Water cascading down the clear glass beside him, the gentle talking of those around him, the homely feeling of the room around him; all did nothing to soothe him. He thought listening in to the idle conversations, watching people go about their days, would work in distracting him, but to no avail.
A glance over to his half-finished plate, and Fox's look of content told him it was probably time to leave soon. Wolf found himself pondering on talking, to fill their awkward silence, but each time it was met with the same conclusion. He never understood how people could sit together and talk for so long; they come for food, yet find themselves staying hours on end. It made him feel odd, like an outcast.
The glares didn't help either.
Was it the eyepatch? Did they know who he was, or who he was with? Though, he also had to admit he might've been imagining it all. A cough from the other side of the table snapped him out of his worry, raised brows meeting his gaze. He probably looked like an idiot. Quickly averting his eye, he busied himself with the bag beside him.
Clothes. That's what they came for, alongside some other essentials. It left him wondering why they were here now, but it's not like they would have anything else to do together. It also just had to be raining too, didn't it?
"Tch..." Wolf clicked under his breath, realising his mistakes. Somewhere along the lines his thoughts were mixed up with a lot more we and us. He hated to admit that the red furred vulpine was getting to him.
"Something up?" Fox's words perked his ears. Shit.
"Nah, nothing. How long we staying for?"
"Oh, uh, we can go whenever. I just thought you'd want to finish your food beforehand?"
"I'm not really hungry." Wolf didn't really want food to begin with, but Fox insisted; paying too, of course.
"Right, yeah, we can head off then, if you want?" Nodding his head in response, the two started grabbing their things and making their exit.
The cold hit them instantly, droplets of water striking their faces. Pulling up his umbrella, Fox left the shelter, only to realise Wolf had continued on regardless. Jogging to catch up with Wolf, he moved it over his head to protect him too, only for Wolf to reject it and moved ahead.
That's how they remained for a while, Fox slowly trailing behind Wolf as they continued onwards. Fox noticed Wolf's subtle head turns, his tense posture and his clenched fists. It could have been due to the cold, if he didn't know better. He found himself staring at Wolf's hands, his own gently twitching. Biting his lip, he tried again.
Instead this time, he handed Wolf the umbrella. Receiving a perplexed look, he smiled in response. Except Fox noticed how he was holding it, and practically all of him was outside anyway. Moving closer, he pushed it in towards Wolf to protect him.
"Fox, people are looking." He mumbled, inching away slightly.
"Let them." Fox closed the distance again.
"Fox..."
"I don't care, if they judge, they judge. I'm not about to let you give yourself a cold."
"You have a reputation to keep." Wolf stepped out again.
"So what? It's not like they can tell who I am anyway."
...
"Is my reputation someone who doesn't care for his..." He trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence. What were they?
...
"Wolf?"
Fox grasped the handle just above Wolf, shoulders now touching sharing in each others warmth.
Why'd this idiot have to go and fall for me? "Fine." Wolf unclasped his hand slightly, and Fox noticed the invite, gladly accepting.
Why am I falling for this idiot?
Wolf couldn't really complain, except for that bubbling in his stomach. Calm down. Fingers were rubbing against his own soothingly, noticing with a start he was probably clutching too hard. He was getting short of breath again, hackles rising.
"Hey, wanna go to the park?" Fox spoke again, pointing over towards the gate. The look he received oozed "In this weather?!", so he nodded gently. "It won't be busy."
They really should be going back as soon as possible, but Wolf agreed anyway. True to his words, nobody was there; he'd at least expected a few people. A short dirtied path under the canopy led them to a clearing, a few benches scattered around a large fountain; because of course there's a fountain.
Looking bitterly towards it, he found annoyance building inside. Just how many of these are there? He didn't even have to look at the plaque to know what it probably said. "To commemorate Star Fox on all they did in the war." or something generic like that. It irritated him to no end, all it did was fuel their black and white narrative. Star Fox are 'good guys', the good guys take out Andross, the 'bad guy'. Star Wolf work for Andross, and are thus bad guys. Everyone knew this, and it was frustrating.
Yet he found himself buying into the same story.
They were the bad guys. He was. The numbers of the dead were uncountable, the work he did unforgivable, redemption unattainable. It was frustrating because he himself knew this. Sure everyone was going to hate him, why wouldn't they? The voices of anger, sorrow, resentment, all piled up and stuck with him; any time he began to think differently they always pulled him back. And that's how it should be, how it will be.
"Let's stop here for a sec." Fox brushed the puddled water off of a bench and plonked himself down. "What, scared to get your ass wet?"
Wolf followed, sitting down beside him. In turn, Fox moved closer and their arms were joined again. The instinctive glances came back.
