A/N - Hey guys! First off I'm so sorry for how long it has been. I had some complete and utter shite happen plus for the next wee while I actually have a life so that was bound to slow things down but the shite also meant I couldn't get ahead of it. Anyways, sorry is what I mean. So for the next few weeks the pace will be slow (no one day updates, probs not even close :( sorry) but it is only for a few weeks and then I have some time off again so I should get back in to it. Probably obsessively.
Unfortunately when I take ages I just end up thinking of bits I want to add so I'm pretty sure this is going to be a long one. Get comfy!
It had been a long time since Cullen could remember sleeping well. The past couple of months had been especially trying but he had hoped their progress might have brought him some comfort. With Orlais finally considering them they had the hope of allies, the hope of salvation. Nonetheless he still couldn't sleep; not because his thoughts drifted to doubt or misfortune but because they drifted to victory and what that would inevitably mean.
Their progress recently had certainly been rapid enough to warrant thoughts of victory. Leliana had spared no effort to prove without a doubt that the elves were responsible for the murder of the late Madame de Fer and had some success. However it had not come without cost. They had been forced to admit the involvement of their former Inquisitor which had created seemingly insurmountable doubt in the Inquisition itself. It was only by the grace of Josephine's skill that the Orlesians were even willing to continue talks but in the end she more than earnt her title. While they did not believe the entirety of their narrative; the Dread Wolf angle being a particularly hard sell; they believed as much as was necessary. They saw the danger and that would hopefully be enough to earn the Inquisition the resources they needed. Recent reports had even suggested that the Imperium was actually coming around to the idea as well. From what little they could glean it sounded likely the Imperials had run afoul of Fen'Harel himself. While they did not yet regard such explanations with any real seriousness it was still hopeful that they viewed the elves as any sort of threat. Dorian's presence certainly helped. While many of his fellow Magisters still regarded him with scepticism, it was immeasurably valuable to have one of their countrymen echoing the Inquisition's beliefs. Their friendly Magister was also opening other doors, ones that had real potential to turn the tide. While it was debateable that anyone could ever match, let alone overcome Solas's knowledge, Cullen still saw the value in trying to beat him at his own game. He was certain there had to be something even Solas must have missed. While he undeniably held a peerless knowledge of certain topics there were still gaps, thousands of years' worth of them. If they could collaborate with others, consolidate their knowledge then perhaps they could find something they could use. Dorian had already found people willing to lend their expertise and Cullen couldn't help but think that if they were ever going to find anything to defeat the elves it would be in Tevinter. At the end of the day Cullen believed that Solas was the key to all of this and without defeating him, they would never succeed.
But even with all these thoughts plaguing his mind they were not what made him abandon the hope of sleep this night. He had run through everything, as he always did, making certain there was not some other angle they could be approaching from. His mind had wandered to the best case scenario – all allies and knowledge gathered and used to end the threat. Inescapably he saw Ellana; defeated, lost, and bloodied in the arms of the man she chose; and he felt the all too testing doubt. He knew then that he would never get to sleep. He wandered the Keep, thoughts of her still stalking his mind. He stopped when he reached the doorway to the painted room. The walls were white now, their past coated over but he could still see it in his mind's eye. He could often find her here on the nights she too had given up on sleep. He would hear Ellana crying but he always kept his distance, knowing she would only hurt more if she knew anyone had seen her. She must have wondered who covered her with a blanket on nights such as these but he was never brave enough to break his silence. Perhaps if he had she would not have felt she had to leave.
"Cullen?"
Josephine's voice interrupted his train of thought. He turned quickly from the doorway, hoping she wouldn't cotton on to what had him so absorbed. Unfortunately Josie was far from ignorant.
"Unable to sleep?" she continued. A sad look swept across her eyes before she could conceal it. "You are thinking about her, aren't you?"
Cullen fidgeted uncomfortably. "No I…" He gazed up at her and knew then that lying would be futile. "Yes, I was. As we get closer I cannot help but fear for her." He shook his head in anger at himself.
Josie placed a hand lightly on his back as she too peered through the doorway. "I know. Sometimes I run through conversations in my mind...situations where somehow I could convince her to relent but in the end I always give up. We can't change her." She gazed down at the ground in careful contemplation. "Yet I still hope there is something that can."
Cullen stared blankly as hopelessness reared its head. A gruff call of Josie's name from across the hall broke her from him.
"But that I suppose is just a dream," she uttered as she left his side.
Ellana and Solas stood side by side in the Fade. Ellana knew the memory they inhabited all too well although not from this perspective. She recognised the mirror but they stood on the other side, away from her memory, waiting on the moment he left her for the second time. Beside her she could feel Solas's apprehension, hands clasped tightly behind his back and stare blank. He clearly held no desire to watch any of this.
"Here I come," he remarked, a hint of sadness hidden in his otherwise relaxed voice.
In front of them the Eluvian shone as another Solas passed through. Just as quickly he stopped, expression undeniably pained. Wracked with indecision he turned back to the mirror and away again. He willed himself forward but did not make it much further. Clutching his sides desperately, his face crumpled. Ellana turned to the true Solas at her side. Avoiding the scene he gazed up at the sky. She reached out and took his hand as the memory of her love let out a despairing cry and came to his knees with fists balled into the floor. Tears cascaded down his face and contorted hands came up to meet them. Ellana couldn't bear it any longer. She touched her fingers to the true Solas's cheek, turning him to her.
"I've seen enough. Please make it stop," she begged.
He could hardly look at her but he did as he was bid and with a gesture brought the memory to an end. With another touch she forced him to look at her.
"I don't want to see anymore. I love you too much to watch you torture yourself," she continued before bringing her mouth to meet his.
His lips parted beneath hers but just as quickly as it had started she stopped the kiss, keeping his skin close enough to feel its warmth.
"Why would you do that to yourself?" she asked.
"I lived it, vhenan, watching it is trivial in comparison." He tried to kiss her again but she resisted.
"It's not trivial for me and I don't want to see anymore. I don't care that you watched my memories. Deep down I always knew that you were feeling just as distraught as I was and I know I made it seem otherwise but I... I don't need to see it. I don't want to see it." A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Then you shall not," he replied, brushing away the droplet with the tip of his thumb.
She rested her forehead against his chest and he sighed above her.
"Do you want to go home?" he asked. After some hesitation he felt her nod lightly against him. He kissed her one last time. "Wake up, vhenan."
Her eyes fluttered open to the unwelcome sight of dawn's light. She could feel the heat of his body pressed against her back, arms wrapped tightly around her and face buried in her neck. He groaned as he too awoke.
"It cannot be morning already," he whined.
She slid her hand in to his and he clutched it gratefully. She let out a long satisfied sigh as his lips brushed against her ear.
"Close your eyes, my love, and forget the light," she whispered.
"What occurred in Tevinter will no doubt result in delays; delays we cannot afford now that they know of us! With Liahra gone our goal of breaching the Imperium lies in ruin!" Commander Cyrrian declared with resentment evident in his tone and volume.
Cyrrian had always been a difficult person to work with but, as he had come under personal recommendation from Varden, Solas had kept him around. He was perfectly capable of following orders nevertheless he always seemed to enjoy doing so with defiance. It was irritating but he was undeniably skilled so it was worth tolerating.
