Temporal Closure

by Dieuwtjin

Immediately following the true ending of Steins Gate, Kurisu and Okabe try to help each other cope with the trauma surrounding the events and aftermath of operation Skuld. It isn't easy, considering she barely remembers anything about him. Can they still succeed, and can anything more come of it? (Okarisu, Romance/humor/hurt/comfort)

5. Chapter 5

Chapter introduction:

I'd like to thank everyone for the absolutely massive support the last chapter received, and the depth of commentary from many different readers regarding the aspects of Reading Steiner. They were very helpful in writing this, and I tried to incorporate it all as best as I could.

I would have liked to post the chapter faster, but real life obligations got in the way. This entire chapter had to more or less be written in the last week alone. My apologies, everyone.

Regardless, enjoy!

---

She was running.

Whereto, she wasn't sure.

Around another corner, across another street, another walkway…

A police officer glanced her way from the other side of the road and took a tentative step towards her.

Kurisu ignored the woman.

If the danger was as she expected it to be, no amount of police or earthly means could really protect her.

All that mattered was that she got away from him as far as possible.

…Right?

The toy copter on her lap didn't really give her the answer. It had a camera attached to the rotator blade, meaning everything it recorded would be an image spinning so quickly that it'd be unwatchable.

From a utilitarian point of view, it was worthless.

From a sentimental point of view, it was priceless.

It was a gift from Okabe, her… lover? What were they exactly? They loved each other, right? But they wouldn't get the time to do anything else than the kisses last night. Considering how long these last few weeks had technically been, there was a certain Irony in that. And for that entire duration, she'd been convinced that he liked Mayuri instead.

Only now, at the very last second, had he made himself clear. He was such an idiot; they could have had SO MUCH more time together… hadn't she sent enough blatant hints earlier? When he'd recently started avoiding the lab, she'd blatantly written that it felt wrong not having him around her, and that she'd wanted to see him. And then there'd been that mail where she'd directly admitted being jealous of Faris for that hug he'd given her, which was the most dead of dead giveaways, right?

…Actually, when had she done that last one, exactly? Was that another memory of an alternate worldline?

She sighed; there was a vague feeling of knowing it had happened, just as she'd known Okabe had been desperately trying to save Mayuri for what felt like forever, but she was chronologically unable to place it.

Too much had happened in these last three weeks.

'Go home, hippocampus, you're drunk.'

…Was the meme she would have used if she hadn't known it to be real. She had even helped build the technology for this to be possible - technology which would have been pointless if Reading Steiner hadn't existed. And one person in the same team that had completely coincidentally built the first iteration of the time machine happened to possess that exact ability, just as a tv which had the EXACT specifics needed to act as the electron-injecting lifter happened to be present in the exact same building. And to add to that, the exact same building also had a direct connection to SERN's headquarters and consequently a direct line to the remaining major piece of technology missing to get it all to work. And finally, she had been able to add her expertise on memories to this strange cocktail to give birth to the time leap machine.

Suzuha had once called her the mother of time travel. That was a misnomer, in her opinion. The real mother of time travel as it had come to exist here was coincidence.

But still… if Kurisu would be credited as the mother of time travel, did that make Okabe the father? He had been the one who'd proposed the idea.

That thought made her feel a bit warm, a certain fuzziness reinforced whenever she looked at the gadget. And that conjured up sensations of last night…

She shook herself out of the soon useless thoughts and glanced at the station's clock. There were only 3 minutes left until her train departed and it wasn't even here yet, meaning it was going to appear any moment now. By all accounts, she should have put the thing away, chosen the entrance path to use and gotten in line with the people already standing there.

And the first thing to do was to put this toy copter away with the rest of her luggage.

Her hands wouldn't do it.

Was this really the best thing to do?

She was going to leave everyone behind. Not only that, but the only one she'd actually said farewell to was Okabe. Having Mayuri there would have only made things more painful, as would Luka, Faris and Hasida… right? What would it be like for them to hear she'd suddenly left them all behind? What would they think of her?

Well… it all wouldn't matter for much longer.

Okabe was going to delete the mail that had started all this. They'd end up in the Beta worldline, where he'd originally come from.

In that worldline, he'd found her stabbed and unconscious in a pool of blood, most likely dead.

Thus, the new state of the world would start a few weeks after she'd supposedly died.

So what was going to happen to her?

She'd seen this coming, of course. His absolute conviction of that he'd seen her dead had been what sparked her initial curiosity back then, despite the 'accidental groping', and that had ultimately led to her staying at the lab. When Okabe had explained why he wanted to undo the d-mails, she'd instantly known this would be how it ended up if he were successful.

But in the face of those pleading eyes and his clear desperation of trying, and failing, to save Mayuri time and time again, she didn't have it in her to say 'no'. Mayuri was her best friend too, after all, and she deserved happiness. The blame for all of this scientific hubris, for messing with time, fell on them, not her.

She chose to instead cling to some hope that she hadn't been dead, that Okabe had been mistaken since he hadn't actually checked the body. It was a lofty hope, but those were pretty much all she had.

The other one, her 'theory' about this worldline continuing to exist after Okabe had left, was an equally vain one. From her understanding of the knowledge Okabe had shared from future Suzuha, there was only ONE active timeline at a time. This meant that all the other ones, infinite in number as they might be, were 'inert' until something in the past changed which caused people to behave in that specific way, which then made the world reconfigure itself to that state. According to Suzuha, this had SOMEHOW been proven in the future, by scientists with presumably at-will access to much more advanced time travel installations and the ability to perform careful and extensive measurements with those. So what were the realistic chances of it actually being wrong after all?

That also touched on a very disturbing subject: how had SERN, who had a monopoly on science in the future of the Alpha worldline, proven the model of a remodeling world? They claimed that only a single active worldline existed that completely changed following any significant change to the past, and Suzuha and the scientists working for the resistance had followed this.

Yet, to confirm this, they'd have to perform measurements, and the only way to do this would be by changing something in the past to see the result. However, a change significant enough to actually alter the worldline would reconfigure that entire worldline from the point of the change, thereby effectively erasing the previously established worldline from that point. And since the measurement started in that same erased previous worldline, this technically prevented SERN from even starting that measurement in the first place. They'd never see the result of their experiment.

So if starting a measurement prevented that same measurement from ever taking place, how could SERN ever acquire any data that allowed them to prove the existence of a singular active worldline? It seemed like a paradox. Could any machine, regardless of technological complexity, really create a data output if starting the measurement effectively caused it to retroactively stop existing since even before you started the experiment? And who or what would still be around to interpret that data if the entire worldline no longer existed?

At first, she thought SERN could just have been lying about it for their own ends, whatever those were, since there seemed to be no way for this to make sense. That interpretation would mean that there might actually be active parallel worldlines, which would in turn allow her continued existence.

However…

There was one sure way in which SERN could still do it.

They could torture people with Reading Steiner into cooperating with them. THEY would know how the worldline changed and carry this data into the next one. All that it needed was a device to read their memories, which already existed back at Viktor Chondria, a device similar to the Phonewave, and a measurement starting after they had captured a person with alternate timeline awareness.

Maybe they'd even got Okabe himself. According to Suzuha, he'd died in 2025, more than ten years before 2036, where she'd come from. Had he died in captivity? Had SERN used him for their own ends before they killed him?

Was Okabe aware of this possibility?

Actually, it went past a possibility - it was a likelihood as far as she was concerned. Until another Observer was confirmed to exist, Okabe was the only one. And he, in turn, had been a confirmed enemy of SERN in the future of this worldline. In a war between a 'resistance' and an enemy in complete control of both the entire rest of the world and time itself, someone with flawless awareness of other timelines was probably an extremely valuable asset to the opposition. Maybe that was even the sole reason they could even fight back, and there was only so long the resistance would be able to keep that asset hidden. Surely SERN would eventually notice something really strange was going on.

By the time they'd have captured Okabe, they'd either know already or torture the truth out of him. And when they were done with him, he'd just be yet another casualty of the Alpha worldline, like Mayuri.

And there was no way she'd let that worldline take them - over her dead body!

…Literally, since if she accepted that SERN's theory was correct, as it seemed to be, it would also mean that she'd either end up dead in the Beta worldline or remain frozen for eternity in the inert Alpha worldline. That latter one would probably be what happened if the Beta worldline couldn't accept her and she was forced to stay behind.

She'd known all that, but she'd tried to pass the possibility of her survival off as credible for Okabe's sake. There was only so much of seeing him broken, the way he had been last night, that she could take.

