Part 2 – The Wizard's Problem
"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. I'll not willingly offend, nor be easily offended."
-Bruce Lee
For a time after the demise of Witch Celeste, things were relatively peaceful in Freedonia. Freedonia's newly captained knight spent his days quietly fulfilling his daily responsibilities in a fashion common only to those truly dedicated to their work. In addition to leading hunts to help provide meat to those living within Freedonia's walls, Steven also worked at training his guards, and assigning them to patrol borders as well as protect areas formerly popular with bandits such as the forest and the road leading to the village. Knowing what he now did about witches, Steven was able to better instruct the royal guards in spotting and dealing with witches before they had a chance to become as powerful as Witch Celeste had been.
In the meantime, the kingdom of Freedonia was beginning to grow. Not just in size, but also in wealth and influence. Ferociously neutral in the Tredony and Aarbyville war, she had become a convenient dumping ground for criminals on both sides, most especially the ones that needed to be executed. This latter was mainly because of Freedonia's conveniently located Pit with obligatory Pit Beast, which made for no fuss no muss executions. It seemed a peculiar thing to become famous for, but surrounding territories were beginning to take notice of Freedonia, and to seek the protection of this new kingdom, which they hoped would keep this messy war business out of their backyards.
Lord Spaulding, king of Freedonia, had spent some time chatting up the leadership of a territory known as Advorton. Officially, the people of Advorton were, to a man, an adventurous, bold lot, masterful hunters and exceptional fighters. Unofficially, they were struggling to survive as the side effects of war spilled over into their territory. Lord Spaulding knew this, and saw it as an opportunity to annex the territory into Freedonia.
At that point, he'd been met with a bit of a snag. Advorton was willing to be annexed, but only if Freedonia could prove herself worthy of them. Being a people who loved the entertainment of a good contest, it was proposed that a tournament be held. If Freedonia's champion could win it, Advorton's proud people would more gracefully submit to the new ruler.
This was where the stalwart guardian of Freedonia, Captain Steven Westmoreland, came in. Though actually he came in through the open door to the throne room in response to a summons from Lord Spaulding, who explained all of this to him before concluding
"I would do it myself, but I don't want to. So I'm making it your job."
"I will do my best, My Lord," Steven responded politely.
"Yes, yes, I'm sure," Lord Spaulding said with a dismissive wave, "But you know there's only one good and proper way to annex a country."
"With honor and diplomacy?" Steven guessed.
"No, by cheating," Lord Spaulding replied haughtily, "So I hired a new wizard especially for this occasion."
"Why?" Steven asked uneasily.
"Because a poison master was too expensive," Lord Spaulding said sensibly.
"Ah," Steven acknowledged.
Just recently, there had been several additions made to the kingdom. One of them was an add-on to the castle for the spy to live in. Lord Spaulding had considered hiring a more capable spy than the one already living in the kingdom, but his wife had convinced him it wasn't worth the expense.
Speaking of the former guard, Rhona, shortly after her marriage to Lord Spaulding, she had successfully provided him with a male heir, whom they had named Jeffrey. For some reason, Rhona felt that the best place for the baby's bassinet was in the middle of the throne room. She being the wife of Freedonia's inexplicably beloved monarch, no one dared question the decision.
Apparently, a final new addition to the kingdom was a formally appointed wizard. Steven wasn't sure how he felt about this. Intellectually, he knew that there was a huge difference between a kingdom's wizard, and a free range witch, but Steven was still pretty turned off to the idea. The generically handsome young knight had spent the first few days of his appointment trying to rid Freedonia of a witch whom no one else had believed in. The effort had nearly killed him, and he'd been quite wary of any spell-casters ever since that time. Steven had learned a lot from that experience, but it was not one he wanted to repeat.
"Is it to be a spell-casting tournament?" Steven asked, puzzled.
"Absolutely not. Don't be absurd," Lord Spaulding snapped, "It's going to be the traditional three-part tournament like they have annually at Advorton. First, a round of kingball. Then a drinking contest. Finally, a duel."