"While no one can deny Liahra made a contribution to the cause that will be justly missed, she can and will be replaced. She was thorough to the end and thus all the ties she formed in Tevinter did not die with her. Even now we make progress," Varden argued coolly.
Ellana nodded her ascent from beside Solas. She had grown significantly larger in the past few weeks and even in loose clothing now looked indisputably pregnant. Much to her annoyance she could no longer fit in to her leathers even with his help. He had unsurprisingly foreseen this eventuality so he had already procured her a collection of dresses he hoped she would like. Her nose still crinkled when he presented them but she seemed to accept her fate far more quickly than she would have otherwise. She even looked vaguely happy with a few of them on closer inspection. On this day she looked gorgeous in a white floaty number trimmed with gold. Standing together they made for an almost regal pair.
"Even still, whoever takes on her role will be left with a near insurmountable task!" Cyrrian replied angrily.
Solas could feel Ellana shifting her weight nervously beside him. His colleagues still clearly intimidated her. He took her hand beneath the table and the shifting came to a gradual stop.
"I will not deny that it will be difficult but well within our capabilities," Solas added in an even tone. He could feel Ellana's tender gaze staring up at him. "If there is anyone who feels they are capable of the challenge I would hear it now."
A hush fell over the room.
Varden broke the silence, "I would put myself forward. I…"
"No," Solas interrupted. "While I know you would relish the opportunity to take the fight to Tevinter, you are much too valuable for me to lose. Without you this place would cease to function and as far as I am concerned you are irreplaceable in that respect."
Disappointment flashed across Varden's features but it was replaced just as quickly by a mixture of respect and vague amusement at his leader's compliments. Another silence followed.
"Cyrrian," Solas started. The commander met him with a glare. "Given your personal experience and knowledge with regards to the Imperium I would ask that you consider taking on this role."
"But what of the Inquisition?" Cyrrian retorted. "I have worked to combat them ever since you gave me the role of Commander; surely there is no one better placed to continue in that role?" There was a hint of jealousy in his tone, clearly hoping to receive similar accolades to those that Varden had.
Solas readied a reply but the sensation of Ellana releasing his hand beneath the table interrupted him. All too aware of his colleagues' expectant stares, he regarded her from the corner of his eye certain they would assume he was simply pondering. A tie had come loose on her dress and she struggled with it as subtly as she could manage. Solas stifled a laugh as the tips of her ears reddened.
"I already have someone in mind," he finally replied meeting Cyrrian's defiant stare. The commander looked at Ellana scathingly and made to argue but he cut him off. "Consider it and we shall resume this discussion at a later date. I am certain each of us has much to do so, for now, this meeting is adjourned."
Cyrrian threw one last glare at him and left. The others filed out shortly after. When only he, Ellana and Varden remained he took a hold of the piece of fabric she struggled with and tied it for her.
"You are just too adorable, vhenan," he purred in her ear.
She pushed him away playfully. Varden came over to them, eyebrow raised.
"Would you have me convince Cyrrian, my Lord?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Solas casually brushed a lock of Ellana's hair behind her ear. "You see that is why you are so valuable; infallibly perceptive and infinitely skilled. Without you, old friend, this place would fall apart."
"You give me too much credit and I will take that as a yes. Consider it done," Varden replied. As he neared the door he nodded to Ellana. "My Lady."
With him gone Solas could give his entire attention to Ellana. Smiling down on her he touched both hands to her stomach and planted a light kiss atop her head.
"I don't know why you insisted I had to be here," she remarked unable to contain her own grin. "Managing Tevinter is well above my remit as your; how did he put it - 'piece of elven ass'. I really wish he had said that in front of you..."
Solas let out a chuckle. "Do not take Cyrrian's comments to heart, vhenan. The boy is young and much too hot-blooded. He underestimates you but such foolishness can be beneficial, for you at least."
"Boy?" Ellana remarked with a laugh. "You do realise he is probably older than me, right?"
"I do," he replied, playfully grabbing her behind as he laughed.
She shoved him with an annoyed groan but a hint of a smile remained on her lips.
"Excuse me! I can hardly be blamed for your predilection towards older men," he exclaimed.
She brought her lips within inches of his. "Way older men."
He pushed her away and cursed as she giggled mercilessly. He rolled his eyes and leaned on the table and she came to perch next to him.
He tapped a hand to her thigh. "Actually, there was a reason for your attendance; something I wanted to ask…"
He stopped mid-sentence as Ellana let out a long uncontrollable yawn.
Stretching out her arms over her head she apologised, "Sorry, I must be tired. You were saying?"
He grinned and in a fluid movement brought her back to rest against his chest, wrapping his arms around her.
"It can wait. You should rest," he said, taking a moment to bask in her scent.
"No, we've got so much work to do, I couldn't…"
"Go, vhenan. I can manage," he interrupted. He took her hand and led her out in to the office. "Go." He nudged her towards the bedroom door but she still seemed reluctant. "Go, now," he finally ordered in as stern a voice as he could muster.
With a slight giggle she ran off in to the bedroom. Still smiling he sat down at his desk.
"Could you talk to me?" Ellana called out from the bedroom. Solas's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Hearing your voice always helps me sleep," she clarified to the silence.
"Well that is comforting! Wonderful to know I bore you so!"
Her apologetic face appeared in the doorway. "I didn't mean it like that! You know I find you fascinating…most of the time…" He glared at her and she retreated back in to the safety of their bedroom. "It's just soothing knowing you're there. I don't know; it's stupid I guess…" She trailed off and quiet followed.
"What would you have me say?" he asked, still decidedly sceptical.
"I don't know; anything! Oh! Tell me that story again, the one from the Fade."
His brow furrowed. "Which one? There are quite literally hundreds." He heard her slump down on the bed with a satisfied whine.
"The one with the noble and the servant girl; I love that one!" she called through sounding endearingly excited by the prospect.
He sighed. He had told her this story so many times he had lost count. He couldn't fathom what attracted her to it. It was essentially a love story which he supposed was relevant but even though the noble gives up everything to be with his love they both still die together in the end.
"Fine, if that is your wish then I am bound to oblige," he replied, feigning annoyance.
Still feeling slightly absurd he started the story and she let out another satisfied sound, no doubt curling up amongst the bedclothes. As he talked he kept himself busy with work. He had told the story so many times that he no longer needed to think about it so it was easy to maintain focus. Silence quickly descended from the bedroom but he kept going nonetheless. Even when a knock sounded he didn't stop. He opened the door and ushered old Getros in with a finger over his mouth to imply he should remain silent. With the old man safely inside Solas went over to the bedroom door to hazard a look. Finally stopping his story he could hear her rhythmic breathing and the occasional light snore. He closed the door and returned to the office, unable to wipe the smile from his face.
"It is like looking upon a completely different person," Getros remarked as he regarded Solas intently.
The Wolf's smile only widened. Standing before Getros the glint that always existed in his old eyes became more apparent but Solas saw more than most; he saw the violet shining out through the amber.
The old man continued, "When you struck down Felassan I thought you had become completely detached." The grin evaporated from Solas's face at the mention of his old friend. "But now it is heartening to see glimmers of the Rebel Wolf I once knew still remain. Even more remarkable is the knowledge that they were brought back to life by a mere mortal."
"There is nothing mere about her," Solas interjected.
