A/N – Hey guys! I'm officially back for the next couple of weeks! Quick note before we go on. For a while now I've been thinking about doing a massive re-write and I've finally decided I'm going to go ahead and get on that. No particular reason beyond I want to. I should really not read them as I just end up wanting to rewrite them but unfortunately that is the core reason they exist so kind of unavoidable. Anyway, the point is that I will be gradually uploading re-written chapters as I do them. Currently I have no intention of changing any story elements so those that have already read them shouldn't need to re-read but many will be noticeably different. If for some reason I do decide to change something I will update you.
Within the walls of Skyhold the four gathered around the war table. Leliana intently read through papers and at the table's head Cassandra looked on expectantly, Josephine at her side. Nearest the door was Cullen with head downturned. Eyes no longer scanning but now twinkling in warning, Leliana looked up at him.
"How long have you had this?" she asked.
Cullen said nothing.
The dangerous glint intensified. "The paper is worn, ink faded as though it has been read multiple times," she continued.
Cassandra's gaze snapped to him. "Cullen!"
At last he raised his head. He was resigned to their anger but unrepentant; even they must surely understand his hesitation.
With a flippant gesture to Cassandra he replied, "It came to me a week ago but I thought it better to wait until you returned to…"
"Ha!" Leliana scoffed doubtingly. "I find it very hard to believe that that was the only reason."
"Enough," Cassandra interrupted. "Cullen's reasoning no longer matters; what matters is how we deal with this."
Cassandra snatched the paper from her colleague, ignoring the disgruntled look she received.
"She signed her own damn name…like it's even her words," she muttered angrily as she read.
Cullen and Leliana glared at one another beneath the Divine's notice. Josephine shifted nervously at the side.
"A meeting would be a viable option," she finally piped up to the otherwise silent room. "Our current efforts yield little and you all agreed that we need more time to finalise our alliance with Orlais." Leliana raised an eyebrow but Josephine kept on going regardless. "If we were to engage them we would not only learn more of our enemy but we could also buy ourselves some time."
Cullen nodded in assent and Leliana's doubting look noticeably softened but Cassandra still seemed to be barely listening.
"This is absurd!" she exclaimed, flailing the letter angrily. "They expect us to agree to meet them alone, unprotected! After everything they have done!" She stopped briefly to continue her reading. "And unarmed! With that monstrosity!"
"I would expect no less. He could end it far more easily by striking us down directly and Solas has never been one to miss an opportunity," Leliana added keenly.
"Ellana would never allow it," Cullen retorted.
As though he had uttered a terrible curse, her name brought a hush to the room. Leliana broke it with an irritated groan.
"We cannot rely on her, not anymore. She was clearly never the person we thought she was," Cassandra replied mournfully.
"Then refuse those terms," Josephine bravely added. "Negotiating with them surely causes us no harm…"
"If we demand troops then so will they," Leliana interrupted. Her expression turned abruptly to one of scheming. "But what they do not know is no threat to them..."
"You suggest we agree but bring soldiers anyway?" Cullen asked with scepticism.
A sly smile formed across Leliana's lips. "Not with the intent of attacking them; I am just as interested to hear what they have to say as you are; but as an assurance."
Cassandra considered for a moment as the others looked on.
"We do have no real obligation to give them honesty and allowing her her weapons would not be much more of a danger if it allows us ours…" she answered.
"Then you are in agreement?" Josephine asked, eyes glinting with rare hope.
"For now but I still question why they would even request a meeting. With Solas it is never as simple as it seems," she replied.
"If the rumours are true then they would certainly benefit from more time just as we would," Leliana added in a matter-of-fact tone.
Cullen's gaze turned questioning. "Rumours?" he asked.
The room fell silent, no one willing to be the first to break it. Looking around at them all Cullen could instantly tell that they all knew something he did not. Cassandra glowered at Leliana from across the room.
Finally with a roll of her eyes at the others, Leliana offered the truth, "Some of our scouts have stated that Ellana appears to be heavily pregnant."
Cullen's eyes widened and, despite their own personal feelings, the women all looked on with concern.
"We have much to do," Cassandra determinedly said, still watching Cullen. She turned to Josephine. "Compose a reply that covers everything we have discussed and run it by me before it is sent. Leliana, have scouts determine what areas would make for an appropriate meeting point; at least they gave us that choice. Cullen…" He looked up at her with eyes still filled with emotion. "…select and ready troops for the event. We are going to need good men and you know them better than anyone."
With that the three women exited leaving Cullen to process his shock alone as he would want.
Outside the door Josephine shook her head. "Better he find out now than if we see her." She let out a long mirthless sigh. "I'll talk to him," she muttered before heading back inside.
Leliana watched Cassandra stare vacantly after her. "Dorian is still waiting to speak with you," she prompted.
"Tell him I will be with him shortly; I need to gather my thoughts," Cassandra replied with a sigh. "I am sure he will understand why."
"You cannot have long now," Mirwen remarked; hand placed firmly on Ellana's protruding stomach.
Everyone seemed to have the desire to touch her now, often without even asking. Given that she at least knew her Mirwen was not as bad as some but it still made her feel uncomfortable.
"That's pretty vague. I need to know how long," Ellana replied, impatience evident in her tone.
Milling around in the background Firanni let out a frustrated groan. "Well you can't because we have no way of knowing." She paused to take a calming breath. "Are you feeling regular movement?" she asked with more patience.
"Yes. Regular and strong enough for others to feel," Ellana replied.
The fire haired girl appeared deep in thought for a moment but at long last she nodded. "Likely weeks if not a month judging by your size and feel."
"A month?!" Ellana exclaimed.
Firanni gave off another annoyed groan as she left the tent. Mirwen, in contrast, imparted a look of sympathy.
"Children rarely fit in to our plans. Better you learn that as early as possible," she remarked with a wry smile.
Ellana grumbled as she rose to her feet. "Damn it all!"
"You had expected sooner?" the old woman asked.
"Hoped is more like it. The last thing I want is to face the Inquisition pregnant." Ellana stretched with a further uncomfortable groan. "Does not exactly portray an image of strength…"
"You fear their judgement more than that."
Ellana had discussed little about the Inquisition with the Keeper but, as was typical, she clearly knew more than she rightly should.
