You & I

Chapter Fifteen

ARIZONA'S POV

Waking, covered in a cool sweat, I place my hand over my forehead, trying to breathe through the tears that have fallen during my sleep. I don't know what just happened during my dream, or I do, but I didn't like it. I didn't like that feeling at all. Glancing to my right, Eliza is sleeping soundly beside me, but my heart is racing. My mind, in overdrive. God, I feel sick.

Quietly slipping from beneath the sweat-soaked sheet covering my body, I pull a tee over my head and leave the bedroom we've been sharing for the last two nights. Being back at my parent's place has been wonderful, and Eliza has loved it too. I'm not sure I've ever felt so relaxed around her but it seems things are beginning to fall into place. How, I do not know, but being alone with her and out of the city has been everything I hoped it would be. Nobody around to disturb us. No thoughts of divorces or ex-wives. Just us. Smiling and in love.

That though, that dream just then…it's left me feeling uneasy. It's left my heart pounding and my head spinning. How can a dream feel so real? How can something that hasn't happened, make you feel like your world is ending? I'm not sure I've ever dreamed so vividly as I have tonight, but I never want it to happen again. If it makes me feel like this, then no, I never want to dream again for as long as I live.

Approaching the kitchen, I grab myself a glass of water and head for the doors that lead to the huge yard. I have no intentions of going out there, but the view is nice. Sure, it may be nothing but darkness ahead of me, but I know what lies beneath that darkness. Happiness. Color. A world of love. When the sun rises, that darkness will disappear and I'll have another day with Eliza.

"Where did you go?" A sleepy voice whispers behind me.

"Hey, I'm sorry." I turn around to find my girlfriend. "I'll be right there. I needed some water."

"You've been talking in your sleep for the last couple hours…"

"O-Oh." I furrow my brow. "Did you want me to grab a blanket and take the couch?"

"No." Eliza approaches me, her arms wrapping around me. "Please, come back to bed. It's 3 am."

"I'm sorry." I press a kiss to Eliza's head. "Come on." Guiding her back towards the bedroom, my girlfriend climbs back into bed and sighs as she settles down, her eyes flickering closed. "I just need to use the bathroom."

"Mm." Is all I receive from her.

Closing the bathroom door, I take a seat on the edge of the tub and rub my forehead. My dream is playing on my mind but it's not something I believe I could, or should, discuss with Eliza. Its stupid really, but it happened. It happened and now I feel like I shouldn't sleep again for fear of it resuming.

Giving myself another moment to calm my thoughts, I stand and release a deep sigh. Eliza will be sleeping by now so I'm thankful I won't have to get into any sort of conversation with her. It just isn't needed, and it's just me being stupid. Rolling my eyes, I pull the bathroom door open and sneak out. The light illuminating Eliza's face, I find green eyes staring back at me.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Of course." I wave off her concern. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You look a little pale." Eliza sits up on her elbows. "Are you unwell?"

"Eliza, I'm fine." I give her my best smile. "Sleep. Please."

"I would but I don't like an empty bed." Her tone changes. "You've turned me into a needy bitch."

"Mm, my bad." I climb into bed with her and wrap my arms around her tight. "I could snuggle with you forever."

"Would you?" Eliza's eyes find mine.

"Huh?"

"Would you snuggle with me forever?"

"You know I would." I press a kiss to her nose. "No doubt about it."

"You were dreaming…" Eliza's thumb trails my bottom lip. "Right?"

"I-I don't know." I stutter.

"Yes, you do." She gives me a knowing look. "Why are you not being honest with me?"

"Eliza…" I give her a soft smile. "It's 3 am. We should really sleep. You wanted to head into town tomorrow and I don't want anything getting in the way of that."

"It won't." She smiles. "But something isn't right. I can see it in your eyes."

"I'm good. Great, even."

"You're also a terrible liar." My girlfriend rolls her eyes. "Please, don't hide things from me."

"I just had a bad dream, is all," I say, nonchalantly. "Nothing for either of us to worry about."

