Chapter 17

Their return to the medical frigate brought a pleasant surprise, after a momentary shock. Baze's room was empty when they arrived, but a med-droid passing just then advised them that he had been discharged and was presently housed in the Rehabilitation area. They were given the room number and made their way there. Melshi was already in the room when the other four appeared. A mini-celebration took place, despite the cramped space. Chirrut told them Baze had been cleared to return to limited duty, but would be in a walking cast for a few weeks to protect the bone while it knit.

The two Guardians returned to the ship the next day after Baze had been given one last check by the doctors, and even K-2 seemed pleased to have the team reunited in full.

A few hours later, Melshi had their new assignment and they undocked from the frigate.

Cassian had decided what he wanted to make as Baze's homecoming meal, but had to make sure he had the right ingredients. As he was leaving the kitchen after doing an inventory, he met Jyn coming in.

"Is there any left of that Jogan fruit cake you made? I was going to give Baze a slice."

He smiled. "I think there's one slice left, if you move quickly to claim it. But good luck keeping the others away while you give it to him."

She smirked over her shoulder. "Who's going to dare try to take it away if I call dibs on it?"

He chuckled. "Good point."

He waited for her to get the cake and fork, and they returned to the hold together. As she offered it to Baze with a flourish, she cast a glare around at the rest of the team as she said, "Everyone wants you to have the last piece as a welcome home. Everyone."

Chirrut laughed and Baze smiled, but didn't decline the honor. "I should get hurt more often."

"No, you shouldn't," Chirrut snapped. "If you attempt that nonsense, I'll make sure Jyn never treats you special again."

The big man just shrugged as he dug into the food with relish.

Satisfied, Jyn wandered off to her cabin.

Cassian leaned back against the wall and smiled. "I wasn't sure Jyn would stay with the Alliance, but I'm glad she did. Certainly it's been to our benefit."

Baze snorted at his declaration, making him turn in that direction. "What? Do you know why she chose to remain?"

"Of course I do. We all do," Baze told him, raising a pointed eyebrow as he took another bite of cake.

"Really. Did she say something to you?" Part of him was curious, but Baze's behavior made him a little wary of asking too many questions. Maybe it was enough that she had stayed, for whatever reason.

"She's in love with you, Captain," Chirrut offered. "Even a blind man can see it."

"Just as you are in love with her," Baze added. "That isn't the entire reason she stayed – she also believes in what we fight for – but it figured into it."

Cassian glanced at Bodhi, but the pilot was nodding his head in agreement. "She told you that?" He didn't address the second part indicating he reciprocated the feelings.

"Cassian, she doesn't have to say anything. It's evident. To all of us. We've always known."

Tonc entered the hold just then, and Bodhi sought his opinion, seeking to bolster their claim. "Tonc, do you think Jyn is in love with Cassian?"

The man didn't even bother to look in their direction as he went to sit at the terminal and inserted a data card. "Sure I do. And he loves her."

Cassian ran a hand through his hair. The conversation had gotten a little too personal. He could see Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut taking such a view; they were sort of romantics at heart, so he wouldn't be surprised at their hoping such feelings existed. But if Tonc had seen something to convince him as well…

When Melshi joined them, he grasped at his last chance for an ally. Melshi was too military-minded to pay much attention to such things. "Melshi, these guys think Jyn is in love with me." He cast a skeptical look at his friend.

Melshi eyed him speculatively, then took a seat. After a moment, he said, "If you're wanting an argument from me, you won't get it. I knew it on Yavin before we went to Scarif. Sure, you believed in the mission and that it was necessary; so did I. But you also gathered a team and went because you loved her. Frankly, even K-2 probably knows the two of you are in love, and he doesn't even grasp the concept of love. What I have trouble understanding is how you don't know it. Spies are supposed to be better at reading people."

