Author´s note: this chapter doesn´t hold much plot and as I wrote it it turned out more as a necessary interlude bridging the last chapter and the next, because I found it necessary to explore their thoughts. Hope you enjoy.

Clio1792: Thanks. I always try to portray different characters in an in character way, so that is much appreciated :) And I share that sentiment about Fitz. He is definitely conflcted about this offer himself, but knows it´s the right thing to do.

Noro: Here you go, have fun. :)

Jennkyle: Thanks a lot :)

: Thank you. As for Tom: well well, they might notice that yet…

Kelleekellkell: Always great to see when people read the whole thing in one go or make the effort to re-read it. Thanks a lot for the appreciation :)

Kz4valentina: thanks against so much for your thoughtful reviews and your kind compliments. Heh, writing Cyrus´ machiavellian, sarcastic self is actually a lot of fun, so thanks. :) And I am really grateful for your remark concerning the headline, of gods and monsters. I often try to give the headline some significance, often to the (often two) separate scenes in one chapter. Here the Gods were clearly a reference to the White House (thinking around a few corners there and of course working metaphorically, I took over a little trivia from the otherwise lame movie White House Down, where the Secret Service code name for the WH: Olympus. The monsters is obviously refering to Eli. Again thank you so much, hope you´ll keep enjoying the story.

Chapter 28

Nightly thoughts

She had been to the White House so many timest hat she had long ago lost count. What was special to anyone else, with exception of the people working in this historic building, was almost ordinary to her even though the building had never lost its charm on her, so much history, so much legacy in one place. She had been to the Residence, too, knew her way around, even though her visits tot he First Family´s private quarters on the upper floor had more often than not been for not very pleasant reasons. The amount of fights and awkwardness and being caught between a rock and a hard place that she had experienced here could probably fill several seasons of soap opera.

But entering the White House at night, making it past security who let her in without any remark beyond the obligatory security scans and heading up to the Residence after all that had happened, was something different, something that made even her nervous. She had made her way through the nightly capitop rather quickly, the streets far less crowded giving her far less of a chance to delay. She wasn´t sure if she appreciated that, felt torn between wanting tob e somewhere else and knowing that in the end, when she broke down all things and considered all possible angles, there was no place she´d rather want to be. When the elevator connecting the ground floors from the Residence hummed open and the Secret Service agent let her past and out into the corridor she wished this was the time when their relationship had felt good and easy and light. There had been times like that. Even with Mellie in the picture. Now Mellie was gone, at least for the time being but the prospect of having the entire Residence to themselves didn´t help to decrease her uneasyness – quite the contrary.

They must have informed him of her imminent arrival because she didn´t have to knock at the door leading to the Residence proper. He opened it before she reached it, stepping aside to let her in. He was wearing dark jeans and one of his old college shirts which for some reason made him look more vulnerable, reminded her that despite who he was, he was just a man. A man who could get hurt. A man she had hurt.

„Hi." He kept his voice a little hushed, more from habit than necessity probably because there was nobody around he would have woken up. It was a hi to fill the silence. „Hi." So many things that could be conveyed with just these two letters. They had alwas been good at that. She stepped in and he reached to take her bag from her. Just a small gesture, but it reminded her how caring he always used to be, how mindful of the little things, at least when they were not fighting.

„There´s fresh bedsheets in the sitting room off to west hall." He began. „"You can stay in the Lincoln bedroom if you like, but this on is a little less of a museum." He carried her bag as she followed him, the distance between them not physical. When he stopped she noticed it was the door next to the presidential bedroom suite. „"There are more beds." He said. „but Mellie stayed in one and in the others there´s the kids´ stuff…"

Olivia could tell he was somewhat uncomfortable. He was trying to make it sound as if she was giving her space, not introding on her privacy, but they both knew it was him who needed space. But still he had chosen the room that shared a wall with his instead of going fort he Lincoln bedroom right away. She wondered briefly if that meant hope but decided against wondering. Their embrace at the hotel was suddenly vivid in her memory and she longed to do that again, just hold him like she had then and like she had done earlier today in the Oval, no matter the circumstances. She had been missing him and standing here, somewhat sheepish like teenagers in the dim light made her realise she was still missing him.

„It´s fine Fitz." she said, trying a small, reassuring smile.

