CHAPTER 7

"You look a bit off. Are you alright?"

Kanda stared at Walker, whose annoying observation attracted the attention of everyone else in the dinner table.

"I'm good," he said, hoping his tone would make it clear there would be no discussion about the subject.

"Now that she mentioned it," said Lenalee, "you do look strange. Tired, maybe. Have you not been resting?"

"I am fine," he repeated, stabbing a potato with more strength than necessary.

The one who couldn't stay quiet spoke once more. "You complained that I didn't take care of my health, but aren't you doing the same?"

"Walker, don't you have anywhere else to be?"

"Staying in the watching post provides me with two hours of rest afterwards -"

"Thanks for pointing that out. I wouldn't know. It's not like I created this rule, or anything."

The white haired girl frowned, and thankfully set her attention back on her food. The others seemed a little bothered but knew better than to pester him, so dinner continued without any other nuisances.

It was very inconvenient that people could read his emotions so well – specially Walker, who barely knew him. He used to have a much more closed off expression, to the point only Daisya, Marie and Tiedoll, who had known him for years, could tell what he was feeling. Was his self control slipping off? He couldn't let his worries of earlier transpire.

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"Our next mission will most likely be an Accommodator searching one," said Lenalee conversationally, after inviting Allen to her cabin. It was early morning. The girls had both woken up hours before they should start working and met in the deck, so they decided to talk for a while before having breakfast with everyone. "We just have too many Innocence aboard. It is not safe."

"How do you know if you will find the Accommodators?" Allen knew Innocence would react when near a compatible person, and had seen the process once, since Master always carried Innocence with him. But from what she understood, that occurrence had been mere luck.

"We don't," answered Lenalee, confirming her suspicions. "Accommodators do not have any special characteristics that distinguish them from ordinary people. If that's for the best or not, we don't know. At least the Earl can't identify them, either. These missions consist on travelling at high speed in populated places, and hope for the best."

That seemed a tad too arbitrary, but she could understand. It wasn't like they would easily find accommodators in the sea. "I see."

"If finding Exorcists was easy, our organization would be much bigger," said the Chinese girl with a sad smile.

"I know… Rose Cross didn't find Exorcists easily, either."

Lenalee looked hesitant, but decided to ask what she had meaning to for days. "Do you have any news from them?"

Predictably, Allen's mood soured, making the other girl regret asking anything. "Strangely enough, I do not," said Allen, "it seems like the decision of cutting me off wasn't exclusive of my Master."

Lenalee looked to one side to the other, feeling a little nervous. She never knew how to answer when they broached this subject.

"A mirror," she finally said, because random words were the way out of complicated topics.

"Huh?"

"You need a mirror. What kind of girl doesn't have a mirror in her room?"

"Ah, I don't really care about that…" said Allen, and that was true enough. The British Exorcist never changed her wardrobe, and still looked very much like a boy. Sometimes that bothered Lenalee. She felt every girl should have at least a little vanity, but it wouldn't do to bother Allen by questioning her choice.

A little prompting wouldn't hurt, though. "I have an extra mirror in here, you know. It's round and cute, but I don't really need it anymore. It would give an extra color to your room," Lenalee offered, hoping the other would accept. It was nice for her to have a girl friend to talk with, even if this friend acted like a guy most of the time.

Allen laughed. "Alright," she said, because it would be rude to not accept such a polite offer. Lenalee proceeded to open her wardrobe and sort the things inside. Meanwhile, the white haired girl stared at Lenalee's own mirror, not for the first time. It was five centimeters short of covering the whole wall. Kanda was serious when he made the mirror remark back in the beach, then. Somehow, she found the thing a little creepy.

She saw Lenalee's cabin's door slowly opening in the mirror's reflection. From it peered the face of the resident scientist, eyes narrowed and expression dangerous.

"Komui?" Allen asked in worry, because the man never looked like that.

