Author´s note:

Didn´t think you´d see me update again, did you? Well, what shall I say? Other than that I have been incredibly busy with work which involves exams and gradings and exchange and blablabla and that I have the tendency to make my fanfics very complex plotwise so once I got out of the rhythm of writing them it takes several hours for me to re-familiarise myself with all the details because I like to drop little plot points here and there and wouldn´t wan to forget about them. :) Anyways, here we go with a new chapter, finally, and I hope you guys are still reading. It wasn´t the easiest chapter to write, one because I had to get back into the story (but I think I got all the details down again now) and two, because anticipating Fitz´ reaction to Liv´s audiotape was not the easiest thing to do. I hope it came across somewhat believable. Other than that, what else to say, enjoy. :)

ScotchSista: I liked the idea of pushing Fitz through all these emotions because he has to deal with them and it´s a very complex situation for , it was fun to give him that moment of triump. I had a feeling he has to get a grip of himself and the situation in the White House after all what happened and in particular with how Cy and Mellie were pulling the strings. As for Jerry´s murder, absolutely, this will be very tough to overcome for the two of them.

LoreneMichelle41: I hope so too ;) Right now these two are kind of a mess, we shall see what comes of it, but she definitely licked blood (is that even idiomatic English?)

Scandaladdictusvi: I hope I will manage to do this well and I guess that even though he is this twisted character he is also a very strong believer in his own power. He thinks he has his ways to bend the truth his way and also he has no idea the conversation was being recorded.

Clio1792: Oh my, your review reminded me it has been half a year, shame on me :( And thank you so much for your kind words. :) Whereas I liked the fourth season I am trying to make this truly my thing, see how it works out, because yes, I can see some of your points.

Jennkyle: I do not celebrate Thanksgiving, since I am not American but thanks nonetheless. Well, I hope you like this chapter then. I felt that while writing it, the way it turned out was for now the most logical with all the emotional baggage they have going on, but there will be a lot of badassery to come of it. :)

Reneeharris49: Not too soon I am afraid, but I hope you are still with me to find out. :)

Guest (Kimberly) Thank you so much :) I find the political side an interesting and important part of this fandom and of what I consider a good fanfiction. Plus, it will become mighty important for the plot, hehe.

Jenn68: Sorry for letting you wait so long. Thanks for the review and hope you enjoy. :)

Chapter 23 – Alliances

By now, she thought sarcastically, she should be used to all this. To the irrationalities of time not passing when everything one had to look at was bleak grey walls (when he was generous enough to leave the lights on) or darkness (when he wasn´t.) When the only company one had was one´s own mind, perfectly knowing that this mind was the better bit down on its path to what psychologists might call some form of "insanity" But oh, that was when her mind had always been and would always work best. When it gave her the ideas that aided in her survival. And survival…that was something she was good at. Always had been. Irrationally rational minds would call it insanity to bite your own wrists down almost to their bones, but then again, what was rational in this crazy, hellbound world? The woman who called herself Maya Pope had long ago dismissed any claim or will to be part of this sanity if that state of mind included being stupidly naïve like most people were. Like sheep. Sheep did not nibble on their own wrists.

But sheep died in dungeons.

She had not.

Would not.

Because even the wolves among the sheep were naïve, too focused on their own pride, unable to notice that those precious few who could literally feel their overstated sanity dripping away were the real lords of this world. And ladies. Oh yes. The ladies did have a lot of advantages to use on their side. Pity that her own offspring had never truly understood how to make use of them truly in a way that pushed her above being the mere playtoy of lesser men.

She chuckled darkly when she drifted out of her own thoughts to sort in the regular sound flicking against her ear, momentarily chasing away the voices: footsteps. Unmistakably his. She would recognize a person by their footsteps with ease, especially someone who had allowed himself to be lured in by her so much, even though he would probably rather die than admit it. Truth be told, that was one of the few things that were of value about this man.

"Eli." Her voice sounded sarcastically cheerful, a rasp mixed in from lack of water and sleep.

He didn´t respond instantly. Instead all she could see was his silhouette towering a few feet above, blocking out the grey twilight that was the only source against the darkness down here in The Hole. "Would you mind?" she called up in the same raspy cheerfulness. "You´re blocking the sun."

"Sarcasm does not suit you too well, my dear. Never did."

Another chuckle. "You will not even leave me that?"

Instead of a reply, he stepped aside and for a comical moment she thought he might have given in to her witty request. She blinked, looking up, but saw the hatch opened.

"Oh? Are we going for a walk?"

"Not quite. But we´re going to have a talk."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Fitz was unable to tell how much time had passed since the end of the recording - the last thing he heard being Liv´s hurried steps down the gravel path and her car door slamming - had plunged the Oval Office into a deafening silence. Seconds? For sure. Minutes. Likely. And for whatever time had passed he had remained with his back against the edge of his desk, hands deep in his pockets while his eyes had lowered from an inquisitive yet angry glare in her direction … lower…. Fixing on a random detail on the circular carpet he was standing on.

Government of the people, by the people, for

and there his line of vision ended, eyes fixed on one of the five quotes standing out of the rug, adorning and enhancing the majestic room, a noble reminder of what noble deeds the great men in this Office and this office were doing. Were supposed to do. What a farce. What an utter farce.

He took a breath. She hadn´t moved but he could feel her looking at him, her body tense, her eyes full of that soft, pained compassion that he could, even in his right mind, hardly ever bear to look at without wanting to embrace her and hold her close. As if he could keep her safe. As if he, the most fucking powerful man in the world could keep anyone safe.