Getros smiled. "But yet she is undeniably mortal." His look turned sour. "She will die when the old world returns."
Solas exhaled a pained breath and turned away.
The old man powered through, "There is still time, still a chance to reconsider Felassan's last wish…"
"And abandon our people?!" Solas cried in disbelief, forgetting his sleeping love. The old man recoiled at his volume, all too aware of the last time someone had broached this subject. "You may have been able to live in this world for decades but I can do no such thing! It is empty, unliving; certainly not worthy of any child of mine!"
"Her blood will only be half yours. Is death more worthy?"
Solas let out another long pained breath at the thought.
"Hope yet remains," he replied coldly.
"And when it no longer does? Will you see that there is worth in the world that birthed your child?"
Dismissing his own misgivings, Solas's lip curled in annoyance. "Your line of questioning implies your opinion; unwise given that it is counter to my own. I will not forsake our people and I was led to believe you shared that sentiment. If that is no longer the case then I suggest you tell me now, for your own sake."
"I would my own life to return the world to what it was but I cannot deny that both paths have their own merits. You know as well as I do that this world has value even with all its flaws; much like the world of our time. You become increasingly bound to this world and I do not envy you for the decision you must make. I would never consider it my place to sway you one way or another. All I can offer is counsel," Getros carefully clarified as he met the Dread Wolf's measured stare. "Whatever path you choose I will follow without question."
As satisfied as he felt he would ever be, Solas allowed the old man some respite from his scrutiny and returned to his work. "I am glad to hear it."
Getros made for the door but Solas's voice interrupted once again.
"Even so I will consider what you have said."
The old man turned back and nodded before leaving quietly. In his absence Solas tried to focus but he gave up after only a few minutes. He wandered in to the bedroom and gazed down at Ellana's sleeping form as he wrestled with plaguing doubt.
"Var lath vir suledin," he whispered, willing himself to believe it.
As if she were mirroring Ellana's mood, Dhaveira padded about the valley excitedly. Ellana tried to calm her but her own nervous energy only seemed to worsen the situation. A runner had come to her in camp bearing a letter and she knew immediately it was from Dorian. After much soul searching she had decided to broach the subject of her pregnancy in her most recent reply and the thought of how he would react was intensely nerve-wracking. She had come here wanting complete privacy to read; more than that she had wanted to ensure Solas was nowhere near. She hadn't exactly told him what she intended to do and even if she had she was certain he would not approve. In her mind it seemed logical to tell Dorian herself as he would likely find out regardless. On top of that she desperately wanted to discuss it with him, not that she would ever tell Solas that part.
Finally the dragon took flight and Ellana sat down on the smoothest of the nearby boulders. She gazed apprehensively at the envelope for a moment before tearing it open and unfolding the contents. She scanned the writing, taken aback briefly by the clear change in ink after the first line. He must have needed more than one sitting. After the first line the script also became messy, formality abandoned in favour of unrestrained thought.
"Ellana,
You must be joking? If so, bravo! You most definitely had me fooled. Please tell me you are joking.
You are having a baby with Solas. You are having a baby and yet you intend to destroy the world. Or should I say he intends to destroy the world, including you and I presume your child as well. Does that even concern him I wonder? I cannot imagine it would, given his clear fondness for wanton destruction. Does it even concern you? You made it abundantly clear that it was anything but intentional but you surely must see the necessity for action. You would be bringing a child in to the world for the sake of a few years at worst and only to lose its mother at best. Do you not see the absurdity now?
I am sorry, Ellana. My wish is not to sound harsh but I would hope that you are just as worried as I am. While I am beyond certain that you would be a marvellous mother, as your friend I cannot ignore the obvious barriers you face. If there was ever a time to reconsider your position it is now. If not for your baby then for what? I am certain he probably has some answer for this but you need to start thinking about yourself for once. Please.
Sincerely, Dorian."
Ellana stared blankly at the page. She had not expected him to be congratulatory by any means but she had expected at least some positivity. Seeing it written out so plainly, especially by someone she trusted, was a harsh blow but he said nothing she hadn't thought of herself. Above her the dragon landed. She climbed down the cliffs and rested at Ellana's side with a comforting rumble. Ellana reached out and stroked her head.
"What are we going to do, da'len," she whispered as the dragon pressed a small portion of her massive head against the swell of Ellana's stomach. "What are we going to do…?"
She sat worrying for a while but as the satisfying warmth and infinite rumbling surrounded her she began to drift off. Thoughts still swam around her mind but they were quieter, almost soothing. Usually she thought of Arlathan, images of it borrowed from the memories Solas had shown her; but now her mind wandered to an older fantasy, one that existed before she knew of him as the Dread Wolf. She thought of a cottage in the forest and their family exploring the woods beyond. It lacked the grandeur of her usual daydream but it still brought a sense of promise.
"Vhenan?"
Ellana's eyes fluttered open at the sound of Solas's voice. She had been too lost in imagination to notice the dragon's quiet shrieks at his arrival but she heard them now. As Solas came to a knee in front of her she could see the mild concern in his gaze. Dhaveira rumbled contentedly as he ran a palm across her eagerly presented snout.
"I suppose it was foolish of me to presume you would be anywhere else or aware of the time for that matter," he remarked with a chuckle. He reached forward to hold her and plant a light kiss upon her lips. As he pulled away he ran the tip of his thumb along her cheekbone.
"Oh, I must have dozed off," Ellana replied with an apologetic look.
As part of the reformed approach to their relationship the two often arranged to meet one another during the day. What they did during these dates varied but today they had planned a simple walk in the forest. Even after so long it still surprised Ellana that they were managing to keep it up, especially considering his near constant commitments.
"Do not concern yourself, vhenan," he replied with a dismissive gesture. "We could retire if you would rather?"
"No, I think a walk might do me good." Using him as support she rose to her feet. "The forest is so pretty just now."
"I would not know. It is rare I have the chance to explore it; excluding our wanderings of course," he replied, getting up himself.
Ellana stood staring intently at the dragon as she petted her, considering if she should broach the difficult subject that had so consumed her a mere moment ago. Solas came to her side with an inquisitive look but she was too absorbed to notice. Just as he was about to question her mood she spoke up first.
"Solas, do you ever…" she trailed off, doubting herself. She took in a deep breath and turned to look him in the eye. "We are having a baby, you and me." He nodded slowly wearing a confused expression. "Does that ever make you want to give all this up? Do you ever just think that we should stop…for her, I mean?"
To her complete surprise he laughed. She couldn't help but scowl at him.
"All the time," he finally answered.
Ellana's gaze softened as relief washed over her.
"To restore the elves is a monumental task alone but to achieve it while also preserving you and our child is bordering on ludicrous. So much so that abandoning hope is a constant threat," he continued in an oddly matter-of-fact tone. "My greatest fear is that I will look upon our daughter for the first time and my resolve will shatter. You were already enough to make me consider abandoning my people; I fear what I will consider once she is born."
"And if we did just walk away?" Ellana asked quietly.
