When other elves came to bathe, Alyssae dried her body with one of the towels that were hanging there and threw it into one of the intended boxes when she was finished. She put on her dress again and walked towards her room, where Thranduin was still waiting. She sighed softly. How long was he waiting for her? Since she had left with Thorin? She forced a smile on her face, although she expected to look very tired.
"There you are!" he reacted surprised.
Alyssae felt guilty for letting him wait on purpose.
"Here I am," she nodded, not knowing what more to say. She was tired of everything that had happened today and she wanted to sleep. Tomorrow would be a long day too, with that party that was organized for her and the fact that she would have to "say goodbye" to the dwarves. She thought about the key in her pocket, which she had actually forgotten. She'd dealt with it very careless by keeping it into her dress while she was bathing. She decided to put the key around her neck when she was inside.
"Can I come with you?"
Alyssae shrugged. It was hard to disagree, knowing he had been waiting for her for hours, while she had crawled into the arms of a dwarf.
"Okay. But I am tired, so forgive me my current mood."
She led him into her room, in which was still only a bed and a table. She lighted a few candles and sat on the edge of her bed, wondering why Thranduin had waited for her so long.
"It doesn't matter. Did you have a nice evening?" he asked while he sat down beside her.
Alyssae couldn't give a proper answer. Of course – it had been a wonderful evening in Thorin's company, but those warm feelings had a reverse side: it was only temporary and now she sat next to Thranduin, that knowledge was even more painful.
"Dinner was a little strained," she admitted. "After that I had an evening walk and thereafter I went to the bath house."
"Did you make the walk on your own?" he asked a bit shocked.
"No, with a friend."
He nodded in relief. "You dread to say goodbye to the dwarves tomorrow?"
Alyssae didn't look at him. Was this the right moment to reveal the truth? She trusted him, but knew from experience that alcohol caused indiscretion.
"I think it's horrible," she mumbled. Especially the fact that she was lying to someone again.
"We can invite them to our wedding, if you want to?"
The thought of Thorin's presence on their wedding made her feel sick. She would probably start crying amidst everyone, but that was something she would tell him as soon as they were away from here.
"Yes, we could," she answered softly.
"I have something for you."
She looked up and saw how his hands trembled while he gave her a package. Alyssae bit on her lip. She didn't want to open it, she knew what thought was behind this. Still she couldn't do anything but unfolding the leaves.
Nonplussed she stared at a shining diamond that was attached to a silver ring. A lump appeared in her throat and it became difficult to swallow, while a tear glittered in the corner of her eye.
"I love you, Alyssae. I never want to leave you."
She heard Thorin's voice in her head. Resolute. Passionate. 'I want you.'
Her heart beat faster when she recalled the penetrating, desirous look in his eyes. "I can't say I love you too, Thranduin," she whispered, while a tear ran down her cheek. "Even if I want to."
She stared at the ring in her lap. She could no longer keep up appearances. He deserved someone better than her – a woman who desired him too. She just wasn't the one who had chosen for this.
"That doesn't matter," he answered calmly, while wiping away the tear from her cheek. "I know. There have been too many things on your mind those days. But still I want to show you how much I care for you."
Alyssae wondered how he could stay so calm. Did it make no difference that she didn't love him, for she would marry him anyway? Did he expect her feelings would change? That was not an absurd thought, since she had believed that herself before she had met Thorin.
Suddenly her shoulders started to shake and the tears ran down her face. Startled Thranduin put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, while kissing her hair softly.
Alyssae cried without stopping while she buried her face in his chest. Thorin would never become hers. Not really. For a short moment they could act like they had a future, but there would be a time that they got separated. Then it would forever be Thranduin's arms that comforted her. It would be Thranduin's laughter that would sound in her ears. It would be Thranduin's caresses that kept her awake in the nightly hours.
All of that would happen when Thorin was away, building his kingdom and trying to start a new life. Then she would never hear is deep voice. His hands would never stroke her. His blue eyes would never look into hers. His memories of her would fade, like there had never happened anything between them.
At last he would die and travel to the next world and she wouldn't be there to let down a flower on his grave. She wouldn't know when his time came and everything would be over between them – forever.