"Ah, Allen dear," said the tall man, his earlier frown melting into his usual friendly expression. "It is just you and my dear Lenalee, then. I heard voices and decided to check it out-"

"Brother, stop that!"

"Have fun with your pajama party, girls! I'll be vigilant so no one enters," exclaimed the Chinese man, before the ship swayed and he ran away, covering his mouth with a hand and looking rather green.

Lenalee looked very cross. "Brother can be such a pain. He thought it was one of the guys in my cabin."

"Is it forbidden for men and women to be in the same room?" Allen asked in worry. If that was the moral code of the ship, then she would already have a bad reputation. Lavi, Reed and even Daisya dropped by sometimes to tell her something and they ended having a long talk.

Lenalee laughed. "No, it is no problem. Brother is paranoid about my virtue, though. Let's not talk about it, it's disturbing. Oh my, where have I put that thing – ah, I think it could be behind that box. It's my brother's stuff, actually. Behind you, Allen."

She turned to find a large cardboard box filled with books and strange metallic objects. Allen lifted it up with little effort, and found the mirror was behind it indeed. It was a nice, circular one, red in color and decorated, about sixty centimeters tall. She didn't usually acquire girly stuff, but had to admit it would look good in her otherwise boring cabin.

The scar in her abdomen tugged painfully, more than ever before. With a start, she dropped the box back in the floor. It missed her foot by a centimeter and made a loud noise, some of its contents scattering over the floor.

"Allen!" Lenalee ran to her side. The white haired Exorcist stared at her torso in worry. The pain had never felt so fresh, and it still bothered her now, pounding like a bad headache would.

"I'm so sorry," Lenalee continued, "brother told me you were completely healed, so I thought you could pick the box up…"

"I can. But this scar has been perturbing me for a while," she said, touching her stomach, "it's not about my arms."

The other girl didn't seem calmed by that. "The scar made by Mugen… you should have my brother look over it."

"Komui isn't well right now…"

"Come to the infirmary, I will tend to him and he will come to you soon."

Allen really didn't want to make a huge fuss over that scar. It seemed mostly closed, and the pain she experienced was always insignificant… until now. She felt bothered by it, mostly because her Innocence ate away at her lifespan so it could repair her body. Why wasn't it doing its job properly?

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"I honestly can't find what is wrong with this wound, Allen," said Komui, looking truly worried. "It is really closed, and there is no internal damage. I'm afraid I can't tell the reason behind your pain."

"That's fine, Komui," said Allen, wanting to comfort the scientist. "I'm sure it will eventually pass. Thank you for your time."

"Still, to have an Exorcist working while not in perfect health…"

"I was hurt many times in the past, and always healed fast. My arms are proof of this," said Allen, lowering her shirt once more. "But this was the first time I was attacked with Innocence. I wonder if that is why it is so hard to heal."

Komui frowned. "I will have to do some research in the subject of the effect of Innocence attacks in humans, even if I don't think there will be much material to look for."

Komui let her out, promising to try to find a solution for her problem. She went back to her cabin, only to find the red framed mirror in her wall, already. The previous owner was right, it looked quite nice. Attached to it was a note left by Lenalee.

Hope you're better. I told Kanda & he took you out of duty for now. I'm cooking today if you need anything. -Lena

Oh, no. What would she do, now? There was no need to take her out. What did her friend tell the captain, so he would show such consideration, anyway?

She was fine, Allen decided, and wouldn't catch dust in her room. Going to one of the storages and picking the cleaning supplies, she went to one of the lower level rooms and started dusting it. The wound didn't bother her anymore, and she was managing to do a fast job. Timcanpy appeared and flew close to the many books that covered the walls. It was almost as if he was reading the titles in the spines. Maybe he was.

"When I take you off the task schedule," said a voice behind her, "I'm not offering you a rest. I'm ordering you to."

"You don't even know what happened," she complained, turning to the dark haired captain, "and the cleaning duty isn't too difficult."

Kanda looked like he was about to say something, but seemingly gave it up. He dropped to a chair near the desk, staring at her. She was a little disturbed, to be honest.