His eyes shot up to meet hers with a look of sudden intensity. "'Just walk away'…you make it sound so simple." He studied her intently for what felt like an age. "Tell me, how do you think that would be achieved?" Ellana made to answer but he barely paused. "If we were to simply 'walk away' do you think there would be no repercussions? I find it highly doubtful that we could live free of the humans we have wronged, let alone the people we would have to abandon. We could fight under an altered goal, try and change everything for the elves of this world but even if we succeeded it would still only be…"
"Half of the world," Ellana interrupted. "I know, Solas, I know. You want the best for your daughter; you want the world you knew, where the Fade and the real world were one. A world of magic, eternal life and so many more realities that she could have. This world cannot even come close to any of that, I know." She brought herself in close to his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. "You owe your people a chance and you owe her that chance as well. At least you have to try."
He ran a hand down through her hair but didn't meet her gaze, instead focusing intently at something on the ground. His brow formed in to a tight frown.
"Did you tell Dorian you are pregnant by any chance?" he asked, look finally meeting hers.
Her eyes widened but to her surprise he let out a light chuckle.
"I knew you would, vhenan. Certainly explains where your line of questioning originated from…"
"You're not mad?" she asked, still utterly perplexed.
"While it would have been nice to be consulted, I cannot say I am surprised. You still value Magister Pavus's point of view and this is an undeniably large burden you bear; it seems logical you would seek someone to ruminate with. Besides, it becomes increasingly likely that your state will become common knowledge before long. I see no reason to deny you support irrespective of my views on where you choose to find it."
"Well that is surprisingly reasonable," she replied placing an appreciative kiss on his neck.
"I would have you know I am always perfectly reasonable!" he whined with feigned hurt.
Stopping the whinging before it worsened Ellana occupied his lips with as much passion as she could muster without giggling.
"Most of the time…" she remarked against his kiss.
Wandering aimlessly amongst the trees with Ellana was a blissful experience. They had taken much longer than Solas had intended, even more so when her seemingly unquenchable desire of late had taken hold. When they did finally return to the camps he hardly even cared how late it was; in all honesty he was just glad no one had seen them. As they walked through the tents, hand in hand, he didn't even have to look to know that she was smiling up at him. It was the most wonderful feeling. Prying eyes followed them all the way to her team's encampment. The extent of their relationship was common knowledge by now, the evident bump beneath her clothing practically shouting it to the world, but the elves still seemed to regard them with a strange wonder. To Solas it seemed almost like reverence which only made him resent it more. He knew all too well what that sort of worship wrought. As Ellana's friends came in to sight the majority of them looked up in pleasant greeting; Lis, however, still met him with her typical glower but it had noticeably weakened of late. Even when they had their differences it was comforting to know they at least shared a mutual respect for one another. The one that interested him most was the new girl, Lori. He had yet to be formally introduced to her but he had heard all about her from Shivra. She had concerns and he was more than happy to listen to them but he wanted to reserve judgement until he could form his own opinion. While he trusted Shivra's desire to protect Ellana he also knew she was inherently rash and thus prone to quick, sometimes unwarranted judgements.
"Ahh, The Dread Wolf graces us with his eminent presence! Let us all bask in his glory!" Shivra joked as they neared.
Solas rolled his eyes but Ellana reacted with less restraint, kicking her friend in the shin.
"You're going to have to do better than that!" Shivra yelped as Ellana let go of Solas's hand to give chase. The dark-skinned elf dodged away with ease but shot him an imploring look. "No fair! I can't do anything because she's all stuffed up with your kid!"
He shot her a withering look but still took Ellana by the shoulders and led her away from the retreating elf. As he led her towards a seated Lis she struggled playfully against him.
"Couldn't you just let me rough her up a little?" she begged. "You know I'm just going to go right back to it the second you leave!"
He smirked. "Well then I cannot leave, can I?" he replied as he slumped in to an empty seat, bringing her down too with a surprised yelp. "Which is exactly what you intended."
Ellana beamed him a self-satisfied smile as she cradled herself in his lap. He knew her threats were nothing beyond teasing but Lori sat alongside Lis and he couldn't resist the urge to examine her for himself. The girl was quite clearly Dalish and appeared very unassuming but he was not about to let that colour his view. The first time he had met Ellana he had thought the same of her (amongst other things) and she had turned out to be the exact opposite. The girl was avoiding his gaze like her life depended on it, which was hardly irregular given his reputation, but it still made him feel uneasy. As he watched her he could feel Ellana's eyes on him until she looked up at Lori with sudden recognition.
"Oh! You two haven't officially met," she exclaimed. Solas rolled his eyes internally at her amusing ignorance. "Lori, this is Solas," she gazed up at him, "or Fen'Harel I suppose but…"
"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Lori," he interrupted.
The girl shifted uncomfortably before finally meeting his gaze.
"We met before…not officially but when you congratulated our team we did meet," she added quietly.
She sounded nervous and he couldn't decide if it was deliberate or not. She was a surprisingly difficult person to read. Shivra sat down on the grass and shot him a knowing look.
"Yes, I remember. I am glad to see you have joined Ellana's team. It seems you would be an asset to her," he replied evenly. He could see Ellana's brow furrowing with suspicion so he avoided making eye contact with her. "May I ask, what made you decide to join her?"
He could practically feel the intensity of Ellana's glare at that but his entire focus remained on Lori. He thought he saw her eyebrow jut up for a fraction of a second.
"Well…my best friend had just died and my group lay in tatters. I needed my friends and a new purpose. Ellana gave me that and I couldn't be more grateful," Lori replied, her voice shaking slightly.
"I am glad to hear it," he eventually replied, still no more sure than he had been before.
Lis launched in to some explanation which gave Ellana the opportunity to pinch him angrily. He let out a pained gasp.
"I know what you're doing," she hissed, shooting a glare at Shivra.
"You are opposed to me questioning your team members?" he whispered, rubbing the point she had pinched.
"I am opposed to you interrogating my friends," she hissed back.
Shivra rolled her eyes solemnly at him behind Ellana's notice.
"So do you still want to go to the Dalish festivities tonight?" Lis loudly asked, interrupting them all. She gazed at Ellana expectantly. "Kind of hoping you've changed your mind."
Ellana let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't get why you are all so against the idea! It has been so long since we last got to celebrate and you guys love that sort of thing!"
"Yeah but this is different…" Lis interrupted. Ellana gave her a questioning look. "All the people here, they treat us differently now…"
"Bullshit! You're just being bores!" Ellana exclaimed angrily.
Watching her it was clear to Solas alone that something much deeper than their reluctance was bothering her.
"No it's true," Shivra added in a matter of fact tone. "They act like we're all high and mighty now and it seriously gets on my fucking nerves. I'm just an elf who likes nothing more than a drink and a good fight, not some high-toned bitch worthy of their worship."
Lis rolled her eyes. "I think what Shiv means is it makes us feel like we're under constant scrutiny and that's…well…no fun."
Solas shifted at the awkwardness their conversation brought; after all, the scrutiny they felt was no doubt due to their association with him.
"And why can't you just ignore them? Even if they are watching you, who cares what they think?!" Ellana replied.
Solas had not given much thought to how the reverence of the other elves would affect Ellana but it was clear that she was not taking it well. Thinking on it, he wondered why as the arguing women's voices faded beyond his notice. Unfortunately his distraction meant he didn't see Shivra's cool gaze falling on him.
"If we have to go then why doesn't he?" she piped up, breaking Solas from his thoughts.
He glared at her as he tried uselessly to formulate an answer. Ellana looked up at him expectantly which only made his mind stall more. The idea of spending a night surrounded by the Dalish was not at all appealing. He ran through all the possible excuses, unfortunately dismissing each in turn as Ellana's brow started to descend in to an annoyed glower.