"He´s been playing us…"

His own voice sounded strange to him. He could see her stir from the corner of his eyes, but didn´t raise his eyes, his gaze flickering, moving to the other end of the room where another embroided carpet quote seemed to be making a mockery of him.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…

Screw you, JFK.

In a sudden burst of anger that he felt would drive him insane if he suppressed it, he wiped an angry hand across what he could reach of the desk´s surface behind him, noticing her not even flinch when the thin folder and a few pens clattered to the ground. The Resolute Desk was rarely ever messy, documents and papers too important to be left around like on the desk of some random Ivy League professor. And yet it was such thoughts…professors, carpets that were the last resolve of his mind to protect himself from the truth.

No more.

"I BELIEVED him." Another outburst, directed at the man who was not there, who had been pulling his strings like that of a well dressed puppet. Because that was what hurt here. Not betrayed trust. But his own foolery in the mix. And tracing back his foolery in trusting this man, this…monster, had led to the death of his son.

He turned, running his hands through his hair, feeling that nothing was enough. No anger, no wrath. No despair. Nothing. Because there was nothing to direct it at. Eli Pope had made sure of that. And he had helped with making the man unattackable. Once more.

"We both did."

Her voice was cutting through his turmoil, at the same time irritating and soothing, making him turn around, facing her, wild eyed.

"How long have you known…"

"An hour, Fitz. I connected the dots today and came right here."

She sounded almost apologetic and he immediately felt sorry. Hell, did he? He had no idea what he was even feeling. Or what was the worst part of it. She was presenting the truth to him and that made him feel a fierce pride that did not seem to be fitting with all the other emotions raging through him. A fierce pride that Olivia Pope, his Livvie, would have his back in the end after all, that even though he could not yet fully understand her motives for leaving him and maybe never would, she knew what loyalty meant when it came to … this. What he said next however, was a sobering contrast to that particular feeling, his voice sounding flat, pressed.

"And…why did you decide to show me this?"

For a second disbelief flashed in her eyes. Even anger. She stepped towards him. "Because you deserve to know. Because Jerry was your son."

And because…. He could still hear what she had last said before she had left and before the recording had ended. That he had just become her client.

"…and because this is your understanding of…fixing things." He almost flinched at the realization of how brutal this had to sound, his voice not loud but full of bitterness. Here she was, presenting the head of her own father on a silver platter.

She stared at him. "Yes. Fitz. Because this is justice and this is what I do. Because I don´t know how to fix myself or….or us. But I know how to fix this."

With every word she sounded more pleading, more desperate and he understood. Believed to understand. Was this her choice of redemption? Was this how she wanted to prove herself to him? Or was it merely that all of this was so upsetting because it came right after a line of triumphs? After he had finally put Mellie and Cyrus in their places, after he had made sure who was the alpha male in this government? At once he felt shabby about such selfish thoughts.

He gave a choking sound, almost like a laugh. "That will be a challenge."

"You don´t even want to try?" Disbelief.

"You would not be here if you thought that, Liv. You know me better than that." Probably thus the disbelief in her voice.

Why was he lashing out against her? Why now? She didn´t say anything in return. He felt so numbed against the new rediscovered pain that he did not know what to think or say. "He told me it was Maya." he heard himself say, his voice pressed. "and I let him track her down. I gave him the authorities and made him Command again."

Her mouth fell open as she stared at him, wide eyed. "But B316…"

"Is very alive and well."

Silence of the deafening kind. That seemed to happen a lot in this office of late he realized absent mindedly. She walked towards him, hesitantly. He didn´t move back. Felt he was shaking inside, things stored up, trapped in and locked away. All of this under a fragile surface, thin ice threatening to break. The light touch of her hand on his arm almost did that. This time, he did meet her eyes. Her voice was soft, kind. But firm. Strong. Far stronger than he felt right now.

"I am sorry." There was so much complexity in those three words and they both knew. So many layers just like the day before in the hotel but of a different kind, but he tried to focus on the one that mattered right now. "I am sorry for what I did to you. For leaving. I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought this was the only way I could at least give you a chance to be…" She must have noticed that in no way the loss of a child could qualify for any word such as "at peace" or "right" and stopped herself. "What my father did was wrong. Evil. And I have spent enough time in the shadows Fitz. I don´t want that any more. I don´t want this crime…this cruelty…to remain in the shadows. And you with it." He could see the trace of tears entering her eyes. Hardly visible but he just knew her too well, knew by that slight shift in the cadence of her words that her voice was more likely to break than not. "I have seen what this did to you. You. Deserve. Justice."

She knew him so much better than Mellie to not invoke Jerry´s name.

All he could do was nod and even though he had never been ashamed to cry in front of her, to display his raw emotions, to be himself, he for some reason did not want her to see just that right now. At least that´s what he told himself when he did one more step and wordlessly embraced her, held on to her. No, she would not see him cry, not see him cry over all of this. The mess this had become. His dead son and his almost lost sanity. She would not see him cry.

He could feel her hands move around his body up to his shoulder blades, holding him close. He could feel her tears against his cheek as his body heaved in silent sobs.

Note:

The little detail about the carpet was added because I thought it offered a nice chance into the randomness of Fitz´ thought and his desperate attempt to even understand how to deal with this. It is also, since I am a big nerd, based on the actual carpet in the Oval Office which holds five quotes from five different presidents and was apparently put there not too long after the Bush´s moved out. Thanks, Obama!

I hope I made Maya come across a little bit crazy. It was definitely fun to write her and yes, this was only the beginning…