"So…" she said when the silence stretched for too long. She had finished cleaning, but felt it wouldn't be right to leave before he said whatever he wanted.

Seeing as she had stopped moving and now stood silently before him, he asked, "how does your left eye work? What are its advantages? Its limitations?"

"Oh," she was surprised at that. Pulling a chair and sitting in front of him like that last night in the city, she explained, "it is not very complex. If I look at someone who is actually an Akuma, I will be able to… see they aren't human."

"What if they are behind you? Or if there's a wall blocking your vision?"

"As long as they are in a range of thirty meters or so, it is fine… initially, I would only see them if they were in front of me, pretending to be people. But as years passed, my eye became a little better. If I concentrate, I see a dark field around me, and the Akuma are the bright spots, their intensities varying according to their level."

Kanda nodded. "It is useful. How did you get this ability?"

Allen stiffened. She didn't want to tell this story, but it wasn't wrong of him to ask. Still, to share this part of her life with him… "An… Akuma slashed my eye. When it healed, it became like this."

Being likely the only one to have been through such an event, it wasn't like her small explanation was any clarifying. She waited for the onslaught of questions, but nothing came from him. He didn't seem nearly as inquisitive as last time.

"I see. It must have been a very peculiar Akuma. Exorcists have all been hurt by them at some point, but I don't see any of us developing Dark Matter based abilities." It felt like a clue for her to speak but, when she said nothing, he didn't press her. She was grateful. This story would have to wait for another time, if ever.

"Walker."

"Yes?"

"What exactly do you see when you look at an disguised Akuma? Do you see a projection of their true forms?"

She stared at him with wide eyes. Then she let out a smile, but it seemed far from sincere. "I wish."

Kanda seemed disinclined to ask, but did so anyway. "What exactly do you see?"

"I see their souls."

He stared at her with wide eyes that didn't fit his usual expression. They said nothing, until his eyes narrowed again, as if to warn this conversation was no play.

"Are you messing with me?"

"No," she answered honestly without batting an eyelash. This was the usual reaction people had to her statement, and she mas more than used to it, even if Kanda's glower was more intimidating than any others. "They are the trapped souls. You know how Akuma are made of the soul of the deceased, and the body of the person who called them back?"

"I know. I… most Exorcists know. But for you to actually see the souls… are you absolutely certain?"

"I am. Sometimes they look like they did before they died, and others, they look like clothed skeletons. They are chained to the Akuma, tormented for as long as we don't Exorcise them… the higher the level of the machine, the worst the condition of the soul, it starts deteriorating to a point that -" Allen sucked in a breath, remembering the time she first saw a level three. She hadn't been able to fight it, her Master having to do the job instead. She never managed to see the soul being properly restored. "I said too much," she concluded. What was the point? In the end, most people didn't care about this fact. Akuma were to be destroyed; what was inside of them was an irrelevant detail.

"No, you didn't."

Kanda seemed very disturbed by what she said. While Allen knew how terrible the sight was, it was rare for a person to look so worried after hearing about it. They usually made a casual comforting comment, before going back to their business. The fact that there was a human soul inside each Akuma was common knowledge between most of the greater Exorcist organizations.

"How are they… do they look better when we destroy the Akuma? Or are they permanently damaged?"

How shocking. That question was asked with such worry, such anxiousness, she almost couldn't identify the man in front of her. But she knew she wanted to tell the truth. "They are… perfectly well. They mend, recover and leave in peace… I can see the joy in their faces as they dissolve, going back to… wherever they came from. Heaven," she guessed.

Kanda let out a breath, and then nodded. "That makes our power all the most important. Thanks for sharing this with me. It is priceless."

"More people would know it, if they would just believe. But most of the world see Akuma just as monsters," Allen said, feeling relieved by letting this out of her chest to someone who actually cared. "I find it easier to fight to save the souls than to destroy Akuma. It is all the same thing, but the point of view changes everything. It can drive you more or less."