"Is that so wrong?" Ellana asked, starting to pace about without purpose. "Giving them yet more reasons to question everything I do is not what I had in mind. Having Solas there will be bad enough. Not only am I going to have to listen to them tearing holes in my life but I'm also going to have to stop him from reacting, all while massively pregnant."
Mirwen's brow furrowed. "Where is the Wolf? It is unlike him not to attend."
"Busy," Ellana replied a little too abruptly. She let out another long sigh and finally stopped pacing. "He promised he would try but I think we both knew he wouldn't make it. Given that I am the one who created this whole chore, I can't really hold it against him."
Ellana regarded the Keeper with a thoughtful stare, long enough for the old woman to notice. Her eyebrows rose just as Ellana decided she would broach the subject she had in mind.
"To be honest, I'm worried about him. I feel like he's up to something and that thought bothers me more than all the other threats combined."
"He is always up to something, my dear," Mirwen offered with a smile.
Ellana shrugged it off. "No, it's different. The other night we were in the Fade and he just left me there. He has never done that before."
"What do you mean?" Mirwen asked with an inquiring look.
"I fell asleep in the dream," she explained, avoiding the awkwardness she felt at the fairly obvious reason. Mirwen's brow furrowed more deeply. "He would always wake me, even if that meant waiting but this time he didn't and after that, I can't remember anything."
"Maybe you simply forgot?"
"We have dreamt together so many times I have lost count and every time, I remember it clearly. Yes, I forget some things after a while but never that quickly. The only explanation I can think of is that he left me to dream naturally and so I lost my awareness." Ellana stopped to gaze down sadly at the floor. Mirwen's expression was no longer questioning but she offered nothing in return. "The more I think about why he would do that, the more I worry."
"Did you question him?" the old woman finally offered.
Ellana shrugged. "What would be the point? Either there will be a perfectly logical explanation or he will lie to me and I have no way of knowing which it is. Best case scenario - he would refuse to tell me and at least then I would know for sure that it's bad."
"You still fear losing him, don't you?" Mirwen added.
"Everyone I care about leaves me in the end. To me the fear is justified."
"They leave you? Far easier to blame others than look inward," the Keeper muttered with a sigh.
Ellana's eyes widened as anger took over. "What is that supposed to mean?!" Just as abruptly as the emotion had come she stopped and sat down next to the Keeper with a thud. "That may actually be a valid point… My mother, my clan, the Inquisition and all my friends - I am the one who leaves," she said bringing her head to her hands.
"But not with him."
A wry smile formed across Ellana's lips. "No, I guess not. He does the leaving and I suppose I can't handle that."
"History does not have to repeat itself, my child. Do not allow your fear to rule you." Mirwen turned to her radiating warmth. "If it were my place I would tell you where he wanders but..."
Before the Keeper could finish Solas burst in to the tent breathing heavily.
"I am too late, aren't I?" he asked between breaths.
Ellana jumped up to her feet in surprise.
"I am so sorry," he started but stopped when he saw her expression. "Is all well?"
"Fine, absolutely fine. We were just finishing up," she replied as she hurried him out of the doorway. She shot Mirwen a quick, interrogative look as they left. "Baby appears healthy and all is well with me."
A grin erupted across his features.
"We are to expect her in a matter of weeks," she continued still leading him away from the tent as hastily as she could.
His expression dropped. "Oh… That is not what you were hoping for."
"No but I'll deal with it," she replied brusquely.
His look turned sceptical. "You're quite sure you are…"
"I am fine, baby is fine, you are fine, everything is fine!" she replied at a much higher pitch than she had intended.
No longer willing to be led Solas easily stopped her in her tracks. His intense stare burned through her already fried nerves.
"That was remarkably unconvincing," he stated firmly. Ellana looked anywhere but at him. "If this is one of those times where something is wrong but you wish not to discuss it then I can cope but otherwise, enlighten me."
"Solas drop it," she replied through gritted teeth.
He continued regarding her for a few seconds. "Consider it dropped."
Taking her hand in his, they walked together back through the camps. Paying no heed to the customary scrutiny of the masses, a thousand thoughts rushed through Ellana's mind. She no longer had the luxury of focusing on one worry. Outside of her notice Solas watched her with a slowly forming smile.
"I am sorry I could not attend but you know how matters have been," he started.
"I do. Quite frankly it's a miracle I could even attend," she replied, her thoughts quieting slightly with the distraction. "What was it today?"
"Logistics," he groaned, nose wrinkling in dislike.
Ellana let slip a small laugh. "Don't kid on, you live for logistics." She tugged playfully on his arm, pulling herself in closer. "Logistics and planning – your two great loves."
"Hardly," he added. "Planning maybe and the actual execution is certainly enjoyable but the organisation part is just tedious." Ellana let out another doubting laugh. "And immensely time consuming, I might add." He stopped, turning her to face him. "There are far better ways I could be spending my time."
"Two nights now I have barely slept as a direct result of the way we 'spend our time'," she retorted with a pat to her stomach. "Until I sleep, you are getting nothing from me."
She walked away to the sound of his tentative chuckling.
"Very funny… Vhenan?" He rushed to catch up to her. "You are joking?" The look she gave told him otherwise. "Did you ever consider I was not so focused on the more carnal side of our relationship?"
"Ha! Don't try and turn this around on me!" she interrupted, shoving him harder than she had intended. She took his arm again with a smirk. "And I was just about to let you convince me…"
Ellana had tried in vain to sleep. With the curtains drawn she couldn't tell the time exactly but it felt like it had been hours. Beyond the bedroom door she had intermittently heard the sound of conversations but mercifully few details beyond the occasional word. She was glad to avoid any reminders permeating through that might upset her vaguely quieted mind. Even still she could not lessen her main barrier - discomfort. She tried to get creative with the pillows but the bump itself made finding a suitable position difficult. Occasionally she did somehow manage to get comfy but that just seemed to provoke the baby inside of her to move with fervour. Finally she gave up and with a rub of her tired eyes sat on the edge of the bed.
"Ellana!"
For a time she wondered if the call had simply been her exhausted imagination but opted to open the door slightly just to be sure. Solas waited for her on the other side.
"You have not slept, have you?" he asked, concern written clearly on his face.
"No…" Ellana replied, eyes drawn to an envelope in his hand. "She keeps kicking me. What is that?"
"I think you already know," he replied, holding it out to her with a bleak expression.
She stared at it as the worries came flooding back but avoided taking it from him. Finally she looked up.
