Happy belated Valentine's Day! I hope you enjoy the angst and a little bit of Axel's inner thoughts and feelings.

The sound of heavy panting and lustful moans echoed throughout the musky bedroom. Sweat covered bodies burned with intense desire while pleasure coursed through veins. Hands yanked and clawed at the cotton sheets beneath them as knees dug into the mattress. Teeth nipped at the back of Roxas' neck causing him to gasp while hands held his hips firmly in place as the man behind him thrusted harshly into him. Another moan of want and need passed the blond's open mouth, eyes shutting tightly the faster Axel went. Roxas tried to turn his head to gaze at the man but a hand on his head forced face against bed. The same hand wandered south, toying with the blond's perked buds for a moment or two before going south and grasping the harden member, stroking in time with his thrusts.

"Axel." Roxas cried out, trying once again to catch a glimpse of the man. Eyes locked onto Axel's own half lidded orbs, cheeks red in color, and mouth open as he moaned softly. The younger male turned away, his body shivering with new desire. He wanted to turn around, he wanted to shove Axel on the bed and take control; to show him what he could do. But the man had already told him before they got back to Axel's place that he didn't want Roxas to do anything. That he'd be in control and Roxas agreed a little too eagerly.

"Ro-haa" Axel's grip on the blond's hips tightened and his pace got harder the more he increased his speed.

Roxas was seeing stars with how Axel kept hitting his prostate the way he did. The blond was sure he would have passed out if not for Axel getting him to cum when he did. Moans of Axel's name and a few strings of 'fuck' were uttered out. Roxas wasn't sure but he thought Axel joined him in the ecstasy at the same time. He could no longer feel Axel inside of him, causing him to pathetically whimper at the loss. Roxas lay on his stomach, trying to catch his breath. He turned his head and saw Axel lying beside him on his back equally out of breath. Neither man spoke for what felt like an hour and Roxas had a feeling that's how it would stay. Rolling onto his side caused Roxas to wince, his body not being used to something so rough.

Axel shifted a bit so his head was resting on his arms, eyes gazing above, never once turning to check on Roxas. "You know this meant nothing right?" He asked, his voice void of any emotion.

Roxas grunted, sat up and swung his legs over the bed's edge. "I knew that from the start." He replied feeling a little bitter and not as satisfied as he thought he'd be.

Axel heard the blond's tone yet decided against commenting on it. Instead he finally looked at the blond as he gathered up his clothes. He'd wish Roxas would just leave, clothed or not, it didn't matter to him as long as he was out of his sight, out of his reach.

"It was different from what I remembered but not a bad different." Roxas said in a small voice once his boxers and pants were back on.

"Maybe you're just remembering it differently. Your mind is playing tricks on you."

Roxas chewed his lower lip, thinking that that could possibly be it. "No," he shook his head and faced Axel, "It was different. The way we did it wasn't exactly what I thought it'd be. Like I said I remember it being different."

Axel sat up, his back facing the blond as he stared at nothing in particular. "What did you want then?" He asked genuinely curious.

Roxas felt himself blush. "Well...slower possibly gentler...maybe."

Axel glanced back with a small smirk gracing his features. "It sounds like you want me to make love to you or something."

"Tha- n-no of course not. Don't be stupid." Roxas quickly got up and slipped his shirt on, face redder than a baboon's huge ass. The flustered blond located his shoes and grabbed them, not caring if he ever found his socks. "Why would I want something like that. It's not like you've ever done that with me in the first place. It was my first time, of course you were being nice about the pace compared to now. Ha haha ha."

"Right." Axel chuckled awkwardly.

"Anyway, uh thanks, I guess. Um gotta go." Roxas quickly said as he raced out of the apartment, nearly tripping along the way, faster than you could say lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

Now with his apartment empty and void of any small blonds Axel got up and went straight to the shower to wash away his guilt and shame. He turned it to the hottest setting possible, hissing as the spray burned his skin. He then turned it to a nicer temperature and cleaned himself up as his thoughts began to plague his mind. Memories of a much more younger looking Roxas and good-bye kisses flashed before his eyelids. A confession of love shouted at two older blonds and so many tears. Feelings of so much regret and sleepless nights with thoughts that made him feel sicken with himself for what he had done. All the shame he felt over the years was coming back tenfold.

"Fuck!" He yelled punching the tiled wall hard enough to make his knuckles bruise and bleed.

Why did I have to agree to sleep with him again?!

Axel sighed, finished his shower, and changed his bedding. He didn't want think back on everything. He didn't want to feel disgusted with himself again. He didn't want to think about how he possibly scarred Roxas. How he may have ruined a family bond. Lord only knows how he didn't end up in jail after that day. The paranoia had been with him for a couple years after that.

