Alyssae felt ashamed of her words and her fear. Thranduin would give up everything to be with the woman he loved: with Mána or with her. She however had that chance, but she didn't dare to take it.
"Take these words from me, Alyssae: maybe you will indeed conclude that things will not work out for Thorin and you. But if you don't even give it a try, you will regret it for the rest of your life."
Alyssae stared at her knees. She didn't have to think about his words for a long time before she realized he was right. It however caused many confusing feelings. On the one hand she felt happy because she wanted to share a life with Thorin. But living with dwarves in an underground city, being miles away from her family, was also making her doubt. She would always be an outcast.
"Well, we will see how things turn out," Alyssae sighed, but the fact that Thranduin was willing to break their engagement was a real relief. "First we have to kill a dragon."
Thranduin looked up. "Yes, I have talked with Balin about that. Only with the heart of the mountain they can persuade the other dwarf clans to join them. It is their plan to steal it from Smaug."
Alyssae sighed. "That barely sounds like a plan at all. What's their next step? Let what's left of their race be killed?"
"I am figuring something out," Thranduin answered.
"What?" Alyssae persisted curiously, but he shook his head.
"I want to think it over first, before I give them false hope."
She wanted to object, but let go of it in the end. He knew what he was doing and she trusted his insight.
They returned to the others. As soon as her eye caught Thorin, her heart beat in her throat. It felt like she had fallen in love even more now Thranduin had given her freedom. She felt just as uncertain as in the beginning and started to doubt again, even though she knew she should let it run its course.
She sat down next to Kili. He had been a little introverted the past days and she knew he worried about Tauriel, although she didn't believe the elf was in any danger. Thranduil was convinced Alyssae would finish the job anyway.
She took a bowl with soup from Bombur and smiled gratefully, pouring it bit by bit in her mouth.
"How long will it take before we reach the mountain?" Oin aimed his questioning look at Gandalf, who stared thoughtfully in the distance.
"Hard to say, master dwarf. The flat landscape easily betrays the eye, but we will be on time."
Those words made smiles appear on the faces of all dwarves. Thorin glanced briefly at her, by which she had the feeling her skin was burning.
Suddenly being with him was all she wanted, whatever she had to sacrifice. She couldn't bear the though to never look in those sparkling eyes again.
She took a deep breath, but the words had left her lips before she had taken a well-considered decision.
"Thranduin and I have ended our engagement."
The voices silenced and everyone stared motionless at her, probably more shocked by the way she had announced it than by the message.
"Oh." It was Bofur who broke the silence. "Well, what do you say in such a situation?"
Her eyes flashed to Thranduin, who stared at his feet. She shrunk by seeing his defeated face and bit her lip as she realized how uncaring she must have sound.
"You better say nothing," she mumbled. "I..."
Alyssae had no idea what else she could say. She could not imagine how Thranduin must feel, for she acted like a heartless shrew.
"Well, good to know. Now the food will surely taste much better," Gloin grumbled.
Her cheeks turned red and she glanced carefully at Thorin, but he stared obstinately at the content of his bowl.