"Have you read it?" she asked in an uneven voice.
"I am pretty certain it is what we have been waiting for but no, I thought you should be the first."
Tentatively she took it from him. Nothing was written on the outside but the envelope bore the seal of the Inquisition, just like the others had. They had received four such letters since Ellana first sent her request. When the first had arrived she dreaded opening it, expecting more of what she had experienced in person but in the end she was actually disappointed. Each was short and hurtfully impersonal, focused purely on ironing out terms. They were not even addressed to her. In hindsight Ellana knew that she should have foreseen such treatment, after all she had more than earned it.
"If this is it, are we ready?" she asked, stopping short of opening the seal.
"Yes," Solas replied with eyes screaming at her to just open it.
She nodded, still hesitating. The terms were all but agreed; there was nothing left but a date and a location. Once they had that they would have to move forward and she wished more than anything that that did not have to happen. Resigned to the fact that wishing could never change reality she finally tore open the seal. She scanned the two pages within, one a map which she handed straight to Solas.
"No soldiers; location decided by them and mapped below; dawn; open ground; weapons allowed on account of you and finally no violence of any kind including magic," she started as she read. Solas nodded his assent along with her. "They go on to state that you and I are to be the only parties present from our side; which was the plan anyway; and that only Cullen, Leliana and Cassandra will be present from their side."
"Seems logical; Josephine, while brilliant, was certainly no fighter and they clearly expect duplicity," Solas added, still examining the map intently.
"Two days from now…" she uttered with a gasp. She studied it again in the hope that she misunderstood. "They want to meet two days from now at that location."
She gazed up at Solas with desperation and he reached out to reassuringly touch her shoulder with one hand and handed over the map with the other.
"It appears to be just inland of the Storm Coast," he clarified as she gazed blankly at it. "There is an Eluvian not far from it."
Sure she was not actually looking at the paper; he brought himself down to her eye level. She looked so unbearably lost.
"We can do this together, vhenan, we can," he said hoping he could offer her at least some comfort.
Her eyes remained vacant as she regarded him. "I know."
She turned from him with nothing more and took herself back in to the lonely bedroom. Hugging her legs as much as she could with her unwieldy stomach she sat on the bed hunched. Over on his side she caught a glimpse of a journal squashed beneath the weight of a heavy tome. It was one of the ones he scribbled away in when he thought she was not around. The blue fabric that bound it called out for her to touch, read and learn the truth but she knew that it would only offer more sorrow. She turned away from it to her own table and picked up an envelope she was far more familiar with. Dorian had replied when she requested his assistance with their current situation but never since. He had seemed happy enough to write with her and she had sent him multiple updates but yet nothing ever came. She was left wondering and, as always, expecting the worst.
Time passed slowly for Ellana. Mere months ago she had walked the ground of Tevinter for the first time not knowing that it would be the last time she was allowed to stray far. Although it was an unspoken rule it was one she chose willingly not to question. She had reached a point now where her size made it almost impossible to defend herself and, even though she would never admit it openly, she did realise how vulnerable she was. She kept herself busy with the more conceptual side but it could never bring her the solace that came with real action. Devising and preparing led unavoidably to ruminating and that was the last thing she needed. While she sat on the side-lines her team, however, was more in demand than ever. They had become something of a legend amongst their people, akin to Fen'Harel's personal taskforce, and thus requests for their services came from all corners of the organisation. Ellana could not bring herself to keep them back no matter how much it hurt to let them go. With each new job she would involve herself as much as she was able knowing they would leave her behind but it was worth it to keep from feeling completely excluded.
Although Ellana did nothing to keep her team from maturing without her, her absence still limited them somewhat. They had effectively been cut off from the top levels of the organisation and as a result none of them needed to be privy to the information they had previously enjoyed. It wasn't long before her friends took whatever opportunity they could to seek out what they had lost and the current happenings with the Inquisition were no different.
"I'm with you on everything else but you've agreed to no soldiers, right? Yet you're bringing them anyway? Isn't that just asking for trouble?" Lis questioned with a puzzled look. Next to her on the ground, Lori mirrored her anxieties.
Even before Ellana wrote it she had never thought the Inquisition would agree to the 'no soldiers' term. In their position she would have rejected it almost immediately. While it was a pretty reasonable request for a meeting between enemies one glaring factor made it unfathomable in this case and that was Solas. Even with three accomplished fighters in Cullen, Cassandra and Leliana they could still be extinguished from this world in seconds and so it had been exceedingly surprising when they had not dismissed her request outright. Her former friends were certainly not fools so she knew then that they must have intended to even the odds another way.
"It's only because I'm certain they will too," Ellana clarified. "It's not like we think we'll actually need them or anything; it's just a precaution. Better to have them hidden away just in case."
"They might try and attack you?" Lori abruptly asked. "It would make sense to take you both out there and then…"
Lis turned to her, brow furrowed in a mixture of annoyance at her bluntness and worry.
Ellana simply chuckled. "No. Even with hidden soldiers, they will not act with that level of risk."
Lori shrugged in response, ignoring Lis's still firmly placed glower. Ellana rose to her feet fearing that if she stayed seated too long she might never get up. In the process of stretching out her stiff joints she ambled over towards her remaining two friends that were sparring by the trees. She tired of talking about the Inquisition but unfortunately for her Lis did not share that sentiment.
"What about us?" she asked, following close behind.
This time it was Ellana's turn to be confused. "What about you?"
"Do you want us there? We could drop this job and come with you…"
"No!" Ellana replied with telling speed. "No, I…I think it would be best for you all to maintain focus on your own task. You have a job to do and it's not any of your faults that I cannot be there with you."
Lis's expression softened. "You know none of us hold it against you. We've missed you since you got too big to come on our little adventures," she said before placing a hand on Ellana's stomach.
"I've missed it too."
The two exchanged bleak glances.
"But soon we'll have a baby to play with and you can come back!" Lis went on, breaking in to a wide grin.
Ellana tried to return her joy but managed only a weak smile. She wanted to believe that they could go back to how things were but deep down she knew it would never be the same. As if sensing her fears Lis lay a hand on her upper arm, eyes glistening with recognition.
"When I first met you I thought you would be trouble. Who would have thought we would end up still friends after so long!" she remarked.
Ellana's gaze turned sour, worries forgotten. "Trouble? You thought I was going to be trouble?"
