Part 7

Whenever he feels bad about things, Zach thinks about the sea. They went back to the beach two or three times, the three of them, and each time it got more and more fun. He could look at the sea all day long. It's like, it moves all the time, and when you're in it, it feels like it's rocking you. And the colour changes all the time. Sometimes it's blue, sometimes it's silver, sometimes green… and the waves… he was scared of the waves at first, but Fitz is teaching him how to swim, so he isn't so scared now. Fitz said that next time he could go in without the armbands. Like a grown up. He'll be a bit scared at the beginning, but Fitz promised he would stand right next to him and get hold of him if a wave gets him. And Olivia said she would be there too. So it will be OK.

And the other good thing is that Olivia and Fitz seem to be friends now. Sort of. It's kind of strange sometimes. They joke and laugh, and then go all silent and look at each other all funny. And then they look away and get busy with him. And also, they hold his hand, and hug him, and fool around with him, but not with each other. And, OK, Fitz doesn't fool around with the other nurses either but they are not his friends, whereas Olivia is. She must be, otherwise they wouldn't have made a baby together. His mum and dad made babies together – well, obviously – and they were friends before getting married, so… And, OK, for a while Fitz and Olivia were angry, Fitz explained it when he told him about the baby dying, but now they're not angry… So it's just weird. Yesterday, at the beach, she splashed Fitz with water, he started running after her, they both fell on the sand, and Fitz was on top of Olivia, it was so funny, but suddenly they were not laughing, and Fitz jumped on his feet, very quickly, looking odd. Olivia was looking odd too, and they didn't say much for the rest of the day. He didn't mind because he loves being with them anyway, but it felt sort of strange.

Today is one of those days when he is feeling bad. This morning, he was looking at his calendar and he realised Olivia would leave in 42 days. At first he was happy, because 42 is a big number. But then, he counted backwards, and saw that she had been here for 48 days. 48 days is more than 42 days, and they've gone so quickly that he's really scared that 42 days will go even faster. And then Olivia will be gone, and… but he can't think about that now. It's just too awful.

The other thing is, today there is this new doctor coming in. Just to take a look around, Fitz said, and then decide whether he likes it here enough to come and work. But Zach doesn't like doctors. OK, he likes David, but David is friends with Olivia and Fitz, so that's fine. And Fitz… well, Fitz is… just Fitz, so it doesn't matter that he's a doctor. But other doctors… he really, really doesn't like them. Too much bad stuff has happened to him with doctors… but he doesn't want to think about that again. So instead he thinks about the sea. Olivia said it would be good to go back to the beach on Saturday – that's in two days, he's counted them on the calendar. He hopes they'll go fast. But not too fast because then it will only be 40 days before Olivia leaves…

He's been drawing stuff in the dormitory for a while, when suddenly he can hear voices outside. Olivia. Fitz. David. He's about to come down to say hello, when he hears another voice. A voice he hoped he would never hear again. A voice which terrifies him. He's so scared he loses control of his bladder. And in his shame and humiliation, the memories flood back in a rush, those awful, awful memories of the camp which haunt his sleep almost every night and which until now, he had managed to keep under control when awake through his drawings. If they come in here, he tells himself, I'll jump through the window. Even if it means I'll get very, very hurt. Even if I die. But the voices are moving away, and he starts breathing again.

But as soon as he realizes that the coast is clear, he bolts through the door, and runs, and runs, and runs, as fast as he can, past the startled volunteer from the village, as if his life depends on it.

Which it does.

-X-

They've been showing Tom Larsen, the Australian pediatrician, around for a couple of hours. More like a meet and greet thing: he'll have to decide whether he wants to work here, they'll have to decide whether they want him too.

Olivia asked to be present: if David hires this guy, he will work closely with the orphanage and as the nurse in charge there she wants to suss him out. So far she's not impressed. There's something about him which makes her uneasy. She can't put her finger on it. At first, she tells herself that she is in a bad mood anyway: she was up most of the night wondering where on earth her relationship with Fitz, or non-relationship with him, was going. She wants him, she knows he wants her, and yet nothing seems to be happening, and she's utterly sick of it. The way she sees it, she either has to get him out of her system completely by not seeing or talking to him for a long time –months, years even- or, they try again together, for good this time, which she thinks he won't want.