Yes, for almost a year and a half Axel had thoughts of nothing but that small blond and how he looked and felt under his touch. How worried he was when Larxene and Luxord practically caught them. How he kept tensing whenever he saw a cop, thinking they've finally come for him for the actions he took. How many times he's touched himself to thoughts of Roxas who was still only seventeen. Even back then he'd do that while still working under the boy's mother and he hated himself for it. Why didn't he listen to himself and waited until the blond turned eighteen? It was only a few months after sure, but maybe things would have gone differently. At least it would have eased his own guilty conscience if not get rid of it completely.

It didn't matter if Roxas was willing, not to him anyway. He still ended up taking advantage of the then teen. Ever since that morning Axel did not feel right mentally or emotionally. He stayed away from dating or sleeping with anything with blue eyes or blond hair, anything that remotely remained him his ex-boss's son. The hardest part of it was switching colleges so he wouldn't run into Roxas in town by accident. He lost a whole semester thanks to that but he could only blame himself.

It wasn't until he met a girl named Tifa did Roxas finally vanish from his mind. She was pretty, smart, strong, outgoing, had a hot body and perfect set of tits. She was everything he could ever want in a woman and more. They dated for a couple years and it was bliss. The sex wasn't even his favorite part of being with her. She was easy to talk to and at some point, in the relationship, Axel thought she might be the one. Someone he could spend the rest of his life with. Unfortunately, they slowly drifted apart by the time Axel finished with school. Tifa was still studying and was planning to go abroad. Around that time period Axel had just found and gotten a full-time job with plenty of benefits. The couple knew a long-distance relationship wouldn't work, especially with Tifa being out of the country. The break up was mutual but it didn't hurt any less. Axel eventually moved closer for work a few months after with the help of his brother, Reno. Who would have thought that it would have led him back to someone from his past? A past he never wanted to remember.

Not even four hours into moving did a Roxas show up at his door looking as adorable as the day Axel left him. Slamming the door in his face was not what he intended to do upon remembering who he was. It just happened. He was shocked and felt dread from the sudden flood of bad memories rushing into his skull. Reno wasn't any help that day either. They spent the rest of the day arguing about Roxas being jailbait and why Axel was getting so defensive over a supposed stranger. After which Reno left and Axel went to go apologize only to get an eyeful of wet Roxas. Having the door slammed in his own face, well he knew he deserved that. But from that point on he decided that he would try to be civil with the blond and pretend they never had sex. It of course backfired with Axel having thoughts again about the blond. Sexual thoughts and a memory he tried to push even further away.

As Roxas had said, being an ass was like a defense mechanism, it was the same for himself he supposed. But when he heard Roxas that night it shook his very core. A cold shower and a few sleeping pills helped him go straight to sleep. And yet, he needed to know now, what it was Roxas wanted from him and he found that out a few hours ago. It was something he wanted too. He wanted to screw the blond as much as Roxas wanted it from him. One thing he didn't know however, if it was a rebound or because he was still attracted to Roxas.

Axel felt his stomach turn sour as he bitterly laughed. "Maybe I should just tell him the truth."

But what was the truth? Having sex with Roxas was great yet Axel didn't dare do anything that wasn't quick and to the point. He didn't want to make eye contact or let Roxas kiss him again. It felt nice yet it still made him feel like Roxas only wanted him to relive a memory. Or what if the blond was simply obsessed with him. That wasn't healthy and if he needed to push Roxas away then that was what he'd do. It's actually what he thought he was trying to do though he was in fact the one that kept starting the contact.

"Damn it all to hell."

Memories flooded his mind again as he laid in bed, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. He got that pang he felt back then. The one he didn't want to admit to knowing what it meant. The one he shoved aside because he didn't want to admit to having because it was way too fast. Especially when Roxas yelled that feeling. If it was too quick for Axel then wasn't it more so for Roxas?

Tifa he knew he loved, so why could he not admit to those feelings when it did come to Roxas? Of course, things were different now. They had both changed. Still...

"I'm such an asshole."

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Standing in his own shower Roxas let the spray of the warm water rinse his body off. The tension left his body ever so slowly. Roxas ran his hands through his wet hair as he washed it of the sweat and smell of post sex. His heart was still pounding against his chest from what Axel said about the blond wanting the redhead to make love to him. Thinking back, the young adult was pretty sure that it was exactly that. The first time he saw Axel upstairs in all his naked glory, Roxas wished he had jumped the man. The shock of seen him had more control over him than his hormones did. Now however, He wasn't so sure. Axel was different, just like he thought he was. The man's touch was like ice in the beginning until the moment Roxas called his name.

