You & I

Eleven

ARIZONA'S POV

Monday came around way quicker than I expected or wanted it to. I left Eliza's apartment some twenty minutes ago and now that I have a coffee in my hand, I'm ready to see what bullshit Suzanna is going to try feeding me. I know she has a plan or games in mind but I'm not here for it. I'll listen and then I'm leaving.

Eliza is already a nervous wreck knowing I'm going to the office but I have to do this. If I don't, it's only prolonging everything with Suzanna. My lawyer has served her, that happened at 8 a.m this morning, so I don't expect her to be in the best mood, but her mood is no longer my concern. Her and her awful personality will never be my concern again.

I know she's going to try keeping me at the office and with the business, but over the weekend, I realized there's so much more to life than running around answering to her and her demands. I realized that I could work at the local store and be happier, knowing that Eliza is in my life. I've never felt so sure about anything but regardless of what Suzanna says to me today, I want out of the business. Whether that is with half of it, or with nothing, I want out. There are no two ways about it.

Reaching the elevator, I step inside and hit the button that will take me to the woman I cannot bear to look at right now. At one time, I was happy with her. At one time, we meant the world to each other. That feels like a distant memory now, though. It feels like an entirely different life. I'm okay with it all and the sooner Suzanna realizes that the sooner we can both move forward. Move on. Of course, I want her to be happy. She may be a shitty person, but I'm not. I was raised to have respect for people, even when it seems at a loss in their lives.

Stepping off the elevator, all eyes in the office land on me as I make my way down the corridor, a glass paneled wall separating me from my employees. Clearing my throat, I stop as I reach the open space, glancing around. "Do any of you have something to say?"

A round of heads shaking, their eyes return to their computer screens.

"Figured." Rolling my eyes, I'm suddenly approached by Beth as she leaves my wife's office.

"M-Mrs. Robbins." She drops her gaze. "I, uh…can I talk to you?"

"I'm not sure we have anything to say to each other…"

"Please?" Her eyes plead with me. "If you just have five minutes…"

"Okay." Motioning for her to follow me into my office, Beth does, closing the door behind her. "What's up?"

"About everything that's happened." She sighs. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I furrow my brow.

"Getting involved with Suzanna." Her eyes find mine, unshed tears in them. "I respect you and admire you…I'm so sorry."

"Oh, that?" I wrinkle my nose. "No need to apologize."

"B-But…"

"Suzanna and I have been separated for over a year, Beth." I give her a sad smile. "What she does in her own time is none of my business…thank god."

"She said we had to remain secretive."

"Mm, for her own selfish reasons." I nod. "Nothing to do with me." Holding up my hand, I set my coffee down on my desk, resting my ass against the edge. "Look, I hope it all works out for you both. Once we're divorced, she will have no choice but to be out with you."

"Divorce?" Her face pales. "Did I cause this?"

"No, not at all." I shake my head, disagreeing. "I did."

"O-Oh." Her forehead creases. "I'm so confused."

"Just…be with Suzanna, okay?" I raise an eyebrow. "She will soon be my ex-wife. That is all you need to know."

"Right, okay." Beth nods, slowly. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"I'm not." Shrugging, I push off my desk, approaching the door. "Kept her out of my hair." Giving Beth a genuine smile, my hand settles on the door as I pull it open. "You've done nothing wrong…"

"Thank you." I'm not sure Beth even understands what's going on, but she isn't my business. It's Suzanna's job to explain our relationship and she would do well to remember that. Unless she wants me to tell people who she truly is, she should really take care of her own dirty work. Me, I'm done.

Knocking on the office next to mine, Suzanna calls for me to come inside. Glancing back, I find all eyes still on me. "GET TO WORK!"

Stepping inside Suzanna's office, I find her looking tired and worn. "What did you want to see me about?"

"Eliza's not with you?" She furrows her brow.

"No, she's not." I close the door. "Now, what was it?"

"We need to figure this all out, Arizona." Suzanna runs her fingers through her dark blonde hair. "We need to work it out between the three of us…"

"Work what out?" I ask, stopping dead in the middle of her office. "There's nothing to figure out. My lawyer and your lawyer will work it all out for us."