"Then I'm afraid I don't see why a wizard's help is needed," Steven admitted.
"It isn't," Lord Spaulding said, "But obviously you can't win this thing by yourself."
"Obviously?" Steven repeated, wounded in his pride that his Lord doubted his abilities.
"Have you ever played kingball before?" Lord Spaulding asked.
"No, My Lord," Steven said, not pointing out that he would not have had the time to do so, as the court had only been completed a scant few days ago.
"Well there you are then," Lord Spaulding concluded.
"But how is a wizard going to help me win a sport I don't know how to play?" Steven asked.
"That's what I like to call: The Wizard's Problem," Lord Spaulding replied, "So go ask her to solve it."
"Understood, My Lord," Steven said, "Where does the wizard live?"
"I haven't got time for all of these questions," Lord Spaulding replied in annoyance, "If you've got to ask more of them, go speak with Greta or something. Now shoo, I've got important monarching to do."
Steven had no trouble finding Royal Adviser Greta, who was manning the strategy table in the study to one side of the throne room as usual. Steven assumed that the thin, gray-haired lady must have some other duties besides dragging people into "strategy sessions" that had nothing at all to do with strategy, but he'd never seen her perform any of them.
"Ah, Captain Steven!" Greta called, waving him over, "Come, help me plan an attack on The Cave."
"I'm afraid I have other tasks today," Steven replied with stiff politeness.
The Cave was a spookish place near Freedonia's cemetary; a place full of mystery, magical legends, ghosts and probably spiders. No one lived there that Steven was aware of, so attacking it would seem to be a waste of time. Steven was determined not to ask about it.
"What could possibly be more important than ridding the world of crabs?" Greta demanded impatiently, "Aside from making them into stew. Got to have crabs to make crab stew. But never mind that! What do you mean you have tasks?"
"Lord Spaulding has told me to go speak with the wizard about the upcoming tournament between Freedonia and Advorton," Steven explained.
"Wizard? What wizard? Who let a wizard in here? I didn't approve any wizard!" Greta snapped, then shouted, "Krispin! Did you install a wizard without telling me?"
Build Master Krispin was, as usual, deeply involved in a game of cards with Rhona. He was two rooms away, but he'd heard Greta's strident call, and waved a hand absently so that it could be seen through the open door. Halfway between the two, in the middle of the throne room, Jeffrey began to fuss in his bassinet, disturbing the card game.
"I guess he did," Greta decided, "Well, never mind that. About these crabs-"
"I really have to go," Steven interrupted, starting to back away, "I have this champion to fight and win a kingball match against, you know how it is."
"I love kingball," Greta said, "Did you know I was one of the three people involved in its invention? The other two are dead now, too many king balls to the face."
"Really?" Steven asked, trying not to show how disheartening he found that statement, "I don't know anything about kingball. Could you tell me something about it?"
"No," Greta replied, "It's best if you find out for yourself."
"I see," Steven said slowly, realizing that here was a sentence he'd never expected to say out loud, "Well, if you'll tell me where to find the wizard's house... I'll let you get back to... your crabs."
"House, what house? We built a tower," Greta said, "And when I say 'we', I mean Krispin. Anyway, you know that free standing plateau off the sea-side cliff?"
"Yes..." Steven replied hesitantly, not at all liking where this was going.
"Well, we figured there was no better place to keep a wizard. It's far away from us, so we don't get the horrible smell of her potions up here. It's dangerously located, to discourage people from going there, because they really shouldn't. And it's liable to fall into the ocean any day now, and drowning a wizard via natural causes is on my bucket list, so that's just a great bonus."
"I see," Steven said, not sure that he did, "So... how do I get there? The plateau is isolated."
"Oh well the plan was for the wizard to build a magical bridge to the plateau. If we really do have one, I assume they did that. In retrospect, if we'd built a bridge before beginning construction on the tower, we might have lost fewer builders to the icy grip of the abyssal depths. On the upside, the whale colony down there is well fed."