"My Lord?"
Solas turned to the voice and met Varden's waiting form with utter relief. Ellana still scowled at him.
"Uh…work beckons…" he stuttered as he got up with her in tow. He lowered her down to her feet. "Sorry."
He shot her an apologetic look as he followed Varden away from the troop.
"I'll be waiting for that reply," she called out with a hint of a smile.
A short distance away Varden came to a stop.
"Your lack of expression belies the no doubt grave news you bear; I am certain you would not interrupt me otherwise," Solas enquired as he too came to a stop.
"Inquisition soldiers have been sighted within striking distance of the forward camp. While they do not appear to have the numbers, you no doubt understand what this means."
Solas's expression instantly dropped. "It can only mean one thing." Ellana still watched him as her friends kept up their chatter and with his, her face also grew concerned. Solas turned away from her hoping to hide the full extent of his worry. "Have all the individuals in the vicinity been recalled?"
"The process has been started. Those nearby are already gathering in the camp," Varden replied, matter of fact despite the situation.
"What's going on?" Ellana questioned as she paced towards them, Solas's attempts to hide clearly having failed.
Up close his expression must have been even more telling as concern overcame her eyes. Varden, rather unhelpfully, simply stared at him as well.
"Solas?" Ellana prompted more sternly.
"Our scouts have seen Inquisition soldiers near the forward camp," he finally replied.
"Fuck!" she shouted, letting out a groan.
"They lack numbers so we still have time but the fact they are openly watching us is no doubt an indication of their intent," Solas thought aloud.
"They wouldn't attack us outright that would be idiotic!" Ellana interrupted.
Solas certainly agreed but he could still not deny the danger. "To a degree but we cannot take that chance, not yet."
"Would you have me arrange troops to excise them?" Varden interjected eager to get back to the point.
Solas considered for a moment. "No, to do so would be an invitation. I will deal with this personally," he eventually replied, already moving.
Ellana grabbed his arm, "What?! Not alone you won't!"
For a moment Solas couldn't understand how she didn't already know his intention despite how undeniably unclear he had been.
"You are welcome to join me, vhenan, but I do not require any assistance." The worry in her eyes remained so he opted for further clarification. "I do not intend to engage them, simply remind them what they are dealing with."
Ellana stumbled behind barely able to keep up with Solas's rapid pace. Clearly deep in thought he didn't seem to notice her struggling at first. Eventually he slowed to walk alongside her with an apologetic look.
"So you're not going to harm them?" Ellana managed between breaths.
"Not for now. We need only give them pause. That should afford us enough time to formulate a plan for dealing with such an attack or preferably avoiding it altogether."
"So you intend to give them a taste of what they would be dealing with? Strike fear in to the hearts of men?" she replied with some amusement.
Solas gave her a sideways look. "Something like that. After all there is a reason they have not attacked us despite knowing of this place for some time."
"Because this is the Dread Wolf's front door," Ellana added with a sly smile. "And no one fucks with the Dread Wolf."
As she had hoped she finally pulled a chuckle from him. Unfortunately the two reached the camp quickly and his expression turned serious again all too quickly. Varden had not followed them out but they were immediately met by two equally stern looking elves.
"All nearby agents are within the camp as you commanded," one of the elves stated.
Solas nodded his approval. "Good. Where were the soldiers sighted?"
"North east, at the first point of high ground."
"A defensible position; I would expect no less," Solas replied with a tinge of admiration. "Ensure our people remain within the confines of the camp until told otherwise and under no circumstances is anyone to engage without express orders."
The elves nodded and a seemingly satisfied Solas took Ellana's hand. With some hesitation she allowed him to lead her through the gathered crowd. Although she understood his intent she still felt apprehensive; any wrong move now could change their course immeasurably.
"It is not just fear for our enemies. As our path becomes increasingly arduous the people need reassurance; they need to believe that we can protect them even if we know in the end we cannot," Solas said quietly enough to avoid notice.
Ellana looked on at him sadly as the eyes of all those around followed their path.
"We need their faith, although I take no joy in it," he continued. "At least with their faith comes a sense of security which I fear the elves have not felt in an age. It is the very least we can offer in return."
He stopped her at the edge of the crowd and with all eyes upon them he turned to her.
"Wait here, any closer could be dangerous," he said as he released her hand. A warm smile took over his features. "Have faith."
With that he left her standing alone in the crowd. Burning eyes upon her she could feel the surrounding uncertainty and excitement; everyone eager to see what the great Fen'Harel would do. Ellana didn't share their eagerness. Doubts had started to plague her mind again and for once she just wanted it all to end. Still in the open but a distance away from the crowd Solas broke his stride. He turned back to them and fixed his gaze on Ellana. The air seemed to grow heavy and for her, everything slowed and became quiet. She felt the gentle breeze swell, thick and fast as he closed his eyes; his expression flitting between calm and anger. The air started to crackle as it billowed around them, forcing its way through the crowd and to him. Finally he opened his eyes, overcome by their blazing glow and still focused on her. Thick tendrils of light erupted out of nothing to flurry around him. As they picked up speed some snapped violently against the resisting air until even it relented, billowing on the same path. Ellana gasped in amazement at the sight. Even having seen far greater feats at his hands she would never tire of his talents. At random points the air snapped with visible light as the raw energy built to a head. Around her the elves recoiled in fright with each crackle but she, too transfixed by his gaze, barely even noticed. A nonchalantly outstretched arm sent the swirling vortex out in a plume through the trees to resume its circle at a greater distance. Despite the increased area and distance from its source the energy certainly did not lack force. Although Ellana couldn't see its work directly she could hear it. The ripping of earth and the crashing of trees sounded through the forest as the energy tore down everything in its path. It wasn't until the thundering sounds ceased and the glow left his eyes that she moved. He outstretched a hand to her once again.
"Come, vhenan," he ordered between breaths.
She took his hand gladly, still too awestruck to be offended by his commanding tone. Looking up at him as he led her through what remained of the forest she saw through the haze of her wonderment how tired he was. However, before she could comment her eyes fell upon the result of his toil. Beyond the remaining trees an arch of open ground had been torn in to the landscape. In places shallow fissures marked the earth and immense trees lay strewn, ripped from the ground as though they were nothing. From what she could see now and the path she had seen his magic take she presumed these changes must extend around the entire camp; a circle of open ground on all sides.
"Now no matter where they come from they must first make themselves visible," Solas remarked, still breathing heavily.
Ellana looked up at him with admiration but his attention was focused out towards the hills. She followed his gaze and saw movement in the trees beyond.
"Not only that, they will remember this," she uttered with satisfaction. "Whenever they do decide to move on us they will dread what you could do to them."
A weak smile formed across his lips as he watched the hills beyond. Ellana had to fight hard against the immense urge to kiss him. He gazed down on her.
"Ellana, I want you to take Cyrrian's place," he finally uttered.
Completely taken aback, Ellana's eyes widened as she stuttered uselessly in response.
"Whatever may come, there is no one better suited to combat the Inquisition and in this, I want you with me. I meant to ask you sooner but there never seemed to be an opportune moment," Solas continued.
It still took her a moment to process what he was asking but eventually she managed to say something, "You want me to be a Commander? But what about my team?! Is this just some ploy to keep me from the field?! If so then...!"