Gentle, rough, gentle, rough. It was as if Axel was fighting with himself. The blond faced the spray, shutting his eyes. His pulse quickened as he remembered that day so many years ago. No matter how much Axel changed, Roxas knew his own feelings wouldn't. It made him want to scream knowing that what they did didn't mean anything to the man. It hurt and somehow, he knew it would. He just wished his stupid heart would have listened to his brain for once in his life.

The following morning Roxas waited for Hayner to stop pestering him about what he and Axel did so he could tell him to fuck off and it meant nothing. It was just them getting rid of the sexual tension that was escalating since the first day they saw each other. "Now will you get off my back? Don't you have work today?"

Hayner scoffed and spilled his cereal, "That's beside the point. Olette and I heard you. I would have stormed right up there and walked in on you guys if she didn't drag me away for a dinner date like she did."

"What sight that would have been." Sora laughed as he washed up his dishes. Roxas rolled his eyes, being sure to stay away from the table that still had an obvious stain on it. "Axel looks like the type that would have a gun hidden under his pillow." Sora added, he too staying away from the wood that must be set on fire now.

Hayner shuttered, "You're just lucky I didn't go through with it."

Roxaxs rolled his eyes again, waited for Sora to sit down so he could lay his head on the brunet's lap. Once said male did sit Roxas wasted no time in laying his head down. Sora laughed and patted the blond's head. Hayner got up and stared at the pair.

"Are we sure you guys aren't dating now?"

"Oh, you caught us." Sora laughed again.

"Our secret love affair is out Sora. Looks like we have to tell Riku and Kairi the truth."

"Assholes, I'm headed to work." Hayner grumbled and marched out.

"What's up Hayner's butt? It feels like he's been in a mood ever since I got here." Sora asked his blond friend.

"I think it has more to do with me getting on his case about cleaning and asking Olette to marry him. She told me she is waiting for him to ask but I told her to ask him instead. She said she wasn't going to because, well, you know how he'd react."

"Yeah."

"So how did it go with Kairi?" Roxas asked, tilting his head slightly so he could get a good look at Sora's face.

The brunet gave a small smile, "It went well. I only told her what she needed to know. I fell out of love with Riku and I'm staying with you guys for a while. She told me Riku misses me and asked if she knew where I was staying. I made her promise not to tell him now that she does know. I'm still not ready to face him. I feel like I'd end up going back to him but only out of not wanting to hurt him anymore or because of how I miss him too. But at the same time my feelings for Kairi- they haven't changed. I like her and I'd like to date her."

Roxas sat up and patted his friend's back. "There's no rush but if you wait too long, I think things may get worse. You gotta talk to Riku, Sora. You don't need to tell them about your new found intertest in Kairi, not yet at least. I'll be here for you no matter what happens though."

"Thanks, Roxas, I'll get to it eventually." Sora smiled again, pausing a moment to change the subject. "Soooo, how was it last night?"

"Sora!" Roxas stood up, throwing his arms in the air in exasperation and marched off toward the kitchen.

Sora tittered as he followed the blond. "Come on Roxas, I'm genuinely curious. Was it bad?"

Roxas groaned and smacked his forehead against the freezer door. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I know you need to talk about it."

"No, I don't." Roxas said flatly.

"Okay but I still want to know."

"Ugh."

"Roxas."

"It was fine."

"Just fine?"

Roxas gave in but did not face the brunet. "No, it was more than fine. It was the best I've had in a while but-"

Sora raised a brow, "But?"

Roxas sighed, turned and leaned his back against the refrigerator, expression sullen. "It wasn't exactly what I wanted from him. I thought I'd be happy with just sex but I want more. I don't think I'll ever be able to get more however."

"Why don't you just jump him." Sora suggested thoughtfully.

"Huh?" It was Roxas turn to raise a brow. "What do you mean jump him?"

Sora shrugged his shoulders and pointed up. "Exactly what I said, just go upstairs, knock on his door and pounce. If he pushes you away once say you want him, if he pushes you away again it means he doesn't want you. But if he doesn't then I guess you'll get in his pants within a few minutes."

Roxas wanted to face palm but his face was feeling way too hot at the idea of pouncing on Axel for more sex. He wanted to tell Sora that wasn't what he meant but then again just being intimate with the man for a while could serve as a way to shove his feelings down the toilet. Though in reality it could make things much worse for his aching heart. Roxas weighed his options. Sex with Axel or confessing how he felt? Sex with Axel and never getting anything more but a broken heart or confessing and only getting a broken heart?

"I'm going to need to think that over some more."

Sora cackled, "Take all the time you need but I saw the man, and wow."

"Sora!" Roxas groaned again walking away so he could bury himself in a never-ending pit of self-pity and embarrassment, wall the while Sora continued to giggle while trying to say he was sorry.