"I really don't want that." She gives me a sad smile, her voice breaking. "I don't want it to all end…"

"All what?"

"The business. Us. What we once were and what we are now…"

"Suzanna, this day was always going to come." I sigh. "It just took me longer than it should have."

"Can we all have dinner?" She suggests. "I need to apologize."

"You want to share dinner with me and my girlfriend?" I laugh. "In what universe is that not fucking weird?"

"Y-Your girlfriend?" She stutters. "You made it official, huh?"

"Damn right I did."

"You've never addressed any of them as your girlfriend before." Suzanna wipes a tear from her jawline. "You've never been so interested."

"Times change." I shrug. "We haven't been in love for a long time, Suzanna. You can't deny that."

"I'll always love you in some way, Arizona…" She stands. "We've been through a lot together."

"We have." I agree. "And I'm happy we had each other."

"But?" Suzanna asks, rounding her desk.

"But this is the end for us." I cross my arms over my chest. "It's been a long time coming but the time is now."

"You're sure about this?" Suzanna's voice trembles. "About the divorce. Leaving the business. Everything?"

"I am."

"Then I want you to have what you deserve." She nods. "I'll call my lawyer, have her draw up the relevant papers."

"Have what I deserve?" I ask, confused.

"You built this business with me, Arizona." Suzanna gives me a small smile. "Without you, I'd be nothing."

"Seriously?" I say, my tone void of anything. I don't want her to know that I'm relieved by her decision and I don't want her to think I need it. I really don't. I can make it alone, I know I can.

"Yes." She sighs. "I'm just sorry it came to this." Approaching me, Suzanna holds out her hand but I decide against being so formal. Instead, I pull her into a hug.

"I want you to be happy, Suzanna," I say, honestly. "To do that, we have to finalize this."

"I-I know." She hugs me tighter. "I'm sorry for everything I said…"

"It's not me you should be apologizing to." I pull back. "Eliza deserves more than that. None of this is her fault. She just happened to be the woman I fell in love with…"

"Y-You love her?" My soon to be ex-wife raises her eyebrow, shocked.

"I mean, uh…yeah, I guess I do." I smile, a heat creeping up my neck. What's the use in pretending that I don't? I fell in love with that woman the moment I laid eyes on her, I know I did. "Do you want me to hang around until everything is sorted out?"

"Hang around?"

"Finish up any projects I have going?"

"I'd like that but you should think about it first," Suzanna says, backing up. "I don't want to keep you here if you don't want to be."

"I'll take a day or two, okay?"

"Okay." Heading for her desk, Suzanna returns to the paperwork in front of her. "Arizona?" She catches my attention as I head for the door.

"Mm?" I turn around.

"What do you think of Beth?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly…" She smiles. "You've always been a good judge of character."

"I think she's crazy for being willing to take you on." Laughing, Suzanna rolls her eyes. "She seems nice," I admit. "Just…don't hurt her, okay?"

"See you around, Arizona."

A: Hey, I'm home. x

E: How did it go at the office? x

A: Fine. Will I see you tonight? x

E: Do you want to see me tonight? x

A: You already know the answer to that…

E: She didn't convince you to take her back then? x

A: I can't believe you just asked me that. I'm disappointed.

E: Sorry. Can I come over now? x

A: If you trust me, yes. x

Throwing my cell down on the couch, I drop down beside it, frowning. Does Eliza really think I would've taken Suzanna back? Does she really think I'm not serious about us? I thought she was. I thought after this weekend, she knew exactly how I felt about her. Seems I was wrong.

My buzzer pulling me from my thoughts, I approach my door and hit the enter button. I don't know who it is but I'm too lost in my head to care. I'm too worried about what Eliza is going to say, or perhaps accuse me of, when she arrives here.

Unlocking the door, I head back for the couch and drop down, pulling my feet up onto the coffee table. Am I going to be the one who comes out of this hurt? Am I expecting too much from my relationship with Eliza already? I mean, just a couple of days ago, I was imagining a future with her, kids too. I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, but I have so many emotions inside me and I don't know where to begin with any of them. I don't know how to sort through them.