"No, vhenan. Yet again you sell yourself short. Although I am certain you will not believe me, it was not I who suggested you for this role. Either way, the rest of the Council has already voted in favour of you so all that remains is your decision," he interrupted. Ellana made to speak but yet again he cut her off. "Consider it. If you have any genuine questions I would gladly answer them and yes, before you ask again, you can continue to go out into the field if you accept the position; I would not deny you that."
Ellana stared down at the ground trying desperately to formulate some reason that would prevent her from having to take on this responsibility. Solas took her hands.
"You are doubting yourself when you should not. Even if you were to turn it down, you and I both know that you will take charge of our dealings with the Inquisition, you will insist upon it. Why not make it official?"
A wry smile formed across Ellana's lips.
"You see? You know you will, regardless of what title you hold. I know you better than you think," he continued, looking smug.
Ellana nudged him lightly. "Fine, I'll think about it," she finally replied with a sigh. "But I still can't believe I'm the best you've got. For a guy who can make a tornado out of nothing your standards are pretty low."
He pulled her off in to the woods with a laugh. "If there is one thing I have learnt from you, vhenan, it is that magic is definitely not everything."
Last night Solas had been entirely unforthcoming. Naturally Ellana had been questioning of his plans for the Inquisition and to give him his due he had managed to keep the discussion civil. He insisted she leave their worries until the morning and enjoy the night's festivities but it was easier said than done. She had succeeded in a token appearance to the Dalish celebrations but all the while her mind had drifted. Seeing her friends so uncomfortable hadn't exactly helped either. She wouldn't admit it openly but over time she had become used to the veneration of the other elves. She had never considered her friends would be forced to get used to it by mere association. It was yet another reminder that everything she touched seemed to end up getting hurt in some way. Solas had looked concerned when she reappeared back at the tower but knew better than to probe. He always seemed to catch on remarkably quickly to what was bothering her, especially when it so directly involved him.
Sleep had been difficult. Scenarios, past and potential future, swirled around Ellana's brain all night long to the point that she couldn't tell if she was dreaming or not. She must have managed to drift off at some point as she awoke to the sudden sight of light bathing the room and Solas wrapped around her. For a peaceful moment she lay there, troubles forgotten in a sleepy haze. But that peace could never last and the thoughts quickly returned. Unable to stand it any longer she opted to take a walk. A meeting of the advisors had been planned for the morning; one Solas insisted she attend, so she needed a clear head. She had thought at length about the proposition he had made. He had been right about her, as he always was but she still wished she could play ignorant. She was pretty sure she was going to accept but she couldn't help questioning his motives. She was certain her views on the situation would not match the others and by giving her official control he was just making it harder for himself to bend their path to his will. A part of her yearned to simply agree with them, view her former friends as just any other human but she wasn't sure she could live with that. Thinking on the hypocrisy of her own wishes over and over made her feel more pathetic than she thought possible.
By the time she returned to the tower she feared she was already late and the sound of voices beyond the office door only cemented that fear. Behind her she closed the door quietly and approached the war room with caution. She hoped to catch what was being said and with that, know what approach she would need to take.
"…and now they are upon us. We cannot afford to wait any longer," she heard a voice saying.
A pause followed, likely as they all gazed expectantly at their leader. Ellana waited with bated breath dreading what he would say. Unfortunately another voice, what sounded like Varden's, interjected.
"But what action do you propose we take instead? The deaths are significant, true but engaging their troops as they do ours would be fruitless. We would suffer even more losses; add to that those that would have to be reassigned to locate their soldiers. We have more pressing concerns."
"What are you suggesting?! We just accept the losses and move on?!" shouted the first voice that Ellana finally recognised as Cyrrian.
"No," Ellana let out a small sigh of relief at the sound of Solas's firm voice. "We have reached a point where the fatalities cannot be tolerated. They are at our doorstep and with time they will be upon us. Nothing can proceed until we are secure."
Reading between the lines Ellana knew exactly what he meant. If they were going to take on Tevinter they would need people, people the Inquisition now threatened. Strategically there was no way they could keep going and risk losing everyone in an Inquisition attack. The thought disgusted her as she wondered if he cared about any of them beyond being a number and she questioned if she did too.
"But Varden is right in one respect; to engage them as they do would be pointless. Something bigger, temporarily definitive would be preferable," Solas continued. "If we could only…"
His words were interrupted by Ellana entering the room. She felt angry bordering on furious, first at the situation, then at Solas but most at herself. It took a great deal of effort not to start shouting immediately. Everyone turned to her with surprise but only Solas's eyes darkened at the sight of her expression.
"And what, pray tell, does the former Inquisitor propose?" Cyrrian asked with an amused smirk.
She willed herself not to punch him. Over the past few weeks she had found her emotions increasingly difficult to control at the best of times but now it was a real struggle. Refusing to look at him she made her way over to Solas's side.
"I apologise for my lateness, please continue," she simply remarked, utterly ignoring Cyrrian and earning a glare.
To her relief Getros chimed in before the angry elf could respond, "As you wish, my Lady." Cyrrian made to speak but Getros had already turned to Solas. "Surely a full-scale battle would be suicide? Even with your skills we would be significantly out-numbered; defeat would surely be certain?"
"It would not be the first time such odds have been beaten. With strategy, numbers can be overcome," Solas remarked with a wry smile. He looked down on Ellana and something flashed through his eyes before he nodded to himself. "Besides, we do have a dragon."
Wide-eyed looks swept the room as Ellana struggled to process what she had just heard.
"What?! No!" she eventually shouted her focus now entirely on Solas. "If you think I'm going to let you use her for that then you can fuck right off!"
An uncomfortable hush fell across the room.
"If we do not then it is your people that will die, vhenan," Solas replied evenly although anger still flashed across his eyes.
"My people?! Either way it is my people that are going to die! Either way I can't win! You want war but what will that achieve?! More death! Well I want no part in it! You might be willing to be the villain but I won't do it!"
With that she stormed from the room.
"Ellana, wait," Solas tried as he followed her out but to no avail.
Ellana slammed the office door behind her. Solas came to rest just before and Varden joined him.
"You are not going after her?" he questioned.
Solas let out a wry smile, "In a moment; better I give her time for rational thought to return."
"She wishes for us to do nothing?" Varden asked.
"She had hoped it would never come to this, a foolish hope but meaningful nonetheless," Solas replied, sighing gloomily. "I imagine she will at least want to speak with them if at all possible."
"But what would speaking with them achieve? They are understandably set on their course; to move now would mean accepting their fate which is beyond the nature of any living being. Allowing such a meeting would be pointless and a logistical nightmare."
"Quite, although I see worth in trying. It may be pointless but even still, such a meeting would give us the perfect opportunity to set the stage for a definitive victory," Solas mused. "Although it may mean offering them more of an advantage..."
"Ahh! A temporary ceasefire to prepare for a planned battle perhaps? That would give them time to bolster their numbers but also afford you time to plan, a dangerous thing that they will underestimate."
Solas couldn't help but smile. "Your ability to read me is improving I see," he remarked as he finally made for the door. "Hopefully there will be no need but I have little faith the humans will relent. As you said, it is not in their nature to accept death without a fight."
