After she had consumed her soup, Alyssae sought for some privacy. She had the feeling she had spoiled the atmosphere with her words, as if suddenly everyone deeply regretted the cancellation of their marriage.
Alyssae threw some stones in the water, waiting until he would come. He had said nothing during dinner, by which it seemed like he had put on his unyielding mask again. As if he didn't care what she was doing or feeling.
She sighed when she realized he was not coming. Unwilling she returned to the others, who were all sleeping. He included.
With a gnawing feeling inside, she lowered herself on the ground as well. She turned on her back and stared at the stars, which winked above her head. They would always do that, no matter what happened on earth.
She couldn't fall asleep. There were to many doubts floating through her mind. She thought about her family, who were still on the look-out, desperately waiting for her return. Maybe she didn't deserve such a family. She had left them to go on an adventure. She had left them to escape from Thranduin. To escape from a dull life, in which she had to fulfill so many obligations.
She saw how the clouds shove before the moon. It became darker immediately. Wherever she would go, there would always be people expecting things from her. At home she knew which standards there were, but here, amidst the dwarfs, she could only guess. She had tried to become one of them, she had even pretended to be one, but the fact that she was an elf and they a bunch of dwarfs would never change, nor the fact that she was a woman while they were men.
Alyssae had barely come to rest when Gandalf encouraged everyone to get up next morning. They packed their things and prepared again for a long hike.
She saw Balin and Thranduin were talking softly to each other and a watery smile played around his lips. Alyssae watched him, glad he wasn't huffing like Thorin did, who was impatiently waiting until everyone was ready.
Alyssae got over her lack of courage and walked to him.
"What's wrong?" she asked, stretching her hands to his coat of mail to secure it, like she had done the days before.
"There's nothing," Thorin grumbled, stepping away from her so that the half-fastened pinning-pieces slipped out of her hands. "I can do this myself."
Alyssae suppressed a sigh, but stood by him and watched how he dressed himself.
Without saying anything he walked to Dwalin and Nori. A lump appeared in her throat, which hindered her breathing and caused tears in her eyes.
"What have I done wrong?" she grumbled when Bofur came to her.
"Nothing, my dear." He wrapped an arm around her waist. "He just needs to get used to the idea you're not engaged anymore."
"What a nonsense," Alyssae snorted. "What's he thinking ? That I want to marry him now? We have only kissed twice, that's all."
Bofur grinned shortly. "Well, you can't deny the chance that you will marry him is bigger than it was before."
"Not if he will behave this way," she hummed. "And I don't know what he thinks I will do, but I wasn't planning to force him."
"Calm down girl. You know him, right?"
Alyssae turned away her face. Reactions like these were exactly the reason why she had so many doubts. "I hoped he had changed a little."
Bofur started to laugh. "I don't believe that. You love him for who he is, even though that isn't always easy. If you needed a merry dwarf to relieve your feelings to, you would have fallen in love with me instead of Thorin."