This was bad. This was very, very bad.

It was quiet in the dorm room as Zexion sat up in bed, his breathing uneven and his body warmer than he would like it to be, especially just after taking a nap. Outside the window, the sun was low but not yet setting, and soon his stomach would begin to demand dinner, but the senior had no desire to eat. He just wanted to fall back asleep and never wake up.

How could he have let this happen? How could he have done that? It wasn't like him at all and he didn't like it one bit. All his life he'd believed that science held all the answers, that everything was calculable and emotion was something to be controlled by logic. But there was no logic in what he'd done—there was very little logic in what he'd been doing for the last few weeks. His emotions had gotten the better of him and for a few moments they'd controlled him completely. It was something he'd never wanted to experience and yet, despite how upset he was with himself, he didn't regret it.

No matter how hard he tried, Zexion couldn't force himself to regret kissing Demyx, and it was driving him insane. Especially because now he had to admit that Axel had been right when the redhead asked if Zexion was spending so much time in the library because he had a crush on someone. He would only admit that to himself, of course. Axel's ego didn't need to be pumped up any bigger than it already was.

Sighing, the blue-haired senior lay back on his bed and looked up at the ceiling with his hands tucked under his head. The gray-speckled white was blurry to his tired eyes, and he willed himself to fall back asleep. He hadn't slept well since that night almost a week ago, and it was definitely affecting him, so an afternoon nap would be fantastic.

As he lay there, he caught himself thinking about the kiss, and worse, wanting to do it again. It upset him, but he couldn't say he was surprised. If he let his mind wander even a little it inevitably made a beeline for the memory of pushing Demyx against the tree, touching his face, pressing against him. Kissing him. And he always felt a desire to do it again no matter how many times he told himself that he shouldn't want such a thing. He'd taken to keeping himself even busier just to keep his mind from going back to that moment.

Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to avoid seeing the blond around campus and after several incidents of almost being recognized, he'd started to leave his room only for classes and meals. Still, those few moments had granted Zexion a peek into the younger student's life, and the things he'd learned from those times, in addition to what he already knew from all the hours he'd spent in the library, only made his daydreams more realistic.

The worst part, though, were the dreams. They were infuriating—he was already having a hard time falling asleep in the first place, but then when he did manage to drift off, he was plagued by dreams of the blond junior. Sometimes they were simple, nothing more than the two students sitting together reading, and other times they were just about as far from innocent as they could get.

He'd just woken from one such dream a few minutes ago, and, much to his embarrassment, found that his body had reacted quite strongly to the provocative images his subconscious decided to conjure up. Zexion turned onto his side and tried to be optimistic about his situation; at least Axel hadn't been in the room to see the whole thing.

I've got to stop this, he told himself firmly, shutting his eyes in the hopes that he might manage to doze off again. This is ridiculous. He's just some kid. I saw Marluxia hurting him and I made sure it won't happen again. There wasn't supposed to be anything emotional about this, just simple right and wrong, yet here I am struggling just to control myself! He doesn't even know my name! There's no reason for me to dream about him, or to think about him at all. I did what I set out to do and now it's time to move on. No more dreams or letting my imagination get away from me.

Several minutes passed and still he didn't manage to fall asleep. God, it was hopeless. How was he supposed to control his dreams, anyway? And what if he woke up like that while Axel was in the room? What if Axel saw? Zexion knew he wouldn't be able to look his friend in the face for weeks if that happened. He could barely even acknowledge the fact that he'd woken up with something he never thought he'd experience just because of a dream.

To his immense embarrassment, the senior had experienced more erections in the last week than the rest of his life combined, and every single one of them had been caused by thoughts of Demyx.

As he lay on his bed, Zexion heard the door open and footsteps enter the room, then the door closed and someone moved around quietly. He pretended to be asleep in the hopes that Axel wouldn't try to talk to him so that he wouldn't have to act like he was paying attention.

"Knock it off. I know you're awake."

Damn it.

"I'm trying to take a nap." That was true enough, and Zexion certainly didn't want to explain everything to the other boy.

"Why?"

It was difficult to keep from being sarcastic. "I'm tired. It's been a rough week." That was a poor choice of words—his mind immediately rocketed towards several of the dreams about Demyx and he couldn't help but think how rough he'd like to be with the blond if he had the chance.

