Her dreams were shattered. Guilty feelings bolted her. If Kili hadn't freed her from the goblin dungeons, would the dwarves then still be alive? Fili and Kili wouldn't have been forced to find shelter with her between the rocks and they would have gone into the woods with the others directly, where they could have shaken off Azog much easier.
It didn't matter. Whatever she did, she couldn't change a thing. She wanted to grab one of the swords which were lying on the ground to fall into it, but she couldn't find the courage. She had a life in Chyndall where others were waiting for her. Her family. Her real family. It seemed another life – intangible far away. But it was there.
Slowly she raised herself and looked at all the bodies around her. She couldn't leave them behind that way. She preferred to bring them all to Erebor to bury them in their homeland, but she knew that was impossible. She let go of Thorin and stumbled around, looking for an axe with which she could cut a hole in the round.
Suddenly she felt an inexplicable pressure around her legs, which were pressed together. She fell on the ground and tried to loosen the invisible ties, but while she was trying to, something was spun around her head. She hitched the strange threads which were spun around her face and took away her sight and breath. They were sticky and she lashed out when her arms were pressed against her body.
The ground seemed to disappear beneath her feet and she dropped down, in an abysmal depth. Alyssae was totally lost and she saw the ground coming closer very rapidly. She was back in the deep darkness of Mirkwood, although it wouldn't take long. She squeezed her eyes, afraid to dash, but suddenly she was hanging. She wobbled up and down for a moment, without happening anything.
It took a long time before Alyssae realized she had had a nightmare. A nightmare! The dwarves were still alive! Again she cried out loud, but this time because the hole in her chest was filled again. While she welcomed the warm feelings which had left her during her sleep, she pulled the orc sword from the scabbard and tried to free herself from the spider web that had caught her during her fall. It was hard to break the thick threads, but in the end she fell on the thick layer of leaves that covered the ground. There she kept sitting drowsy, while she tried to escape from the rags of her nightmare that were still flowing through her mind.
Despite the relief that everything had been a dream, the nightmare had been so lifelike that her heart was still racing. Had it just been a sick fantasy or was it an omen, just like the time when they were heading for Beorn? Was a supernatural power trying to convince her that she had to leave behind Fili, so she could save the others? Would they ever accept that from her when she would return?
Of course not. Thorin had shown before that he didn't like visions and that would be no different this time. But was she willing to take that risk? She was rather bawled out by him then that she would discover him dead. She bit on her nails. When her nightmare wasn't meaning anything at all, she would give up her search for nothing.
Alyssae kept looking a little while longer, but the desire to go back to the others grew stronger and stronger. She believed she already would have given in when it was about any dwarf but Fili. He had come back for her when she had been stuck in Beorn's house and he hadn't left before he found her. This was one of the reasons she didn't want to stop the search. Moreover he was her friend. His brother and he had stuck up for her so long when no one else did.
Although Alyssae wasn't sure, she supposed the night begun again. She was terribly hungry, but preparing food was the last thing she was thinking about. Even more, she had nothing but her sword and she didn't dare to eat any of the thousands of mushroom, of which most were probably poisonous.
'You have to go back, Alyssae,' she mumbled to herself. 'This is going nowhere.'
A deep sigh escaped her lips while she turned around and started her return. She wasn't sure if she was heading for the right direction, but she didn't want to climb to the top of the trees again, only to see a blood red sun.
Furthermore her shoulder ached so much she was sure she would never get that high, although travelling by foot slowed her down. She pulled herself upon the lowest branches and moved in topmost concentration – back to the dwarves.