Author´s note: First of all: sorry for not updating for such a long time. I was travelling for two weeks during autumn and after that work became insanely busy which it still is but at least I found some time and muse to write some more. Also, this chapter took me a little while but I am pleased with the result and hope my readers are still around and liking it. :)

Jennkyle: Thanks. :) And so sorry to leave you waiting for an update for so long. Hope this chapter makes up for it.

Umusarah: Well, about Harrison and finding out things..you´ll see in this chapter. ;) At least my version of it. And on Cy and Fitz: It´s not a secret really, Fitz was just kicking him out of an important meeting which I think sent a clear message into Cy´s direction.

Noro: Thank you. :)

Guest: While mulling over this chapter I was thinking that yes, she definitely needs to go back to fixing. Let´s see how this turned out. :)

Clio1792: In that case, let´s hope there is also a light at the end of the tunnel so she won´t be all alone. ;) As for Harrison..so far I have several options which might be delayed for the time being since another issue just got pushed to the front of people´s attention in this chapter. I believe it makes sense, let me know if you think so, too.

Cleo: Yep, exactly that´s what happened to Harrison I think and yes, M is for Maya. As for Cy, I don´t think he´d go as far and kill them both, he likes having his puppets, but now it might annoy them that one of them is turning on him big time…

LoreneMichelle41: Yes, yes he does indeed, and part of my liberal heart is whincing at that but yes he does and I like it. Also, Liv is going to piece those clues together now, hope you enjoy.

Sdia75: Heh, good to hear I entertained you with that :) And also: yes, I did like the premier, I actually really like this season so far.

Chapter 21 – Of gods and monsters

There was no need to read the note twice. She barely could make herself, anyways. All she could do was stare at it, feeling her heart skip what felt like a crucial beat.

If you don´t hear from me, something went wrong.

Just a few words, but they echoed in her mind with determined, fatal clarity. Something went wrong. There were times when Olivia Pope would not mind if her gut had proven her wrong. This time, it seemed, it had proven right once again. In a matter of seconds things fell into place, piece by piece of a so far veiled puzzle coming together, forming a logical yet horrid pattern.

This morning, her father had lied to her, pretending he knew nothing of Harrison´s whereabouts.

Which led to only one conclusion: Harrison had known something he was not supposed to know and he had paid for this knowledge. Was he dead? Hidden away in some hole? And what was so dangerous that her father had done this? Which knowledge, which secret of the many this man doubtlessly had was so deadly that her father who always pretended to want nothing but the best for her had killed her good friend without hesitation … later having the cold-heartedness to look her straight in the eye and say he didn´t know where Harrison was but that he would keep his eyes and ears open?

It´s about M.

When she had left for Vienna there had been no current clients. It had been one of the stretches that could last a day or two, sometimes a week before another lucrative client would stroll into OPA, one of the times that gave them a little time to breathe and which hardly ever gave her any because just like all her coworkers there was far too much of her own little private wars going on…therefore M. could not have referred to a current client. M. could only refer to someone that Harrison would know she would connect the letter to. Someone whose name he would not spell out in case someone else found this note. M. Short for a name. Someone they had talked about before.

Her mother.

Maya.

The moment she realized that, the moment this particularly sharp edged puzzle piece found its place she could almost physically feel her world glazing over, darkening. Everything was overshadowed, suddenly, blinded out, by an immense feel of betrayal. And… shock. Dread. Nothing short of that. He couldn´t…this had to be wrong. There had to be a mistake somewhere, here gut just had to be wrong this time. Had to be. But she knew with that guiding certainty that this time…it wasn´t. And with cruel precisions, the dots kept connecting…