Of course, he'd known how flimsy it was. Yet she hadn't relented, just to make it a bit easier for him to push that button. Maybe that was also why she hadn't stayed long last night, and why she hadn't fully told him how she felt.

He'd eventually agreed, since he was out of options.

And that, in turn, had led to this.

She was going to step out.

It was for the sake of Mayuri, him, and the rest of the world.

Logically and objectively, it was the correct choice.

But… it still meant she was going to die.

She was scared.

There was only so much comfort to be found in the knowledge that Okabe loved her and wouldn't forget her. Everyone else she'd met here still would. And what she'd achieved now was still all she'd ever reach in this life.

If Okabe had gotten back to the lab by now, then the worldline could end at any second. Nothing that happened here effectively mattered anymore.

Maybe that's why she'd chosen this place, isolated from anyone who knew her. So she could technically be on her own at the end.

So no one important had to see her cry.

It had been hard enough to hold it in as she walked away from him, as he stood there in the station's entryway, seeing her off.

She wiped her face just as the train entered the station.

It was time to go.

Her body felt heavy as she stood up and forced herself to put away the toy.

It felt like walking towards the chopping block.

But just as she was about to enter, there was a commotion to her right.

By all accounts, what she saw was a fairly mundane affair.

A little girl was crying next to her mother, facing an adult man with a large suitcase next to him. Considering the latter and the fact that this railway was connected to the airport, it was likely that the man was going on some trip away from home and that his young daughter was distressed over it.

It should have been touching more than anything else.

But… it drew some uncomfortable parallels with her own family.

Here, at least, the man was trying to console his daughter and his family got to say goodbye.

Unlike her, seven years ago.

She stopped.

Wasn't she doing the exact same thing to her friends?

She was leaving them all behind.

She couldn't solve the problem, so she removed herself from their lives, leaving them to their fate.

She ran away without even saying goodbye.

Exactly like her dad.

Like Nakabachi.

And running away only made it hurt worse, didn't it? Those were her own words to Okabe, last night.

She was already on the move when the train left the station, only stopping briefly to jam the majority of her luggage into a nearby locker, on the remote chance that she might still need it.

If she ran quickly, she might still be able to make it; to see him one last time and give her definitive answer before she went, and maybe say a goodbye of sorts to the others as well.

She wasn't a coward! She wouldn't idly sit by and watch for doom to come any second. She'd face it head-on, with the others!

With Okabe.

And… maybe he'd even prove her wrong.

He said he'd never give up. Maybe he could do it; maybe he could find a path that saved them all.

Maybe he could prove SERN's theory false.

He was just stubborn, crazy and intelligent enough that she could see it happen.

She'd just have to have faith in him.

The streets of Akihabara flew by, morphing into Kuramae Bashi-dori and speeding towards the Ohiyama building, where the lab was. She'd left a fair trail of bewildered onlookers in her wake.

By the time she got there, she was panting heavily.

She stormed up the stairs…

…only to see him push the button.

The world was warping.

His eyes met hers, contorting in horror and regret.

She was too late.

If she'd only left all of her luggage behind or ran just a tiny bit faster…

…Or had just called Okabe, Mayuri or Hashida to hold it off until she got there; why hadn't she thought of that!?

No! No time for regrets!

These were her last moments, and also their last moments together.

She began telling him she felt the same-

Distortion. Endless vertigo as it all fell into nothingness…

---

The vertigo followed her out of the memory. It had been so potent that she had to exert effort not to puke.

She blinked it away, steadied herself and took a deep breath.

Her heart was still pounding at a mad pace, as she'd actually been running non stop through the entire district.

…And maybe she had. This wasn't the area she'd just left. She didn't immediately recognize any of the buildings, and there wasn't a park in sight anywhere. She stood at a traffic crossing, apparently waiting for the light to turn green. Around her, no one gave her any special attention.

It could have been any urban crossing in Tokyo.

How long had she been standing here?

And how had she known to stop exactly here, rather than blindly running ahead into the moving traffic, while her consciousness had been completely absorbed in the vision? Had it been sheer luck, again?

Or more worryingly, had Alpha worldline Kurisu temporarily taken over her body while she'd been stuck in the memory? She'd slipped into this one so naturally and quickly, there had almost been zero warning. Did that mean the boundary between the two of them was starting to fade? And if that happened…

…No. No use in worrying for the sake of worrying. At least she could try to make sense of this at the same time.

What she'd just seen; had those been her alternate self's final memories?

Probably, right? She'd been convinced she was going to die. Okabe's and hers decision had been final, which probably meant they'd also agreed to destroy the time travel technology. There wouldn't be a do-over and the desperation clearly matched that prospect.

Even now, some of it lingered, mixed with regret.

She'd selfishly hurt him, a lot even. By going back to see him one last time, very stupidly without first making sure he'd put the thing on hold, it had resulted in effectively forcing him to watch as he'd killed her. She'd lost her cool when it mattered most and he'd suffered for it. It was in all likelihood the other one of the two major trauma's he'd been preoccupied with in MayQueen, and it was almost purely her fault.

And was it even fair to say that he'd actually killed her? It was more like he'd gone along with her planned suicide, on her own insistence.

But would he see it like that?

He hadn't. She knew he had a tendency to blame himself over others, and she'd had to punch him for it.

Would he still make the same mistake in this situation? How was he going to take her running off like this after she'd made him out to be after murder on her current self and then running away in a frenzy? After everything he'd done for her?

Her Alpha worldline counterpart had trusted him to the end. He'd legitimately performed a miracle to live up to that trust. He'd also taken a mortal wound for it. Was it then fair to claim he'd wanted her dead, replaced by her former self, just like that, without any real proof for it?

No.

She'd panicked; it was that simple. She hadn't even stuck around to attempt to find a more constructive solution first.

She'd left him behind, possibly with the intent of doing so permanently.

Like Nakabachi had done to her - multiple times even, if you counted attempted murder.

Guilt kept her in place throughout three whole cycles of the traffic lights, as she tried to come to terms with that realization.

There was a powerful drive to run right back to Okabe and hug him like there was no tomorrow.

…Were those her own thoughts, or a lingering compulsion from her Reading Steiner?

…Did that matter if she wanted to do it anyway?

Well, if she was still aware of the danger concerning Reading Steiner, that meant she was still herself.

'I think, therefore I am,', as the philosopher and scientist Descartes had once said.

If she could think, she still existed.

She was still alive.

…Unlike her alpha worldline counterpart, who'd been erased from reality, and unlike the her from the beta worldline self, who'd been stabbed to death.

Effectively, this was her third 'life', and it was hers to do with however she wanted.

It made her take a moment to observe the world around her, from the other pedestrians, to the cars, the stores and the huge advertisement boars scattered here and there.

How special was it, to be alive and able to see this now?

Only six to seven percent of all humans who'd ever lived, depending on which estimate you used, were alive at this moment. Those living, 7-ish billion people each carried 86 billion neurons in their respective brains, the collective thought processes of which all combined to continue shaping the current society. Everything around her was the result of part of that massive conglomerate at some point believing something had to be done, and some other part doing it's best to do so. She was one of the privileged few humans able to see the resulting world in its current enlightened, technologically advanced iteration.

And the one she owed that to, since roughly two months ago, was Okabe; he'd saved her life.

But… being close to him seemed to increase the occurrence rate of Reading Steiner, meant she was in danger of losing herself.

…Or were her assumptions off, somewhere?

Thinking about it logically, if she counted being erased from reality as a death, then she'd 'died' many more times than just the two times Okabe was preoccupied with. Every single 'her' from the alpha worldline, throughout all the repeats in which she'd worked with Okabe to undo the d-mails, had accepted that the reality she was living in would cease to exist, and that 'her' along with it, replaced with a new version of her in the next worldline. That had continued to the very last version of her that had accepted returning to the Beta-worldline was the last remaining option.

So how many times had she really chosen to 'die' in an effort to save Mayuri and break out of the Alpha worldline? This wasn't her third life, but the Nth one, with N being the actual number of Alpha worldline repeats plus 1 from the single Beta worldline death. Effectively, the only thing that made the final Alpha Kurisu's 'death' any more special was that it had been the last one, the definitive goodbye between her and Okabe.

So… was she a coward compared to all other Kurisus who went before her?

God, that sounded strange.

But then again, those Kurisus who had been aware of this issue had probably felt pressured into doing what they'd done, for the sake of others. In this worldline, there was nothing forcing her to sacrifice herself. So... to what degree was being replaced with her other self a legitimate concern? It had never happened outside of Okabe actively using time travel…

She went over the proposed workings of Reading Steiner one more time, and reached the same conclusion - that it was still a legitimate concern. But at the same time, she felt she was overlooking something.