But although she is feeling cranky and depressed, she still can't shake off that feeling that there's something off about this guy. It can't be because he is so relentlessly flirtatious: God knows she's had her fair share of dealing with guys who will flirt with anyone who's wearing a skirt. It annoys her, but it does not give her this prickling sensation. It's something else. Maybe it's because here's something forced and un-natural about his behavior. Or maybe it's the fact that he waxes sentimental about African children. Yes, they've suffered a lot and yes, they are resilient, she thinks, but they're not a species, you prat, they're individuals, with their own specific problems, qualities and faults. And it bugs her, because she doesn't think she can work with him, day in day out, if she feels this uncomfortable with him.

She can tell that David has some reservations too: his face, normally so open and friendly, is rather cool and reserved. It reminds her of her Dad's face when he is trying to control his dislike of a particular patient. Abby hasn't said much so far. As to Fitz, she can't tell what he thinks: he seems quite distracted, not quite there. And he can't quite meet her eyes. Fair enough, given that moment they had on the beach yesterday…

Fitz is finding it hard to concentrate. He woke up in the middle of the night dreaming he was making love to Olivia and had no choice but to admit to himself that he still wants her desperately. He knows that she wants him too: he saw it yesterday when he suddenly found himself lying on top of her on the beach. And she must have sensed his desire too. If Zach hadn't been there… He's furious with himself. When he left Washington for Ghana, he was absolutely convinced that it was all over. When she arrived here, for a while he managed to remain aloof from her, but then she got under his skin again: her gentleness with Zach, her cheerfulness with the other kids, her ability to make him laugh and relax, her fighting spirit… all those little things that made him fall for her all those months ago… But he doesn't want to give in to it this time. Too much pain, too many difficulties, too many bad memories… no way. But she has six weeks to go here, and he himself doesn't really want to leave, not yet. What on earth is he going to do… And now he has to get a grip and focus on this guy, whom he might end up working with. Good credentials, lots of experience with children obviously, doesn't seem to mind the long hours, the night shifts he would have to do… so why not?

Shortly after Larsen leaves, on the basis of a mutual agreement to be in touch soon, they gather in David's office to discuss it. But as they are about to get properly started, the orphanage volunteer bursts in. "Have you seen Zach?", she asks, breathlessly, looking very worried.

Fitz tenses: "No. Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I saw him run out of the orphanage half an hour ago, he looked very scared. I saw him go into the garden shed… I thought he needed some peace, he often goes there when he needs to be alone. But when I went in to check, five minutes ago, he'd gone. And I can't find him." She is really tearful now. She's looked everywhere, and there's no sign of Zach.

She's barely finished that Fitz is out of his chair. He's trying not to panic, but as he and the others go through every single room at the clinic, at the orphanage, at Fitz's flat, at David's house, and are unable to find him, he can no longer control the tremor in his hands, the terror in his chest. Where are you, Zach, what happened… please, please, please come back…

They're extending the search to the surrounding areas. It's a couple of hours since Zach has gone, and they have no lead. Nothing. They've notified the police, who are on their way. They've decided that Olivia will stay at David's house to coordinate the search, field phone calls, etc… So, she is pacing up and down the living room, going crazy with fear and worry. We don't know what happened, she tells herself. But if he saw or heard something which scared him, where would he go, where would he feel safe and secure… Suddenly, she knows. She tries David, Fitz, Abby on their mobiles, no luck, they must be out of range… she jumps to her feet, grabs David's car keys, and hastily scribbles on a sheet of paper.

When Fitz comes back an hour later, to check in with Olivia before going on the search again, exhausted, overcome by panic and fear, he finds her note:

Guys, I tried to ring you, no luck, I'm off to look for him at the beach. We didn't think to look there but I have feeling that's where he is. Ring me when you see this. Olivia. PS: am taking the car.

He runs to the door, determined to get to the beach as soon as possible, on foot if necessary if he can't find a car or a bike.

But then his phone starts ringing.