"Well…I don't know…you were Dalish and you had this kind of self-assured thing going on," Lis stuttered carefully. "I guess I just presumed you were going to be a bit up-yourself…" Ellana's glare only darkened. "But you're not so it all worked out! First impressions don't really mean anything anyway…"
"Yes they do!" Ellana interjected angrily. She marched away from Lis towards the others. "Hey, Shiv! What was your first impression of me?"
The dark-skinned elf's brow furrowed in suspicion as she abruptly stopped her activities. "This is a trap, isn't it?"
"No! Tell me honestly. I promise I will not get mad," Ellana replied as the others crowded round.
"The first time we met?" Shivra asked to which Ellana nodded. "Hmmm…well… overconfident tight-ass first off…" Ellana let out an angry noise. "But then it became pretty clear that that was all an act to hide crippling self-doubt so I…"
"Crippling self-doubt?! What the actual fuck?!" Ellana interrupted loudly.
"Well, yeah. You think you are a terrible person that no one should ever rely on; it's like your thing…" Shivra went on in a matter-of-fact tone.
To Ellana's horror, Lis nodded beside her. "Yeah, what's with that? Even when everyone still chooses to put their trust in you, it's like you just ignore it…"
"Or force yourself to act the way you think you should," Miris interjected.
"Yeah, exactly! It's what makes you you," Shivra enthusiastically added.
"Kind of endearing in a bizarre way," Miris declared with a warm smile.
"Endearing?! I am apparently portraying myself as a woman consumed by self-doubt at best and just a plain bitch at worst and that is endearing to you?!" Ellana angrily replied.
"We stuck around didn't we? So you must be all right," Shivra mused. "What does it matter anyway? Fuck the opinions of everyone else."
"Yeah! You will always have us; that will never change," Lis uttered, the true weight of her words lost to all but Ellana.
The top floor of the ivory tower was silent. The faint sound of scribbling from the balcony broke through the quiet as Ellana made her way through the rooms. Watching him - legs outstretched, lost in his writing - made her smile in spite of everything. With her quiet footfalls long replaced by more of a baby-heavy waddle it must have been something important to capture his attention so that he failed to hear her.
"What are you working on?" she asked, still perched watching from the doorway.
Solas jumped at the sound of her voice, shutting the journal almost immediately. It was different from the other, leather-bound, but the variety was hardly irregular. Once his fright abated, a gentle smile formed at the mere sight of her.
"Vhenan," he greeted, savouring the word. With a gesture he bid her to join him. "I would rather we not discuss work; my days are obsessed by it and I cannot describe how much I wish to speak of anything else."
She sat down in his lap entwining his outstretched legs with hers. "Well then, I have a question for you," she replied.
He closed his eyes and murmured contentedly, "Ask away."
"What was your first impression of me?"
He opened his eyes to gaze at her with marked suspicion. "Why?" he asked.
"The ladies gave me some unsolicited criticism and I wished to gain your perspective."
"Criticism?" he prompted, trying to divert.
She glared at him. "Answer the question, Solas."
He let out a long sigh. "In all honesty I spent much of our first meeting overwhelmed by how extraordinarily attractive you were."
"That's a bit shallow," Ellana scoffed.
He gazed down on her looking hurt. "You were unconscious, vhenan, I had little else to judge."
"Oh…of course I was. Sorry. I…I forget that part," she replied. "That must have been rough, all that temptation and no one around…"
"I resent what you are implying and I can assure you there were plenty of people around," he interjected. "Although, I did find you rather distracting…" Ellana let slip a giggle and he met it with a playful glare. "I had to keep telling myself that the person would never match the appearance; that you would be just as disappointing as the others. With hindsight I truly did set myself up for a fall…" He drifted off in to thought, only returning when she nudged him. "My impression then was just presumption, based on nothing; it matters little in the grand scheme of it all."
"You're right, I guess," she relented with a sigh. "Even still, I apparently do not make a good first impression…when I'm awake that is…"
Solas lay back against the chair again. "You concern yourself too much with what others think of you."
"And you don't?" she scoffed back. "You cannot tell me that you have no interest in finding out what my first impression was of you."
Closing his eyes again he smiled a self-satisfied smile. "I can imagine but, by all means, go on."
"Nope. If you're so secure you should not need me to…"
"I do not need you to but you cannot dangle a thread and expect me not to pull," he interrupted with annoyance. Much to her satisfaction he sat up and turned her to face him. "Tell me."
Ellana made him wait before speaking, "Well I knew you thought I was pretty, you were not very good at hiding…"
"I was aware. Next point," Solas interjected dismissively.
A sigh escaped her before she spoke, "Bookish know-it-all was the general impression…"
"And that is accurate," he added with a deep frown. "But yet you make it sound so negative?"
"No, not like you actually are but you know the type – incapable of original thought, reads other people's work and spouts it like it's their opinion, awkward in pretty much every situation? That's the impression I got at first but you proved me wrong."
"At what point?" he asked with genuine curiosity.
"I realised pretty quickly that your opinions were anything but borrowed; more controversial in every sense of the word," she explained as he nodded along expectantly. "And I suppose I dropped the impression of you as the awkward, bookish type the second I spoke to you alone."
"And what made you do that?" he asked, starting to look a bit smug for her liking.
"Are you really going to make me say it?" He lay back and closed his eyes again, nodding. "The flirting. I was expecting a clumsy mess, especially at first, but it was surprisingly arousing."
"Interesting. I am glad you enjoyed it so," he replied, grinning.
Finally satisfied, he quieted down. Ellana ran the fingers of one hand down his arm to meet his palm and he interwove them with his. Letting out a long sigh she rested her head against the crook of his neck. Even sitting in silence like this would be enough for her.
"If this were our entire world I would not complain," he uttered quietly as though mirroring her thoughts.
Ellana was just about to agree when a quick, stabbing pain resonated through her ribs and she let out a loud grumble as a second, less-powerful wriggle followed.
"What is it?" he asked, pulling away from her slightly.
Ellana sat up and instinctively held her stomach. "She's kicking again," she replied just as she felt another lesser more aching pain.
Solas brought a hand to join hers and made a joyful sound at the movements.
"Remarkable, is it not…" he uttered quietly.
Ellana glowered at him, pain still undeniable. "She's not inside you!"
