Alyssae felt uncomfortable when Thranduin stared at the ground and sighed. How would he react if he knew they would possibly never have a son or a daughter?
He could probably better deal with it than she did, but on the other hand, there would be a day when all their misery was even too much to bear for him.
"Let's move on," she suggested, right after Thranduin had taken care of the arrow in her leg. She put Azog's head on a spike and put it in the ground at the other side of the road.
Gandalf eased Thorin's pain a little, but just like Thranduin he believed Thorin needed rest and so they were forced to do so, even though they first wanted to move away from Mirkwood as far as possible.
During their journey to a remote village, Alyssae informed the wizard about everything that had happened since he had left; the orc attack in Beorn's house, the disappearance of Fili and the dead of Bifur, the fact that she had fallen in the water and awakened in Thranduil's kingdom, where Thranduin had been.
A little ashamed she told him about the reasons Thranduil had tortured Thorin and that they were permitted to leave eventually. She noticed the wizard questioned the ease with which they had left the kingdom, but he didn't ask for it.
"The evil you have came across in the woods startles me," he mumbled, lost in thoughts. "I am afraid I can no longer accompany you. The sickness of the wood is a development that worries me."
"The sickness ravages the woods for a very long time," Alyssae answered skeptically. "We are close to Erebor now!"
Gandalf mumbled to himself. "I will think about it."
At the edge of a gigantic lake they stopped and sat in the grass. Alyssae had distanced herself a little from the others and watched the silent like.
Her lower leg pounded maliciously. The magic was flowing away, but she believed there was no reason to complain. It was only a fraction of the pain Thorin felt.
A sigh escaped her lips while she touched the wound. The fact that she had almost died, only hit her by know. The triumph of her victory over Azog had pushed away her fear, but the shivers crept down her spine again now she thought about it. She could still smell his disgusting stench. She could still feel the foot upon her back. She could still hear his disdainful words.
"Are you okay?"
Alyssae looked up and saw Thorin, but at this moment she couldn't appreciate his concern. One man that walked behind her constantly and from whom's eyes she could barely escape, was more than enough.
"It will be better. I can count myself lucky that I am still alive, so I have to accept the pain."
"That's right," Thorin grumbled. "I told you not to go."
"I told you to leave me as well and neither did you listen to me," she snapped back. "What did you think?" she burst out. "You knew you were no match for Azog!"
"I also knew I couldn't watch him killing another of my beloved." His voice was only a whisper, causing goose bumps.
"I never wanted you to watch," Alyssae hummed. "I wanted you to turn your back on me."
"You know damn well I would never do that," he grumbled while he kicked away a stone and watched the circles that appeared in the water.
Alyssae sighed. "Maybe Gloin is right. Maybe I do make you blind."
The words that Gloin had spoken a long time ago, even before they had admitted their feelings, wandered through her mind for some time.
"Don't be stupid," Thorin snarled. "You act like all of this is my fault! I haven't tortured myself! I haven't fallen out of a tree and ended up in Azog's hands! Maybe I don't know my limits very well, but neither do you, elf."
"That's not the point!" Alyssae objected, angry he started to call her elf again.
"I don't want you to risk your future for me!"
Thorin looked taunted at her. "Then don't make me putting my life at risk! I know I can do nothing right in your eyes, but not everything that goes wrong is my fault! You think I would have acted differently when Azog would have held Kili or Fili in his claws? Of course not! It's just ... it's always you who ends up in situations like these!"
After those words he walked away, while Alyssae stared forward defeated. A tear ran down her cheek. Did she really gave him the feeling he could only do things wrong? And was he right? Was she led by her emotions just as much a he was?