*Dear readers- if you have not already worked out what has happened to young Zach, then please note that this chapter will come with a trigger warning- although, please rest assure that it will not be explored in technicolour detail, only implied by Zach's account*

Part 8

He's sitting on the sand, very close to the sea. He looks so small, so fragile, that she fights back the temptation to run and grab him in her arms. Instead, she walks towards him very slowly.

"Zach", she calls out quietly.

He jumps on his feet, and stares at her. His eyes are wild, his face almost contorted with fear. She takes in his appearance, the stained trousers, the dirty shoes, the desperate look…

"You can't make me go back!" He shouts, "I won't go back, I'd rather go into the sea and swim and swim and swim until…" At that he starts walking backwards, towards the sea.

"Zach!" She's trying not to panic. "Zach, you don't have to go back. I promise you. Zach, I promise you!"

He's right on the edge of the sea, but he stops. "I promise you, Zach", she repeats softly.

After a pause, she says: "Look, your feet are getting wet. Why don't you come and sit with me on the sand. We can stay there for a while and look at the sea together."

Wordlessly, he walks towards her, never taking his eyes off her, and she knows that if she makes one false move, he will run again towards the sea, and that if she does not get to him on time, she's not sure she's good enough of a swimmer to take him back to the safety of the shore. So, for a while she doesn't say anything and simply listens to his breathing. When it gets calmer, she says to him, very gently: "You don't have to go back. Not if you don't want to. But… can you tell me why you ran away?"

He shakes his head violently.

"Zach… we were so worried about you…David, Abby, Fitz, everyone is looking for you. Can I phone…"

He jumps on his feet, stricken with fear. "Even the other doctor? Tom? Is he looking for me too?!"

She's stunned. That was the last thing she expected. "No, Zach. He left ages ago. Why? Do you know him?"

He nods, breathing too fast again. Careful, she tells herself, be very careful, there's something going on there and it's probably very, very bad. "Zach. Is that why you ran? Because he was there, at the clinic?"

He nods again.

"Can you tell me why?"

"No! I can't. I can't tell anyone. It's a secret."

And in that instant, it's all beginning to make sense to her. She remembers the course she took ages ago on child protection. The children will have been told it's a secret, that they can't tell anyone, they were told by the instructor, these are the words you have to look out for, when you suspect abuse. She's struggling to overcome her disgust and rage, for this is not about her, it's about Zach. "Zach. Oh Zach… did Tom tell you that you couldn't tell anyone?"

He nods, confirming her worst fears. Think, Olivia, think, she tells herself, find a way of getting it from him. "But, Zach, he didn't say that no one could guess, right?"

Zach looks at her, startled. "No", he whispers.

"OK. So, will you let me try and guess? If I get it right, you don't have to say anything. That way, it's not like you're telling me, right?" Come on, Zach, she begs him silently. I'm being precise here and you love, no, you need precision, which makes sense now, and you're very bright, so go for it, please…

He comes back to sit next to her, wordlessly and she takes it as a yes. She remembers what the instructor also said: don't get emotional, be gentle and careful, but very matter of fact too, you're not a therapist or child psychologist, your role is to get the child to tell you what happened, it's not to counsel them. And so slowly, carefully, she tells him what she's guessed. She pauses a lot, to get him a chance to speak. But he can't even look at her. He's huddled on the sand, arms around his knees, shaking, listening to her recounting his ordeal. At first he remains utterly silent. After a while, as she gets a few details wrong, his need for precision takes over, and he begins to talk. And once he starts talking, it's as if nothing and no one will be able to stop him. By the time he's done, she knows why he dislikes being touched by adults, why he spends so much time washing himself, why he dislikes doctors, why needles terrify him. It doesn't occur to her to doubt him. There's no mistaking the fear in his voice and the panic in his eyes. Besides, he couldn't possibly have made up some of the things which Larsen did. And he couldn't possibly have known so many intimate things about him otherwise.

When he finally stops, utterly spent, beyond crying, he turns to her, and asks: "Will you hate me now?"

So that's what it feels like, she thinks, when your heart breaks in a million tiny pieces… Her throat is so painfully tight that she fears she won't be able to get the words out. "Is that what he said, Zach, that people would hate you if they found out? That they'd think you're disgusting?"

He nods.

"Zach. Listen to me. You're not disgusting or filthy or anything horrible like that. You are kind and sweet and good, you did nothing to deserve this... I love you. Do you hear me Zach, I love you. And nothing could make me stop loving you. Nothing", she adds fiercely, "OK?"

He gazes at the sea. His chin is trembling. "Will… will Fitz hate me, if he finds out?", he asks, unable to look at her.

"Oh Zach… he won't. I promise you he won't. He loves you too… he loves you so much, Zach. When you tell him…"

"I can't!" He cuts her off, distressed. "I can't tell him."

"OK. You don't have to. Do you want me to tell him? Before you see him again?"

He nods a few times. His eyes are glistening with tears. Very carefully, giving him a chance to back away from her, she rests her hand on his. "Shall we go back? You're completely safe there, with all of us."