"Then why are you worrying?" She studies my face. "If it was nothing, why do you look like someone just came in here and told you you'd lost someone close to you?"

"D-Don't." My heart sinks. "Please, don't even joke about that."

"I'm not."

"Eliza, please…" My eyes close as she shifts closer to me.

"Tell me what happened…"I can hear the pleading in her voice but it's nothing for her to worry about. I know she won't let this lie, but I really wish she would. I wish she would just sleep. "You know I won't close my eyes until you do." Her hand settles on my hip beneath my tee.

"It was you." I breathe out. "You were sick."

"Sick?" Eliza arches one of her eyebrows. "And did you look after me?"

"Of course, I did," I say. "Y-You were really sick."

"Ah." She nods slowly. "The old cancer death dream."

"Eliza."

"No, it's okay." She smiles. "I had them. Ali had them. You're now having them."

I appreciate that she's trying to make me feel better, but it's going to take a hell of a lot more than what she's just said. How the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight when I have an image of the woman I love, lying in a hospital bed, dying?

"Hey…" She curls her fingers under my chin and tilts my head up. "I'm okay, Arizona. I'm healthy."

"I know you are." A tear slips to the silk pillow beneath my head. "I just…it scared me."

"Of course, it did." She gives me a sad smile. "I'd be worried if it didn't."

"You know I'd always look after you, right?" I cup her face. "You know I'd never leave your side for a single moment?"

"I know." Eliza leans in, pressing a kiss to my lips. "I know you'd be there for me."

"But you're okay." My eyes close as I release a deep breath. "It was just a dream and it meant nothing."

"It was just a dream and it meant nothing," Eliza repeats my words. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Wrapping my girlfriend up in my arms, I hold her as close as I possibly can. My fear is that if I don't, I'll lose her. I'll lose her and I won't ever know what to do with my life again.

Wrapped up in my favorite childhood blanket, the wind whips around me and sends a shiver through my body. Down my spine. Piercing my skin, it feels good. It feels like I have a better grip on reality this morning. I don't want last night to put a downer on anything we do today, but I also know Eliza is going to want to discuss it more. At least, I'm assuming she will.

"Coffee?" She calls from the kitchen.

"Please." I glance over my shoulder to find her watching me. "You joining me?"

"I'd love to." She gives me a full smile before disappearing.

Relaxing back into my seat, I release a slight sigh and close my eyes. How could someone so beautiful and perfect go through what Eliza did? How could she do it all alone, or at all for that matter? If it was me, I'm not sure I'd be strong enough. If I received that kind of news when I'd been planning my future, I think I may have given up.

That's the difference between Eliza and I, I guess. She's strong. She knows exactly what she wants. She's positive and full of motivation. Something I absolutely admire about her. She doesn't sit around miserable, wondering what could've been…she grabs life and goes with each day. As it comes, she faces it.

"Sweetened it a little more for you…"

"Why?"

"Figured you'd need it." Eliza shrugs as she hands me a coffee cup. "You doing okay?"

"Great." I give her a thankful smile as I lace my fingers around my cup. "Sorry I woke you last night."

"It's okay." She climbs into the spot beside me, covering her legs with the blanket draped over my own. "Mm, you're warm and snuggly."

"Thanks…"

"So?" She clears her throat.

"So?"

"Last night." She focuses fully on my face. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." I drop my gaze. "I don't even want to think about it so talking won't help."

"We should, though." Eliza's hand settles on my knee. "If you don't, it will be forever on your mind."

"It was just a dream, Eliza."

"But it clearly got to you." She smiles. "And I wouldn't expect anything less."

"I guess in the back of my mind, I worry." I lift my head and focus on the expanse of the field around us. "I mean, I know you don't want that, but maybe I just do."

"I worry, too." She takes my hand and squeezes. "And I know I'll always worry."

"Yeah?"

"Every day at some point." She nods. "I know it could come back. I know it could one day kill me…but there is not a single thing I can do about it."

"I couldn't ever lose you." My voice breaks.