"That is right. We have to save all of them. From the Earl, and from these disgusting humans who dare to mess with life and death."

Allen froze, her peace evaporating away. "They do it… out of pain. And love."

Kanda snorted. "Don't say such a thing. It's ridiculous. They do it out of selfishness. The person is dead and gone, but they greedily want them back, even when knowing they must be in a better place. They want to drag the soul back to this impure world, and then both parts are condemned for this vile act. I can only be thankful no one would try to call me back. If they did, I would want to destroy them, very much like Akuma do to their human hosts."

Allen held the sides of her chair tightly, trying to contain her emotions. It was like he was talking about Mana and herself. Mana had been infuriated with her back them. She was comforted by the thought that he was already being controlled by the Earl, who gave the soul no choice but to destroy the human who had called for it. But if he thought like Kanda, if he wanted revenge… she touched her left eye with her normal hand. Father had cursed her by slashing through her face with Dark Matter. Was this special ability his intention? Or did he want her dead only, and her new skill was an unwanted consequence?

"No," she said, even though Kanda couldn't hear her troubled thoughts.

Kanda laughed bitterly. Gone was the caring person of a minute ago. "'No' what, Walker? Don't tell me you want to defend the creators of Akuma? They are like associates of the Earl. Worse than Brokers, they help that devil to create the demons themselves."

"You wouldn't know, you haven't been through it!"

"Have you?" Asked Kanda, with a smirk that held no mirth. Of course he would be skeptical. When a person called a soul for the Earl, they died. She, however, was very much alive… for good or bad.

But Allen wouldn't share what had happened to her, she couldn't. Instead, she decided to tell one of the many painful stories she had been collecting ever since she joined Rose Cross. It was pretty dirt of her to expose someone else's story instead of her own because she was afraid of being the target of Kanda's judgments, but she couldn't help herself.

"Some years ago, I was sent to a town that was the place of mysterious deaths. It was one of my first missions by myself. Master stopped being with me all of the time. Timcanpy wandered around, and a cat had swallowed him and fled. You'd be surprised if you knew how frequently that happens," said Allen, and she knew she was saying the funnier and less important part because she wanted to soften the seriousness of the situation, if possible.

"The cat went to a church, and I followed it. Inside were two policemen and also an Akuma. I saved one of the police officers from it, but got arrested as she believed I was the one behind the attack-"

"How old were you?"

"Let me see… fifteen."

"I was smarter at that age."

She huffed. "Well! Long story short, I escaped and eventually discovered the police officer's brother in law was an Akuma. She interacted with him daily, and he frequently disappeared in order to 'eat'. I learned some backstory about that. Apparently, the brother in law's name was Mark. He was going to marry a woman, Claire, but she died in a horrible accident in the church. He used to be a clergyman, but after that he cursed the church instead. I bet that got the Earl's attention. In his despair, he called Claire back…"

"Bastard."

"Kanda! He didn't know what would happen!" Allen hadn't known when she called Mana, either.

"You are pissing my off with your advocating act, woman!" exclaimed Kanda, getting up from his chair all of a sudden. Allen was startled, and got up, too. She was much shorter than him, but didn't want him towering over her if she could avoid it. "Humanity will never win this war if we tolerate and forgive every mistake committed by people! Unfortunately, we are in this together – us, Exorcists, and the ordinary civilians. Unfortunately. Because we depend on those bastards to get their act together and to help us as they should or, at the very least, avoid doing stupid shit like assisting the Earl in the creation of his damned aberrations!"

Allen opened her mouth, but Kanda held up a hand, forbidding her from speaking. "Long ago… there was a sole Exorcist Organization. You must have heard the story. The Black Order," he spat hatefully. "They were rotten, Walker. I didn't have the displeasure of knowing them, and neither did you, considering our ages. They were sadists. Exorcists were their slaves, having no will of their own. It made the current world look like a walk in the park for us. But the Order had one redeeming quality," he said, holding up a finger and staring down at her, hard.