Ellana's pace slowed as she left the tower. Tears were threatening to stream and she found her weakness immensely frustrating. The rational part of her had been ready for this day but even still the emotions were overwhelming; nowadays they always seemed to be. She turned back to the sound of footsteps finally following behind. She had been wondering what was taking him so long.
"Go away! You're only here because you need me to use Dhaveira!" she shouted at Solas's approaching form.
When he reached her he did look concerned at least.
"I am sorry, vhenan," he said, reaching out a hand to pull her in. She shoved weakly against his chest in an attempt to repel him but he persisted. "I know you still held out hope, no matter how small. I am sorry it has come to this."
Unable to hold it in any longer, Ellana broke down in to tears and Solas wrapped his arms around her.
"You said yourself that we would have to face them eventually but I meant what I said before, you are strong enough, vhenan," Solas continued.
"I can't! It's too much!" she sobbed. Hearing herself, she couldn't help but think she sounded like a spoiled child. She pulled away from him and let out a long laboured breath. "I have done terrible things, things I didn't think I was capable of. Vivienne…I still think of her and what I…" She broke off to hold back more tears before continuing, "I thought she deserved it but I was angry and that's all I could see. I can't help but think if we do this… What will that make us?"
Solas said nothing for much too long, studying her features.
"There is something I must show you," he finally replied with a mournful look.
Ellana gazed at him in confusion as he took a hold of her arm. Dread built in her chest as she let herself be led towards the tents.
"Please know that keeping anything from you is not a choice I take lightly. We cannot know exactly but it is clear the birth of our child draws near; stressing you without cause was not a risk I was willing to take," Solas explained as they walked.
Ellana glared at him but kept her stride.
"But you'll take it now?" she scoffed angrily.
"I am sorry, vhenan, but you must understand that there was no benefit to involving you in this. All you would have gained was upset. Unfortunately now we are in a position where that cannot be avoided."
"And where you need me," she interjected making him finally return her sour look.
"Do not diminish my feelings for you," he sternly replied. "If I could have kept this from you entirely then I would have, regardless of what that may have personally cost me, but I would be a fool to think you would not discover our situation."
They were quickly approaching a group of tents Ellana didn't recognise. Judging by their condition they must have been fairly new additions.
"So there's more? It's worse than I think it is?" she questioned.
Although Solas didn't reply the look on his face told her she was right. They came to the nearest tent where a single elf stood outside. Wide-eyed at the sight of Solas the elf stuttered uselessly in greeting.
"See to it that all the attendants depart for a time. We require a moment alone," Solas ordered abruptly.
"As you wish!" the elf replied, looking exceedingly flustered as he jogged off in to the tent.
Ellana looked up at Solas worriedly as people filed out, "What is inside, Solas?"
"I am certain you already know," he replied, not returning her gaze.
The last person filed out and she let out a long, steadying breath. He took her hand and led her through. The tent was sparse, little more than four fabric walls. About the floor were make-shift beds, not many but enough, and atop each lay what at first glance appeared to be sleeping elves. Each one was pale, vacant and Ellana knew that it had been just as she feared – these elves would never wake. Her legs gave out beneath her but Solas's steadying hand kept her from falling. He lowered her to her knees and came with her.
"I am sorry, vhenan," he said, holding her to him. "I am sorry but these are not the only ones. There are other tents just like this one and even they only contain the dead we have found. The Inquisition has taken much."
Tears streamed uncontrollably from Ellana's eyes.
"What do you want from me?! Hurting them doesn't make this right," she sobbed.
He held her closer. She sobbed in to Solas's shoulder until she could take it no longer. She knew she needed to be strong and crying wouldn't help anyone. Her breath rattled with the effort.
"I did not bring you here to upset you but you had to see the truth," he said. "What you do with it is your decision…"
"I don't have a choice, do I?! No matter what I do people are going to die!" Ellana yelled. Solas made to speak but she interrupted, the tears finally under control, "I know it's the way of war, trust me I lived it, but now we're the ones trying to take everything away! We're the villains!"
Solas roughly raised her chin so she was looking right at him.
"And what were we with the Inquisition? Heroes?" he questioned.
Ellana gazed at him with utter confusion.
"In the eyes of many we were but to the Venatori we were fiends, crushing their dream for a better world at every turn. We killed their people and we did not mourn them because we believed we knew what was right," he continued. "You see, vhenan, hero or villain – it is all a matter of perspective. In the end it does not matter what side you are on; both can do monstrous things to achieve what they believe is right."
Stunned in to silence Ellana looked around at her fallen comrades.
"Think on what you believe is right and if you are willing to give what it takes to achieve it," he continued, watching her intently. He rose to his feet and helped her up. "It is my fault you are here and I wish you had never had to take this journey with me." He looked down on her mournfully. "Know that I love you, no matter what, nor do I expect anything from you."
Ellana gazed at his downturned features and nodded weakly. She turned back to the bodies as he left and stared for what felt like an age.
It was late but Ellana had needed the time to collect her thoughts. After leaving the tent she had wandered the woods for a time running through scenarios in her mind. She had finally come to a decision.
Unsurprisingly Solas was still awake when she reached his office. He wore little expression when he looked up at her from his desk but Ellana could tell he was apprehensive; she had gotten quite adept at seeing beneath the façade.
"You were right but you were also wrong," she said once she had closed the door.
Solas's brow knitted questioningly.
"Heroes and villains – the one distinction is proper cause," Ellana explained but it appeared to do nothing to abate his confusion. She sighed, frustrated by her poor wording and fixed her gaze to the floor. "Doing wrong in service to a cause is one thing but when it is without cause? That's a villain – hurting for the sake of it. Yes they may have an overarching ideal but they go further. That's the difference. There are two sides to every war but that doesn't make either side that type of wrong."
She glanced up at him. He had risen as she spoke and came to perch on the edge of the desk closest to her.
"So then the question is – by your estimations do we have proper cause?" he asked giving nothing away.
Ellana looked away again as she felt the threat of tears build inside her.
"I no longer feel anger nor do I wish for vengeance, all I want is to protect the elven people," she finally answered. She gazed up at him with fire in her eyes. "And if that means fighting then I will fight with everything I have."
Sensing her woe he came forward to take a hold of her hands.
"I am sorry, vhenan, but it was inevitable," he started.
"I know; I always knew." Her voice shook with each word. "But I need to hear it from them. They deserve one final chance." She looked up at him expectantly but he said nothing. "I want to meet with them, try and convince them there is no need for more death. We can live in peace, at least until the end comes."
"I expected no less," he replied quietly as a warm glint formed in his eyes.
"You would allow me to?" she asked disbelievingly.
For the briefest of moments he looked away thoughtfully. Worry rose within her. Seeming to rest on a conclusion he met her gaze once more.
"I would but first I must be honest," he started only worsening her worry. He broke her gaze. "There is no part of me that believes such an attempt would succeed. They fight for the same reasons we do and are just as resolved. I hope for your sake I am wrong…"
"Neither do I," Ellana interrupted earning a wide-eyed look from him. "But I have to at least try."
His smile returned. "I know, vhenan. Yes, you have my blessing, more than that, my support. Even if we are both right in our predictions such a meeting could still be an opportunity to control the fate of our people."
Ellana turned away at the thought. With a hand he brought her back to him, a finger tracing her cheek despite her reluctance to look at him.