"And that's hopefully never going to happen." She lifts my hand, pressing a kiss to my skin. "We live each day…that's all we can do."

"Just…" My eyes close. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"I have regular check-ups. Nothing has ever come back with any concern, okay?"

"Okay." I nod, a slight relief washing over me. "You're amazing, you know…"

"No, I just try to be positive." Eliza smiles. "What's the use in worrying every minute of the day?"

"I know." I pull my girlfriend in closer, my arm wrapping around her shoulder. "Still…I think you're amazing."

"So are you." Her head settles on my chest. "You make me feel like I've never been through it…"

"But you have and I'm so proud of how you handled it." I fix the blanket around us better and make myself comfortable. "I'm so thankful you fought."

"At times, I didn't want to," Eliza admits. "Some days, I felt so ill that I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I just wanted it all to end."

"God, I wish I'd been there for you." I rest my head against Eliza's and close my eyes. "I'd have fought every step of the way with you."

"I know you would." She nods slightly. "I knew from the moment we kissed that you could've been the one to see me through it."

"If I could go back, I'd be there," I say. "Just…being whatever you needed."

"I love you," Eliza whispers, her hand settling on my stomach beneath my sweater. "I love you and I know that I've got you, Arizona."

"I'm not sure you realize just how important you are to me…"

"I do." Her fingertips caress my skin. "I can feel it. I've never felt anything quite like it in my life."

"No?" I glance down to find Eliza looking up at me. "Never?"

"Never." She smiles. "But I'm happy about that. It means that this…what we have…is perfect to me. That you are perfect to me."

"Can you believe we discussed kids the other night?" I laugh. "I mean, can you?"

"Honestly, I can."

"What? Really?"

"Well, yeah." She shrugs. "As you said, it's too soon…but to know that we both want that means neither of us has to worry about it without saying it out loud. You know?"

"Yeah." I agree, an overwhelming sense of feeling complete washing over me. "I know exactly what you mean."

"Suzanna never wanted kids?"

"No, I don't think so." I disagree. "She never spoke about it but that didn't bother me. Anyone who knows Suzanna knows that she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body." We both laugh. "Can you imagine? Her…with a child? She's the most self-centered bitch on this earth."

"Yeah, she does love the sound of her own voice." Eliza rolls her eyes. "And if it's not about her, she couldn't care any less."

"Exactly." I sigh. "I couldn't ever bring a child into the world knowing it would have a mother like Suzanna."

"But me?"

"God, you'd make my freaking life complete knowing my kid was yours…"

"You just know all the right things to say." Eliza sits up and takes my coffee cup from my hand. "All the time."

"Mm…" I narrow my eyes. "And I'm assuming you like hearing the right thing, huh?" She straddles my legs and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Whatever gave you that impression?" Eliza smirks into a kiss. "Mm?"

"N-Nothing." I pull back, breathless. "But when you kiss me like that…nothing makes sense."

"Nothing has made sense in my life since the day I met you, Arizona." Eliza's forehead presses against mine. "And I'm not sure anything will ever make sense again."

"Maybe that's the way to live?"

"You think?" She furrows her brow.

"Well, living in our own bubble wouldn't be the worst idea in the world." I smile. "Especially here…in this home."

"It's gorgeous." She whispers against my lips. "And so is it's owner." Tugging my bottom lip between her teeth, my girlfriend gains a moan from me. "We really should leave soon to get into town."

"Mm, I know." I whimper. "Real soon."

"Like, very soon." Eliza climbs off me, tugging my hand and pulling me up to my feet. "Don't you think?"

"I-I, uh…" This woman sends me insane with want. I can't think straight when she uses that sexy voice but I suspect that's the reaction she was aiming for. "Y-Yeah…"

"Shame." She pulls me closer and our bodies connect. "Because I have something else I need to do before we even think about getting dressed and leaving…"

"W-We're already dressed." I stutter.

"But in the next thirty seconds…" Her tongue trails my neck, reaching my ear. "…we won't be."

Holy shit…

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.