"No but at least she is strong, vhenan." Bringing his face closer to her stomach his smile widened as another movement rippled through her skin. "You are strong just like your mother," he said. "Hopefully you will not share her temper but you certainly share her strength."
As he spoke the movements gradually stopped. A look of disappointment came over him but Ellana certainly didn't share that sentiment.
"Thank the gods for that," she remarked with genuine relief but another shot of pain came shortly afterr. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"
"Language, vhenan," Solas chastised with a smirk. Faced with a seething glare he quickly retracted his smile. "Please stop kicking your mother or I fear I will be the one who faces the consequences," he begged of her belly.
Yet again the kicking stopped. Ellana let out a small gasp.
"She stops when you talk," she uttered.
Solas sat up with a doubting stare. "That seems like an outlandish explanation. Coincidence surely…"
"Well then let's test the hypothesis," Ellana interrupted, placing his hand back on her stomach.
After a short period of quiet the kicking started up again and just as she predicted, stopped as he spoke to her bump. Ellana smiled widely and eventually after a few more tests he joined her.
"This is incredible!" he remarked looking happier than she had ever seen him.
"It is…and now you can never stop talking," she added, laying back on him.
Solas's features darkened.
"At least until I get some sleep," she clarified.
"Am I to presume then that I will not be getting any sleep?" he asked. She didn't reply, only smirking with eyes already closed. "Wonderful…" he added, sighing.
At long last Ellana felt well-rested and she was going to need it. The time they had left passed in the blink of an eye and before she knew it they were leaving for the Storm Coast. They had planned to arrive early, hoping to prepare everyone long before they would be needed. Solas wished to do this alone but even with his reluctance, Ellana eventually wore him down. They left together in the wee hours of the morning accompanied by their secreted soldiers.
Whilst scouting out the area their people had inevitably come across Inquisition agents with similar purpose. Ellana could not say she was surprised, after all scouts had never been mentioned so they were not technically outside the rules. However it did limit what either could achieve. Both parties were reluctant to cross the boundaries of their newly founded territories and thus were unable to discover the undoubtedly concealed troops of either side. Not knowing where or how many Inquisition soldiers were present was an unknown variable that neither Solas nor Ellana liked. Even still Solas seemed oddly at ease. It was strange seeing him react this way but, thinking on it, it was hardly surprising given that this was a game he knew all too well.
Dawn was the agreed meeting time so as the real light threatened Solas and Ellana made their way out of the forest alone. They stood waiting surrounded by open grassland for what seemed like an age. Ellana looked back to the tree line. She knew they were there but she could not see their troops stationed in the shadow of the trees. The thought of them brought her little comfort. The air around her crackled unnervingly and she gave Solas a sideways glance.
"You need to calm down," she commented, finally breaking the tense silence.
He didn't meet her gaze. "I am perfectly calm."
Ellana raised an eyebrow. "You are not; I can always tell. I could forgive apprehension but you are positively fizzing," she commented, gesturing to the air around them.
At long last he looked at her, the ghost of a smile forming. "Fine," he relented. He took in a long breath and finally exhaled as the tension around them calmed with him. "Satisfied?"
"I'll be satisfied once this is done and once I am confident you have no surprises waiting," she retorted.
"Nothing harmful," he replied guiltily. She glowered at him. He met her regard with surprising confidence. "Nothing but stage-setting, vhenan."
"Well it better be. I don't think I can handle much more drama than we are already in for." Her look softened. "I'm not even sure I can handle that if I'm honest…"
He turned his gaze forward once again. "You will; there is no doubt in my mind."
She smiled up at him and, as though he could sense her feeling, he returned it without looking. For a few moments she felt secure but far too swiftly the unwelcome nerves returned. She gazed down at herself and shifted about.
"Do I look pregnant in this?" she eventually asked.
With a sideways look Solas examined her. "Yes, massively," he concluded matter-of-factly.
Ellana hung her head. "Great…just great…"
He looked down on her in concern. "Why do you ask?" He came to an answer faster than she could reply and a slight chuckle escaped him. "They are going to know you are pregnant, vhenan; no outfit can conceal that."
She glared up at him with a readied insult but never got the chance. The sun had finally crested over the horizon and with it came the ominous sound of hooves in the distance. Almost immediately she could see Solas tense up again. Three horse-bound figures descended over the slight rise in the landscape ahead and as they drew nearer her nerves rose until she felt she could barely speak. By the time the figures stopped and dismounted they were no longer foreboding shadows rather faces she knew well. The air started to crackle yet again but this time it brought her comfort. Although she feared their words more than their actions his incontestable power still was a welcome reassurance.
"Fear not the doubts they can create…" Solas whispered to her as the figures approached, "…for they already existed inside yourself."
Ellana met his words with a disbelieving look, barely noticing her former friends coming in to close proximity. By the time she thought to regard them they already wore the dismayed looks she had been expecting.
"Greetings, glad you could finally find the time to meet with us," Solas started, clearly trying to calm himself through amusement.
Only Leliana managed to wipe the look of shock from her face. "Dawn was the agreed meeting time, as you well know," she replied coldly.
Before Solas could open his mouth Cassandra interrupted still wearing an expression of utter disbelief, "Ellana…I…by the Maker…"
Ellana despised every second of it. "Stop. I do not need nor want your pity," she spat, earning a momentarily ruffled look from Solas.
"Have you gone utterly mad?!" Cassandra replied angrily. "You must be insane to…"
"Enough!" Solas shouted, air snapping menacingly around him.
Everyone fell utterly silent and the air quieted.
Once he had fully regained control, Solas broke the hush, "First order of business, have you kept to our terms? I presume you have brought soldiers?"
The three exchanged worried glances.
A smug smile formed across Solas's face. "That is a definite yes…"
To Ellana's surprise Cullen interrupted, "We have brought troops but I am certain you expected that of us." Leliana glared at him. "I presume you have as well?"
Looking almost impressed by Cullen's attempts to regain control of the exchange Solas let out a slight laugh. "That is hardly relevant. It is me you are afraid of not my soldiers."
This time it was Cullen's turn to laugh. "Afraid is not the word I would use to describe my feelings towards you."
There was clear threat in his tone and Ellana could not help but admire his gall. Looking upon his still shaken expression she did feel for him; so much so that she felt the need to prevent the situation from escalating beyond his control.
