You & I

Three

ELIZA'S POV

One week later…

Life here at the office isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Initially, I was excited at the thought of taking on a new project but seeing Arizona kinda threw me. I'm quite good at distancing myself from things that can negatively impact my life, but seeing her every day, watching her pass by my office, a small smile and a wave thrown my way, it's hard. It's hard but I'm coping. I have to. She has a wife and that isn't my business. I also don't wish to make it my business. What good can come from that? Suzanna is frightening enough without the knowledge that I fucked her wife thrown into the mix. She doesn't need to know and I hope to god she never finds out.

I don't want to cause trouble for Arizona, but I didn't know she was married when I met her at the conference. Honestly, she didn't give off that vibe at all. She didn't come across as the kind of woman who removes her wedding ring so she can bed whoever she wants. She seemed genuine. She seemed sweet. She didn't run when she removed my blouse, discovering my scars, but I do believe that's one of the reasons she was so desperate to leave the next morning. That and the fact that she has a wife. It's obvious that she didn't want to share breakfast because all I was to her was a one-night stand.

I've never imagined myself to become that for someone, but I don't wish to continue it. I cannot be the woman seen as a home wrecker. I cannot become the one everyone hates for ruining the supposedly perfect marriage. That's what would happen. Arizona would get away with it and I'd be the world's worst. I know how it goes, I've seen it before with friends and their relationships. I have enough going on in my life to distance myself from this and that's what I've done. If Arizona comes by, it's regarding work. If I stop by her office, it's regarding work. Professionalism is the only thing on my mind and I'd like it to stay that way.

Yes, I struggle to take my eyes off her if I see her around but looking is totally different from touching. I probably shouldn't look either, but I spent the night with her. I know exactly what she's capable of. Arizona Robbins may be an adulterer, but she gave me the first real orgasm I've had since my sex drive returned some eighteen months ago. The women before, they never got close enough. Something would happen, or they'd suddenly get a call and have to leave. Whatever it was, the night always ended before it truly begun.

It became the story of my life, but now that I'm used to it, I don't feel as offended as I once did. I have to understand that not everyone appreciates me for me anymore, but rather for my body, or the lack of it. I used to be hot. I used to be the one the women glared at when I walked inside a bar. Once word got around, that changed. People distanced themselves from me. Exes, old flames. They distanced themselves, but I got it. How am I supposed to expect women to openly express their attraction to me when it no longer exists? Nothing about me is attractive anymore, but I'm alive. I'm alive and I focus on that.

God, I had a great pair of boobs…

Sighing at the thought of what I once had, the sound of the elevator catches my attention. My door is generally always open, and yeah, I like to see what's going on. Who's coming and going. The doors opening, I hear Suzanna's voice, a laugh erupting in the carriage. I'm about to fix my eyes back on the screen in front of me when I catch sight of my boss, wrapped up in the arms of another woman. A woman that's not Arizona. Her hands are really where they shouldn't be, and her lips are attached to Suzanna's neck.

Fucking hell.

The people in this place are batshit crazy. How can she do that? How can she cheat when she's at work? Surely, Arizona could catch her at any moment? Surely, this is all totally unacceptable. I feel like I should say something, but it isn't my place to do so. How can I call her out on her behavior when Arizona cheated with me? That thought still turns my stomach. How did this happen? How did I become the woman who sleeps with someone else's wife? How am I sitting here now, watching said woman's wife…about to bang someone else in the elevator?

This is too much to even comprehend. I'm all for people living their own lives, but this is totally wrong. Arizona and Suzanna are married. They look happy. I know she told me she had things to explain, but surely this can't be the explanation. Polygamy? An open relationship? I don't have a clue what I'm witnessing but I think maybe I do need answers.

Opening the top drawer of my desk, I take the post-it note Arizona scribbled on last week and unlock my cell. I don't know if she's even in town this week, but I guess I'm about to find out.

E: Hi, it's Eliza. Can we meet for coffee?

A: Sure. When?

E: This evening, maybe? I'm planning to leave the office in the next hour…

A: Did you need to do coffee in public or are you okay coming to my place?

E: Suzanna won't be home?

A: No.

E: I guess it would be okay to come over. Send over your address.

A: No problem.

Setting my cell back down, I'm not sure going to Arizona's home is a good idea. Suzanna could come home at any moment and I don't know how I'd feel about that. Sure, she doesn't know anything happened, but how do I explain being in her home after office hours? If the tables were turned, I'd find it odd. I'm sure she would, too.

An hour later, I find myself standing outside the entrance to Arizona's apartment. Honestly, I expected them to live in a huge townhouse, but I guess I was wrong. Silly for me to think that really since I don't know anything about either of my bosses. What I do know though, is that they clearly like to get familiar with the ladies, while married. I wonder if Arizona knows Suzanna has been having an affair? I wonder if Suzanna knows about Arizona and this is retaliation.