How was it possible that everyone could be so sure about this except for him? Was Jyn aware of it? Was that the reason she had been so determined to help him? She'd never said anything suggesting they were more than friends. The occasional kiss to his head had just seemed to be an affectionate way of reassuring him. Between Scarif and all her help since then, he did not question their friendship, but that wasn't the same as love, was it? Only the way they looked at one another on Scarif had hinted at more, but that was long since past. Or did he not recognize the truth because he didn't want to, didn't think there should be more?

Little got past Chirrut. "If you're wondering why she has never spoken of her love, it is very simple, Captain. She is no more comfortable discussing such a thing than you are. But Jyn shows her feelings in her behavior, not in her words. That is the only way she knows how to express it. Trust us, though, her feelings for you are strong and steadfast. Now you must decide what to do with this new realization we have given you."

Silently he stood and walked out. He needed time alone, to think and evaluate everything. On Yavin, he sometimes went for long walks, or runs in the jungle, when he needed to clear his mind and work out a problem. Space freighters didn't exactly allow for that. He had two options: his room or the one empty cargo hold that they hadn't repurposed for anything else. That seemed the better choice, where others were less likely to come looking for him.

He didn't even bother with turning on the lights, just used the emergency lighting to find his way to a bench on the far side of the room and settle there in the dark. Months ago, just after he finally awoke from Scarif, he had thought there might be something between the two of them. There had been moments when they seemed so close to going beyond friendship. He had convinced himself that they both would be better off if things didn't progress in that direction, if Jyn even still wanted them to. But that had been when he was facing a return to his duties in Intelligence, to committing acts that left him deeply scarred, no matter how he tried to justify them as necessary. He hadn't wanted to entangle her in that, and had believed she would want no part of it or him if he returned to it.

He tugged Jyn's kyber crystal from under his shirt and fingered it thoughtfully. He knew it had belonged to her mother, who had given it to Jyn just before she was killed on Lah'mu. He had never thought about such a gift being anything more than one friend to another, her way of encouraging him in his recovery. Yet she had not requested he return it once he was out of the medbay. He supposed he always assumed it was because they were separated and it was meant to be a reminder that he had someone pulling for him to overcome his demons. Could it be more than that? And if it was, was Jyn consciously aware of the something more, or had she just acted on instinct without questioning her motives too closely?

He let it drop onto his shirt as he rubbed a hand over his face. So, what now? Confront her and ask if she was in love with him? He wasn't sure he could manage that. For that matter, though he cared deeply for her, he had never fully believed it was love, or even that it should head in that direction in the middle of a war. It had always seemed a case of the circumstances that had thrown them together creating a close bond, nothing more. With everything else he was facing just now, had he missed the signs that were there all along?

"Captain?"

"Careful, it's dark in here," he warned, even as he wondered why Chirrut would put this much effort into seeking him out.

"I hadn't noticed."

Cassian could almost hear the smirk in Chirrut's voice, and he smiled despite his heavy thoughts.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"No, come ahead." That wasn't the absolute truth, but he couldn't find the will to turn Chirrut away. Whatever else, the Guardian meant well.

The man settled beside him, and then said, "Tell me something, Captain. I do not know the whole of your time spent with Jyn, but I do know much of it. Why did you and Jyn come to Jedha?"

"To find the Imperial pilot that defected – Bodhi. It was said he had a message from her father about the weapon being built."

"So, once you had found Bodhi and knew where Galen Erso was, Jyn Erso was no longer of any real use to you. Yet when the building began to collapse, you raced off to find her and make sure she got safely away with you. You did that even knowing that you had been ordered to find and kill her father. Surely having her along with you when you found her father would prove to be a problem – no doubt the reason you attempted to leave her on the ship."

Cassian considered his words, then replied, "Bodhi hadn't seen the message he carried. Only Jyn had. Even if I no longer needed her for anything else, and she would have been a hindrance, I couldn't simply leave her there to die. As she probably would have if I hadn't found her and gotten her out."