There had been something to the memory just now; an inconsistency somewhere between her recent thoughts and the memory that she felt she should have seen, and that she couldn't pin it down.

…But that could wait; she didn't have to solve it by herself.

Even if there was a legitimate threat to losing herself, she was currently still in control. And she at least owed Okabe the opportunity to talk this out together.

There was just one problem; she still had no idea where this was, or where he was, for that matter.

Well, first things first. She wasn't going to repeat Alpha worldline Kurisu's mistake. This time, she'd just use her phone and call Okabe to make sure he stayed at-

The number wasn't there.

She wanted to slap herself. How could she have not immediately exchanged phone numbers with him, just to account for the possibility of losing him!?

Argh! This shared failure of reaching out to him at a critical moment in time was NOT something she wanted to have in common with her other self!

Okay, calm down. There had to be some other method she could use to find her way back. She couldn't be THAT FAR off from where she'd come from.

Maybe she could determine which street they'd just been on, when he'd done his public mad scientist thing? She'd actually been there before during her earlier searches for him, when she'd been chasing after hallucinations born from memory fragments.

That was on-

Um…

Kura… Kuramae…

Right! Kuramae bashi-dori!

A quick Gobble maps opening gave her an absolutely massive cesspool of streets, railways and metrostations. It showed her current location and she immediately set the general direction.

Okay, and where was Mayqueen Nyannyan?

She scanned the road and eventually found it, assuminmg Gobble Maps was up to date. And if they'd been going west from there as Okabe had said…

They'd eventually arrive at Rensei park!

She set the destination and started running.

But what if he'd already left? Then what?

In that case, she'd need a backup plan.

Okabe had said the future gadget lab was 'just around the corner from the next crossing' from Rensei. But the park was a square in the middle of a number of small crossings, and was that the next crossing from the actual park or the road they'd abandoned just prior to that?

Damn it, she didn't have enough information! If he wasn't there, she'd just have to scout the place, going through each possible combination until she took the right turns and stumbled upon the lab, if she'd even recognize it.

Would she?

What had the memory said, again?

She tried to focus on it, suppressing the reflexive fear that came with doing so, as well as the lingering plethora of other emotions that memory conjured.

…Some kind of rundown building…

It was only a phantom whisper, lacking the necessary details, but at least it was something.

Finding the lab would take probably take some time, but that wasn't a problem in itself.

…Unless this abandonment of Okabe had made him do something stupid in the meantime.

…He wouldn't, would he?

She recalled the image of the broken Okabe, sitting on a walkway, possibly just seconds away from jumping over the railing to the traffic below. She'd remembered that when this evening had started, back in MayQueen. That Okabe had displayed a level of desperation on the same level as the pain she'd heard in his voice when she'd ran just minutes ago.

She suddenly felt cold - she had to find him, NOW!

She whirled around the corner.

…and only just stopped herself from running straight into him.

Okabe, who'd been running himself, stumbled to a halt about as gracefully as she did.

To say she was surprised to see him there was an understatement.

She didn't know what to immediately say.

"Kurisu! Thank god… there you are…"

He was panting and still looked like he was going to collapse at any second, but the relief in his eyes was palpable.

It made her feel even worse about how she'd left him behind.

An awkward silence followed as he caught his breath.

"Okabe…!? But… how did you find me?" she blurted out, going with the first thing that came to mind.

"I… used the ancient technique of 'asking bystanders for directions'. It was super effective. There aren't… that many teenage girls that storm off at night in Akihabara," he said, slowly straitening up. "All it took was telling them my friend had a panic attack and had ran off by herself."

…Yeah, that made an embarrassing amount of sense.

"But… I thought you were too tired to move?" she asked.

"I… probably still am. But… there was no way I was going to let you get away. I'd have dragged myself here even if my leg had been broken. I actually had to do something similar once."

She flinched, imaging such a prospect. Had that been SERN-related?

Still, it was touching. Really touching, even.

…And she had no idea how to handle that. "L-let me get away'? I'm not some kind of prey to be chased!"

He sighed. "You know that's not what I mean. Do you realize how worried I was!?"

…just like she'd been worried about him, in turn.

Some part of her melted. Another part reflexively hardened in annoyance; it wasn't like her to be so soft!

"And not just for your emotional state," he continued. "You have this habit that when a memory triggers, you lose track of what's happening around you. That sort of stuff is dangerous if you're running around near traffic by yourself!"

"W-well it's not like I can just pick and choose when that occurs! And if you knew that, shouldn't you have told me earlier!?"

"Yeah, because I could have totally seen this coming, assistant! Are you seriously claiming knowing that would have stopped you from running away!?"

"Yes, you SHOULD have seen this coming! Why was it up to me to figure this out!? Did it really never ONCE occur to you that Reading Steiner could be dangerous!? Some 'intelligent mad scientist' you are!"

"Oh, sure! Because I didn't have other important things to worry about, such as, you know, OUR FRIENDS! And YOU never made a big deal about this before, either!"

She opened her mouth to continue the argument…

…but stopped.

Why were they even arguing? It was silly. They had both obviously been relieved at seeing the other one in good health. This was just superficial banter to hide it, and it was going south fast.

Maybe it was just time to be honest?

Alpha worldline Kurisu would have done anything to have this chance, to have even one more moment in which they could have a heart-to-heart…

An image of the last she'd seen of him in the vision flashed by. How he'd stood there, hand on the button, as she'd barged in. He wanted to reach out to her; she'd seen it in his eyes. But also the hurt over that he knew it was too late, and that it was effectively her fault for even bringing it to that point, on more than one account, even.

"…You're right," she admitted, shaking away the doubt.

"And I say that's bullsh-! …Wait, what?"

"Come here."

"I don't-"

She crossed the distance and wrapped her arms around him before he had a chance to react. "I'm sorry... I just… didn't want to die again."

No one should have ever been able to say that.

The return hug was hesitant, like the first one back in the café. That had only been two or so hours ago, but it somehow felt like weeks, as if they'd been through so much since then.

"A-ah. Well… Look, I can understand that you're afraid..." he began.

"Afraid? I'm terrified. Do you know what it's like to-"

She stopped herself just a fraction too late.

"-to actually die?" he finished for her. "No. But if it helps, I do know what it's like to be shot multiple times, stabbed in a number of different ways, ran over by a car and beaten up by an entire gang. Oh, and to almost bleed out and consequently lie in a hospital bed so drugged, ill and exhausted that I wasn't sure what was real anymore. And that's just what immediately comes to mind. So if you want to talk about it, I can probably relate more than most."

"N-No, that's not necessary! I didn't want to drag any of that up. That was thoughtless of me," she said, inwardly kicking herself. He'd obviously been through hell too and she'd known that perfectly well! Gah! Why was she so bad at this?

"It's okay, really," he replied, completely serious. "All of that is technically in the past, and I'd still rather go through all those things again than lose you a second time."

His embrace was less hesitant now.

He was warm, like his eyes and his voice.

The sincerity of it made her smile. This was MUCH better than superficial arguments.

Her eyes met his and he blushed. "Er, I mean… It would be troublesome to have to replace such a valuable assistant, of course!"

She chuckled. "Nice tsundere line, and nice Baruto reference. It's a little late to repair the damage, though. You already said you love me and you don't get to take that back."

"Um… does that mean you like that idea and that you actually return my feelings now?" he asked, confused. "I'm not sure how to interpret… all this physical contact, or that you were apparently running back to me, unless you completely lost all sense of direction that was, and I don't want to assume either way, of course! It's just hard for me to estimate where we stand and it's not like I-"

"It's fine," she said, saving him from the ramble he was trapped in. "You're not the only one confused though: imagine how I feel. I suddenly fall in love with a seemingly crazy guy I probably had more reason to hate instead, and I'm still not entirely sure why. You at least have your memories of me to fall back on. I constantly have to wonder if what I want to do is really what I want to do."

"Yeah, I guess that would be - Wait, what do you mean, 'you're not entirely sure'? Does that mean you're starting to understand why your previous self felt this way?"

…was she?

Oops.

"…Are you falling for me, assistant?"

His teasing grin threatened to cut through all her restraints and defenses.

It was the ultimate cheat.

But two could play the game of exploiting the other's weakness…

"What if I were?" she dared, returning said grin.

He froze.

"Well?" she demanded, pulling him even closer. She let her left hand slowly trail down side to his waist. "Aren't you going to do something?"

