Alyssae didn't feel much eased when she was awakened by Bofur the next morning. In silence they ate a frugal meal. Alyssae sat next to Dwalin and she laid a hand on his forehead, which clearly felt less sweaty than last night. However, she did not know what that meant. Was he getting better or was he slowly dying?
Actually it seemed as if he had already received the embrace of dead, since he was conspicuously calm.
Only when she brought her hand to his nose, she felt a soft breathing, but she wouldn't be surprised if it was only her imagination that was not willing to accept the dead of the dwarf.
She noticed Gloin kept a sharp eye on her and she got the feeling he would throw an axe at her by the tiniest wrong-looking movement. Thorin's sudden anger had kept off the sleep half of the night and although she wanted to ascribe his behaviour to the magic of the wood, she knew that wasn't the case this time. Her presence still protected them and if not the men never would have fallen asleep, but overpowered her in her sleep.
Alyssae was disappointed in Thorin. Or maybe she was just disappointed in herself. Once more she was glad she hadn't told him about her feelings. She didn't want to know what he would have screamed at her.
'We go, Alys,' Kili interrupted her thoughts and she stood up quickly. She suddenly wondered if she had to tell him about her engagement, before Thorin slipped out an angry word that Kili would misunderstand for some reason.
She couldn't help that she suddenly felt insecure about all her friendships. She glanced aside, but let go of her need to share her feelings when someone named a real problem, of which they hadn't thought yet. 'How do we get to the other side?'
Alyssae looked at the other side of the river, which wasn't even visible for most dwarves. It was way too risky to cross the river, surely when they had to carry Dwalin.
Kili poked her. 'What is that?'
He pointed a little to the right and Alyssae's eyes discovered a small boat. 'A barge!'
The others made surprised noises and discussed about the ways they could get it in their hands. Alyssae decided not to mingle, but she climbed in one of the trees, as she has done the past days, and went to the other side. When she reached the barge she hesitated for a moment. She could leave them behind to search for the elves, without dwarves who were slowing her down. A thought that was raised by her anger, but something she would never do. She would never leave Bofur, Bombur and Kili behind.
And how hard she tried to push her real feelings away: she could never leave Thorin either. She pulled the little boat out of the sand, climbed in and paddled to the other side. The current pushed against the boat, but she had sailed the river since she was a little girl and it wasn't hard to get to the others again.
'Who's coming first?'
Nori and Ori stepped in and she brought them back without problems. They thanked with a nod, after which she paddled back to get the next couple.
When Alyssae had moved half of the group she took a little break. Some dwarves insisted they would do the rest, but she believed that was not a good idea. She had experienced the strong current and she knew an experienced rower could better have the peddles in hands.
On the moment she got in the boat again she realised there was an uneven amount on the other river bank and she knew exactly who would stay behind. Thorin.
A sour smile played around her lips when her expectations became reality. He stood in his own on the shore, his eyes fixed on her. She felt uncomfortable under his remorseless glance, but a few metres from him she let the barge lean against a large rock.
'What are you doing?' he asked agitated.
'Do I mean something to you, Thorin?'
His eyes flashed in panic to the others, but the dwarves were too far away to hear their conversation, since the water was raging around them.
He shrugged and gestured impatiently she had to come, but she shook her head slowly.
'Maybe I leave you there,' she challenged him.
'You wouldn't.'
'How can you be so sure? I am an untrustworthy elf, or am I wrong?'
'By Durin, don't be so difficult!' he snarled. 'You know I trust you. I have said it so many times by now!'
She paddled towards him and was shocked the tears had appeared in her eyes.
'And still you just know how to make me doubt,' she answered bluntly when he got in the boat.
He glanced shortly in her eyes and took place in front of her.
Alyssae moved the boat again, but when they were half way, Thorin suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. One moment she hoped he would kiss her, so close were his lips, but the grasp around her upper arm hurt and she let go of the thought quickly.
'Don't dare to challenge me ever again, elf.'
Alyssae pulled loose her arm. 'Why are you acting so unfriendly?'
She glanced despaired in his bright blue eyes, longing for the truth.
'Gloin was right. The words of my men should be more important than that of an elf. You disgraced me by putting me in a corner – like you have done so many times!'
Her lower lip started to quiver and she felt terribly weak because she showed how much he hurt her.
'Forget my words,' she whispered, overcame by disillusion and anger. 'A good king is the last thing you will become when you cling to ancient grief and don't dare to look forward.'
Thorin came upright fiercely, because of which the barge swung frightfully.
'Sit down!' Alyssae snarled and she raised a little to pull him down, but he pushed her back roughly. She lost her balance and fell in the river.
Her screams were muffled by water and she coughed. In a flash she thought to see Thorin's arms, but then everything around her disappeared.