Part 6

It's her day off today, and she's feeling out of sorts. Zach had a pretty bad night, and as he was staying at the orphanage, rather than at Fitz's, she had to deal with it. Fortunately, in the morning he didn't seem to remember any of it. She does though, the shouts she can't understand, the shivering body… She loves him – she's stopped kidding herself that she was just fond of him – and to see him in such distress is very hard. She is also feeling homesick and is longing for a night out with Quinn and Harrison, for a nice diner with her parents… but above all, she misses Fitz – the way he was when they finally got back together, in those wonderful weeks after Josh' birth: relaxed, happy, smiling, open and trustful.

She doesn't know what to do with herself today. David and Abby are both busy at the clinic and the orphanage, so are the other nurses. God knows what Fitz is up to. I'll go for a long walk, she thinks, then a nice lunch, and a long, long, long nap. Pamper myself for a change.

There's a knock on her door. Fitz and Zach are standing on the doorstep, the former looking sheepish, the latter incredibly tense. Fitz clears his throat and scratches his cheek, not quite looking at her. She knows that look so well, the I-am-feeling-really-awkward look, and she is overcome by such a wave of tenderness that she has to make a big effort not to reach out and touch him.

"Hi"

She can't help but smile, and like old times she finds herself mirroring him. "Hi"

Nervous, he swallows at the familiarity it brings, before proceeding to ask what it is that he and Zack came here for… "We were wondering… well, I know it's your day off, and I have the day off too… and Zach doesn't have school today, so we thought…"

Zach is very scared that she will say no, and if she says no then it's best to know as soon as possible, so why is Fitz taking so much time? "Come to the beach with us", he blurts out. Then he remembers his manners: "Please?" He asks.

She's stunned. That was the last thing she was expecting. For a few seconds, she's tempted to say no. But then she sees how Zach is already getting resigned to the inevitable and putting a brave face on it. "Sure, why not?". Zach's radiant smile says it all. She looks at Fitz: his tight smile says it all too: I'm not sure this is a good idea, but for Zach's sake…

The beach is 10 minutes away by car. To Zach it seems as if they will never get there. He's never been to the beach, in fact he's never seen the sea, ever, and he's scared and excited. Mostly, he can't believe that he's going to spend the day – a whole day – with Fitz and Olivia. When Fitz said it would be nice to ask her to come along, he didn't dare believe she would say yes. But then she did, and it was amazing. They'll get some food at the beach and have a picnic. Fitz explained it: you sit down on the sand, and you can eat with your fingers, and have a fizzy drink as a treat, and you don't have to hurry up to eat… He can't wait. Fitz said he would teach him how to swim. He's not too sure about that. What if there's a huge wave? Like those you see with those people who ride on them. Surfers, he thinks they're called. Anyway, it doesn't matter whether he goes into the sea or not. What matters is that it's a whole day with Olivia and Fitz, just taking it easy. He loves that phrase.

They get out of the car, at last. Zach has never seen anything like the sea. It's blue. Well, of course, he knows the sea is blue. But not that kind of blue. So shiny, and deep. With lots of white stuff on the waves. And it moves all the time, but it's not scary. It's like it wants to play with you. He doesn't know how to say it, it's like, the words are there but they can't get out of his chest. He turns to Fitz first, then to Olivia. Why are they looking at me like this, he wonders, like I've done something amazing? But then he stops wondering, and turns back to the sea, irresistibly drawn to it.

For a moment, gazing at Zach's face, alive with joy and wonder, free of anxiety and worry, and somehow at peace for the first time since she's known him, she thinks she will really lose it. She instinctively looks at Fitz. And as their eyes meet, they know, without having to say it, that they are both thinking about their son, who will never experience this, and that at the same time they are deeply grateful for the opportunity to give this gift to another little boy.

They settle on the sand, Zach giggling because it's so hot under his feet, sorting out towels… and within 15 minutes, Fitz realises that although this day out is a wonderful idea for Zach, it's a pretty bad one for his equilibrium. That moment of silent and pure communication between them earlier, the first sign of mutual understanding since… well... And now, Olivia in her bikini, right next to him. He can't help noticing how much weight she's lost since he last saw her that way, but how curvy she still is. How beautiful her skin is, how smooth it looks. He'd made a point of not remembering, all those months, but now… He wishes Zach were willing to go into the sea, that would give him a reason to get up and go with him, away from her. But all Zach wants to do, right now, is sit down and look at the sea.

"Zach?" she calls out to him. He turns to her, reluctantly. "Zach, let's go and get some pizza. You must be hungry. We all are. You can still look at the sea while we walk to the stand", she adds laughingly. She is so physically aware of Fitz that she needs to be away from him for a few minutes. Before they set off, she asks "Fitz, the usual for you? Lots of anchovies?"

Her question reminds him of those long evenings they would spend, curled up on the sofa, having ordered in some pizza, chatting about stuff, watching movies with a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of red… But then he hears himself say, more abruptly than he intended: "No thanks. I'll be fine for now."

Although she walks off quickly, he can see the shadow on her face. Why did you have to do that, you idiot, he berates himself, it was a perfectly innocent question, so why spoil the moment... He gets up and catches up with them. "Livvie".

She looks at him very guardedly at first, although she can't quite ignore the skipped beat of her heart upon hearing him call her Livvie again; it been so long since he's been relaxed enough around her to revert to his preferred, and far more endearing name for her... "Livvie. The usual will be fine."

And there it is again. For the first time today, she smiles at him. "Good."

They're standing there, staring at each other, both aware that they've turned some sort of corner, but equally unaware of Zach's eyes taking it all in.

Zach is smiling too.