"U-uhm…"

He wanted to pull away, but she didn't let him; his gaping mouth routine never got old.

She waited a few more seconds before sighing in an overly dramatic fashion, after which she released him from his torment. "You're hopeless, you know? Honestly, I'd have expected much better of an observer. How many repetitions do you have on me, again? Shouldn't you know exactly what to say and do?"

"W-what; are you implying you expected me to abuse Reading Steiner only to 'practice' on you!?" he cried, pulling himself together.

"Hm. Didn't you?" she replied, crossing her arms.

"Obviously not! By the time I realized I had romantic feelings for you and we kissed, it was too late."

She actually believed him. For a supposed pervert, he was surprisingly decent.

Not that it would save him now, of course.

"So the only reason you didn't was because of a timing issue, and not because you saw any ethical problems with making yourself appear more suave to me than you actually were?" she asked, amused.

He groaned. "Don't twist my words, assistant! And like I said before, as a mad scientist, I don't do ethics."

"Meaning you admit you would have done it, and consequently would have cheated your way into the limbic system of your poor, defenseless assistant?"

He blinked. "What? Yes – I mean – no… damn, why is this so complicated…"

"Oh, don't feel bad," she chirped. "There's something cute about how hopeless you are at romance; so hopeless that even your mad scientist façade can't hide it."

…Not that she had much of a reason to boast. But that was conveniently beside the point.

"Pfff. Better that than being way too into it I'd say, Miss 'the theory of relativity is so romantic, don't you think?'" he scoffed.

It sounded so ridiculous that she couldn't help but laugh. "Pfahaha, did I really say that?"

"Obviously! You're the only person I know who would come up with something that crazy. Actually, scratch that – probably the only person in the world."

"But I thought you found that stuff special and endearing," she pointed out.

"That… I can't deny," he admitted, briefly closing his eyes. "It was very cute. And very 'you', yes."

It must have been a good memory, going by the way his face was slowly sliding into a smile as he glanced off into the distance.

"…Hey, Okabe, when and why did I say that? What memory is this?" she asked, curious.

"Ah… well… Actually, can't you remember it yourself if you try to focus?" he replied. "Give it a shot. This one should be easy."

She did it by reflex.

What came back was… a large void, with lingering emotions of… what? Happiness, sadness, fear and… love, mixed with desperation?

She tried to focus harder, and got the same thing.

It figured: she had no control over Reading Steiner whatsoever. It told her what it wanted, when it wanted, and that was all. For now, it was content to show her a whole lot of nothing.

Until that changed, this would remain yet another mismatch between what they knew of each other. The only way to fix that was to intentionally push on and hope for the best, but that ran into the danger of Reading Steiner again. They'd have to talk that out somewhere, obviously not out here in the open.

So, where could they do this?

She was well aware of the irony, considering her old hotel room had been nearby here. In the days following Radi-Kan, she'd relocated to another one on the edge of the district just in case either Nakabachi or Okabe himself came back to finish her. She'd made the in hindsight very stupid mistake of telling her father where she was staying on the off chance that he would visit, which he obviously hadn't. And as far as she knew back then, Okabe was probably a stalker with dubious motivations and sense of reality and/or sanity, making him a credible secondary threat.

Well, moving by itself obviously hadn't helped. And it had probably been a key factor in why it had taken the two of them so long to meet again. Was finding her original hotel room empty why Okabe had thought she'd left Japan?

…but even if she still had her old room, and it had been in a less messy state, would she really have taken a boy in there at this time of day?

What would that lead to?

Her imagination went wild.

Too much so.

She swallowed; for all her bravado, she wasn't that much more comfortable with any of this than Okabe. Her act only worked because she was able to project more confidence than he was, whether or not that was justified.

"Kurisu…?"

"Y-yes?"

"Why are you blushing?" he asked, strangely hopeful.

"W-What are you talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter, you pervert!"

He studied her for a moment. "But I wasn't doing anything?"

"Well, you were obviously imagining I was having impure thoughts, weren't you? Hah! As if!"

He chuckled. "Somewhat ironic, considering the memory. But gauging from this reaction, I guess you really don't recall it…"

His disappointment was harder to take than any of the shouting earlier.

Damn her mushiness!

She sighed. "Okay, enough stalling. Okabe, do you know of a place where we could talk about Reading Steiner a bit more? Somewhere pleasant and at least somewhat private?"

"Hm… we could always go back to the park?"

"No, not that one. Somewhere we haven't caused a scene yet."

…It was probably pretty bad she had to add that second part.

"Then what about the Lab itself?" he proposed. "We were going there anyway."

"I'd rather deal with this issue before diving headfirst into a nest of new memories."

He nodded. "In that case, there's only one place nearby I can think of. Are you hungry?"

She couldn't really deny that. There was only so much a bowl of salt flavored noodles from like 4 or 5 hours ago did in the face of all this. Her brain alone had probably been consuming adenosine triphosphate and other nutrients like there was no tomorrow.

"I could use a bite, yes," she said, ignoring the unintentional pun.

"Right. I guess I should check first, though. I'm not entirely sure at what time they close and-"

He paused, checking his pockets with increasing speed and alarm. "Wait, where's my phone? Did I-"

"-Lose it? she finished for him, producing said device from her pocket.

He glanced at her, then the phone, then her again. "…Seriously?"

"What can I say; I just didn't want to risk being stuck without your number again," she said, grinning.

"You could have just asked me, you know!"

"That would have been less fun. Didn't you claim to have 'finely honed skills of perception'? So how did you get yourself pickpocketed by a novice civilian, 'Hououin Kyouma'?"

He only groaned. "Are you going to use EVERYTHING I say against me, Christina?"

"Let's call that an occupational hazard of being a chuunibyou half the time," she merrily replied before turning her attention to the device. "Oh, no security code? Just imagine what a nefarious villain could do with this! Hm, you don't seem to have that many contacts, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. And look at this! You ACTUALLY entered yourself as 'Hououin Kyouma.' Such delusion, much fail!"

She took her own phone out with the intent of grabbing his number first.

Then he suddenly moved, snatching hers from her hand.

"H-hey!"

"Oh? Not enough contacts huh? I wonder how many you have, assistant?"

This time, she did lunge for it.

But he was too tall, easily keeping it out of her reach and spinning away from her every time she got close.

"Now, let's see here!" he said between dodges," There's 'Boarding School Contact', 'Conference Contact', 'Dad', 'Hotel' ,'Leskinen', 'Maho Sempai', 'Me' and 'Mom'. Hah! Discounting services, yourself and temporary liaisons, that leaves me with TWICE as many contacts as you!"

"S-So? Quality over quantity, I'd say!" she tried, still circling, waiting for an opening.

Nearby, a few passers-by were grinning at their antics. That annoyed her even more.

"Weren't you the one who brought up this point?" he replied. "And are you suggesting Mayuri isn't a 'quality contact'? And here I was thinking you held her in very high regard. She'd be really sad to hear you say that, you know."

"That's low, Okabe. Just… give me my phone back, okay? Here, I've entered my number in yours."

She held out the device.

He paused, considering it. "One second; who is 'Maho Sempai', and who is Leskinen? I don't think you've ever mentioned either of them. I have to admit I'm curious."

"And what makes you think I'd want to tell you who they are? That's information on my private life, you know!"

"Well, I'll trade you your phone back for it?"

"For just that information? So I'd get to keep your phone, then?" she pointed out, pulling it close again.

"Obviously not! Hm, then how about this, tell me who she is and I won't send… her? this text that you're secretly in love with her."

He followed his threat by typing something.

"Y-you wouldn't!"

He grinned. "Try me, Miss virgin pickpocket. Wouldn't you say it would teach you a good lesson regarding stealing?"

His thumb hovered over the 'send' button.

Anger helped her focus and she saw his colossal mistake. "Send it, and I'll send that same message to your ENTIRE contact list!" she countered, channeling her most evil grin. "Most of those are other lab members, who are almost all girls or near-girls of your age, huh? And while we're on this subject, how exactly is it that you are still a virgin if that's the case?"

She wasn't entirely sure if that was Alpha worldline knowledge coming through or just his flustered behavior in general when confronted with any provocative behavior. Still, there was something vaguely annoying and weird about this list of names. Shouldn't an adolescent boy normally have mostly male contacts? He definitely wasn't homosexual. So what was he then; a real-life wannabe harem protagonist, or something?

He blanched. "Er…"

"Well? I'm waiting," she said, hovering her thumb over his phone in return. The way they were facing off, phones dramatically pointing towards the other, she'd almost expect lightsabers to start protruding from them at any second.