"And... that's a good thing?" Steven wanted to get out of this conversation, but found he couldn't quite drag himself away yet. Almost morbidly, he found that he had to see just how deep this rabbit hole went.
"Have you had whale meat? It's delicious!" Greta exclaimed, "And now we've got a kingdom full of people angry at whales for eating their parents and looking to get revenge by slaying them. It's the perfect system."
Steven was stunned into silence for several beats.
Finally, he said, "That... sounds... horrible."
"Doesn't it though?" Greta cackled with delight, "Now, about those crabs..."
"I'm going away now," Steven told her, and then he did just that.
After leaving the castle, Steven took the downhill path that branched off to the docks. Following the path straight to its end led to the town square. Partway along the path, looking to the left, he spotted what citizens had always called The Free Standing Plateau. It was no longer entirely free standing, as a moss-covered stone bridge had formed out the side of the cliff and connected to the plateau. It was incredibly narrow, and the middle looked like it might crumble away at any moment.
Steven looked down.
It was a long drop to the jagged rocks near the shore. As he looked, he saw a spray of water rise, followed by the breaching of a truly massive creature, which he could only assume was a whale. He'd never seen a whale before. Having seen one now, and knowing what it had been eating, he wasn't sure he wanted to see one again either.
Steven looked across the bridge, to the Wizard's Tower. The tall spire seemed to grow out of the ground like a massive spike of stone. Whereas the lighthouse near the docks looked sturdy and well-made, this three-story structure looked like a stiff wind would wipe it off the map. Based on Greta's explanation of the choice of location, Steven guessed that if the tower did fall it would be functioning as intended.
Summoning up his courage by telling himself that he had to carry out his orders, and that Freedonia really needed the benefits provided by Advorton, and that he could not hope to win the kingball tournament without some kind of advantage since he didn't even know how to play, he stepped onto the bridge. It bore his weight without complaining, so he gradually, cautiously, inched his way across it until he made it to the plateau. The plateau itself felt more rickety than the bridge, and he was convinced he could feel the rock shifting underfoot as he went to the tower and knocked on the door.
"Come in," said a sweet-sounding voice.
Suspecting nothing because he had not only been ordered to come here, but also invited in, Steven opened the door, stepped inside... and promptly tried to duck as a hot blast of all-too-familiar dark energy lashed out towards him.
"Shoot, it didn't work. Try coming in again, I'll get it right next time."
Steven knew a Curse spell had been thrown at him, because that was the exact spell Witch Celeste had cast on him not too long ago. Only Witch Celeste's curse had been more powerful, and had been able to follow Steven when he moved. This Curse had simply smashed with tremendous force into the wall behind where Steven's head had been a moment before and shattered into a million dark fragments before vanishing.
For a half second, he felt a pang of real fear that the defeat of Witch Celeste had been some sort of dream, and that she had actually been made the kingdom's wizard. But peering around the side of the door to look at the woman holding the staff told him that such was not the case.
This woman had darker skin than Celeste had had, and her ears came to an elfin point. Her hair fell in rich cascades of sea green around her shoulders. Her eyes, the color of green sapphires, were nearly hidden behind a dark green masquerade mask which shaded to teal. The mask went well with her dress, which was a deep forest green for the most part, except for the shoulders and sleeves, which were teal. Silver filigree was abundant on the dress and the mask.
"I didn't come here to get Cursed," Steven protested.
"And I didn't wave my staff just to have the spell fail," the woman retorted, "If you were a real man, you'd treat me like a lady and honor my request."
"To get Cursed?" Steven asked incredulously.
"Yes!" she shouted, "Now get out and come back in again, and stand still for heaven's sake! I can't hit you if you bounce all over the place like an excited chinchilla."
"I..." Steven began, then his face darkened with genuine anger as he recovered from his confused surprise and realized what had nearly happened to him, "No! No, I will not. Look, I came here to ask for your help, but if you don't want to give it, I'll just be going."
He retreated behind the door as he said this.
"Yeah, go!" the wizard shouted after him, "And take your tiny manhood with you!"