She had heard about the Black Order, but only pieces and small stories. Apparently, their cruelty towards the Exorcists and other workers eventually caused a rebellion that made the enormous organization fall piece by piece, and the Church eventually lost its strong hold over Innocence worldwide.

"They were ruthless with the enemy. The Earl, the Akuma, the Brokers, and even idiot humans who committed the most terrible of sins because of love," he said, the last word soaked with sarcasm. "If you were a foe, you were going down. If there was an Akuma anywhere, it would be destroyed, never mind hostages, emotional tricks or whatever that got in the way. They started spreading the word about what happened to anyone who tried to revive a person, to shove some sense into the population, explaining that they could only try to save someone while they were alive, because the deceased should be left the fuck alone. When the Order's workers died, their families weren't told of it, just so their hurt and loneliness wouldn't call the Earl's attention.

"The Black Order is gone, and good riddance," concluded Kanda, "but they had a fucking point when they damned any fool who helped the Earl, purposefully or not. People who do this shit are the cause this war still exists. The Earl uses a black skeleton to attach the soul," he said, running a hand through his tied hair in agitation. "A filthy skeleton of Dark Matter that looks like a thing out of nightmares, and with an inverted pentagram on its forehead, to top it all. Even children know it is the symbol of our enemy. Who needs more of a warning? Who in the world is so demented as to wish to make their supposedly treasured ones live in such a monstrosity?"

Allen didn't even notice she had been backing down until her back hit a bookshelf. They stared at each other in silence. Did Kanda know? Did he investigate her and somehow discovered her secret, and was now talking about Mana and herself? Was he right?

Instead of saying such a thing, however, Kanda simply strode out of the room, still in a whirlwind of angry energy.

Allen leaned against the bookshelf, defeated. She had spoken too much. Why did she even care? The captain had proven to be an inconsiderate man from the very start. It was a waste to try and reason with him.

Except, that wasn't so true. He had shown his moments of comprehension and understanding, and that had surprised her. Even at the moment she considered the hardest between them until today, their fight in front of the ship, in the end he proved he was right, and that he wanted the best for them all. But until now, she had judged his attitudes as cold and professional. So when he became so open about the matter of the souls inside of Akuma, she felt disarmed.

Allen often felt she was a different person. That much was obvious for any Exorcist, but even among her comrades, she would feel out of place sometimes. Parasitic type Innocence were rare among Exorcists. Not overly so, but enough that one would stare at a person who had their bodies merged with their anti Akuma weapons. Her peculiar appearance was a bother, and she often covered herself when exploring places where people didn't know her. In that aspect, that unanticipated walk to the Minister's mansion where she wore a dress and feminine shoes had been a surprisingly refreshing experience. While she kept her arm safely hidden in long white gloves, walking without any covering over her head and without caring when the wind blew over her hair and pushed her fringe aside, displaying her infamous scar, was very pleasant.

Her eye was the reason she felt so different. Not so much because of the pentagram, but because of what it showed her.

For many years she accepted that as what Mana called it, a curse. From the time when she was a child, Allen had been forced to stare at soul after tortured soul. Cross had been the one who roughly shoved the reality of an Exorcist's world at her face, and helped – or forced – her to grow up much earlier than any young girl would. But after watching the release of the tormented people trapped inside the Earl's machines, she learned to not only accept but cherish her gift. It was a curse to have an eye infected with Dark Matter, yet she could turn it into a blessing if it helped humanity somehow.

But it was just lonely, being the only person with this ability. Most Exorcists would envy her skill, saying it would be ever so convenient for them to detect Akuma. They were skeptical when she told of how hard it was to have the dark visions as a part of her every day. Some didn't even believe her about the souls, they saw the Akuma as demons and fought purely out of anger.

Maybe it was this desire to have someone understand and be a part of her cause that made her drop her defenses and babbler. His apparent empathy for the soul's fate had been so touching. In the end, though, Kanda also fought out of hatred…

Why did she care this much? There were so many people in this ship who were nicer to her. Logic dictated she shouldn't pay Kanda any mind.

