Alyssae wiped her tears away. Her thoughts were a confusing pulp. She almost decided to go away. After all it was not her homeland and if they didn't want her help, she had to give up. Still she realized others did want her help.
In the end it was only Thorin who detested her – or was honest about her at least – and it was just tedious that precisely he was the one to claim the throne. She however believed she could really mean something for them, surely now she had Bilbo's ring. Deep inside she had to admit that she didn't want to give up her freedom. She didn't want to exchange the free world for an elf house. Beautiful it surely was, but so small. So limited. A place where she would spend her days anyway.
She sighed softly and brushed her cheeks once again, hoping all the traces of her tears were gone. She felt like a coward and was glad none had seen her sitting on the floor. Surely not Thorin, who would definitely have made fun of her.
She walked to the dining room and saw the table was already set. She wanted to apologize, which she couldn't without talking about her conversation with Thorin, which was the last thing she wanted.
'Did you enjoy?' Beorn asked friendly.
Alyssae nodded smiling, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.
She went outside and called the dwarves, who were still sitting around the well. Only Dwalin and Thorin had disassociated themselves from the others. She stayed at the doorway and nodded to the dwarves whom passed by. Finally Dwalin stood up too, but Thorin turned his face away and stared surly the other way. With leaden steps she walked to the dinner table, while realizing Thorin didn't even want to be with her in the same room anymore. Once more she wished she had shut her mouth. A few days ago she already intended to stop carping at him since it got her nowhere, but now she had failed again.
She was wrong to think she wouldn't get anywhere, because she knew her destiny was set now. Soon he would order her to say goodbye to the others. Maybe she had to be honest and tell him she was a princess and that she would never kneel for him, but she didn't dare. The truth wouldn't save her and knowing that he wasn't the only royal descendant probably would only make him more furious.
Alyssae found a chair next to Dori. Near her another one was still empty, but she didn't expect Thorin to come.
Yet the others were still waiting on his arrival and Alyssae stared at her plate.
'Where is Thorin?' Balin wanted to know.
'He wasn't hungry,' Dwalin answered bluntly.
Alyssae glanced shortly at the dwarf, who looked chilly at her. She bit on her lip. Meanwhile she lost her appetite as well.
'What's going on?'
Obviously everyone could feel the tension and Bofur neither could rhyme nor reason it.
Alyssae sighed, but she had no idea what to say or do. By the condemnatory look in Dwalin's eyes she got the feeling that it was Thorin who looked at her, using someone else's eyes.
'The conversation we had was not very friendly,' Alyssae murmured, who didn't want to keep away the dwarves from their meal.
'Talk to him,' Balin encouraged her. 'You're both a little cooled down now.'
Alyssae bit on her knuckles. It felt like the ice cube inside was growing exponentially. She didn't want everyone's intervention. She glanced timidly at Balin's calm face. He knew Thorin at best. He had seen more of the world than any of them.
'I think it's no use to go to him.'
'Just go, lass, and come back together.'
The word 'together' sounded quite heavy and she got the feeling something tried to push her down. Something she really wanted to escape.
'Okay.' She moved her chair backwards and looked needy at Kili, who put up his thumb. He understood there was more at stake than just a quarrel between to creatures. When she wanted to accompany the others, she had to apologize, even though she was steadfast against it. Once before she had done something which seemed impossible: thank him. She could do this too. She didn't even have to be straight: she just had to convince him she was sorry.