behaved, did your work, and didn't get on my nerves."
He slid a hand across her thigh. "I'm sure you would have become bored and left a long time ago. I keep you here by pissing you off."
"And yet somehow you're a wonderful husband."
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