But she wanted him to understand.

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She could see souls.

Kanda had been so shaken by the revelation he doubted he had managed to hid his discomfort when Walker told him.

This caused a great impact on him. While he had already known, in theory, what was the destiny of the souls trapped inside Akuma, to think they were right there, looking at them as they fought the machines… he guessed it was easier to keep your cool while fighting the monsters as long as you didn't think about the deceased people inside of them. Could they even be called deceased? The dead were supposed to be resting, after all.

What about Alma? How come the Earl managed to turn her into an Akuma without using Kanda's body for it? The recently awakened Mugen hadn't allowed his tormented friend to get close to him, and the Earl took her away before Kanda could free the girl from the Dark Matter skeleton. He already knew the theory of souls by then, but that made it irrefutable. People who hadn't been witnesses to the creation of an Akuma would never truly know the dark secret behind it.

Still, he had hoped the souls would run out of energy, somehow. That they would tire of supporting the monsters and be released, going back to rest. It was a small hope, but he had tried to believe in it. Of course, it was too good to be true. Kanda had been right to persist on his goal, in the end. Forgetting about Alma would be a great treason. She could be out there, mangled by –

Then they had started talking about people who aided the Earl with creating Akuma. People like him. He had made his opinion clear, and didn't think he had been unfair. He was criticizing himself more than anyone else. He wanted to redeem himself, yes, but he would never accept his past actions, would never forgive himself for his horrible decision.

For some reason, the beansprout seemed to take that personally. She was decided to defend everyone who created Akuma, who knows why. He couldn't understand it. Exorcists were usually much less forgiving to this kind of people. His kind of people. They had, after all, to fight against the monsters created by these fools during their whole lifetime. Yet, she was resolute in trying to convince him of her point. He wouldn't tolerate it, and couldn't understand her apparent distress.

Now, he tried to have dinner with the others in peace. Everyone but Lavi and Daisya, who were in the helm and in the watch post, respectively, were here.

He looked at the others who also ate right now. By his side, Krory and Suman Dark were talking in low tones about something or other. Both men weren't as easygoing as the rest, but they seemed to enjoy each other's company.

Reed and Laboun laughed while they discussed something or other. They were almost like copies of Daisya and Lavi – an annoying pair, but not as annoying as the original one.

Then, further away from him, there was Komui. Who was, for some reason, stacking his baked potatoes. By his side was Walker, and then Lenalee, who talked animatedly to the white haired girl.

Walker seemed to look everywhere but at him. Their eyes eventually met, and then she lowered her gaze again.

Lenalee immediately noticed her friend's shift in behavior. She stared at Kanda and, catching him looking at Walker, glared at him fiercely, putting an arm around the girl's shoulder protectively. Komui, who had an invisible antennae constantly connected to his sister's mood changes, observed the situation and proceeded to put an arm around the white haired girl too, glowering at Kanda with Lenalee.

Walker, the cause of it all, somehow looked oblivious to the Lee sibling's defensive stance.

What the hell.

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Allen went back to her cabin, after calming Komui and Lenalee. They truly cared for her, and she was very thankful for that. But she was tired of causing people troubles. She would have to harden herself and stop displaying so many weaknesses, before everyone in the ship started thinking they had to look after her.

She stared at the mirror that was already on her wall. It was definitely pretty, and made the place look better. Staring at her reflection, she couldn't help but want to comb her hair. Would she become a little more vain, now that she was going to look at her face every day before going out?

In the mirror's glass, Allen saw a shadow behind her that made the Exorcist turn around quickly, Innocence activated. She looked everywhere, but there was nothing. It wasn't like it could be Akuma; she could detect them, and why would a crew member invade her room?

She turned back to her mirror, wondering if it had some kind of defect. Her reflection stared back at her, Innocence activated and giving her that ethereal look.

Her wound hurt.