"Possibly. But when you saved her, you didn't know she was the only one to see the message. And you went to Eadu fully intending to kill Galen Erso, not question him. Any message would then have been lost.

"For that matter, how were you expecting to find and kill her father? Had you any reason to expect him to be out in the dark and the rain on an Imperial landing pad where you could get a clean shot? I think not. There is no evidence that you had any actual plan for finding and killing him other than merely hoping to get lucky. Which, in a sense, you did. But when you could not pull the trigger, and then saw Jyn in danger on the platform, rather than attempt to escape leaving her to her fate, you again risked yourself to ensure she eluded harm."

"I…yes, I suppose so."

"Even knowing that she would have recognized your intent toward her father, and would very likely confront you about it. As she did."

Cassian's jaw tightened. "At that point, I knew she was the only one who had seen her father's message and knew what it said. With him dead, by my hand or otherwise, she was the only chance we had. Just because I twice put myself at risk to keep her from being injured or killed does not mean I am in love her."

"Not just twice, Captain. You then followed her on a suicide mission to recover purported plans based solely on her word of what her father said."

"It was the right thing to do, Chirrut. There was nothing purported about the Death Star – it was real, and I had proof of that with my own eyes. Whether she or Galen Erso was telling the truth or not about a flaw, it was our only hope of defeating it."

"I get the sense, Captain, that you are a man who overthinks things. Possibly that is a result of your work for the Alliance, but in matters of the heart, usually simpler is better."

"What do you mean?"

"Love is not based on logic and reason. It all comes down to what your feelings tell you. How she makes you feel when you are with her. Do you miss her when you are separated? Are you elated every time you see her after an absence? Is her happiness and welfare foremost in your mind above all others? Could you be happy if you never saw her again? Would you wish to see her with another man? I suspect you can readily answer these questions. Love is found in your heart more than your mind, Captain.

"Perhaps all you need do now is allow the possibility that you are in love, and that she is also, and make a greater effort toward nurturing that. Too long have the both of you lived solitary lives, even when you were in the midst of others. Do not miss the opportunity to change that because of your fears. The unknown will always be a little frightening, but it can also be exciting to discover. In these uncertain times, we must take whatever happiness we may find, for however long we may enjoy it."

He rose and then turned back to place a hand on Cassian's shoulder. "Do not try to make love happen. Merely allow it to enter your life."

Almost before Cassian noticed, he was gone, but somehow the room didn't seem as dark as before. How was it possible that this could be love when he hadn't even known Jyn for six months, and spent even less time in her company. Some believed in love at first glimpse, though he was too practical for such notions. Still, he had once overheard Kes Dameron say 'when it's right, you know'. Almost from the moment they met, he had found himself breaking the rules for Jyn, both those of the Alliance and his own personal ones.

Even when he didn't feel worthy of love, or the friendship she and the others offered, still it was given. Jyn believed he was worthy of it no matter his own opinion, and willingly gave her friendship. Could there possibly be more? Could he trust her in that regard, to care in spite of knowing what he was and had done? Shouldn't he make a greater effort to dissuade her? To help her find someone…better?

He sighed and let his head thunk back against the wall. Could, should? If nothing else Chirrut said was true, there was no denying to himself how he would feel if Jyn did turn away, or found love with someone else. Even if it was better for her, it might well destroy him. Other than K-2, she was the best thing to come into his life since he lost his parents.

He had managed to largely keep friends at bay rather than taint them with the blood on his hands. Maybe that was why it had been so easy to make a best friend of a droid. A droid's conscience was the result of how it was programmed. Unless his programming specifically told him Cassian's actions were objectionable, K-2 would never question them. Beyond the droid, only Melshi had made much of a dent in his armor against friendship, but the sergeant was also someone who operated on the fringes. He was less likely to be appalled at what Cassian did for he sometimes committed similar acts in his own work with SpecOps.