"O-okay, let's not get hasty! Maybe we can just trade information instead?" he suggested.

Hm. Trade information? Tempting. It wasn't like what he wanted to know was a very big deal, and there were all sorts of things she could ask. But nothing related to the alpha worldline for now. So…

She glanced at his contacts again. "Tell me about your parents," she decided.

"My… parents? Why?"

"Because I'm curious, obviously! But if you prefer, we could still go abandon this idea and go back to sending those mails to the other's contacts…"

He slowly backed off, hands raised. "A-Ah, well, my dad owns a greengrocery and my mom is a high school teacher."

She blinked. "That's all?"

"What do you mean: 'that's all'? What were you expecting?" he asked, annoyed.

"Er… how to put this… that seems really 'plain' for the parents of 'Hououin Kyouma'."

"Yeah… plain… let's go with that…" he said, trailing off. "Anyway, my end of the bargain was held up. Now yours."

"That's very basic information, so you'll only get very basic things in return. Maho is my direct supervisor at Viktor Chondria and also probably my closest friend back in America. Leskinen is the professor we fall under."

"Really? So is there any special reason you call her 'sempai'?"

"I'm afraid that doesn't fall under this deal," she replied, exchanging their phones. "And why do you even want to know that? Are you jealous YOU don't have that title, Okabe-kun?" she teased.

"In your eloquent words: 'Hah! As if!' Now… It looks like the restaurant is still open, if only barely, so I suggest we hurry there."

He was already walking off when she realized he'd forgotten something. "Wait! Okabe, I still need your number!"

He paused. "Are you sure, assistant?"

She checked, scrolling down to the alphabetical bottom.

Indeed, there was one new contact: 'Omnipotent Handsome Devil (name subject to change)'.

She glared at him.

"What? Did you really think I'd send such a message to someone obviously important to you?" he asked. "I find your lack of faith disturbing, Christina."

She just sighed and shook her head as she went after him, thinking of the next retort.

'Well played,' she thought, amused.

---

Kitchen Jiro, or kitchen Jiro Sotokanda as it was fully called, seemed like a fairly traditional Japanese restaurant at first glance. The interior consisted of a single, fairly large room with a decent number of tables for customers. The decorations were all homely and East-Asian themed. All in all, if it hadn't been for the 'no cellphones allowed' warning sign on one of the walls, the obvious counter at the back and the number of tables and chairs, it could legitimately have passed for a more elder Japanese person's living room. Maybe that was exactly what it had been, before it had been converted to a restaurant. Kurisu decided she liked the serenity it radiated.

The place was nearly devoid of customers at this time of day, with only a single one leaving the establishment just as they came in. Whatever was in the takeaway bags he carried smelled absolutely delicious, though.

Okabe picked a table near the middle of the room, one that was to the wall. She sat herself down next to him, rather than across. He didn't object. It would mean talking sideward, but this way she'd be able to see the entire room, meaning it would be harder to surprise her. It was a habit she'd picked up in the last two months.

It did also put them closer to each other, and she pre-emptively told her collective brain to shut up about it. Yes, this was starting to look more and more like an actual date and yes, the proximity was somewhat distracting, but further indulging those musings didn't help right now.

It didn't take the middle aged waitress long to attend them. "Oh? We don't usually see you this late, Okabe. You realize the kitchen closes in ten minutes, and the restaurant in forty, right? You'll have to eat fast."

He shrugged. "It was a last minute thing, my apologies."

Whatever the waitress was about to say died in her mouth.

"…What?" he asked, frowning.

"Did you just apologize?" she replied.

"Yes. What about it?"

She stared at him as if he'd suddenly grown another lab coat over his current one.

"Um… are you okay?"

"O-Oh, never mind me. I was about to tell your guest that she could get someone much better than a cheapskate nutcase like you, but maybe you've actually started to change."

Kurisu's eyes went wide; surely she must have misheard that? Who would ever treat her customer in such a way?

"Gee, thanks," Okabe sarcastically replied.

"No problem!" The waitress went on. "I just felt it was my duty to give her a fair warning, woman to woman. And maybe if you actually paid for your food instead of tricking your friends into paying the bill for you, or running away without fully paying for everything, I'd have been nicer."

Oh.

Kurisu glanced at Okabe, silently inquiring if that was true.

"That's-" he began, before reconsidering. "Wait, when did I do that? I can't remember ever doing such a thing."

The elder woman rolled her eyes. "Oh, sure. Selective memory, huh? Well, it was… let's see…"

She glanced through her ledger, briskly at first yet slower and more hesitantly as the seconds went by. "Huh? I was sure it was only a few weeks ago, at most a month? Why can't I find it?"

"So basically, you just insulted me AND made me look bad to my colleague for no reason?" Okabe pressed.

'Colleague'? Since when were they colleagues? She wasn't sure if she was touched or disappointed.

"Well, my apologies then, I guess? But… I can swear I remember you-"

"I'm afraid you're really mistaken, since I was in the hospital by then. And since this is slander to a loyal customer, I'd say the least you could do to apologize would be giving us a free meal," he said, crossing his arms towards the woman and regarding her defiantly.

"That's not necessary, really," Kurisu immediately cut in. "I'll be paying for both of us."

Okabe whirled around. "What? You will?"

"Yes, I will! You're going to eat a lot and you're going to like it!"

He slowly and silently backed away.

"I still stand by that she's probably better than you deserve, Okabe," the waitress went on.

"And that would be MY choice alone," Kurisu countered, turning on her with her frostiest glare. "Now, are you going to take our orders or should we go eat elsewhere and share our less than stellar experiences here on every single kind of social media?"

The threat level was code red.

"I-I'll have the mad mince cutlet curry, please," Okabe stammered.

"I'll have the house curry special," she added, curious as to how a traditional seeming restaurant would handle a foreign dish. "And give him an extra portion of his order. Oh, and two Doctor Peppers for drinks, to be added when we get out meals."

"C-Coming right up, then!" the waitress said, after which she literally scrambled away.

"You shouldn't have done that," Okabe said, watching her go. "What was the point of just letting her off the hook after those insults?"

Kurisu gave him a flat stare. "Sorry, but I couldn't sit by as you tried to take advantage of her imperfect Reading Steiner just to get a free meal. You have to take responsibility for the actions of your past and/or parallel selves, too."

"Oh, come on! Those events happened AGES ago in the Alpha worldline. And I think that in at least one of those, I had to suddenly leave because something critically important had happened. …Was it related to Suzuha? I can't really remember…"

"I guess it must be hard. If you have perfect memories of countless repeats, I'd imagine they start blurring into the other at some point, affecting your ability to recall them," she mused.

"Yeah, they eventually did. But some things I could still never forget, regardless of the specific worldline they're from."

He didn't elaborate. At times like these, she couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his head, what past event he was recalling.

"Also… I could have paid for myself, you know. It feels wrong to have you buying for me: it seems ungentlemanly," he continued.

She smirked. "What; are you implying that we're on a date and that you have to pay for me, being the guy?"

"…What if I said 'yes'?"

"Then I'd ask you when mad scientists starting caring about chivalry."

"And what's wrong with being a chivalrous mad scientist? That doesn't seem any weirder than being a domestic, experiment-loving girl. Are you still carrying around that sewing set?"

No, not since two months ago. But he didn't have to know that.

So she smiled. "Hm, fair enough. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

"In that case, I hereby still offer to pay for us."

"But I refuse!" she insisted. "Think of this as an apology present from me."

"And what If I refuse as well?" he pressed.

"Then I'd say you should come up with your own meme. And between the two of us, who has the fulltime job again? Ergo, who can miss the money better?"

He sighed. "That makes me feel even less chivalrous. Actually… speaking of chivalry, I was wondering about something, Kurisu. How many classes did you skip to be able to work at Viktor Chondria at your age?"

Huh?

"Five, since I was already working there last year. Why?"

"So basically, you switched classes almost every other year and got paired up with people who were progressively older than you as you went, much older even, eventually."

"That's what it means to skip classes, yes. What's the point?"

"Ah… then I'm sorry for making fun of your contact list. I guess that would have made it very hard to build up a social circle. In retrospect, that was probably mean."

Yeah, as if her behavior towards him hadn't been meaner than was strictly necessary at times. Still… that was nice to hear. Maybe she could get used to a gentlemanly Hououin Kyouma. It made her think back on what he'd look like in a suit.

…All she could do was quickly look away.