"We are wasting our time with such arguments," she interrupted, stopping an open-mouthed Solas before he could start. "We did not meet to exchange meaningless insults but rather find some form of agreement. You two may be so easily led from our goal but I will not."
Her reprimand met its mark and both Solas and Cullen looked momentarily sheepish. Forgetting herself, Cassandra shot her the briefest of smiles.
Just as quickly her look lost all sense of amusement. "Agreement between us? You must hold yourself in high regard if you think we can ever reach that," she remarked with an icy stare. "Not when you intend to destroy everything that we hold dear."
Ellana shut her eyes in annoyance. "I know perfectly well that you will never agree with our cause. I am not a fool. I had hoped you would see the benefit in preventing the deaths of innocent people in the here and now but perhaps I have misjudged you?"
"Innocents?!" Leliana interjected. "Your people represent you do they not?! They fight for the same monstrous goals as you do even if they may not know it!"
"And what of your own people?" Solas added in an even tone. "Will you consider them expendable when they die too?" At that the fire in Leliana's eyes burned out entirely. "So far we have not seen fit to retaliate but I assure you that time has ended. The days of you attacking us unprovoked are over."
The threat in Solas's words was plain for all to hear and with it a satisfying hush fell. The three exchanged more worried glances.
Eventually Cullen piped up, "We value our people; they are not mere numbers to us. Even in the pursuit of stopping you we do not wish for any unnecessary death." He turned to Ellana with an imploring look. "Do not think us cold-hearted. We do care for your people. I believe they are innocent and every one is a life we could have saved."
Out of the corner of her eye Ellana could see Solas tensing up again.
"There were two of yours, they fought but in the end we managed to capture them," Cullen continued desperately. "Not for a moment did their faith in you falter, even when faced with the truth. It didn't matter what we said they still believed that you meant to save them." Beneath the weight of his words Ellana was unable to contain her pain any longer; her face crumpled uncontrollably as her heart wavered. "It was both touching and heart-breaking to see. Not for a moment did they even consider what you truly intended. Not for…"
"Stop this futility!" Solas suddenly shouted, the sheer volume of his voice forcing Cullen to take an involuntary step back. Having regained some semblance of composure Solas went on in a cold, infinitely measured tone, "It does not matter how you push or how you struggle this ends the same way. All you can do is keep us from halting the lives of your people prematurely. Anything beyond that is pointless."
Cassandra took a few sudden steps towards him, face reddening with anger. "Pointless?! Do you think her feelings pointless too?!" she shouted with a gesture towards Ellana. "I will not stand here and listen to someone like you calling our struggles pointless! Trying to save the world is never pointless!" she roared.
Hardly flinching, Solas did not give her an inch. "It is if you fail."
Ellana saw it coming long before Cassandra moved. She was incensed, utterly blinded by rage and that could only go one way when it came to Cassandra. Still not knowing how things had gotten so swiftly out of hand, Ellana despaired. In complete contrast Solas barely even reacted. He braced for the blow but made no moves to avoid it. He was clearly misjudging Cassandra's strength. While undoubtedly strong, she was slow which meant Ellana had little trouble catching her fist long before it met its target. When he opened his eyes Ellana hoped Solas would laugh at the sight but he was dangerously far from amusement. He advanced on Cassandra; eyes cold and utterly devoid of any understanding. Cassandra looked upon him with rare and genuine fear.
"There was a time I respected you, Seeker," he started. "And it is for that reason alone that I am allowing you to reconsider your actions. I would be loath to end your life over a misstep when once I held you with regard. Are we in agreement?"
Even with his dominating stance Cassandra did nothing to try and regain control. Anger long gone, the colour tellingly drained from her face as she nodded weakly.
Solas turned to Ellana. "Release her," he ordered as he gave the once proud Seeker some space.
She stepped back behind the others with a look of shame. It was hard for Ellana to watch her perpetually strong former friend made so weak and she resented Solas for it.
With everyone back in order Solas spoke once again, "Enough of the games. We have no intention of ceasing our activities and thus you will not relent in your pursuit of our demise. That is fact and to debate otherwise is a waste of all our time."
Cullen and Leliana reluctantly murmured their assent, Cassandra still too shamed to offer much from the background. Ellana was the only one who looked directly at Solas glaring her disappointment.
"Killing our people, I assure you, does nothing to further your goal. No matter how many you take down, I will remain and I will not give up so easily," Solas continued.
"You lie," Leliana interrupted with notable caution. "The fewer people you have, the slower you make progress…"
"A valid point," Solas interjected in turn. "But still not a solution. Your only way out of this is to kill me and currently..." He paused to gaze derisively at Cassandra. "..you are failing in that respect."
"You would offer us a chance at you in exchange for your people?" Cullen added sceptically.
A slight smile formed across Solas's expression. "Yes, to a degree. Your people against mine including, of course, myself. You are unlikely to get this chance again so I suggest…"
"On equal grounds we would have no hope of winning and you know it," Cullen interrupted with a sneer.
Solas's smile widened. "Indeed and that is why I propose no limits. You have significantly more soldiers, do you not? It would be far from equal."
They all exchanged disbelieving looks and for the first time Cullen actually appeared hopeful. They were falling right in to his trap and the thought alone broke Ellana's heart.
Cassandra finally stepped forward. "But what could you possibly gain from this?" she asked doubtingly.
Ellana took her opportunity, albeit grudgingly, to convince them further, "Even if the odds are stacked against us it would be the best chance we have to secure the time we need. It does not matter what you throw at us I believe we can still win."
Solas placed a hand on her back as their opposition descended in to murmured discussion. Even though a part of her still wanted to punch him for so quickly pushing her aside it was somewhat comforting.
"You completely took over," she whispered to him angrily. "You gave up on them almost immediately."
"Not quickly enough," he whispered back with a sideways glance.
Before them Leliana stepped forward bringing their discussions to an abrupt end.
"Simply no limits on numbers…?"
Solas interrupted dismissively, "No limits on anything. You can bring however many and whomever you wish and we shall do the same."
With that Leliana and her comrades resumed their mutterings and Ellana turned back to Solas.
"You barely gave me any chance to try and convince them," she whispered.
With an angry noise Solas answered before she could finish, "It was not them who was being convinced."
Leliana stepped forward once again before Ellana could form a reply. "And where would this take place?"
"Here seems as good a place as any," Solas replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "No doubt you would find it comforting to face us in a place you selected."