"Then with your support I would accept the role of Commander and with that, begin to engage the Inquisition," she remarked.
"I am glad to hear it. There is no one better placed for the role," he added, sounding pleased beneath the seriousness. He raised her chin and met her with a warm smile. "But let us begin fresh tomorrow. The last few days have been trying and I am sure you would benefit from a night of distraction."
Ellana raised a palm to touch his cheek as she leaned in to him.
"Gods, yes," she sighed before kissing him. "Bed and then a memory perhaps?"
He grinned at the prospect and took her hand to lead her through. "Where would you like to go tonight? Arlathan again?"
She smiled, mood finally lifting. "That would be lovely," she remarked as he closed the door behind them.
Even with Solas's efforts Ellana had still awoken in the small hours, wracked with doubts. She wanted to seek solitude as soon as possible but as day broke duty called. Solas insisted they must present her plans to the Council before she take any action. Luckily for her he coached her thoroughly and the Commanders met her suggestions with little resistance other than questioning. Cyrrian spent the whole time scowling but she had expected no less. In general, all left satisfied that they were walking the right path and Ellana finally earned her solitude.
Ellana made for the Eluvian as quickly as she could, all she would need for letter writing in hand. She intended to contact both the Inquisition itself and Dorian. After greeting Dhaveira she started to write, discarding just as quickly until hours had passed. She barely looked up when she heard the sound of someone approaching, certain it was likely Solas. Dhaveira bounded down the cliffside stopping him in his tracks. After he gave in to her demands for acknowledgement she padded alongside him to Ellana's side.
"Making progress?" he asked, ignoring the dragon's shrieks for more affection.
"Somewhat. I had not expected this to be so difficult," she muttered, not looking up from her scribbling.
He sat down on the boulder opposite to her and finally yielded to the dragon's pleading.
"It cannot be good for you sitting perched on a boulder for hours nor can it do much for your penmanship," he remarked. "I wish you would allow me to at least have a desk and chair brought out for you."
"If it would please you," she muttered dismissively.
"You are quite clearly not listening but I am going to hold you to that," he retorted with a laugh as he got up to close the distance between them. He knelt down beside her and wrapped a hand around the back of her neck. "Do you want to talk it through?"
She finally looked up at him and stopped writing as relief came over her expression.
"So, I'm going to write to Dorian; I figure he will approve of trying to broker peace and his input could only help," she started enthusiastically.
"Naturally," Solas replied, sitting down on the ground ready for what was likely to be a long discussion.
"My issue is what I told him the last time we wrote. I can't really write to him without confronting it…"
"About the baby?" he asked. She nodded. "He disapproved I presume? No doubt told you to run away from me as fast as you can?" Solas asked, unable to mask his scathing tone.
Ellana regarded him with a raised eyebrow.
"Something to that effect," she answered carefully.
"Just tell him you will consider his views then brush past it. No more need be said unless you feel otherwise."
"That could actually work," she muttered with a nod of approval. She started to scribble again frantically. "I should have asked you ages ago! You are, after all, the master of avoiding the issue."
Solas lay back on the ground with a slight thud and the dragon padded over to his side and nudged him in concern.
"I am going to take that as a compliment," he remarked.
She smirked back in return before resuming her scribbling. Solas lay a hand on the dragon and earned a satisfied whine in return.
"That was my only real problem with Dorian," Ellana eventually added. "The Inquisition is another matter entirely."
"I am listening," Solas muttered, closing his eyes but still very much aware.
"I thought long and hard about who would be best to approach. I cannot simply address it to the Inquisition as then it will end up in Leliana's hands and she is the least likely to listen," she explained at a rapid pace. "Josie or Cass seemed the natural options but Cassandra is too easy to anger and Josie would have a difficult time swaying the others. My plan was to address it to Cullen…"
Solas chuckled from the floor. "Of course it was," he scoffed.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Ellana interjected angrily.
He propped himself up on an arm, wearing an aggravating smirk. "Do you think me blind, vhenan, because I cannot imagine you would think me dim?"
"Get to the point, Solas, I am really starting to dislike your tone," she added with a glare.
"So you did think me blind? I would have to be not to notice the way he looked at you, he was far from subtle…still is in fact," he mused. "It is only natural that you would use whatever weakness you can find to your advantage."
Ellana stared blankly at him for a moment. "Wait a minute; you knew all along that Cullen had feelings for me and you think I am using that to gain an advantage?" she asked, hurt breaking through in her tone towards the end.
Solas's expression dropped. "You make it sound so crass. I meant that you intend to appeal to him because he is the most sympathetic to you and thus your cause. Approaching him is more likely to work in your favour than the others…"
"That's not what you made it sound like," Ellana interrupted angrily.
"Well then I apologise," he replied with a sigh. "It is…a touchy subject, for me at least." He sat up to face her properly. "To answer your first question – yes I knew Cullen was in love with you and very clearly still is."
She gazed at him for much too long, unsure what to say. He was right, Cullen had been rather obvious but at no point had Solas ever mentioned it.
"And before you ask," he continued, interrupting her thoughts, "yes it bothered me but not because of jealousy or anything so basic." Ellana's brow furrowed in confusion. "The entire time after I fell for you I could not help but wonder if you would be better off with him. Back then, I was too selfish to give you up but I was certain you would have been…" He trailed off in to silence.
"And now?" she prompted.
"Now I no longer think it matters. There is little use in wondering what could have been after so much time."
Ellana stared at him. He was so oddly matter-of-fact although it had clearly caused him turmoil at some point. It still amazed her that he had managed not to mention it until now.
"Anyway, what were you saying?" he prompted as he lay down once again.
Taken aback to the point of forgetting her task Ellana looked around in confusion until her gaze rested on the incomplete letters in her hands. Solas propped back up with an eyebrow raised.
"You know," Ellana started with a laugh, "I have absolutely no idea."
It had taken most of the night but Ellana was finally satisfied. Solas had remained by her side but fell asleep regularly as he predicted he would. He bid her to wake him when needed and it was a pleasant distraction inventing the means. Overall he had been a great help but he had also added a number of stipulations that had slowed matters. Ellana could see the merits in such rules if any meeting was to take place but it didn't exactly help with the writing. Eventually they came to a draft that both could agree upon and with dawns light they set out to the forward camp.
"You are definitely happy? Once we have sent them there will be no re-writes," Solas asked as they reached the ravens.
He seemed annoyingly together despite the all-nighter they had just pulled. Still wearing the same dirty clothes Ellana felt far from comfortable.
"Happy is a pretty strong word but yes, I am satisfied," she retorted with a yawn.
"That could be the exhaustion talking," he remarked as he brushed her dishevelled hair from her face.
"Either way, we are sending these damn letters!"
Solas laughed. "Very well."
He pulled two birds from the nearest cage and held them to perch on Ellana before taking two for himself.
"Two for each recipient as requested," he remarked with a smile.
"And you're sure they won't get shot down from here?" she asked with worry.
"Not certain but it is no more likely than anywhere else," he answered, already tying up his charges.
Ellana copied his actions until all the birds were ready. Solas looked at her expectantly.
"No turning back now," she remarked before releasing her birds to flurry away above them.
A/N - Ha! 13000 words! I must have missed our misguided pair more than I thought! Or my editing has hit an all time low... Probably both. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! :) The next one should hopefully be done faster.