"…Well, if we're going to wait for dinner anyway, I guess we might as well get started on the main issue," he continued, upon receiving no reaction.

Yeah, that seemed best.

"What about being overheard?" she asked.

"You heard her: she believes I'm insane anyway, and since you're my 'colleague', you're probably crazy by association."

"Is that why you picked this place? Because she wouldn't take what you said seriously if she overheard?" she mumbled.

"That, and the food IS really good here. I was planning on visiting regardless, to celebrate I was no longer stuck on tubes and hospital cuisine."

…because he'd been stabbed, by her dad.

She pushed the thought aside and leaned back into the couch. "Okay, then before we begin, let me clarify my position. I want to be wrong on this issue, since if I'm right, it basically means everyone with any affinity for Reading Steiner, other than you, is doomed – they'll eventually get replaced by alternate versions of themselves and would either be imprisoned in their own bodies or just destroyed. So until you completely convince me Reading Steiner isn't dangerous, I'll stick to that opinion. I'd only feel safe enough to continue this search for other memories if you can manage that."

"I… guess that's fair. It's probably best to start with a model for how Reading Steiner works, for reference and simplicity's sake."

He followed it by tracing an imaginary line across the table. "Imagine a car driving down a road. Up until a certain moment in time, there is only one road - one timeline. Now, at some point, time travel is invented. We continue along that original road until time travel is used to affect a significant change somewhere in the past. That change causes people to take different choices, and as a result, the state of the world changes. A significant change is expressed in a change of the divergence number. When that happens, we stop driving on the road we were on. We get new information in the past, which causes us to take a different turn at that point in time. The universe corrects our position and we are now driving on a different road, at the same chronological moment in time. We now continue driving again until time travel is used. I, as someone with perfect Reading Steiner, retain all my memories of the previous road we were on, whereas others either completely don't or only vaguely. They, however, have memories of the new road while I only have memories of the old one. And we can factor in the attractor fields here as basically the very limited number of eventual destinations all these possible roads have, since they effectively all end in the same places, or outcomes. Do you agree with me so far?"

Yeah, that was pretty much an accurate summary off what they'd discussed the various times this subject had come up. "One question though, Okabe, before we continue. You said you believed in free will under the assumption that this model is true and attractor fields exist. But if there really is only one active worldline, that means that prior to the invention of time travel, every person's actions throughout all of time were set, weren't they? How can there be free will, then?"

He looked up, surprised. "I thought you accepted my stance on this earlier?"

"Let's say I was willing to take anything to beat some sense into you. I might have temporarily overlooked some details in the process."

Okabe chuckled. "Point taken. In that case, a worldline doesn't mean ALL actions of each person are set. Whenever I timeleaped, I took different actions throughout the same timeline every single time. The divergence number, designating the state of that world and which timeline I was in, never changed. So that's proof that the worldline itself didn't 'force me' to do anything, and that I could do different things, even if they ended in a result that wasn't significantly different."

"I have to say that's still a somewhat depressing thought. Either a person doesn't have a choice, or the world makes it so that no choices result in a significantly different outcome from a previously designed plan," she replied.

"You could see it like that," he admitted. "This touches on philosophical territory. Is it a bad thing that time relied on every person, ever, making the most logical and/or characteristic choice available to create the only iteration of that state of the world? I guess that's the reason attractor fields exist, to specifically counter entities who try and cheat established causality if something would retroactively make them behave differently than they'd already done. But who or what made those fields, why, or why there is more than one attractor field for a previously singular worldline, I really don't know. Are there only so many eventual ways time can allow reality to develop? Are those outcomes the attractor fields target pure coincidences, or did some all-powerful being set them? If so, why did that same being decide a dystopia ruled by SERN was best for the world? And why would it even bother to create the Beta attractor field as a backup; just in case some time travelling nutjob didn't like the Alpha design and wanted a different one? Why were both those attractor fields so destructive to humanity? Was it some intentional deadline, a test of worthiness to the human race, to see if we'd get the required knowledge to steer the course of the world in time? And now we're in religious territory, too…"

She nodded along. It was likely that they'd never find out the answers to those questions, interesting as they were. The price for experimenting toward that goal was simply too high. As a scientist, that irked her somewhat, but as a morally decent person towards anyone not wrong on the internet, she knew it had to be that way.

"However," he continued. "I refuse to believe a person's choices don't matter. Like I said, I don't bow to some god or fate. If an attractor field demands something, like the scene I found you in, I initially thought that meant you had to die. But making the scene appear as it once had was enough to satisfy it, and the result was completely different, even enough to trigger a worldline change – the only one ever done outside of D-mails. Seemingly small changes brought about by free will can have a significant impact. And even changes that don't result in worldline shifts can be significant in another way, at least to the people around you. For example, when you kissed me, that didn't matter to the world at all, but to me-"

He glanced away.

She did, too.

"Er, maybe that last example wasn't strictly necessary for this discussion, assistant. My apologies," he mumbled.

'R-Right, that's enough of an answer for me. Let's stick to Reading Steiner," she agreed.

Before he could go on, they saw the waitress come back, carrying their orders.

Okabe's plate looked downright bizarre, like someone had put a dough layer on two rolled up hedgehogs and consequently fried them. It seemed much too spiky to be safe for consumption. At least the brownish sauce and cup-shaped rice mountains were more appetizing.

Her own order was a chicken curry dish with a variety of vegetables and a mild-ish sauce that reminded her of massaman curry. It smelled great and would probably taste even better.

But…

"Should we check it for poison?" she wondered, her eyes following the waitress back to the counter, where she then disappeared into a door behind it. Some part of her could totally picture the woman cackling maniacally around the corner, wringing her hands like some stereotypical cartoon villain next to an empty vial marked with a large X.

What could she say; it wouldn't be the first insane waitress of the day.

"I don't think she hates me that much," he replied, already digging in. "And how are you going to check anyway? By tasting it?"

"I was thinking of having you eat first, since you wouldn't be that much of a loss."

"Ouch. Could you perhaps refrain from killing my ego until we're done here, Christina?"

"Haha. That was a joke, of course. Please continue," she gestured.

"Right… then let's say that the model does work like we've just established. Wouldn't you logically say that there's only *one* version of you, then? Essentially, following a worldline shift, the same you is rewinded to an earlier state and then just makes different choices. It's constantly the same drivers, or people, in the same car, or present, carrying them forward. That's all there is to it. You have no danger of being overwritten, since you're the same Kurisu throughout all these timelines. And therefore, those memories you're experiencing are your own, not someone else's."

"Except there's more to those memories of the other timelines, since they are presumably capable of destroying one's alternate self, as is the case with you," she countered in between bites. "What matters here is the mechanics behind this process of carrying over memories, which you're glossing over. Your model doesn't offer an explanation for those."

"Does it really matter that much? Again, I'm the only one with perfect Reading Steiner. Whatever fear you're basing off me as the outlier is probably unwarranted for roughly everyone else."

"But are you really? This leads back to your own theory of Reading Steiner being a genetic attribute of varying strengths, shared by many people. It makes sense, and I believe it has a high probability of being correct. It's just that the implications of it are deeply troubling. And the effects being more profound in you doesn't automatically mean everyone else is safe, so that's an empty statement."

"First, the genetics thing is still only a theory I have. Second, I was still always the ONLY one who was overwritten during worldline shifts, every single time. Maybe this is just another thing where having a perfect memory of the previous worldlines isn't a good thing and works to my disadvantage."

He paused for a moment, breaking apart the dough ball further with his chopsticks. "Actually…" he went on, "I do have some proof that stronger Reading Steiners are bad for people. If you recall, Luka was only vaguely confused when he - or she, back then - remembered something from another worldline. Faris, on the other hand, who was the first other person I noticed this in, was in actual pain, and she recalled everything much more vivid. That was almost in line with the amount of pain I experienced with the time leap machine."

"That by itself isn't an argument in your favor, since evidence for how dangerous it is supports MY theory as well as yours," she pointed out. "How long did you stick around to watch over Faris-san after that?"

"Not long, I'll admit. I reset the timeline less than a day afterwards."

"So what if she just needed a bit more chronological time to acquire enough memories? Maybe she was in imminent danger of being overwritten like you," she pointed out.

"That's a weak argument," he insisted. "We're worried about the effects of Reading Steiner, as defined by a measure of alternate timeline awareness, expressed in memories of those. It shouldn't matter if chronologically a certain amount of time passes or not. If time keeps repeating, they should still accumulate an ever increasing number of snippets of memories from the short repeats, that only keeps building the more often the repeats occur. And if you'll recall, I repeated the worldlines including Mayuri's deaths really often."