The sooner I have answers, the sooner I can move on with my life. Arizona and I could never be together, whatever the weird arrangements are with her wife, so once I know what to expect from them both, I can get over it all and continue doing what I do best. Working. Making a living for myself. Putting my all into the company I'm now working for. I've been hired to do a job and I'm going to do it to the best of my ability.

Entering her block, I take the elevator up to the top floor, the penthouse apartment. It sounds kinda fancy, but that's to be expected. Arizona clearly has a lot of wealth behind her, even if it didn't seem that way when I met her at the bar a couple of weeks ago. When she was drunk on stage, she was far from the high-flying New York businesswoman I know today. Crazy, but it is what it is.

Stepping out, the corridor is eerily quiet, but it feels good. Sometimes I enjoy the quiet. The peace. The silence. I've become so accustomed to it, that it's what I look forward to when I leave the bustle of the city every day. Don't get me wrong, I'm very much a people person, but since the chemotherapy and everything else I went through, I learned to meditate, center myself. I practice daily, but it's hard to do when you're working for a major company, slap bang in the middle of New York City.

Reaching Arizona's apartment, I knock on the door and wait for any sign of life. It seems she had the day off today and I'm assuming that's why Suzanna brought her 'whatever she is' back to the office with her. Very brazen, but still…none of my business. So long as I keep my nose out, nothing can come of me knowing. I'll tell Arizona what I saw today, but from there on, she can count me out. I don't want to know any more than that.

"Hi." Her door opens, her body covered by an oversized sweater and yoga pants. "Sorry, am I interrupting?"

"No, come on in." She steps aside, the scent of her perfume causing my lips to upturn slightly. "Everything okay at the office?"

"Well…" I clear my throat. "It depends what you mean by that."

"Um…" Arizona looks at me, confused. "Like, are they treating you well? Nobody giving you any hassle?"

"Oh, no." I shake my head. "Everyone has been great so far."

"That's good." Arizona closes the door and motions for me to join her in the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please." I smile. "Suzanna was around today."

"Yeah?" She glances up at me, her blue eyes glistening in the late evening sun beaming through her huge panoramic windows.

"Mm, she was with someone." I shift uncomfortably. "A woman."

"We have a lot of women at the office, Eliza." Arizona faces me fully, setting a coffee down in front of me. "What department?"

"Hmm, I've no idea." I snort. "The bedroom department, maybe?"

"Ah." My boss laughs. "Beth?"

"She didn't give any names." I furrow my brow. "A little too busy for that…"

"Okay, if you have something to say, just say it."

"I think your wife is having an affair." The words fall from my mouth but Arizona's reaction is not what I expected. Her lack of any emotion is not what I expected. "And you already knew, right?"

"She's not having an affair." Arizona heads into her open plan living room. "Join me?" Following her, I take a seat on her huge, grey, corner couch, overlooking the city. "We don't live together. We're not together."

"But she's your wife."

"When it suits her." She laughs, her fingers laced around the coffee cup in her hands. "This is what I was trying to explain to you."

"Okay, you've lost me." My purse drops from my shoulder. "I mean, is Suzanna your wife or not?"

"She is, but only legally," Arizona says. "We're separated."

"For how long?"

"Way over a year now." She shrugs. "I'm not exactly sure of the timeline…"

"But she introduced you to me as her wife," I reply. "If you're not together, why not just say you're her business partner?"

"Because she likes to play the marriage at work, business events. You know?"

"No, I don't know." My head hurts thinking about this. "Are you divorcing?"

"I'd like to, but she doesn't want that."

"So, you guys just sleep around outside work?"

"Basically, yeah." Something on my face changing, it registers with Arizona and she sets her coffee cup down, sitting forward in her seat. "It's not ideal, but we're not in a relationship. When I met you, I didn't cheat on her."

"So, you only ran out because of me then?" I scoff. "I don't know what's worse…"

"I didn't run out because of you." She takes my hand, but I pull away. "Just…that happens a lot when I've been drinking." She sighs. "I'll meet someone and then feel bad the next day."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?" She raises an eyebrow. "If I'd told you I was married when I met you, would you have slept with me?"

"No." I give her an incredulous look.

"Exactly." She smiles, weakly. "When I drink, I feel like I can do whatever I want. I mean, I can…but getting out of town is easier. Nobody knows me. I'm not likely to be seen with any women if I'm not doing it around here. Then the morning comes around, and rather than explaining, I bolt. It's easier that way."

"Sure." I roll my eyes. "Why not just explain that you're separated?"

"Because it's not that simple." Arizona sighs, her eyes glossy. "I am separated, but at times, I am with my wife. Events. Dinners. Galas. That is when we are seen to be happy and together, at the office, too."

"Right." This is a lot to get my head around. "So, you can date other women?"

"Sure." She nods. "I don't, but I can."

"Why don't you?"

"Like I said, it's easier if I don't." Relaxing back in her seat, Arizona studies my face. "Nobody ever understands my situation and eventually, it falls apart. It has done in the past and I fully expect it to in the future."

"So, we could've dated?"

"We could…if you didn't work at the office."