No, no, none of that. Zexion forced the images from his head and slowed his breathing to halt his body's reaction.

"Dude, you okay? You made a weird noise."

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Had he really let a sound escape during that mini-fantasy for Axel to hear? Apparently, he had. Zexion sighed and sat up, rubbing his face. If he was going to be embarrassed, he may as well get it all out now and get it over with.

"No, I'm not okay. I'm losing it." He looked up at the redhead and knew he must look like death. His hair was messy from the nap he'd taken, his eyes were blood shot and there were dark circles under them from lack of sleep, making him look even paler than he was.

Concern softened Axel's features and he sat on his roommate's bed. "You look awful, Zex. What's wrong?"

"I…I think I like someone. A lot." He didn't meet the other senior's eyes as he spoke, choosing instead to look at the plain black comforter draped over his lap. It was such an inadequate description of the emotions he'd been experiencing, like calling a missing limb nothing more than a flesh wound. What he should have said was that he was obsessed, that he was losing sleep and would eventually lose his mind if he didn't find a way to overcome this disaster.

Axel smiled at his friend's confession. "You have a crush? That's great! Surprising, but hey, at least now we know you're capable of feelings!" He was trying to tease Zexion into smiling or laughing or even making some sarcastic response, but none of those things happened, and his smile slipped. "It is a good thing, right?"

Shaking his head, the blue-haired senior took a deep breath. "He doesn't even know my name, Axel. Ugh, that's such a cliché thing to say, but it's true. I purposefully made sure he doesn't know who I am, but I know so much about him it's boarder line creepy. I want him to know my name. No, I want more than that. A lot more. I want him, and the knowledge that I can't have him is killing me."

Whoa, that had to be the most he'd ever heard Zexion say at once without it being about homework. It was obvious to Axel that his friend was seriously upset, but he wasn't entirely sure how to approach the situation. He'd never had to help the other senior with relationship problems.

"Why can't you have him?"

"Because he doesn't want me, so there's no point in thinking about him. But that's all I can do, Axel." Zexion looked up at the redhead and for a moment Axel thought the shorter boy might actually cry. "No matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my head."

In the most soothing tone he could manage, Axel tried to comfort his roommate. "Maybe that's because he's supposed to be there, Zexion. Maybe you're wrong, and he does like you back. If you like him as much you say you do, then just ask him. What's the worst that can happen?"

He could rip my heart out and smash it to pieces. He could laugh in my face and leave me to be miserable for the rest of my life. He could make a laughing stock of me and tell the whole school about my pathetic attempt to confess to him.

Even though Zexion knew the quiet blond would never do anything so mean, he couldn't help but fear that he would. "There's no point. Why would anyone as sensitive and talented as him be interested in someone as cold and calculating as me? Besides, I yelled at him the only times I've ever talked to him. I wouldn't like me, if I was him."

Axel ran a hand through his hair then settled on the bed comfortably, leaning back against the wall. "Stop, back up, and start from the beginning. Who is this kid, anyway?"

The blue-haired senior turned and mimicked the other boy's position. "A junior named Demyx. He's a music student."

"And how did you meet him?"

This was going to be fun to explain. "I saw Mister Marluxia harassing him at the homecoming dance."

Caught off-guard, Axel paused for a moment. "Define harassing."

"I was bored so I decided to walk around for a bit, and I saw Marluxia kissing Demyx and touching him inappropriately." Heavy guilt layered Zexion's tone. "The kid was crying and asking him to stop and I didn't do a thing. I just walked away. Even if he does like me, he shouldn't, and if he knew about that, he'd hate me."

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Axel had to agree somewhat to that assumption, but he held his tongue to avoid upsetting the Zexion more than he already was. "Then what?"

"I felt like an ass for not doing anything, so I kept an eye on him. I thought that if I was there to stop it from happening again, then I could redeem myself for the first time. That's why I was in the library all the time—Demyx studies there almost every day."

"So I was right."

"Partially. I didn't like him yet, so you were wrong to think I had a crush on someone."

"What happened after that?"

"You know how Professor Vexen lets me use the lab outside of class time?"

"Yeah."