His hand went to the kyber crystal again. One thing he did know – if Jyn had chosen to be his friend, or to love him, he wasn't apt to be able to dissuade her. She had a steely determination that was alarming at times. She knew what he had done, and she had chosen to stand by him. Maybe if he let her instead of resisting, he might actually find a little of the redemption he sought. He still wasn't certain it was in her best interest, but there was no denying it would be to his advantage. Unless she decided otherwise, that might be all he could hope for. Maybe, for once, it was okay to be selfish.

If nothing else, with the others airing their opinion about this, he didn't think he could simply ignore his feelings any longer. They weren't going to allow that now that they had made clear their knowledge of what was between him and Jyn. Sooner or later, he was going to have to talk to her about this.

Knowing a conversation needed to take place with Jyn didn't make it any easier to initiate. Admittedly, he tried to watch her, when she wouldn't notice, to see if he could detect what the others thought perfectly clear. But Jyn was just…Jyn, as she had always been. For all her hard edges and prickly attitude, she was a caring person. He knew she would fight to the death to protect anyone on the team, but each day he saw the thoughtful things she did for all of them, not just him.

His thoughts were just chasing in circles again, but not reaching any firm conclusions. And that made it all the easier to avoid addressing the issue directly. So he did. If they were meant to discuss this, the right time would present itself. At least that's what he told himself.

xxxxx (January 15, 1 ABY)

A week later, his attention was drawn to other matters. He met Melshi coming out of the cockpit wearing a deep scowl.

"Melsh? What is it?"

The other man looked up and sighed, rubbing a hand over his close-shorn hair. "We picked up sketchy reports from Yavin. The details aren't all clear, but word is we managed to delay Vader's flagship using a power gem picked up somewhere. Skywalker was in on that. They say Verlaine was able to take over a Star Destroyer, but something about the controls were locked. Still, she succeeded in damaging it so its aim was off when it fired on the Yavin base. That bought more time for the evacuation also. Anyway, whatever the full details of all the battles, the rest of the base did evacuate, so now we find a new one or remain transient."

He shook his head. "One rumor says Skywalker is recommending Hoth."

"Hoth? Isn't that an ice planet?"

"Yeah, but it's remote and not an obvious choice given the frigid environment. Even if they decide to go there, that same environment will mean that it takes a while to make it habitable. Guess we'll see. Until then, we keep doing what we're doing."

More of the same. They didn't lack for targets, and command kept them busy with raids and sabotage. Certainly they knew the supplies they picked up were needed. Since they were spending so much of their time on the ship, they put even greater effort into making it more comfortable, but they all appreciated making planetfall. None would pass up the opportunity to get their feet on solid ground and breathe unrecirculated air. A couple of small, temporary bases were still operational so they at least had that.

All that transience and mission activity meant Cassian found it easy to come up with reasons not to approach Jyn. There wasn't enough time for that conversation, he told himself. It would distract them both from the work. So nothing changed in that regard. Sometimes he caught the others looking at him speculatively, but it was evident they felt it was something he needed to act on without their interference. They had made it clear how they saw the situation, but it was up to him what he did with that information. Before he knew it, days had bled into weeks, and the longer he delayed the conversation, the more difficult it became to initiate it.

With Bodhi doing more, Cassian often stayed behind, overseeing the mission while standing ready to do a hasty extract if things went bad. Part of him balked at being so useless, but he knew full well it wasn't entirely true. Melshi trusted him to be able to judge a situation and know what needed to happen, whether a fast retreat as soon as everyone was accounted for, or Cassian moving to assist anyone in difficulty. He couldn't deem that flexibility to be of no value, even if it was far less than he was accustomed to doing.

The current mission had gone pretty much as intended, but as the team was returning to the ship, Cassian got an inexplicable feeling that something was wrong. "Team, report." Strictly speaking, it wasn't his place to do a headcount, but he wanted to hear that he was letting himself be rattled for no reason.

Each member dutifully checked in. Except one.

"Leader, report. Leader, you there?" No response came.

"Team, any eyes on Leader? Thief, you should be near."