It occured to her that if the situation was differnet, if their…relationship status was different, her presence here tonight might hav ebeenthe source for a fight. Not a big one probably, but some rubbing off against each other. Him feeling protective the way he did and saying he wanted her with him so she was out of danger was something that, under differnet circumstances, she would have both patronising and unnecessary, because she was certain that her apartment was as safe as any other place, seeing that if her father wanted to find her or get a hold of her, he´d have his ways. But tonight she had kept her principles at bay. SHe didn´t want to fight with him. Not over something so silly. What she wanted was to hold him and be held. What she truly wanted was to curl up in his arms and fall asleep together. His signals, his body language was subtle, but she sensed the same distance he had been giving her ever since her return with the exception oft hat moment in the hotel room when their embrace had for a moment let them forget how much they had messed with each other´s feelings, and how much she had hurt him by leaving him when he had needed her most. The guilt she was feeling for that was almost physical.

Fitz nodded, a seemingly belated reply after she had been lingering in her own thoughts for a moment. „All right." He said. „I know you probably don´t think this necessary, but I feel better to know that you´re here. And I have some time tomorrow morning before my daily briefings, so we can talk about what to address when we meet with Rosen." So rational. She could tell it was just a guise. „Good." She nodded in a slightly overdone way, then fell silent and so did he. For a moment, a long moment it seemed but in reality it could not have been more than three, four seconds, they were close. They were back to what it had been like. Then he retreated. Barely visibly, but just by breaking the tension, by moving, opening the door to her. She took her bag. „Let me know if you need something." His words were neutral, distance, his voice was warm, his eyes conflicted. It was not fair to toy with him in such a state. She nodded. „I will. Good night, Fitz."

Careful almost not to have her fingers brush past his, she took the bag from him and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her, resisting the urge to lean against the door and sigh. She shook her head to herself, then wondered whether to unpack her things but instead decided just to pick the things she immediately needed. She didn´t want to make herself too much at home and ended up just picking her PJs and some toiletteries. Brushing her teeth, getting ready for bed, these things seemed so automatic, so random, something she always did and yet here she was in this absurd situation with the man she loved sleeping on the other end of the wall. She didn´t feel like going to bed right away. She felt like pondering a bit, which probably wasn´t a good thing because it meant her getting lost in unpleasant thoughts about how she had failed the man she loved. But maybe letting her thoughts drft a bit would give her some easier rest. And besides, she could always turn time to good use.

She grabbed her laptop and after having a brief look outside and onto the south lawn and admiring the view (it was even possible to see the West Wing and the Oval from here) sat down with her back against the wall near the window where the moonlight could shine in casting a shadow onto the carpet.

ooooooooo

Fitz briefly closed his eyes and resisted the urge to let out an audible sigh when she closed the door, leaving him alone in the hall, making him realise that all of a sudden he was feeling more lonely than before her arrival.

Had it been right to ask her to come here? After the phone call he had wondered whether that meant weakness, an agreement to work on their relationship. He wans´t yet sure of that o rat least that was what hisrational side told him. A side that, quite often,w as at war with his heart. In this moment, when there was suddenly a door between them and he looked at it, he wanted nothing more than tob e able to forgive her, so he could hold her again, so he could take her things and drop them off one door away, in his own bedroom where they would snuggle up and fall asleep togehter. He didn´t even have sex on his mind, it was emotional closeness he needed, in a simple way. Just cuddling. Falling asleep with her dark hair tickling his face and her warm, calming breath against his chest. If things were only that simple.

He made his way over to his own bedroom, opening and closing the door softly. Why had she done this to him? Why had she left and complicated things? Left him alone when he had most needed her… He had been ata very dark place and yes, now she had shed some ligh again into the night time of his thoughts. Considering, he thought when he got ready for bed, things were not even going that bad. Always focus on the good aspects, that sounded like soem smart advice. He was in control of his life, his presidency. There was a historic meeting coming up that would help secure his legacy, he had shown those persons in his life that were draining the power out of him where the limits were and he had made sure that Liv was safe. Anything else would hopefully fall into place.

He had been tired earlier, but much oft hat as gone. Maybe, likely, because he knew she was just a room away, probably already sleeping. But still, there was, a mild restlessness robbing all ambition of sudden sleep. Instead he sat down by the window, back against the wall, near the window where the moonlight could shine in casting a shadow onto the carpet.