"I was running late after that one day, and when I got to the library, Demyx wasn't there. He should have been there for a while by then, so I decided to go check if he was practicing in the music room. I found Marluxia kissing him in one of those little side hallways. Demyx was crying, and Marluxia was about to molest him or something. I don't even know what I was thinking. I lost it. I punched Marluxia and shoved him as hard as I could, then I threatened to kill him if he ever bothered Demyx again, and he left. Then I yelled at Demyx for being a burden even though I knew it wasn't his fault, and I left him there."

It was quiet for a few moments before Axel suddenly burst out laughing. Zexion jumped, startled by the loud noise, and stared at the redhead in bewilderment.

"What the hell are you laughing about? This is serious!"

"I'm sorry," the tall boy gasped, still laughing. "I'm just trying to picture you hitting a teacher and threatening him. You, the ultimate teacher's pet! What did you even say you'd do to him?"

Zexion blushed lightly. "I told him I'd use acid to melt his skin off then let him suffer and bleed to death."

The redhead's laughing returned full force, and Zexion couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"That's exactly the kind of thing you would do," Axel eventually managed to say as he regained control of his breathing. "And I bet Marluxia just about pissed himself."

"I certainly hope so." The blue-haired senior adjusted the blanket over his lap. "Anyway, I kept an eye on Demyx after that just to be safe, and then I saw him dance with Marluxia at the Masquerade Ball."

"Wait, wait, wait," Axel interrupted, frowning. "This kid willingly danced with the teacher you had to save him from? Are you serious?"

"Yes, and you wouldn't believe how angry it made me."

"I can imagine. I'd have been pissed if I was you."

Zexion nodded; he'd been pissed, all right. "The moment the song ended and Mister Marluxia walked away, I grabbed Demyx and dragged him away from the dance. I yelled at him again because I was angry, but all he did was thank me for stopping Marluxia that day. He even apologized for causing me trouble, and he was crying because he felt bad! I've never felt like a bigger ass than I did right then."

"Please tell me you didn't just leave him there," Axel said, looking at his roommate as he waited for a response.

"No, I didn't. I felt bad for the things I'd said, so I apologized and told him I didn't mean any of it. I wanted to make him feel better, so I made him look at me so he would know how serious I was, but then…" The blue-haired senior trailed off, embarrassed and distracted by the memory. Demyx's dark green eyes, full of unshed tears, filled his mind's eye, and he felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him all over again.

"But then, what?" the other boy prodded, nudging Zexion with his elbow.

"I kissed him."

"You what?"

Immediately, Zexion drew his knees to his chest and hid his face in his hands so that he wouldn't have to see the shock and disbelief in Axel's expression. He didn't want to have to explain himself, didn't want to try and make Axel understand how he felt. All he'd wanted was to go back to sleep, and he couldn't even do that, especially now that he'd told Axel everything. A hand settled on his shoulder, making Zexion lift his head and look at the other boy.

"It's okay," Axel assured him, smiling slightly. "There's nothing wrong with kissing the person you like." His tone turned wistful. "Hell, you've spoken to this kid twice and you've made a lot more progress than I have with Roxas in the last four months. How'd he react when you kissed him?"

"I don't know. I guess he liked it. I mean, he didn't stop me, and he pulled me closer. Then I realized what I was doing and stopped. I didn't know what to say after that, so I left."

Axel looked at the ceiling ponderously. "And you haven't spoken to him since?"

"No, but I've seen him around, and I can't stop thinking about him. I can't fall asleep, and if I do, I just wake up from the dreams."

Part of Axel wanted to know what kind of dreams Zexion was talking about, but he had a feeling he didn't really want to hear. "All right, then I only have one piece of advice for you."

"What?"

"Tell him."

"No!"

"Yes. I know you don't want to, but if you're this messed up over that kiss, and it was your idea, then think about how confused Demyx must be. Try to imagine being in his position, Zex. A stranger saved you from being assaulted, then that same stranger kissed you, and you liked it, but you have no idea who he is. You'd want to know his name, and don't try to deny it." The expression on Axel's face was triumphant as he watched Zexion consider his words. Finally, the blue-haired senior sighed.

"I guess you're right."

"So you'll tell him it was you?"

"Yeah. I mean, really, what's the worst that could happen?" Zexion offered a weak smile as Axel chuckled and patted his shoulder.

"Exactly. Now, get out of bed and clean yourself up. You look awful, and I'm not gonna go sit by myself at dinner."