"Arizona? Hello?" Her voice soothing me, I glance up to find Eliza standing in my doorway.

"You got here quick." My forehead creases.

"I was at the coffee shop across the street." She shrugs, coming inside and closing the door behind her. "You've been crying…"

"Just, having a moment." I scoff. "You want coffee?"

"No, thank you." She gives me a small smile. "I can't stay…"

"Oh." My eyes focus on the space between us. "You're ending this, right?"

"N-No." She disagrees. "Just…I think I need to slow this down with you. I think we need to take a step back until everything is finalized between you and Suzanna."

"Okay." I nod, not truly hearing what she's saying. "Whatever you want."

"I don't want any of this." Eliza approaches me, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. "But my own worries are consuming me and I think it's best if I just see you when this is all over."

"You mean you don't trust me?"

"I find it hard to trust anyone anymore." I appreciate her honesty but it doesn't make me feel any better. "It's nothing personal…"

"No?" I smile. "Feels like it is."

"If we're together through this, she will come between us," Eliza says. "She's already done that on more than one occasion and I don't want either of us to say something we'll come to regret, making what we have irreparable."

What the hell is happening? Just a few hours ago, I told Suzanna I love Eliza. Now, the woman I love is walking away for fear of something going wrong.

"You should do whatever you feel is right." I nod, standing and disappearing into the kitchen. "I wouldn't ever keep you here if you don't want that."

"I do want it." Eliza sighs, standing and shoving her hands in her pockets.

"But you're not willing to put your trust in me…in case I fuck up?"

"I just…"

"You don't have to explain." I hold up my hand. "I get it."

"Arizona…"

"Please, don't." I shake my head. "Don't defend your decision to leave. Don't try to make me understand." I close my eyes, gripping the edge of the counter. "I should've known this was all too good to be true."

"Which?"

"This. Us." I motion between us. "Suzanna has just basically wished me well and offered me half of the business. I felt good leaving the office today. I felt like things were falling into place for me…but then you come here and say this stuff and it's fallen apart just hours later."

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry, okay?" I run my fingers through my hair. "I wish you could trust me. I wish I could tell you everything will be okay and you'd believe me, but I can't. I can't and that hurts. It makes me feel like I can never get any of this right."

"Arizona…"

"I have to leave town tomorrow." I clear my throat. "Business trip."

"Oh, anywhere nice?"

"No idea." I shrug. "I hope you can figure out what you want in life, Eliza." I approach the door, pulling it open. "I had so much I wanted to discuss with you. So many plans to make. Seems it was one-sided but I get it. I'm just sorry you feel like you have to take a step back."

"I don't know what else to do…"

"I'm sorry about that, too." I lean in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Because I was ready for all of this with you. More than ready."

"C-Can I call you?" She asks, stepping out into the corridor. "When things settle down?"

"You can call me any time you like." I smile. "I'll always be your friend."

"I mean…can we move forward when she's out of the picture?"

"I don't know." I breathe out. "I don't know where I'll be when this is over."

"Where you'll be?" Eliza furrows her brow. "Why wouldn't you be here?"

"Because I was only here for you," I admit. "Had I divorced her when I was single, I'd have moved on. Out of town."

"Wow…"

"Yeah, wow." I laugh. "Sounds crazy, right? How this morning…I had a wife and a girlfriend." I roll my eyes. "Now I have neither."

"She's still your wife…"

"Trust me, she's not." I close the door over, deciding my conversation is over. "Today, in her office…she let me go. For good."

"Arizona, wait."

"I need to pack," I say. "Just…look after yourself, okay? You know where I am if you need me. Just call…"

Closing the door, I lean back against it, tears pricking my eyes. This isn't how I expected my afternoon to go, not at all, but Eliza knows what she wants and what she needs. If she believes she needs to take a step back and slow things down, that's her decision. Me? I'll continue to live my life pleasing everyone else.

Get your ass out of the country, Robbins. It's the best thing for you…

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.