"No one's here, Wolf." A final surveillance around him, and Wolf slumped over. His head tilted, resting gently against the others shoulder hesitantly. Fox wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him in, Wolf's head now resting against his chest in a close, yet awkward position. Wolf sighed gently, deciding to fight against stopping this.
Why does he have any reason to forgive me? After all I've done, I still don't understand. Using the guise of love to try excuse it. It doesn't make sense; what's there to love? He hardly knows me, I hardly know him, so why? Why does he feel like this?
Why am I feeling this way too...
"You're not a monster, Wolf." Gently whispering into Wolf's ear, Fox stroke his back gently. "It's okay, don't think about it."
Air hitched in his throat, quaking breaths leaving his lungs. It hurt, why does it hurt? The searing fire in his stomach, the stabbing pain in his chest. Droplets of rain trickled down his face.
How did we end up here?
Snippets of their past conversation came flying through Fox's mind. "Well, I cleared out the rest of the rooms, since everyone left..."
"Whatever, I don't care. Just face away from me."
And that's where they were now. The two lay together sharing a bed, though a sizeable distance was still between them. He rolled onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. His efforts to sleep had proved futile, and the soft breathing beside him did nothing to calm him, so instead he decided to take the time to think; it had been a while since he had a moment to himself.
But his mind didn't know where to start. They all conglomerated into a jumbled mess. What am I doing here? In retrospect, it was surreal how it all happened. Him and Wolf — together? It all seemed too sudden, doubts swirling.
Am I going too fast? Signs pointed to yes; he kissed him on impulse on the first day of being with him. That was a mistake... I wonder if he feels forced into this. Another twang against his heartstrings as he realised what he was doing. Guilt, alongside sadness at the thought of that statement being true.
It was fast, but the thought of being without Wolf now left him with a stabbing sensation. One he'd rather not deal with. "it might be love..." Those words which had left his mouth prior was rearing it's head back at him again. Love is probably a stretch. I hardly know him.
But then again, isn't that what relationships are for? Nobody attains that perfect "true love" they always try to sell, you find someone you like and you try make it work. I like Wolf, love is... Debatable. What we're doing isn't wrong...
It isn't wrong, right?
No. We're just hanging around, getting used to each other. It's a learning experience. Though, I really ought to try clear the air sometime soon, or else this could get bad...
Fox felt a nudge to his leg, a light kick from Wolf in his sleep. The action brought a smile to his face, as he couldn't help but find it cute.
And that was another thing. He'd originally got so attached to the lupine because they were so similar... Alone, struggling to get by. It felt bad knowing that their relationship had started from a feeling of desperation, like he saw Wolf as an object to stop him feeling lonely. But now he kept finding more qualities about the lupine which drew him in closer. He was misunderstood; the "secret" consideration for Fox, exposing his vulnerable side, the comforting side.
It pained Fox to see him so self-hating, not knowing how good of a person he can be.
Another kick struck him, but this time it actually hurt. "Agh, what the hell Wo—" A quick glance over told him 'what the hell'. Another panic attack.
He hesitated. What does he do? His overwhelming desire to help only barely held back by the feeling of uncertainty. Fox would be forcing himself on Wolf again, and he'd probably feel uncomfortable. Plus, Wolf said not to look over at him, would he be angry? I...
The urge to help got the better of him, as he quickly moved to comfort him. One hand stroking his head, while the other shoved in an attempt to wake him up.
And it worked. The shaking slowed, and his breathing became natural again. "F-Fox?"
Ah, shit... "Wolf, I, uh..."
"What did I say?" Wolf's voice felt hurt, scared. Fox tried to move back, only to realise Wolf was clutching onto his hand, dragging it against to his chest. It thrashed frantically, and Fox could feel the deep breaths he was taking.
"Well, you kind of have my hand."
Surprisingly, Wolf turned over to face Fox, muzzles inches away. A light red tinge painted Wolf's muzzle, the sight bringing a blush to his own as well. "I'm... Sorry." Head lowering, he began to quiver. Placing his head firmly against Fox's chest, Wolf repeated. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry, I've already forgiven you." Fox embraced the other, whispering.
"Why?"
"Do I particularly need a reason to forgive you?"
...
"Being angry at you won't do anything, for either of us."
...
"You've already shown me you're worth forgiving. You really do regret all the bad you might've done, and everyone deserves a second chance. You just can't see the positives I see, and that's fine. I'll work with you to help you see, if you're okay with me."
"It's wrong... I shouldn't— you shouldn't." Wolf clutched tighter. "I shouldn't be forgiven so easily. Even if I regret it, it was still done."
"Everyone makes mistakes. I've made plenty mistakes myself." One which almost made me lose you."But it's how you move with those which is important."