"No eyes. On my way."

"Team, stand by."

There was a stifling silence while they waited for Jyn to do some recon on Melshi's position. Finally, she reported.

"Spy, found Extract. Injured, need help."

"Copy that, who's closest?"

"Probably Guardians, maybe Support."

"Guardians, assist. Pilot, return."

"Pilot – negative. Staff, coming to you."

"Cannon – understood."

"Spy – rest of team report."

"Support – backing up Cannon."

"Thief – working."

"Guardians – standing by."

"Leader, report."

"Leader, report."

"Uh, copy that. Leader, uh, ready."

"Copy Leader."

"Thief, check in with Blaster."

"Thief – copy."

K-2's comlink came to life. "I'm here, K."

"Jyn, you heard that check-in?" Cassian asked over the secure line.

"I heard. Looks like Melshi got robbed, maybe a street thief. Took a knife to the back, barely conscious. As soon as Baze arrives, I'll go after Melshi's things."

"Be careful. Stay in contact."

"Copy."

Tracking Melshi's attacker was simple enough; getting Melshi's possessions back was equally simple. The street thief did not enjoy his conversation with Jyn; indeed, he never even saw her before he ended up crumpled against a wall in an alley. That was where 'simple' ended.

"Well, well, well. I thought that was you. Tanith Ponta. This is my lucky day – you've quite a price on your head, little girl."

Jyn turned slowly and stood, keeping her eyes firmly on the Nikto. "Isk-Gun Jul. You're a long way from Hutt territory." Her mind was racing to find the best course of action. Niktos in general were tough, but this one in particular.

"Everywhere is Hutt territory if they wish it to be. And bounty heads may be found hiding anywhere."

"Look…" She dropped her hands lower, but saw him grip his weapons more firmly in response.

She hadn't really thought talk was going to help. Nikto thugs were usually too single-minded for such a distraction. With that she bolted down the alley and around the corner, ignoring the outraged yell and spitting blaster fire that followed her. Her only chance was putting enough distance between them so she could either lose him, or stop long enough to get a bead on him with her blaster. A laser bolt struck the building next to her as she swerved around a corner, anything to keep obstacles between her and the Nikto. A second bolt clipped the arm of her jacket. It stung slightly, but she didn't pause to check the damage.

Another corner, but she slipped on some gravel and momentarily lost her footing. She heard Isk-Gun getting closer and sprinted on as soon as she could get traction. She was already starting to tire in the heavier gravity; she knew that would not adversely affect her pursuer, though. Just then a blaster bolt clipped her shoulder, and when she lurched to the side she overbalanced and crashed against some storage containers stacked along a wall.

Suddenly, two more blaster bolts were heard, but nothing came anywhere close to her. The Nikto gave a roar of pain behind her, and she turned to see that he was down himself. Then Tonc stepped into view, his gun at the ready. "You okay?" he called to her.

"Look out! He has discblades!"

"Has what?"

Too late – Isk-Gun had raised an arm and threw the weapon. "Hit the dirt!" she screamed. Luckily, he instantly heeded her and the discblade just missed him.

Unfortunately, he was in the open and nowhere near cover. Already, the Nikto was preparing to throw a second blade. She struggled to get her blaster out, but he got the blade thrown before she could get a shot off. At that moment, however, a KX unit stepped into view in front of Tonc and snatched the blade from the air. After a momentary glance at it, he fired it back to its owner. Isk-Gun never had a chance to dodge the unexpected projectile and it lodged in his throat. He gasped, pawing at it, but then slid to the ground and went limp.

"If the two of you are finished interacting with the locals, perhaps we should return to the ship before anyone else sustains an injury."

With a groan, Jyn shoved to her feet and Tonc was up an instant later. "What about Melshi?"

"Baze got him back to the ship. They only await the three of us."

Jyn pulled out her comlink. "Thief, Support and Blaster returning. Be there shortly."