Leliana looked around at her comrades and eventually nodded in agreement. "Given how favourable you have been I would presume there is something you would ask of us in return?"
Ellana spoke before Solas could, "Time. All attacks on our people are to cease from this day until the day we meet on the battlefield; if one more elf dies by your hands this deal would be null and forfeit."
The group exchanged looks.
"What of your people? A complete ceasefire between both parties would be the only acceptable deal," Cullen added.
"We will agree to that even though it will no doubt give you even more of an advantage," Ellana replied with a glance towards Solas.
Cullen looked away sheepishly.
"And scouting?" Leliana piped up.
"Obviously we will all wish to keep watch on this place for the foreseeable future and I see no harm in keeping an eye on one another provided there is no violence," Solas mused.
Leliana nodded her assent. "Agreed." The three descended in to discussions again for a brief moment before Leliana emerged once more. "We propose two and a half months from this date, no more than that."
"Of course you do," Solas replied with a slight smirk. "Imagine the troops you could recruit in that time whilst avoiding the risk of us completing our goal." He stopped for a period and gazed down at Ellana in careful consideration. "One month."
The group exchanged confused glances. Finally Cassandra nodded.
"Agreed," she said, outreaching a hand to Solas which he shook. Cassandra did not let go. "I will stop you," she spat back at him.
Solas pulled himself free. "You disappoint me, Seeker. Maybe after all is said and done you will be better off this way."
With that he turned on his heel and walked away taking Ellana with him. From behind Cullen came forward.
"You are going to get her killed!" he shouted after them. "If you cared at all for her you would let her go!"
Solas did not break his stride but even still Ellana could tell that the words had struck a nerve. He raised his free hand.
"Solas…don't…" Ellana begged.
He brought his hand down and with it arrows flew from the tree line. Ellana let out a horrified gasp, powerless to do anything. Solas sighed as, to her complete surprise, they thudded down in to the ground, missing entirely and forming a perfect line on either side of the shocked three.
"Stage-setting, vhenan," he remarked casually, pulling her back in to a walk. "Just stage-setting."
Solas was seething. The meeting itself had gone largely as he expected and in his mind the plan was already set but none of that mattered if Ellana was having doubts. During the walk back to the Eluvian only the intense desire to save face had kept him from losing his composure. She seemed none the wiser; happy to discuss the details of what had transpired while ignoring the significance of his truncated replies. As they waited for their entourage to pass through the Eluvian safely, she kept on going, oblivious. Before she could pass through he grabbed her arm.
"What do you think you were doing back there?!" he asked angrily. She cocked her head to one side with a look of bemusement. "You told me you were with me on all of this!"
"What are you talking about?" she asked, still appearing taken aback. "I am with you."
"You expect me to believe that after what I just saw?!" he interjected, taking a step away from her. "And do not claim ignorance; if your trepidation was obvious enough for Cassandra to notice then it must have been damned clear!"
"You have got to be fucking kidding me! I've just had to declare war on my friends and you choose now to bring this up?! All because Cullen got to me?!" she yelled back, closing the distance between them. "Do you think me so cold that hearing how much faith our people place in us, knowing how misguided it is, wouldn't give me pause?! It should do! I'm glad it does! At least then I know I care! The fact that you do not share the same regard for your people is, quite frankly, disturbing."
He pushed her away. "They are not my people and saying it over and over does not change that!"
"You say I mean the world to you," Ellana started quietly, "that there is nothing you would not do for me…"
"My feelings for you have nothing to do with them…"
"But I am them, Solas! I am not special, no matter how much you may want me to be. I am one of them and nothing more," she interrupted forcing him to turn back and look at her. "You claim to love me but you will not afford them even a moment…"
"It is still entirely irrelevant!" he spat back, shirking away from her touch. "I should not have to find out you are having doubts in front of our damn enemies, Ellana! If you are having second thoughts tell me now!"
Her face contorted with hurt. "You have so little faith in me. I mean what I say, Solas, every bit of it. I am no less resolved but that does not mean I have to like it." Finally he looked at her, gaze softening noticeably. "My people will never find peace in this world nor can I live knowing what we have lost. If there was any other alternative I would jump on it without hesitation but there is not and I cannot see how there ever will be. Your way will destroy everything I have ever known, the good and the bad, but that is a sacrifice I will make for a chance; even if my elves never get to live to see it; even if I never get to live to see it."
She turned away from him but he still tried. "Vhenan, I…"
"Don't!" she screamed, nudging his outstretched hand away. "I don't need your pity!" She fixed her eyes to his. "In case you are in any doubt know that I will hate every moment of this. I struggle not to resent you for it. You didn't mean to bring me in to your world nor would you force me to remain but still a part of me will always blame you for opening my eyes. Gods know I love you but don't you dare question me again; it only makes it harder…"
Finally she allowed him to place an arm gingerly around her. "I know and I am…"
"Do not say you're sorry…please," she interrupted while reassuringly not pulling away. "You know where I stand and I would much rather move on and forget this ever happened." Feeling he owed her more he tried to speak but again she interrupted. "You were an asshole but I have already forgiven you so please, let's just move on."
Solas gazed down on her feeling much like she had described and disconcertingly unworthy. Finally her grey eyes met his.
"Vhenan, I do love you," he finally said, meaning every word.
She took his hand in hers. "I know you do although you have a funny way of showing it," she replied before leading him through the mirror at last.
The past few days had been arduous. Ellana insisted on dissecting every word from the meeting and when she tired of that she moved on to every possible eventuality that could come from it. Even though her anxieties were undeniably exasperating Solas appreciated that she was at least trying. In hindsight he should never have agreed to appoint her Commander. She had been his escape, his sense of normalcy but now she too had been fully corrupted by his work. Still he held on to the hope that once this was done she would turn back in to what he needed. Without that he feared he would go back to what he was – just as detached and empty as the world he judged so harshly.
On the positive side Ellana seemed to have finally accepted they had no choice but to use the dragon. In the face of scout reports and cautious estimates she could no longer deny that they were going to be catastrophically outnumbered. As a direct result of this realisation she had taken to spending much of her days hidden away on her island. It was hard to stay away but somehow Solas had managed, all the while echoing to himself his faith in her. Nevertheless his mantra became ineffective as his curiosity grew and he found himself wandering there almost against his will. It was funny but even after all this time the thought of seeing Ellana was enough to birth excitement from him. He found her perched on the cliff edge in quiet contemplation; the dragon nowhere to be seen. When she saw him she got quickly to her feet. An odd expression overcame her as though she were forcing elation beyond the normal limits.