"I'm afraid that's not necessarily true. What if the act of resetting time also removed a portion of previously acquired alternate memories? We know that in each worldline shift, everyone's memories are reconfigured to suit the new timeline, and that they lose access to all their earlier, normal memories. So why not the additional ones related to Reading Steiner too, thereby preventing a critical buildup of those? That would effectively protect them from being overwritten so long as you continued using time travel. Which you obviously no longer do. Did you ever extensively test this possibility?"

She ignored the still hard to grasp idea of the smallest of changes in the past being able to overwrite the memories of every single person in the world. The more she thought about it, the more it felt like actual magic.

He sighed, staring ahead. "…No. I never saw the need.'

"Then this leaves us at an impasse, since it isn't disproven that a person needs to pass a certain threshold of memories before they get overwritten. Maybe we should focus on something else."

"…Such as?"

"Hm… my theory on the replacement aspect hinges on that it's possible for the versions of ourselves in inert worldlines to find their way over here. Do you have anything that directly disproves this being possible?" she proposed, going with the first time that came to mind, after which she took another bite.

"Well… I can't help but wonder if it's even correct to say I overwrote my other self. If you recall, all other parallel worldlines are 'inert' and thus only theoretical, meaning that the 'me' I ended up in was also just a theoretical 'state of myself' only coming into existence with that worldline. What am I really overwriting, then? I'd still say I was always the same person, even in my case, which is supposedly the worst one."

"That argument is invalid due to causality," she countered. "You can't argue that he came into existence only because you changed something in the past, because he still had to bring you to the new spot where you ended up in. And that, in turn, means that Okabe must have been active and existing there before reading Steiner occurred. He was a real, living person. And now all that's left of him is that body you're wearing."

"That's a really dark thing to say..." he trailed off, staring at his hands.

"But…?"

"…"

No reaction.

"Okabe?"

"I…"

She turned to face him fully. He didn't meet her eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm… running a blank," he admitted. "Maybe you ARE right. It would fit with how fate constantly wants to screw me by offering me only bad choices. I'd find the way to this worldline, after all that mental and physical torture, only to find out the *best* choice still makes a good part of the world's population suffer for it. And if Reading Steiner is the cause, does that mean the responsibility for it would be on our hands? We were the ones who started all the timeloops…"

In that instant he looked fragile, tired on any number of levels. He was someone who'd seen and done much more than any normal person should ever have to. Just the events of this day had probably taxed him more than she had any right to ask.

But he was all she had for this.

She put on her best smirk. "Hey, what are you on about? The Hououin Kyouma that I know wouldn't give up so easily."

There was the smallest of smiles, gone as fast as it had come. "You say that as if you have a solution. Do you?"

She didn't.

"Help me, Kurisu. I'm trying to bridge the distance but I'm not sure how…"

It was hard to see him like this. It almost made her reconsider and drop the whole thing. Maybe she was the problem, creating issues where there were none? Only… now that she'd shared the possibility, this was going to haunt both of their thoughts if it went unresolved. Just like SERN.

"Come now, Okabe. You already performed miracles twice. Why would this time be any different, Mister 'Omnipotent Handsome Devil'?"

She tried a playful nudge at his side.

It didn't work. "I think you're expecting too much of me," he said. "I can't routinely perform miracles! At some point, being afraid is a choice you make yourself."

"This is something that doesn't just concern me, though, and the reason I'm here is because I want to confront it," she answered.

He hid his eyes behind his hand and sighed, obviously thinking.

The silence stretched as she tried to come up with something on her own, idly poking at her food. But for all her mental prowess, she came up just as blank as him.

She glanced at the clock. There were only ten minutes left till closing time; they'd have to wrap this up quickly.

Her gaze fell back to Okabe, whose posture was starting to radiate defeatism. It threatened to revert back to how he'd been a few hours ago.

That realization allowed her to put aside embarrassment and pride.

"Okabe, look at me."

He did, slowly, evoking a feeling of deja-vu.

"Don't give up; I know you can think of something," she admitted. "I have faith in you, just like my Alpha worldline counterpart."

That last bit did work. "…Huh? How do you know that?" he asked, surprised. "And faith in me to do what, exactly? She wasn't even aware of the time machine plan to save her when the Alpha worldline ended. Hell, even I wasn't. That was something the me from the future of the Beta worldline came up with."

"Don't sell yourself short. And I know, because I saw the memory, the final one. She had hope that you'd somehow, despite everything, still find a way. And here we are, aren't we?"

"'The final one'? You mean, where I pressed-"

She nodded. "Yes, that one."

"You… actually saw that memory from your side!?" he exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders. "Then tell me! Did she, or rather you- !"

He stopped, realizing what he was doing, and instantly let go. "A-ah, sorry. I just… it's a question I was struggling with a lot, these last weeks… I kept asking myself if she -"

Something changed in the way he looked.

"'She'…" he mumbled.

And life suddenly returned to his features. "Wait. I… I think I have it!"

That outburst caught her off-guard a second time in the last ten seconds. "Y-You do?"

He nodded. "You say you're afraid of being replaced by Alpha worldline Kurisu, right?"

"Um, yes? Obviously?"

"Then let me ask you a question: Which one?"

She blinked. "What do you mean, 'which one'?"

"We're referring to 'Alpha worldline Kurisu' as a person, a singular entity. But that's a false premise. What we're really referring with that term is every single iteration of yourself from the worldlines near that attractor field throughout every single repeat of time there, of which there are dozens. Thus, 'Alpha worldline Kurisu' isn't a 'she', it's a 'they'," he explained.

"And that matters… why?"

"Think on it!" he pressed. "Your theory is that having a large enough mass of alternate memories would somehow allow the corresponding alternate version of that person to completely overwrite their own memory and consequently take over the body. If you're really correct about the finer mechanics workings of Reading Steiner, then this makes a HUGE difference. Each of those countless other versions of you only has, at most, a few days' worth of unique memories. Compared to the rest of that person's life, or even the two months of unique memories everyone has here in the Steins Gate worldline, those are very small numbers, making it very unlikely any one of those would ever be able to build up the required amount of memories. Or are you claiming those separated entities would somehow all be able to double team you to overwrite you? Even you have to admit that sounds very flimsy. Only ONE of you can be in control at any given time, right?"

Even as he said it, she recalled her earlier thoughts: 'Was she a coward compared to all the Kurisus who went before her?'

That had glanced on the answer; she'd already realized there had been more than one but had failed to fully realize the implications.

Feelsbadman.

Well, she'd at least realized she was better off not doing it by herself, and that plan had worked. So she could still claim some credit for it, right? It totally wasn't like she was starting to become over-reliant on some overgrown cartoon figure wannabe…

She smiled anyway. "I… suppose that is true. See; I knew you could do it."

#things she would normally never tell him.

But still, that line of thought was solid. Looking at it from that perspective, it should be pretty easy to resist any of those attempts to potentially take her over.

Wait…

Resist being taken over…

Resist…

…Could it be?

Surely it couldn't be THAT simple, could it?

She slowly leaned forward, and said the words she'd never thought she'd say a second time this day. "I'm an idiot. No, scratch that - I'm a complete moron!"

Okabe blinked, then blinked again. "Er, come again?"

"There's a much simpler explanation for Reading Steiner that fits with everything, one that is completely harmless. One that makes it seem beneficial, even!"

He leaned forward, too. "And that is?"

"I've been interpreting Reading Steiner as an 'offensive tool' a person can subconsciously use to overwrite a version of themselves in another worldline. This assumption is based on your ability to manifest yourself there with no memories of the new one, in a completely new location. But what if the inverse is true? What if it's a strictly defensive ability?"

She looked him right in the eyes. "What if it's simply a form of RESISTANCE against the new worldline trying to influence your memories? That would lead to the exact same situation! You wouldn't have a lack of memories from the new worldline because the old you overwrote them, but because the mechanism behind restructuring the world was simply unable to implant them! And that model is also completely compatible with your summary of the single worldline theory!"

He caught on quickly. "I… I see! But… if that's true, wouldn't I still at least remember what happened in the new past of the worldline? I'd have been there to see it all happen."

"We don't know for sure if that's how it works," she countered. "What if the complete rebuilding process of the worldline happens near instantaneously, with the corresponding correcting memories being inserted into everyone as a part of that highly sped up process? You said you saw the divergence number change and remain in your view when the worldline did. How much time do you estimate was between you leaving the old worldline and arriving at the new one, going by how long you saw that image? "

"Um… I'd say somewhere between ten and twenty seconds, followed up by a lingering sensation of vertigo as I came into the new one."