They were silent on the return trip, and traipsed on board to drop onto the benches. "Bodhi, let's go," Cassian instructed, then took a seat on a bench across from them for the liftoff.

"How's Melshi?" Tonc asked. "I never made it to him."

"Bleeding's stopped. Baze and Chirrut are keeping an eye on him." He gestured toward the team hold. His eyes came to rest on Jyn, noting her dirty clothing and evidence of injuries. "Anything serious?"

She shook her head. "He only clipped me. As soon as we're in hyperspace, I'll see to them."

They felt the ship make the jump and Bodhi emerged a moment later from the cockpit where K-2 had taken over the controls. Cassian rose and gestured into the lounge. "We'll talk in here so everyone can hear."

While all were settling on benches, Cassian retrieved a medkit and brought it to Jyn. "Report. Baze, Chirrut?"

"No problems for us. Bodhi came for Chirrut and I went on alone to see to Melshi. I thought Tonc was coming to help, but I suddenly saw him go running by with his blaster at the ready, so I got Melshi up and back to the ship on my own. I figured I better not stick around and find out what he had spotted. I commed you and I guess you sent K-2 to help Tonc."

"Tonc?"

"I was on my way to Melshi and Baze when I saw Jyn being chased. Bounty hunter?" She nodded. "Anyway, I went after them. He almost had her, but I managed to hit him in the leg and bring him down. Then he threw something at me…"

"Discblade," Jyn supplied, as she eased her jacket off.

"Yeah, that. Jyn said duck so I did and he missed, but he was going to throw another one when K-2 showed up. He intercepted it and threw it back. Got the guy in the throat. I think it killed him almost instantly."

"Discblades?" Cassian raised an eyebrow at Jyn before inspecting her wounds.

"What are they? I've never heard of them," Tonc commented.

"A rare, old weapon. I think a group of force-users or something used to use them. A nasty little thing – a ring with 4 blades on it. It spins and cuts through a lot of things, particularly flesh, and thus does quite a bit of damage. You don't see many of them around, but somehow Isk-Gun learned about them and thought they'd be a nice addition to his arsenal for bounty hunting. They can really make a mess if they hit you, and yeah, they can kill if they hit you just right."

"Bounty hunter?"

Jyn sighed. "Tanith Ponta stepped on some toes in her day, and made some enemies. Someone put a price on her head." She hissed as Cassian dabbed with an antiseptic cleaning pad at each of the blaster wounds.

"How did he get the drop on you?"

"Came up on me suddenly while I was dealing with Melshi's attacker. I knew he could drop me before I got close enough to strike or get my blaster out, so outrunning him was the best option." She turned to look at Tonc. "You just repaid that backscratch I gave you."

He gave a nod. "Glad I was there."

To be continued…

invented characters:

Sergeant Daster – head of the tech shop on the tech frigate

Dr Lesorid – kind doctor caring for Cassian

Isk-Gun Jul – bounty hunter

All other characters actually are taken from the existing Star Wars universe.

Ch 17 note (also ch 12): The team uses minimal conversation even though they are on a supposedly secure comlink. They each have a main designation call sign, but an alternative one can be used at need. When you see "Spy – xxxx" that is Cassian speaking, and then what he says. If you see "Spy, report", then someone (usually the Team Leader Melshi) is telling Cassian to report in. They can hear the voices on the comlink and recognize who is speaking, especially since it is mostly responding to Melshi. When the conversation becomes more involved with more people volunteering information, they indicate who is speaking before they give their message. When Jyn found Melshi wounded and apparently robbed, she assumed the thief took his comlink and could hear their conversation. She then shifted from calling him Leader to calling him Extract, so the thief wouldn't know what exactly the others were doing or even how many there were. This got amplified when the thief attempted to 'report' in to throw them off his trail. In fact, doing so made it easier to go after him. Jyn switched to her direct comlink with K-2 to talk to Cassian privately, so the thief wouldn't hear the conversation.