In the car, she dials Fitz's number. She doesn't let him say anything: she knows he'll start asking questions, but Zach is shivering with cold, hunger and exhaustion, and she needs to get him back as soon as possible. "Hi, it's me. Zach is with me. He's… well, physically OK, but can you please ask Abby to wait for us at the orphanage's infirmary? That's where he wants to sleep tonight. I'll see you at David's. And, please, don't come to meet us. Trust me on this. I'll explain. Bye."

When they get to the orphanage, Abby is waiting for them. Between them they manage to get some food into Zach, and to bundle him into warm clothes and into bed. He hasn't said a word since they've left the beach. She stays with him until he falls asleep. "Olivia", Abby whispers, "I'll stay here tonight in case he wakes up. You go and talk to the guys. I'll get it all from David tomorrow, OK?"

As she gets near David's house, Fitz opens the door and runs towards her. It occurs to her fleetingly that he's aged in the last few hours. She doesn't realise that her face looks ten years older than it did this morning, which is why he panics. He gets hold of her shoulders, painfully and shouts at her. "What's happened to him, for God's sake, tell me!"

She stiffens under his touch. "I will. In a moment. And to David too. Let's go inside."

"Is it very bad?" he whispers.

All she can do is nod.

At first, she doesn't think that she can, for the second time tonight, go through the story of what Zach suffered at the hands of Larsen. But she knows she owes it to him to tell David, but mostly Fitz, what he endured, and why he ran away. She can do it only by telling them the facts, in as level, as neutral a way as possible. Throughout, she often looks at David: his compassion, and his calm, are her anchor. But she cannot bear to look at Fitz.

And what she doesn't realise is that her matter-of-fact tone of voice makes the tale she is recounting more chilling than an emotional display would have done, and that her inability to look at Fitz, to connect with him in that moment, makes it all the worse for him.

He is listening to her and realises that he is, after all, probably capable of violence towards another person. However angry he was at the drunk driver who'd killed his wife, he never thought he would be able to beat him up, let alone kill him if faced with him. But this time, it's different. He knows that if Larsen were in the room, he would go for him, deaf to any entreaties or pleas. He can barely bear to think about Zach's ordeal, and yet he knows that he will have to think about it and quite a lot at that, if he is to help him. And at the same time as he is dealing with his rage towards Larsen and his pain for Zach, he's fighting renewed bitterness at Olivia' behaviour. He knows he's being unfair, that tonight has been a terrible ordeal for her. But why is she shutting him out again, why is she not looking at him, why is she behaving as if he were not in the room? It's like with Josh, he thinks, however awful things are for her, she can't trust me with her feelings…

And then, he gets a grip on himself. Come on, he thinks, your priority is Zach, not your messy relationship with Olivia. Focus on Zach… As in a dream, he hears Olivia tell him: "So you see, Fitz, that's why I asked you not to meet us when we got here. It's just… Zach couldn't bear to face you and… he asked me to tell you, because he couldn't do it himself."

All he can do is nod. And leave the room, without a word.

Zach is awake. He had a nightmare, and he remembers it all. It was so scary, there was this black shape running after him, and all he could do was go into the sea, and he had left his armbands at the orphanage, and Fitz wasn't there, so he had to swim all by himself to escape, but the waves kept coming at him, and rolling him every way, and then there was this enormous wave coming… and that's when he woke up. Abby is there, sitting on his bed, comforting him, but he can't stop shaking, and he doesn't really listen to what she is saying. He is scared he'll pee in his pants again, it'd be a mess, she'd have to change the sheets, and OK, she wouldn't be cross with him but still…

When Olivia got to the beach, he really thought she would force him to go back. And then… then she started talking about Tom the doctor, and what had happened to him… he can't believe that she could guess. She must be so clever. He thinks that's the right word, he's not sure. And when she said she loves him, it made him feel better, but he isn't sure he can really believe her. And, OK, he isn't sure whether he loves her but that's because she is leaving in 42 days - well maybe 41 now because maybe it's past midnight and a different day now - and he's worried about that, but it's a different kind of unsure. Thing is, why would she love him? He's just a little kid, just a nobody, and he had to do all those terrible things to the doctor, and he let him do those things to him, and OK, the doctor was using needles to make him kind of sleepy, so he couldn't really fight, but still… he should have fought, but he didn't and that was really bad… so why should Olivia love him? And why is Abby talking all hush hush now? It's weird and it's starting to make him feel extra shaky inside.

But then he looks up, and he realises that Fitz is standing there and looking all funny. It's like… like when someone hurt their ankle playing football or something, they get this twisted expression on their face. Well that's what Fitz's face looks like. And it's very scary. He doesn't want to cry, he really doesn't, he wants to be brave, and not to be a bother to anyone. But he can't help it, it's like the tears are coming out all by themselves, and he can't put them back into his eyes. It's gets all very blurry, but he can sort of see that Abby is leaving the room.

And now it's just him and Fitz.