CHAPTER 37

Kiowa's face goes blank. His mouth instantly dries. He goes to open his mouth, but his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth. My vision is my nightmare. And my nightmare is coming true. I can't speak.

He looks down and wiggles his finger.

There, see that? I can move my finger. But why won't my tongue work? Why do I feel frozen? He looks around, searching for the right words.

Distracted by his strange behavior, Anoki looks down and wiggles her fingers, too.

"I love you because you are so pretty!"

Impossible! He thinks…I am pretty? Me? She's utterly flabbergasted, but her face remains calm. "Is that it? You love me because of my beauty? Don't you know that at night, when husbands and wives make love, they can't see each other in the dark? To them love is blind."

His brows and lips crush together and squeeze awkwardness out of his face. His eyes blink rapidly. She is not a spider. I am not tangled in her web. No, she is a fox. I am a blue pheasant and she has me on the run.

Why do you make that face? You are much too handsome. Oh, see there? I love you because you are handsome, she thinks. "Did you hear my private thoughts when I was talking to my brother?" Anoki asks with a curious and cautious expression.

Not wanting this tender moment to end, but also struggling with honesty, Kiowa delicately approaches the subject. "I thought I heard you say my name."

"Is that why you came out of the bushes?"

Kiowa nods.

"Was that the first time you watched me without me knowing?"

"Yes."

That's too bad. Maybe you don't love me as much as I love you. I can hardly take my eyes off you. I want to know everything you do.

"But that was the first time I had seen you since that night."

She snuggles up against him and kisses him.

Oh, I wish you had heard my thoughts. I cannot remember any of them now. You have stolen them with my heart. Anoki yawns and shudders.

When she settles herself like a bird might shuffle its feathers, Kiowa reveals the last shadow in his heart. "Although my heart is flying, there is something that weighs it down."

Anoki's bliss instantly turns to a frown when she feels the fabric of their love tighten.

"Do not bore me with responsibilities. My whole life revolves around responsibilities. It is like I am a hawk tied to a string. Just as I am beginning to enjoy the freedom of flight, I am yanked back." Anoki huffs, then gasps for being so bold. She tilts her head to the side, clears her throat, and resumes her sweet tone. "I mean, you can tell me anything."

"My tribe values warriors above all else!"

"I thought you were artists first?"

"War is art." He puffs his chest out. "And they expect me, their 'greatest warrior' to marry a Kiowa squaw."

Anoki sits up, putting distance between them. "But you are here with me."

"Yes, but they want me there with them. Do you not understand?"

She shakes her head, "no," feeling her heart sink and her face with it.

"Okay, well, it is not just one of them. Nearly all of the girls who can have babies want to have my baby. Now do you understand?"

Anoki's loving face twists to fiery hate as she feels the fabric of their love pull tight, then tear. "You speak of flames. Of love. Are you sure you don't have fangs? I swear I feel fiery poison swelling in my veins. Why are you telling me all these things?"

"The Kiowa love is passionate. Onendah says our tribe's love is like a flame that consumes everything it touches. It appears like lightning, strikes the tree, and creates a spark. I am supposed to be the lightning, but I have seen in a vision that I am made of leaves and will blow apart."

"You can't tell me you love me, convince me of your love, and then tell me your love is like a wild fire and you want to burn me with it. I would rather hear, 'Anoki, be buried alive with your relatives. Anoki, wake up; we have left you in a cave of sleeping bears who are now waking with you. Anoki, here is a snake's den. Ha! Ha! Find your way out, but do not touch anything, BECAUSE YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY POSIONUS SERPENTS!' It is okay though, because I have thrown your heart in the cave with you. Now go find it.'" She stares at Kiowa with hurt in her eyes. "Kiowa, you saved my life. Why offer me love now when you could have just let the Navajo kill me? Oh, that would have been so much easier. Where is my strong but gentle hero?"

"I want to always speak truth to you. Love is not easy. Love is hard."

Anoki stands up, stomps her foot, and hisses, "How wrong you are. To love is to pass the test, Kiowa! Mother was right! You have words aplenty, but you are failing my test and your actions show it." She turns to run away. "He has confused love with passion. His love doesn't have the endurance of a single day. How am I supposed to build a life on this? His love crushes hope. His love cannot fuse our souls together with the eternal flame."

I am a fool. Women cannot handle truth. It cuts them to their core and makes them act like wildcats.

He catches her by the wrist.

"So you will not be true to me? I am a fool because I would be true to you. Is that it? I have shown you what is in my heart through glances, soft touches, kisses. You have shown me the same. You say you have the same feelings in your heart, and now you say you doubt love. You want to hold more than my hand. You want to kiss more than my lips. You want to capture more hearts than mine? Do you not understand that Hopi love is nothing like Kiowa love? If you want to go give your love to all the women in the world, then you will have no women. Are you a snake? Oh no, I know, it is because you think I will be the first to be burned? I have killed snakes before, and I can do it again! If I cannot trust you, I cannot have faith in you to be around and help me raise our children. Love has a price Kiowa, it is time! What woman would want such a treacherous man? To cheat my love with wicked women, I cannot endure it. Do you hear me? My heart will break." Anoki searches for a weapon. "Even robins, with the tiniest brains of birds, know this."

Kiowa sighs. This is how I found her, searching for a weapon. I cannot be her enemy. She seems so mad. Why does she not leave? How do I control her? I could no sooner control her than I could tell the wind which way to blow. She acts on her own. Look there. She acts like she is going to leave, goes a little distance, folds her arms, stomps her pretty beaded moccasins, then turns around and nips at me. Cruel cat! Kiowa dismisses these thoughts, knowing he will only make her angrier if he lets one word slip. He thinks a moment, chooses his words carefully, then says, "Onendah, our medicine man, says that love is the flame. Cherish it while it lasts. My uncle says I should look upon other faces. Makes Trouble says I should be with many women; that is the only way to prove to the world I am a great chief!"

"What do you want?"

"I want you!"

"To consume with fire? Ah, so your love seeks pain. Do you think I want to be burned? Oh, you cruel, cruel man. Do you not understand that love brings more love? Love cannot bring pain. Pain chases love away. Why did you even come here?"

A word from the author: Does love seek its own? What is love anyways? Whenever I ask people this, I get a slew of different answers. Often they contradict each other. I've heard everything from, "love is sweet, to love is pain." What Ive concluded and tried to capture is that love is complex. I hope you're enjoying the story. Here's a Chirstmas present for you. I am giving an autographed copy away on insta gram. Look for the post, "BOOK GIVE AWAY".