"Mm." Now that I'm expressing my interest, Arizona is backing off. Not because of her wife, but because of me. This is how it goes. The benefit Arizona has is that she has the perfect excuse.

"You think I'm lying?"

"It doesn't matter what I think." I take my purse from beside me, setting my coffee cup down on the coffee table. "Thanks for explaining. I just…I thought you should know that your wife was with another woman." Standing, I move through her home. "See you Monday."

"Wait!" Arizona follows me to the door. "Eliza, this isn't what you think. I think you're fucking gorgeous."

"Sure." I smile. "When I'm clothed." Laughing, I drop my gaze. "I hope whatever is going on between you and Suzanna works out for you."

"When I left that hotel room, I wanted more with you." She says. "I wanted to see you again."

"And here I am." I give her a sad smile. "Here I am, standing in front of you, you telling me that you can't."

"I just…"

"Look, Arizona." I run my fingers through my hair. "You don't need to explain. You've just told me you and your wife are separated. You then said you can date. You said you wanted more with me…but you don't? Or you can't?"

"I do but I can't, yes." She nods. "If Suzanna knows I'm dating you, someone at the office, she would hit the fucking roof."

"But she's not your problem anymore." My forehead creases. "You're only bound by a piece of paper, so why should she have a say in your life, when she's virtually fucking another woman in the elevator at work?"

"What?" Her eyes widen. "That was at work?"

"Uh, yeah." I laugh. "You forget my office is opposite the elevator…"

"That isn't in the agreement." She scoffs. "Work and our private lives are supposed to be kept separate."

"Yeah, well she's there doing what she pleases…who she pleases." My hand resting on the door handle, I'm about to open it when Arizona stops me. Her body pressing against mine. "Arizona, don't."

"Please, don't think that I'm not attracted to you…" She says, her lips mere millimeters from mine. "All I've thought about is you…"

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Stay. Have dinner with me." She asks. "I really don't want you to leave."

"This can't go any further." I focus on the sliver of space between us. "I can't do this with you."

"If you're going to walk out of here right now, I need you to know that if things were different, I'd so fucking date you." Her lips brush against mine. "I'd make you feel a million dollars."

"Please…"

"You are breathtaking." Arizona whispers. "Your eyes…" She focuses on them, her forehead pressing against my own. "…your eyes are incredible."

"I-I have to leave…" I try to place the door handle, but this woman is making me dizzy.

"Your body…" Her eyes close. "God, I can't get your body out of my mind." A tear slips down her face. "Every curve. Every inch. Your soft skin."

Oh god…

"If we could be together…" Arizona places her hands against the door, either side of my head, those blue eyes still closed. "…if we could be together, I'd make you happy."

"But we can't…" My voice breaks.

I know we've only slept together, but Arizona means something to me. How she treated me, how she touched me…nobody has ever taken the time to worship every inch of my body. Nobody has ever given me their full attention like she did.

"Let me try to figure this out." Her hands trail down either side of my body, settling on my hips. "Please?"

"It won't work." I disagree, my voice barely audible. "One of us will get hurt."

"I'd never hurt you…" Her soft hands slip lower, gripping my ass, my purse falling to the floor. "I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"Arizona, don't make promises you can't keep." My eyes close as her lips press hard against mine.

When she kisses me, I feel like I used to. Before the cancer. Before the therapies and the surgery. When Arizona Robbins kisses me, I feel alive. God, I feel so alive that my heart pounds out of my chest. I want nothing more than to be something with her, but she already has doubts. She already says this can't happen. If it's wrong, why do I feel this way? All consuming. Stealing my breath? If this is wrong, then I want to be wrong for the rest of my life. I don't ever want to be right again.

"Oh god." I gasp as she pulls back. "A-Arizona…"

"Eliza…" Her hands wrapping around the backs of my thighs, she lifts me, my legs wrapping around her waist. Holding me up against her front door, her lips trail my neck and my body throbs with want. Something about her lips makes me feel a way I've never felt before. I've had my fair share of women over the years, but this woman? God, this woman is like nothing in this world. "God, I need you to stay."

"I shouldn't." I whimper as she sucks on the skin of my neck.

"You should." Arizona smiles against my skin. "You have to…"

"I can't." My head falls back on my shoulders.

"You can…" Her lips trail lower, her teeth nipping my collarbone. "Because I can't spend this weekend without you here."

"I'm not who you want, Arizona." My emotions getting the better of me, she grips my jaw gently, finding my eyes. "You deserve more than me…"

"You've no idea just how much I want you." That gorgeous smile settling on her face, my stomach flutters. "Everything about you…"

"I'm not enough for you."

"Hey." Her lips press against mine, softly. "You're too much for me."

"Stop saying things like that…" My voice breaks.

"Only if you stop saying things like that, too…" She smiles, pulling me away from the door. Guiding me through her living room, my legs wrap tighter around Arizona's body as she lies me down on her couch. "Because really, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen…"

"What about Suzanna…" Her eyes boring into my soul, one hand settles beneath my blouse against my skin, setting my entire body alight.

"Fuck, Suzanna."

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.