Back then, before leaving DC, she had come to a conclusion: that she was the centre of the hurricane, the storm revolting and revolving around her and she herself part of it. A storm that was a father who was command of B316 and a terrorist mother, a father who had threatened the president before and a mother who as she had learned had killed Fitz´ son … only, that she had never wondered why… why Maya would do that. She had the feeling she had never really known her mother but this… seemed so senseless she now realsied. So senseless to kill a child. And now, standing there, the paper still clutched in her hand, Olivia Pope realized where she had gone wrong. She had gone wrong because back then it had been too much to question things even further. She had clutched on to that cruel solution, to what Fitz had told her about his son´s alleged murderer..because cruel and defeating as this had been, it has been almost like a last straw of sanity. Accepting her mother as a child killer, how twisted was that? But all the time, she now realized, all the time, she … they had been looking in the wrong direction..while someone else entirely had been pulling the strings. All of them.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The crisp winter air was not nearly cold enough to be an adequate metaphor for how she was feeling inside when she walked up the short path towards the front door. What had she expected after all those things she had learned, after all these dirty little and big secrets her father had been hiding from her, after he had told her so many times, made clear so often that he held nothing but scorn for the man she loved? But maybe there had been that naïve girl in her still, the girl who had still hoped for some normalcy in this twisted, sick family, hoping that there was a chance her father did all of this for a purpose, because he meant what he said: because he wanted to protect his only daughter from a harsh world that treted people unfairly based on their gender and skin colour. No more of that. No more naiveness. Just calculation. And then, action.

Still, she had to steel herself, close her eyes, take a breath before she rang the door bell. It took a few seconds, before he opened it.

"Liv." His face showed surprise, that underlying hard expression under a mask of kind that she had never quite been able to expose until now. And now that she had, it looked all the more false and cruel. She felt even colder. "I wasn´t expecting you over, but…do come in. Do you feel like having dinner?" Her father´s voice was casual, almost jovial. It made her guts churn. It made her want to scream. She didn´t.

"I won´t stay for dinner." she said, but then did step in. She had to know. She just had to know for sure before making the next step. A step that scared her but that needed to be done. Beyond a doubt.

He had already made his way into the kitchen but called out to her, playing the role of the father that is genuinely happy his daughter dropped by. Well, maybe he was. Believing he was still pulling all the strings… no more, she told herself. No more. "Well not that I am not glad my daughter drops by now and then, but it´s not like you´re too predictable recently. So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" There was a faint trace of humour in his voice, adding to the impression that everything about this was wrong. A family built on all the wrong things, words not matching their true meaning. Her heart was racing.

"I was wondering whether you had heard anything about Harrison yet." she said, her voice raised a bit so he would not be able to make an excuse of not having heard. "You know, we talked about him." She turned the corner, stopping in the door frame of the kitchen where he had just gotten a few things from the fridge. He looked up, scowling. "I told you I hadn´t." he said, sounding somewhat confused. "I would have called you if I had." It was astonishing, she thought, what a brilliant actor he was and yet all that skill fell away once one had spotted what was behind the façade.

"What did you do to him, Dad?"

He paused, a bottle of wine in his hand. Her favourite, she noticed.

"Excuse me?" There was annoyance in his voice. A little too much to make his fake innocence believable.

"You heard me. What. Did you do to him?"

His voice changed ever so slightly and now there was a somewhat dangerous edge to it. "What are you implying here Liv? That I have something to do with this? That I was lying to you?" He cocked his head, quickly raising his eyebrows the way he did when annoyance took over, a look that had made her retreat immediately as a kid on the very few occasions he had given her this.

"You tell me." she replied. "Did you lie to me?"

He didn´t give her an answer to that. Instead, he placed down the wine and did a few steps towards her. "Do you see what is happening to you, Liv?" He was just a few steps away, just far enough for her to not touch her. "Do you see why I wanted you to have a happy, normal life somewhere else?" She pressed her lips together, not saying anything and he went on. "Because I knew that my brilliant, smart, wonderful daughter was too good for this place of twisted politics and secrets nobody should ever know about. Because she is better than all that and she deserves better. Because I knew once she´d be back she´d be once more blinded and misled and told stories to try and bring you up against me." He turned, apparently almost finished with his little speech. "It didn´t even take them three days. That´s disappointing, child."

Was it the way he ended the last sentence or was it his blatant lie? Maybe it was both. Time to play with open cards.

"I know he came to see you." She was irritated at the fact that she was unable to keep her voice down. That he wound her up so much. "I know he went to see you and now he´s suddenly gone missing. Don´t tell me this is a coincidence."

He chuckled, still keeping his cool and it enraged her. "Oh Liv, men will do wonderous, insane, stupid things, will find excuses to screw you over, and not just literally. A thousand things could have happened. He might just have left. He is a friend, yes. But you´ve always allowed friendship to cloud your judgement. Just because they´re your…friends, Liv it doesn´t mean they tell you everything. Everyone has dirty secrets, you of all should know, and your friend Harrison is no exception. He´s probably somewhere on a Tropical Island for all you know, sane and smart enough to enjoy life away from this mad city."

