ShiKahr, Vulcan, Stardate 2292.299

"One day this may all be yours," Amanda smiled as they stepped through the front door and waved at the grounds around them, "because I don't think Spock will ever give us a grandchild." Her eyes glimmered.

"I don't know if Sarek told you, but this land has been in his family, your family, for twenty-two generations, going back to the time before Surak. Your ancestor, L'Vor, was one of the earliest adopters of Surak's philosophy. It's rather fitting since his name means 'bearer of infinite learning' in Old High Vulcan."

"No, he hadn't told me." He followed Amanda to the end of the walkway that led from the house to the driveway.

"And I don't know whether your father had told you anything…"

"He spoke very little about his life on Vulcan. He talked a lot about the history of Vulcan, but never much about his own life there. I mean here. He didn't think it mattered because he had left it all behind."

"So you knew nothing of your father's family." It was not a question, but he answered anyway.

"No."

She stopped walking and turned to face the house.

"Well, then I'll tell you that this house was built by Solkar, Sarek's grandfather, so your great-great-grandfather. He was very forward-thinking for his time. He was actually the first Vulcan to make contact with humans on Earth and later the first Vulcan ambassador to Earth. Other houses have stood on the premises before, but Solkar wanted a more modern home, more efficient. The one that stood here before was pretty old and required a lot of maintenance. It was a bit of a minor scandal when he had it torn down."

Even after learning who his grandfather was, Losha had not bothered to look up any information about him or the S'chn T'gai family. It just hadn't interested him. But hearing about Solkar, he found he wanted to learn more. However, something else was at the forefront of his mind.

"Was it a major scandal when my father was exiled?"

Amanda pursed her lips, then sighed.

"When I said I didn't mind speaking about him, I wasn't expecting you to ask that. But you do deserve to know. It's just that I haven't spoken about it before, to anyone. And I don't know that it's my place to answer." She sighed again. "But you aren't going to get this out of Sarek."

"It was actually hushed up pretty quickly. It was an embarrassment, not just to the family, but to Vulcans in general. It's hard to understand if you aren't Vulcan. Or if you weren't raised in the Vulcan way." She looked at Losha knowingly.

"They viewed it as a failure of their society, a failure of logic. And for others to know that not all Vulcans wish to control their emotions, that some wish to embrace it...well, I don't know if I can think of a good analogy. It's something they wouldn't want to dwell on. So they act as if it never happened."

"My father was an embarrassment so they pretended as if he never existed?" Losha felt himself beginning to get angry on behalf of his father, but tried to quell it. Amanda was kind, and it was not right to direct the anger toward her.

"Well, they wouldn't ever admit to something being an embarrassment, but yes. But you have to understand - it's the Vulcan way. It's been the Vulcan way for over five thousand years. Your father wanted to change things, and they couldn't allow that to happen. There was too much at stake. And so after he left, the only logical thing for them to do was move on. Dwelling on the past is unproductive."

"I don't belong here any more than my father did." Despite Amanda's kindness, Losha realized that he couldn't let himself get attached to this place, couldn't let himself become interested in any of these stories about his family or ancestors. This was why his parents hadn't told him anything of their lives here. There was no point in becoming attached to a place where you weren't wanted and where you didn't belong.

"Losha, you mustn't think that. Sarek wants you here. And so do I."

"You have been very kind to me, and I appreciate it. But you needn't feel any obligation to me. It isn't easy to be here, knowing what my father must have gone through. And my mother."

"I can imagine." She nodded her head slightly. "And while it's true that Vulcans have a strong sense of familial obligation, Sarek does not act out of obligation alone. He does want you here. Very much."

There was something so genuine about Amanda that Losha found himself opening up in a way that he hadn't planned to.

"The day before the surgery, he told me about my father's childhood. That he didn't even know him until he was seventeen."

"Yes, we both met Sybok on the same day. I'll never forget seeing him for the first time."

