CHAPTER 30

"No!" Kiowa inches away.

"Kiss me." Kida inches closer.

"I will not!"

"Hold me?"

"I cannot!"

"Oh, you can! And you will. Tell me that you love me."

"Why? Why must I tell you I love you?"

"Will you keep your love all to yourself? Can a man hold his love inside himself?" On all fours, Kida isn't begging. She's prepping for a pounce.

"No. No man can carry love all himself. He must give it to some woman."

"Then GIVE IT TO ME!" She closes her eyes and stalks him with her lips pressed out.

He scoots away. "I feel…" Kiowa hacks a fake cough. "I think you are right. I am sick."

"I am not asking if you are sick, and I do not care. I am begging you to love me. I want you so bad it hurts to breathe." She flips her wild hair and lets the long silky strands spill around her shoulders. She pulls her top down.

Kiowa shuffles around the fire. "I am feverish. Look, my palms are sweating."

"Let me take you in these arms"—she extends her arms—"so that you may put your love inside me." She balls her hand up into a fist and slams it against her chest. "I will take your love and I will mix it into sweet flesh and strong bone. Give me this night and I will give you a legacy."

Kiowa scoots around the fire much faster the second time. Kida is hot on his heels. When he completes the lap, he scrambles to his feet. "If I do that, it will be like a flame to the wheat grass and it will burn you to ashes." Kiowa thrusts his hands out and halts the cat's attack. "Can you not see that?"

Kida sits up. "You know this is our way, and I want to be the first woman of our tribe to have your child in this tepee." She resumes her attack, closing her eyes and parting her lips. "My body burns for you. Burn me with your flame."

"The first?" Kiowa asks in confusion.

She leans back and opens her eyes. "Don't act like you don't know. All the girls in the tribe are eager to steal away your love and make children with it. Some have even said they would trade their bones for the chance to birth your son. I have warned them that I will cut their flesh to the bone if they try. I am the best! You are the best! Today we will make the best of everything our people have to offer this Indian nation."

"I never knew."

"How could you not know?" Kida shouts, leaping to her feet. She pulls her blouse up. "If any other warrior were here right now, we would already be finished. I would have his love. I would tell my mother. And all my sisters and my mother and my grandmother would help me start making baby moccasins. It is amazing to me that the warriors let you come back at all, since none of the women will let them share their love." She points at the entrance to the village. "What do you think all us girls are doing, smiling and waving and welcoming you back by singing your name and your praises? We are like robins sitting on eggs, and nothing will ever hatch with you. Why is this? I demand to know!"

Kida isn't sure what she's supposed to do. If there were a manual written on how to catch a man, she could write a second volume on how not to.

Kiowa's sorrowful cloud returns more potent and powerful than before. It crackles with hints of hate. "Leave here, Kida. I want to spend the winter alone."

She sits up. His words sock her in the mouth. "Have I said something to offend you?"

"Everyone has said words to offend me."

"What do we say?"

"Without using your lips, you all say words that offend my very soul!"

"I don't understand you, Kiowa. You act sick, but you are in good health. You look like death with dark circles under your eyes, and yet you have no fever. But you lie around all day and night. You have no visible ailments. And you keep the entire tribe at a distance. Then, when any of us women visit you to ease your burden, you insult us and treat us with disrespect."

He buries his face and grumbles, "Please go."

"If you will only have the company of children and warriors, when spring comes, you will have neither. The warriors are going to fight, hunt, and die. That is what they do! You could die! By your own words, no man can hold his love up inside himself. Women bear children. That is what we do. Those children will grow up and fill the empty places that the warriors and hunters leave behind. Where will you be when all of this happens? Lying about in your tepee? Groaning under your buffalo blanket? Whose advice are you taking with all this time you spend by yourself? Your own? Here's some counsel from a plain and simple Indian woman: BE A MAN! GIVE ME YOUR LOVE OR GIVE ME YOUR PAIN! Either way, you must fulfill your obligation to the tribe!"

"I will be with them. I am always with them. It is my curse."

She gasps. "All of them?" For the first time in her life, Kida trembles at the thought of all the other girls being with Kiowa. "It is your blessing!" She bristles like a porcupine and does exactly what her mother warns against. "None of us are good enough for you, is that it?" she challenges him.

Insulted and humiliated, Kida leaps to her feet. She screams so loud, her mother, waiting outside the tepee, claps her hands to her face and mistakes the noise for pleasure. So do all the other girls. They scatter to their tepees, crying as they run.

"Keep the meat! I hope you choke on it!" Kida stomps out of his tepee, leaving the meat behind.

When he's certain she is gone and he won't have to look at her lustful eyes, he picks up the plate and tosses it in the fire.

"Anoki, why must you be with me when I am without you? I see your face every time I close my eyes. I smell you with every breath. Why? Why can I no longer eat?" He presses his hand to his cheek. "What spell does your spirit cast on me that I can still feel your hair tickle my face and push me near death? Why do you hurt me so?"

He looks at the painted white figure on his tepee wall. He used porcupine quills to paint a deer's head on his demigod. This image represents the good spirit and all the good he sees. It is full of details and colors. Yellow sun rays blast kindness out of its outstretched arms. It is obvious that this good spirit is the source of everything wonderful.

"I pray to you and you do not answer me. Why? Maybe I should ask him." He points to the other side of the tepee. A black shadow figure and scary face have been sketched on his wall with charcoal. This evil spirit is colorless. Even its hollow eyes are meant to terrify anyone who looks upon it.

"When I pray to you, Evil Spirit, you tell me only to do terrible things. You are full of dirty tricks and evil ways. What do you say?"

He listens for a moment and then smiles. "That is what I thought you would say. Kill her father. Take his scalp. Kill her brother. Take his scalp. It is always the same with you. I know what you want. You want as many souls as I can bring you so you are not always lonely. You are greedy. You would call your sister, the woman in the water, to take Anoki down where it is dark and cold. If I did those things you ask, Anoki's tears would make you happy and I will not have any of that. I care only about my happiness, so I will listen to you, Good Spirit. When you are ready to speak, I will listen.

"Take me back to my vision, Fire Boy. Show me what Water Boy wants." He liked how the vision made him feel. Kiowa lies back on his side and romanticizes about Anoki. He stares at the fire. Its mesmerizing flames dull. His eyes close and he finds himself riding Night Wind on these flaming hills. Before he knows it, he is completely entranced. He yawns and dozes off to sleep.