"What are you doing?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Testing something," she replied dismissively, still hopping about like some sort of mad woman. Eventually she came to rest with a disappointed groan.
Solas took a few tentative steps closer. "Vhenan?"
She looked up with a start as though noticing him properly for the first time. "Oh! Sorry," she answered at last.
She ran over to embrace him and he smiled down on her, enjoying the closeness but still wearing a look of complete puzzlement.
She reddened slightly. "Yeah I…uh…. I was testing to see if Dhaveira would know you were here without me saying anything…"
"But she is not here, vhenan…"
"She is!" Ellana replied defiantly, still clearly embarrassed. She called out to the dragon and sure enough the beast ascended the other side of the cliffs. "I wondered if she might be able to tell just from my excitement."
"Oh…" Solas expressed, finally understanding her bizarre behaviour. "But how could she if she cannot see you?"
The red in her cheeks deepened. "I never claimed it was a good theory…" Solas let out a laugh. "But I still wanted to know!"
He touched her cheek apologetically. "Forgive me my amusement, vhenan, but I feel as though I am missing some crucial steps; which only makes your proposal seem all the more bizarre."
"It is not bizarre!" she retorted, pushing herself away from him just as Dhaveira padded forward. "If you spent as much time with her as I do then it would make sense!" She let out a frustrated noise and started to pace as Solas greeted the eager dragon. "See! Remember how she was with you before and look at her now! What has changed? Something must have for her to act so markedly different!"
"I do not see what relevance this has to…" he started, brow still wrinkled in confusion.
"I am getting to it!" Ellana interrupted. "Answer the question."
Solas shrugged. "She knows me now?"
"But she does not! Just like she did not know me the first time we came barging in to her home," she abruptly added, practically skipping. "But yet she made no attempt to attack me even though she seemed perfectly willing to set you on fire." Slowly a look of understanding spread through Solas's expression although Ellana barely noticed it. "Why was that? It was nothing to do with her and everything to do with us." Finally she stopped pacing long enough to notice his recognition. "You see! When I met her I was curious, I was no threat whereas you…you were poised to attack. She knew that! Body language, expression, however you want to explain it but somehow she knew and she acted accordingly just like she does with you now!"
"So by your logic if you, a person she now trusts, were to feel a strong emotion towards something…"
Ellana nodded, a look of self-satisfaction fixed on her face. "Then she would act accordingly, just as she does with you! I care for you, I see you as no threat so she does too! It is not commands that matter, it is intention!"
A smile formed across Solas's face as full recognition dawned. "So if you felt enough fear towards something she would wish to protect you and thus do everything in her power to destroy the thing you fear?"
Ellana's grin instantly dropped. Nodding weakly she reached out and stroked the dragons rumbling head. Solas touch a hand to her jawline encouraging her to look at him.
"This changes everything, vhenan," he added with an appreciative smile.
She looked away again. "Yes, it should make the training easier at least." She gazed up at him again, resigned. "But it still doesn't solve the problem of getting her to answer my call in the first place."
This time it was Solas's turn to lament. "No, it does not." Quickly he recovered himself for her sake. "Leave it with me, vhenan. I am certain there must be some solution. Besides, your time would be much better spent here…" He paused, placing a hand on her stomach. "…and on resting."
Ellana let out an angry noise at that, trying to pull away but he kept her turned to him.
"This baby has the worst timing," she remarked, pouting slightly as Solas led her back towards the Eluvian by the shoulders.
He laughed. "Indeed she does."
Ellana glanced away. She appeared to be ruminating on something.
Just as he expected she gazed back at him with a questioning stare, "Solas?"
A habit by now, his eyebrow raised. "Yes?"
"You know how you've been teaching me more of the elvhen language?" she went on, not giving him enough time to respond. "Could we maybe expand that a little bit?"
"To include what?" he asked, a part of him dreading what the answer could possibly be.
Her eyes glinted with curiosity as she walked slightly ahead of him. "Magic," she almost whispered. "Not for me! Well, sort of, I don't want the basic explanations like you told me before and I would want you to teach me like it were for me but obviously it's not…"
"What are you asking me exactly?" he asked, stopping his stride with a look of complete confusion.
Ellana grasped her head in her hands and took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I want to be able to teach our daughter like you would…about magic and walking dreams, all of it. I presume she is likely to inherit at least some of your skills? I want to be able to teach her if you can't."
"If I cannot?" he questioned, expression turning hurt.
Still looking away she let out a sigh. "Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst - one of your philosophies that is horrible in sentiment but undeniably rational. I would not see our daughter suffer if she were left with only her decidedly less brilliant mother…"
"Vhenan, must you be so self-deprecating?" Solas interjected, rolling his eyes. He took her hand again, willing her in to movement. "Your brilliance is different but still unquestionable. Your cynicism however…"
"Cynicism?" she scoffed in reply, pulling him to a stop once again. "We are about to enter in to a war, Solas. Either one of us could die at any moment. Excuse me for trying to prepare just in case the worst happens."
With another roll of his eyes, Solas finally relented, "Fine. If that is what you want then I will gladly teach you." Ellana let out a small, happy squeal before finally following him towards the Eluvian. "I do not know how you intend to remember it all, especially given how it cannot be applied to yourself…"
"I'll write it down," Ellana interrupted dismissively.
"In the Fade? That would be a first," he replied with a doubting chuckle.
Ellana rolled her eyes. "No, afterwards! I can remember it long enough to write it down once I wake up."
Solas let out another doubting laugh as he gestured for her to pass through the mirror first.
"Hey! Don't get cheeky with me! It's not my fault we don't have time for real-world lessons," she added gruffly, ensuring to shove past him on her way to the mirror.
Luckily for him she was no longer looking at him so she could not see the smug smile forming on his face.
"Right…because I am the one who dictates that we must spend all our free time in bed…" he sarcastically added.
She stopped in her tracks mere inches from the mirror. Solas braced himself for the tirade. Within seconds she was as close to him as she could be, tension thick in the air. She fixed her eyes to his and bit down hard on her lower lip.
"Hmmm…you do have a point there, ara sa'lath" she said, savouring every word before passing annoying quickly through the mirror.