"Why then, would he want me here? When he didn't even want my father in his life? Unless it's out of obligation? Because he must understand, that even though I didn't understand everything my father did, I still love him. Loved him. He was my father. And I can't pretend that he didn't exist or that what happened to him here didn't matter."

"So Sarek didn't tell you anything more than that your father came to live with us when his mother died?"

"He only said that his ex-wife didn't want him in my father's life."

Amanda looked at him curiously, then appeared to be contemplating something. "He didn't tell you enough. It's not my place to say more, but I will tell you that Sarek did want Sybok in his life. Believe me. Just as he wants you in his life. Talk to him. He should be the one to tell you these things."

"You said yourself that my father is an unpleasant topic for him."

"I did, didn't I? He can handle unpleasant. And he will. You just have to ask him."

"Can I ask you something? Something else?"

"Certainly. But how about we talk and walk? Pretty soon it's going to be too hot for an old human like myself to stay out here. Maybe even for you too." She winked. "Unless you'd like to have Sarek give you a tour in the evening or tomorrow morning? It would give you a chance to talk."

"No, now that I can see again, I want to see things." He smiled. It almost didn't matter to him what he thought of Sarek. Amanda was beginning to be like a grandmother he'd never had."

"Well, let's start by looking at the gardens." She led the way past the garage to the slope he had looked down yesterday.

"Of course, this is all part of the property," she motioned down the slope, "but it goes well beyond the fence down there. It's just under one square kilometer here, but there are family lands further out from the city too. We go there occasionally, but it's much more convenient to be here, closer to the city."

Losha looked down the slope at the gate, the shrubs, and the desert beyond, then brought his focus back to the shrubs directly in front of them.

"Now what is it you wanted to ask me?" Amanda asked, and he turned back to her.

"How is it for you, living here, when you aren't Vulcan? Is it strange for you to be here?"

"It was in the beginning, that's for sure. But I knew it was going to be my home for the rest of my life, so that's what I made it. And now it feels just as much like home as Earth once did."

"It's not strange, to be living here among people who don't express emotion?"

"I've become used to it by now."

"But they don't treat you any differently?"

"Of course they treat me differently. They expect me to be different. I'm human."

"But I'm not human."

"Ah, so you think they will expect you to be a certain way here, because you are Vulcan."

"Won't they? They expected my parents to be a certain way."

"I know it's easy to say, but don't worry about what other people think. You can only be you."

"My parents had to leave here, because of what other people thought."

"I know. But your father wasn't content to just be who he was. He wanted society to change. If you are content to be you, and not to try to change five thousand years of Vulcan tradition, you'll find that people will accept you here. There will always be some who don't, of course, but that's true anyplace, on any planet."

"That is true." Even in places where he felt comfortable, like Senes and Ivor Prime, there were people who would never accept him.

"Now, let me show you some of the fruit plants we have growing here." She began to walk down the slope toward a group of plants off to the right.

"I'm sure you've heard of plomeek soup?"

"Yes. Who hasn't? Even Seenans have heard of Vulcans and their plomeek soup."

Amanda laughed. "Well, here is a plomeek plant. And this is a soltar plant, and this is a gespar plant. Those are fruits used to make soups too, though they aren't nearly as popular as plomeek soup."

"Soltar? Isn't it used in a tea also?"

"Yes. Some say soltar tea is a great cure for a hangover." She winked at him again. "Have you ever had it?"

"Yes, but it's been a long time."

"I can make some for you when we get back to the house, if you like."

"I...I actually didn't like it very much." Losha thought back to the first and last time he had tried it. He shuddered just thinking about the taste in his mouth. But he he didn't want to offend Amanda. "But it was on Senes, so perhaps it wasn't the real thing."

"Well, I can always make a pot and if you don't like it, you are under no obligation to finish the rest. Even Sarek will usually only drink it when he's not feeling well. But I'm surprised you've only had it once. Your father drank it nearly every day. He thought it could cure anything."

"I remember."

Author's Note: Thanks to those who have commented and to my beta reader, TomFoolery. Here's some more Amanda for you, Texas Cow Girl :-)