With an exaggerated groan and a roll of his eyes, the blue-haired senior forced himself to get up while Axel laughed. Truthfully, talking to the redhead had helped, and he felt much better now that he wasn't keeping everything bottled up anymore. Maybe that was why he'd never gotten tired of the taller boy—Axel just had a way of forcing him to relax. Still, he didn't think he was ready to face Demyx yet. Maybe over the next few days he'd have an opportunity, but not tonight. Tonight he was just going to sleep and for once enjoy the dreams he knew he would have.

XXX

Laughter surrounded the table as Roxas blushed darkly, his eyes glued to his half-eaten burger and fries.

"It's not funny!" the blond sophomore protested, but his friends continued to laugh.

"It is too funny," Sora responded, grinning widely. He was the reason the others were laughing—he'd told them a story about Roxas from when the two brothers were younger and had gotten exactly the reaction he'd wanted.

"Well what about the time you wet your bed and told Mom it was the dog? We didn't even have a dog!"

Now it was Sora's turn to blush as Kairi and Namine giggled. "I was four! Besides, that's not as bad as when you let that stray cat into the house and it climbed up Dad's pant leg, and ripped the curtains, and used Mom's plants for a litter box. I never did anything that bad."

Roxas opened his mouth to argue but stopped, staring at something over Sora's shoulder.

"Would it be all right if I sat with you?" a quiet voice asked, and the other three students turned to look at the speaker. Looking more nervous than any of them had ever seen him, Riku smiled hopefully and shifted his tray of food in his hands. As one, Roxas, Namine and Kairi looked at Sora.

The brunette smiled and gestured to the empty chair next to his own. "Go for it."

Relieved, the silver-haired boy accepted the offered chair and began to eat quietly. An uncomfortable and slightly awkward silence settled over the table as the other four glanced at each other.

"How have you been, Riku?" Kairi asked politely, a small smile curving her lips. She knew exactly how Riku had been, and she was glad that he'd finally gotten up the nerve to join them for dinner, but she also knew that none of the others would be willing to initiate conversation with him.

Riku swallowed his food and shrugged. "Okay. Could be better, but not bad. You?"

"I've been great." She nodded towards the brunette he'd sat by. "Roxas and Sora were just telling me and Namine about some of the trouble they got into as kids. Right, Sora?"

The boy froze as four pairs of eyes landed on him, including the blue-green ones he'd missed so much, and he slowly finished chewing then swallowed before he nodded. "We did some pretty stupid stuff while we were growing up."

"I can believe that about you," the older boy teased, "but I feel like Roxas probably had better sense than you, even you were kids."

Sora rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. "Yeah, but I bet you did dumber stuff than I ever did."

"Doubt it. Between the two of us, you're definitely more ridiculous than I am." Riku was smirking now, that same cocky expression he always had when he was trying to bait the younger boy into challenging him.

"Am not!" Flustered, Sora tried to think of a response that would prove Riku wrong, but couldn't come up with anything. His obvious frustration made Namine and Kairi giggle, and that sound broke what little tension had remained. To everyone's relief, their group felt normal again, and they relaxed in their chairs.

"So," Roxas began, drawing the other students' attention onto himself, "are you still going to do that Slave-for-a-Day thing, Sora? I mean, it was your idea, and you did lose the bet."

"What's Slave-for-a-Day?" Namine asked, looking at Sora curiously as the brunette blushed. Riku's smirk grew.

"He bet me that he would get a higher overall grade for midterms, and the loser had to spend an entire day as the winner's slave. I beat him by one point, so he has to be my slave for one whole day," the silver-haired athlete explained, reaching over and ruffling Sora's hair playfully.

Sora glared and smacked the older boy's hand away, though it was obvious that he was embarrassed, not angry. Seeing this, Riku slung an arm around the brunette's neck and pulled him close, holding him still as he thoroughly mussed the brown spikes. The other three students laughed as Sora struggled, and kept laughing even after Riku had let him go, simply because of the disaster his hair had become. Despite himself, Sora found that he couldn't sulk for more than a few moments before he began to laugh as well.

Finally, after weeks, he felt truly happy. He hadn't quite forgiven Riku, not yet, but it was nice just to feel normal again, and at this rate, he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back for long. All he had to do now was wait for that moment when he could look at the older boy and know without a doubt that he would never lose him again.