"to fix hearts one must know one's own."
– will advise
long island is beautiful, and camp half-blood has a community, a vibrancy, a casual nature that appeals to frank, however roman, however strictly morally coded his mind has been trained to be – but between the friendly campfires and the chatty mess hall and the tides of the atlantic, he finds himself missing chilly san francisco, its perpetual fog and city buildings and california slang.
frank finds himself unable to identify how he feels, and this, at least, is familiar.
sometimes he looks up at the night sky, when he's alone, and thinks of his mother. he lets himself miss her, but every sparkling star just reminds him of a carefully wrapped kindling bursting into flames.
this is pain, frank thinks. it's when it builds and builds and builds and all of a sudden instead of release it's a glacier moving an inch and a chandelier crashing into a million little pieces and a volcano erupting in fiery clouds and that is it.
hazel spends hours lying on the hill at the edge of camp half-blood at night, watching stars twinkle sleepily and uncaring of the patrol harpies she's been warned about. one night, she hears a scream in the distance – it is annabeth's scream, and it's for percy, of course, because it does not matter that they are back and it does not matter that the war is over – they are still broken.
when hazel looks back at the night sky, the stars seem to be drifting closer, and closer, but they don't grow any larger even when millions hover just over her face. she reaches out and grabs a light speck of gold over her nose, catches it in her fist – and when she opens her hand she finds cursed diamonds, and the stars are now glimmering, beautiful, ruined jewels.
hazel awakens with a gasp. she's disoriented, and then she realizes that this is nothing new for her – disorientation is just a part of her life (life, lives – after everything, who can say?).
she sits up in bed. her hands shake and when she opens her fist there's a sigh of relief. for the first time in a long time she sees an empty palm instead of diamonds and it's a blessing
you miss new rome, piper says. hazel sees the concern from her peripheral vision but refuses to slow down her pace as she carries damaged weaponry back to the armory.
everyone i love is here, she replies, quick and curt and yet, filled with emotion. why would i care where i am?
piper wheels around to face her. the sudden stop is enough to cause her to jerk slightly, and a broken arrowhead clatters noisily onto the ground.
it's ok, piper says, softly. there's this look in her eyes and maybe a hint of charmspeak in her voice. you're allowed to want to take a break.
hazel shakes her head. she's almost angry.
everyone i love is here, she repeats. and then, meaningfully: and i don't need a break any more than you do.
she watches as piper bites her lip, looks down at the arrowhead between them. i'm fine, she says quietly. i'm fine now.
hazel lets the remaining swords and daggers and shields fall to the ground beside them and steps up to take piper's hand. she smiles.
i'll take a break the minute you decide to look after yourself instead of everyone else, okay?
piper's answering grin is shy and somewhat exasperated. they pick up the weapons and walk away together, and hazel tells herself with more surety that ever before: everyone i love is right here.
hazel is alone on her way back from the dining hall. or, she's alone until percy catches up to her with annabeth trailing behind with nico. she gives him a small smile and is delighted when he returns a boyish grin, even though her heart still tremors at seeing the dark circles under his eyes that refuse to go away.
percy swings an arm around her shoulders and they joke together, laugh and slowly the tremors ease. she is good at hiding them, but this time they seem to be receding for real.
the overbearing little sister i never wanted, percy jokes, so she kisses his cheek before shoving him out of the way. she's little more than a gentle push, but he plays along and falls dramatically to the ground. she laughs alongside all of them and then waits till percy and annabeth pull ahead and it's just her and nico walking quietly to the hades cabin.
he stops outside the door and hesitates for just a second, but then he's wrapping his arms around her and suddenly hazel has to fight back the ridiculous urge to cry.
i'll be leaving, soon, he whispers. i'm sorry.
hazel nods, and she hates the quivering of her voice when she asks: but you'll be back?
nico gives her a small, teasing smirk.
of course, he says and steps back into the shadows of the trees. how could i forget the little sister i've always wanted?
sometimes she thinks of leo. of sam. of who they both were, and who they were to her. those night the jewels in the sky burn painfully in her palms.
frank stands at the shoreline, lets cold water drift over his feet and thinks.
where before he had been a lowly soldier, on probation – now he is respected; his opinion is trusted; jason and percy and hazel and the rest of the seven care about his voice; he is approached by the younger campers, who look to him for answers.
if only he had any to give.
he hears his name called from behind him, and when he turns it's percy walking casually towards him. without annabeth, surprisingly.
he waves. turns back to face the ocean and braces himself for whatever's coming – maybe piper, or annabeth, sending percy to him as a messenger to check in.
a pang of guilt flashes through him at the ungratefulness because he finally has these friends, this family of those who care about him and respect him and here he is alone on a beach wishing they would all go away.
percy is next to him. they listen to the waves rush back and forth. he doesn't say a word, not as frank stands rigid and steadfast, not when he sighs brokenly, not when that sigh turns to gasps and then silent tears. he's on his knees on the sand, at some point and he feels percy's hand on his shoulder.
frank, percy says. his voice is grim. frank turns and looks up at him, tear tracks drying and when he does the gray sky is illuminated by the sun hidden behind it, and percy's sillhouette is dark but his green eyes are piercing. for an instant he looks otherworldly and frank sees more than his friend, sees what monsters and new demigods must see when they look at the foursome son of neptune.
but then he runs a hand through his hair and the gray parts, a little, and it's percy again.
frank, he says, more softly. i know. i know it's like everything is still on your shoulders even – even though it's supposed to be over, but – and you know, i'm not one to be talking with my – well, annabeth calls it my hero complex, but – listen. this, all this – it isn't just yours to deal with. we're here. i'm here. you're praetor now, and you deserve it, but – but you're not alone.
frank is frozen, but the words slowly seep through to his brain and then he hears every word, all at once – like the flash of light switch turning on. he nods.
percy's gaze feels like fire. do you understand, frank?
frank nods. nods again. then he says: you're not alone either. do you understand, percy?
his eyes don't stray from his friend, his brother, until percy nods too. he extends a hand and frank grabs it and stands. he is just barely the taller of the two.
hazel sits on the hill at the edge of camp half blood. it's dark. she's been warned about harpies, but any possible fear about rule breaking has been long washed away after spending time with so many chaotic greeks.
a half-grin adorns her face in spite of herself. chaotic, messy, lovable, fierce, passionate greeks.
she hears soft steps behind her and sees a shaggy black dog trotting up the hill. he runs up and settles down beside hazel, sitting self-assuredly, regally next to her. she lets a hand run through his fur, and this time her smile is full.
i love you, she says, timidly. the dog nuzzles her neck. she continues: and everyone i love is right here.
she feels him shift and then it's frank the human wrapping an arm around her shoulder and whispering back:
i know you like it here. but, eventually –
she stops him. smiles. eventually, she finishes, we're going to go home.
he nods and leans in, and they both smile into the kiss.
they look up at the sky. stars twinkle and they do not remind her of cursed jewels and they do not remind him of burning flames. instead, they think of each other.