"Why... Why does it hurt so much? I can't— it won't stop." Laboured breaths staggered out. "My heart won't stop beating, my body won't stop shaking, my stomach won't stop churning; and yet I feel happy? I don't deserve happiness."
"Nobody decides who deserves happiness, Wolf. Yours is just as important as everybody else's." Except to me. "I want you to be happy."
"Stop." Wolf breathed out silently. "Please, stop." Despite his words, Wolf pushed as if he was clutching for his life.
"I can't. You don't have to go through the pain alone."
"I'm a wreck."
"You're not a wreck."
Silence enveloped the two, both content with enjoying the others presence. Fox's second guessing muted in the moment. He knew what he had to do, what he wanted to.
"Fox?"
"Hm?"
"Is this what you called love?" The bullet shot through his heart. Fox lay speechless. "I don't really get it, but it's just... I can't explain it. All I know for sure is I want to be with you, and yet..."
"I'm not going to tell you what to do, make your own choice here. Though I will say, whoever else's opinions don't matter to me, nor will you have to feel guilty about it. It's their problem."
"But still, I—"
"Don't worry about it Wolf." Fox cut him off. "Let's talk about it in the morning, I don't want you to feel rushed into a choice you wouldn't normally make."
"Oh, okay."
...
"I love you..." A low whisper from Wolf, the words clutching against Fox's heart. I got a lot of things to think about too...
"So, what do you think?" To say they both sat leisurely on the sofa, it felt like some sort of huge business meeting.
"You first."
"We're not going to get anywhere like this, you know?" Fox sent a questioning look at Wolf, who's ears wilted under the pressure. "Fine, first things first, what are we?"
"Friends?"
"Do friends sleep in the same bed?"
"Well, no, but don't you think it's a bit soon to say we're, uh..." A skittish aversion of Wolf's head, trying to avoid scrutiny.
"I guess you're right, it is fast. Perhaps friends is for the best."
"That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to go farther. It's just, we ought to take this all slower if it's going to work out."
...
"It will work out, right?"
"Who's to say. Trust me, I want this too, but sometimes things just... Don't." Fox's face look muddled in pensive thought. Ok, so the foundation is set. There's still other things. "Right, but what about these panic attacks?"
Wolf visibly flinched, shrinking himself down. "They're a, uh... Thing?"
"I know they're 'a thing' Wolf, what I want to know is what do you think can be done for it?"
"Huh?"
"If we're taking it slow, should I really be doing what I have? Like sure, I want to help, but isn't it a bit much?"
"I don't know... Probably not, but..."
"But?"
"I kind of don't want it to stop." Wolf bit his lip, choosing his words as carefully as possible. "It's like you said earlier, about your 'reputation' and whatnot. Could you really stop yourself?"
"No, probably not." Looking back to the previous night, both a huge mistake and the best thing he could've done.
"It's fine. I won't get annoyed; if anything you're helping me. There's this warmth in my chest and I don't want it to go away." Shakily smiling, Wolf placed a hand on his chest to accentuate this.
"Right so, uh, hugging isn't off bounds?"
"Friend hugging?"
"I guess? Who's to say we should let that word define us though; we should just be natural with each other."
"Right. Yeah, okay."
"I also meant to give you something earlier..." Fox looked to his side, fiddling with the bag. Wolf's ears perked, now more intrigued by the object in question. "I saw it a few days ago when I went down on my own and couldn't help myself."
He handed the bag to Wolf, and inside he found a piece of pinkish-purple cloth. Unfolding it revealed it to be a scarf? "Huh?"
"I guess I got caught up and thought we... might look... uh, cute together, or something. Ya know, matching and all that?" Bringing up a claw to scratch away the red, his eyes kept shifting over to Wolf and away. He couldn't help but notice the goofy smile on the others muzzle.
"Aw, thanks." His first actual gift from someone. He couldn't stop the giddiness from rising up in his stomach. The foreign feeling had becoming gradually more prevalent, and he was still struggling to get used to it.
"So, now that's out of the way, wanna watch some TV, or something?"
"Sure." They flicked the screen on and were greeted with the usual nonsense. Nothing really entertaining, but it was something to do together. Wolf slowly rested his head against Fox's shoulder as he browsed the channels, earning a smirk.
"This isn't very friend like..."
"Oh, uh, sorry!" Sitting back upright, he stared at the screen to hide his blunder.
Only for Fox to do the same thing he did. "I didn't say I minded..." It was such a rare sight, seeing Wolf get so flustered; Fox couldn't help but find it adorable. "We shouldn't force ourselves to be too awkward with each other, I think..."
"Hm..." Fox's hand found itself on the others leg, only for Wolf to grasp it with his own.
I'm unsure this whole "friend" thing is going to last long...