Kili tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He attempted to put a good face on because she was the one that had to stay in this awful woods, but she could accept her fate more easily.
"I promised you," he whispered, kissing her lips once more.
Tauriel stroked his cheek. "You have your responsibilities in Erebor, just like I have mine here. Legolas is right: I might not be royal, but I want to bring joy to the lives of the ones around me. It's too easy to flee and start all over somewhere else. I think I would never forgive myself."
Kili didn't know what to answer. He knew they just started their relationship, but he hadn't been often in love and he didn't want to give her up. He didn't want to leave her with such a ruthless monster.
"I will come to you," she whispered, looking deep into his eyes. "I will visit you as soon as I can."
She gave him one more short kiss, but then turned around to embrace Alyssae, Thranduin, Bofur, Fili and Bombur. When she was ready, she stood beside Legolas.
"Go well."
Kili searched for words. There were many things he wanted to say, but he couldn't formulate the right sentences and in the end he just turned his face away. Silently he walked past the others.
"Things will be all right," Alyssae whispered and she put a hand on his shoulder. "When you got back Erebor, we will visit you frequently."
Kili smiled watery, but he had the feeling he had to wait for that moment a whole era. The fact that Alyssae would also leave, didn't make things better. Certainly not because he was afraid his uncle would show some Thranduil-traits when she was gone.
The atmosphere was ghastly, and that was not only caused by his own loaded mind. The breathing of his uncle became heavier by every step he took and Kili noticed Alyssae watched him with growing sorrow. They were on the way for only a few hours when he already walked like a drunk, needing several breaks. The straight-backed, invincible man he had known was nowhere to be found. It seemed as if even a puff of wind could take away his life.
"Is there nothing more you can do for him?" Kili grumbled to the elf, who shook his head sadly.
"Whatever magic I will use, his body will have to supplement its own reserves. He needs rest."
Kili knew for sure he wouldn't get his rest the coming days. After all, they were still hunted and they had no idea how close their enemies were. As if that danger wasn't enough, monstrous spiders and other filthy insects were waiting for them, hidden in the shadows of the trees.
"And if he can't get that rest?"
Thranduin looked briefly at him, but didn't answer. Kili didn't want to give up, but fear squeezed his heart more and more. Every time he thought things were going better, a dark almighty creature seemed to be ready to make the next move.
They were forced to set a camp when Thorin fell on the ground. A fire wasn't lit, since they were afraid it would attract unwanted visitors and they skipped dinner as well.
Kili sat down next to his brother and some others at the border of the path and looked at his uncle, who was lying on the ground and had lost his conscious.
"What do you think?" he asked softly.
"He'll manage," Bofur answered optimistically. "A kiss of Alys will surely give him strength."
Kili mumbled something inaudible. He didn't like Thorin and Alyssae together. She made a better match with Fili, although he believed his uncle deserved some love as well. Still he knew Thorin would mess it up sooner or later, like he had done so many times since he'd met Alyssae.
Bofur studied his face with raised eyebrows, but Kili didn't intend to share his feelings. He lowered down on the ground, folded his arms beneath his head and tried to discern the sky between the thick leaves, while thinking about Tauriel and trying to immortalize her face in his memory. He knew he wouldn't succeed. With time the memory of her face would fade and become more and more unclear, until she became an illusion, showing only a few similarities with reality. It was a disturbing thought that didn't let go of him and was connected with the loss of his father, so many years ago, which made him feel even worse.
Would Thorin soon become a memory as well? Was all hope for a better life lost and would he wither in a dark wood like this forever, thinking about everything he almost had held in his hands, but was snatched away just before he could close his fingers?