Apparently, now it was time to risk it all. To see if there was something that betrayed him, something that would give away the guilt. Something that would support her gut. "He knew about Mum." She said. "Didn´t he? And he knew she wasn´t the one who killed little Jerry."

She could tell by his minute reactions, the stiffening of his shoulders, the way his eyes hardened for a moment and the way his fake smile faltered for an instant that she had it right. The next chuckle didn´t save him from his daughter getting close, so dangerously close to the truth. "And why wouldn´t she?"

"She had no reason to." Liv said, not knowing Harrison had said something very similar to the very same man.

Again her father chuckled, but it sounded almost like the growl of a dangerous animal. "Your mother chewed up her wrists to get out of prison." he said. "Do you really think someone like her plays by the rules of reason?"

"No. But you do. Your own rules."

A pause in which he just stared at her, saying nothing.

She went on "You did it." Speaking it out loud she noticed her voice sounding incredulous. Despite the terrible realization it still hit her. Hard. "You…"

"Liv…" He stepped closer, reached out for her in what looked like a calming, comforting gesture. She retreated. "Stay away from me or I swear…"

"Liv…"

"You killed my friend! You KILLED a CHILD?"

Had she hoped he would deny it? Maybe she had… His face sobered.

"Why…?" Her voice was a whisper almost and she had stepped back out of the room, her heart beating madly in her chest.

"I don´t discuss these things with you, Liv." Again, he didn´t deny. He damn didn´t deny!

"Why?"

He did a step towards her. "There are things that you don´t understand, Liv. You are smart. You are the smartest person I know but you do not understand the meaning of sacrifice. You do not understand the meaning of compromise. I left this man this…boy…in office. I MADE him president. Left him his toy. But things do come at a price. I do not discuss my terms with my daughter. Because this is what keeps you safe."

She almost fled, but held herself back, knowing her face had to be a mask of shock. "You are a monster…"

He shook his head, finally stopping to pursue her. "I can see why you think that." For a moment he looked almost…defeated..but she had stopped falling for that. She knew she never would again. "But you just don´t understand…"

"What in the WORLD is there to understand how sick this is?" Now she was indeed yelling. "You play with lives, you take them as you wish, but you are NOT a god. You are just some…crazy man trying to shape the world into…"

He interrupted her, almost making her flinch from the boom in his voice. "I am a MAN who is trying to shape the world for the most important person in his life. I am a FATHER who will do anything, yes, anything, to make sure his precious daughter is not used and abused by stupid boys, who will do ANYTHING to protect her. You have no right to be questioning that. Not after all I did for you, after all the times I protected you from all the gods and monsters out! There!"

She shook her head, shaking now, trying to muster strength. "No, father." She took a breath. "No. The only monster I can see right now, is you." And she turned, on her heels, trembling, trying to hold her hands and mind steady.

He laughed behind her. Laughed. Making a cold shower run down her back from the mere sound of it. "Olivia." As if trying to talk some sense into her. How could anyone be so manipulative? "There is nothing you can do. Done is done. And I would do it again if it meant showing the world that nothing...that nobody can harm my daughter."

She turned. Slowly. "This is about Fitz…"

No reply to that. But his look explained it all. "This is about Fitz?"

"This is about a man child who took my daughter. And I know my daughter. She left this mad house. She understood that this man child is no good for her." Again, he had the nerve to come closer. She let him, resolve, wild resolve manifesting inside her. He mistook her hesitating stance for weakness. He had so often misunderstood her, thinking he knew it all. "You won´t go back to this man, this child playing president, Liv. You moved on. Let it go." A chuckle. He turned. "Nobody is going to believe you anways. There is a motif. There is a murderer. He took it hook and sinker." A pause. "Now. Are you staying for dinner?"

She just stood there for a moment, then shook her head. Not timidly, fear retreating, anger, disbelief, rage, pulsing, giving rise to something else: courage. She had never truly stood up to this man who called himself her father. But now, in this moment, she knew this would be no more.

"No." she said. "I have work to do. The man-child just became my new client."

Leaving felt good. Leaving top of the game, the door slamming behind her audibly, hiding sight of Eli Pope who had frozen in his step, staring after his daughter.