She smirked triumphantly. "Wouldn't you say that still clarifies as near-instantly? What if that's actually how long completely rebuilding the past and present takes for time's correction mechanism? As far as we know, it could be, since that's the only data we have on the required time for it. You'd end up in the worldline as it was being formed with only seconds worth of memories of that new world, but also ALL of your old ones, since you were the only one with perfect Reading Steiner to fully protect your brain."

"Hmmm… it's definitely possible, but do you really think that's more likely than time rewinding and everyone living their lives as normal up to a point where I enter that new worldline, 'jumping in' from my point in the old one? This new theory requires that mechanism to somehow know what every person would do following a significant change in the past, and then implementing the fake memories on a global scale to every sentient being on the planet. Oh, and all that in less than half a minute," he mused. "It sounds like the work of a god."

"We're talking about something that's already confirmed to be able to take away the memories of everyone on the planet, even following changes that are unlikely to ever directly affect those people. We know this, because no one but you remembered the alternate worldlines. So wouldn't it make sense that it likely would know how to implement them, too?" she asked. "It's confirmed workings are already so fantastical in mechanics and scope that it could legitimately be considered as supernatural, at least by our current scientific knowledge."

He gazed into the now-shallow depths of his doctor pepper glass, mulling it over. "It's a good model," he finally admitted, smiling too. "And I can't immediately see glaring problems with it. For all I know, it could be true. But… either of our previous ones could be true as well, as could a fourth possibility that neither of us have thought of. We have no way to prove any of them."

He looked back at her. "So the question then becomes: are you willing to accept it as the truth?"

She nodded. "I do."

"And what if you're wrong?"

"That shouldn't matter. In all three of our models, which are based off our best guesses of the truth based on all the information available to us, I'm either guaranteed or pretty much guaranteed to be safe. That's enough for me," she decided, grabbing her things.

"So… does that mean you'll come to the lab with me? Regardless of what may or may not happen?"

The sheer hopefulness in his voice almost broke her act.

She simply shrugged. "I suppose I should. Someone questionably wise once said something really profound over how being afraid is sometimes a choice you make yourself. I'm not saying I agree with that, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try that approach once."

He had no answer to that, but his smile was still worth it.

One poke at the bell and a card swipe later, and they were out.

She didn't give Okabe the chance to pay for himself, as promised.

The older woman very quickly closed the door behind them, almost slamming it shut. She wondered if she actually had overheard them, despite their efforts to reign in the volume. If so, she was probably wondering what kind of drugs these pesky teenagers had been using.

Regardless, Kurisu decided she had liked the food, but that she probably still wouldn't come back here any time soon.

Unless there was good company and no other avenue was available.

"How far is it from here?" she asked her companion.

"Three minutes, at most," he replied.

By most accounts, that was a very short window of time.

But to someone who'd only had moments, that would have been an eternity.

Something had to be finished first.

"Hey, Okabe, before we go, about your question earlier…"

"…Yes?"

He stiffened and watched her expectantly.

Nerves almost made her reconsider.

But she couldn't tell him to take responsibility of his alternate versions and then not do it herself.

She swalled it away. "Well… I want you to know… that it wasn't your just your imagination, or your guilt. At the end of the Alpha worldline, she… No, I was going to tell you I felt the same, but I ran out of time. I'm sorry."

"Ah… that's… I…"

He turned around.

She waited for him to face her again, but he didn't.

She couldn't hear it, but there was something about his posture… as if he was shivering ever so slightly…

"Okabe…? Are you crying?"

He didn't respond.

Then again, he didn't have to.

Maybe it would have been enough to just leave him to this moment by himself.

But this was her fault, in the end.

So she scuffled closer, placing a hand on his back for support.

And when he didn't react, she turned it into an embrace form the back.

If he needed to cry, she'd just hold him like this.

And when he was done, they'd visit the lab together.

---

Author's notes

If you liked (or disliked) this chapter, is there any chance you could tell me what worked or didn't work for you? I'm always interested to know what the reader's opinions on everything were.

There's also an issue I need some help on: I intentionally wrote this chapter without either of Kurisu's inner voices, Frontal lobe and limbic System, interfering. The reason I did this is that I've been getting a slow but steady amount of readers explaining to me that they felt their inclusion was overly jarring and/or offputting. This amount now roughly equals the readers who have specifically claimed they love those. The largest group, however, hasn't remarked on this issue at all. Therefore, I don't know for sure where the majority vote on this actually stands. I suppose this chapter is a sample of what this story would be like if they were completely absent.

I'd like to ask you as the reader if you liked it more with them present, with more humor, or absent, with less humor and a bit more realism. Based on that, I might have a better idea on how to handle this seemingly divisive issue moving forward. One idea that I had was to post a second, virtually identical story that specifically writes them out and replaces the resulting gaps in the text with other parts. If you particularly care about their inclusion or absence and haven't told me your opinion before, is there any chance you could do so?

Regarding that scene where Kurisu runs back to the lab to see Okabe one last time before he jumps the world back to the beta worldline, it's dramatically powerful, but logically it makes no sense. All it would take is one phone call from Kurisu to Okabe or Mayuri or Daru to (temporarily) stop Okabe from going on with the plan. And Kurisu knows what he's going to do, obviously, so why doesn't she? Is she so blinded by emotion that she goes completely irrational? Did she forget to charge her battery? Did her phone get stolen? I really didn't want to go with the latter ones as that would be cringe worthy to the extreme, but even going with the first as best as I could still feels out of character for her to me. But that's what I suppose happens in the canon story, so…

On the restaurant they go to, the real life equivalent is Kitchen Jiro Sotokanda. The 'mad mince cutlet curry' is supposedly Okabe's favorite dish, the one he orders constantly when going there. However, the restaurant does not offer this dish according to their own website (I later found out they offered this temporarily as a promotionary special to the 2013 Steins gate story collection named 'linear bounded phenogram') . I can remember from the anime that Okabe orders a beef bowl there instead, but that's not on the menu either. Additionally, the only thing the place DOES seem to offer, according to google translate, is lunchboxes instead of bowls. So from all those differences, I just decided to make it an actual restaurant that was open in the evening. I needed some place to put them other than the future gadget lab and didn't want to repeat the park scene, since I didn't think they'd just stand around to discuss this in the open.

On Reading Steiner, these were my personal best guesses towards their actual workings. However, I admit I still might be wrong, despite everyone's support in the previous chapter. It's very complicated matter and the source material doesn't do much in the way of giving a good explanation. Well, I suppose exploring possibilities is what fanfiction is for. One thoughtful comment from a reader regarding this subject was: "But I thought Kurisu's realization at the end is the default expanation?"

The difference is, to my best recollection, that the VN never explains the mechanism itself. It sticks to that Okabe retains the memories 'because reasons'. I can remember reading through the entire story wondering when exactly the explanation was going to come up for why Reading Steiner worked the way it did and it never came. Everyone seemingly accepts the result of its workings without thinking too much on on the why. Only the movie offers some vague form of explanation, but the movie also introducees concepts that are seemingly not coherent with the previous established mechanics of time travel. If Okabe retains the memories when everyone else doesn't, and ends up without a new set of memories when everyone else does, the only two mechanical explanations, as far as I can see, are that his alternate self overwrites the 'new Okabe', or that Okabe's brain is able to completely protect itself from the world restructuring. If it purely being a resistance to overwriting is implied to be the truth however, then I'd have apprectiated some explanation for why Okabe doesn't have new memories of the worldline in addition to his old one: what would make him unable to just get memories from the new timeline on his own? If a new past is constructed following a significant change in the past, one including a new past for Okabe, then some form of him would still exist in that world prior to where he enters, right? These matters seem important in a debate of why the protection explanation is more likely than the overwriting one.

Of course, if I'm misremembering and this WAS spelled out and explained somewhere in the VN, then it's an oversight by me and I'll remove the part of Kurisu's realization at the end, sticking with only Okabe's. In that case, could anyone perhaps tell me where exactly this is established?

Edit:
It's been pointed out to me that I might indeed be misremembering and that these matters are sufficiently touched on during Okabe's conversation with Suzuha early in the VN. I'll be going back to check this tonight when I have time, to see if the explanation IS satisfactory. If it is, then Kurisu's realization at the end indeed makes no sense since Okabe would have explained this somewhere earlier in the story. In that case, I'll delete Kurisu's solution and only stick with Okabe's.