Thorin wrapped his arms around his sister. Her face was pale and her voice sounded husky, but she did not cry.

"How did it happen?"

Thorin breathed out. He had prepared himself for that question, but still didn't know what to say. "He jumped in front of the woman he loved. She had betrayed us and someone lost his self-control."

Dis stared into his eyes for a long time, but said no word. He had the feeling she knew he was the one who had lost himself, but she only took his hand. "Bring me to him."

Thorin did what she asked. Every step he took, seemed to rupture his inner wounds.

A little later they stopped in front of a large rock on which he and Dwalin had lifted Fili. His face and arms were cleaned, his hairs were combed, his eyes closed and his hands rested upon his stomach, keeping his sword in place.

Timidly he watched Dis. A lonely tear ran down her cheek when she knelt down next to her son and put her hands on his.

Thorin turned his face away, but it was too late. Tears escaped his eyes and his windpipe seemed to be squeezed. Once more he longed for Alyssae's comforting arms, but she had left him and was in Lake Town now. Even more, she would leave him after today for good, making him want to scream out of frustration. He however kept silent, listening to the sobbing of his sister, which seemed a reflection of his own grief.

"Where is she now?" Dis asked after she had sit beside her son for a long time.

"She went to Lake Town with Kili, but they will return for the funeral."

"Did she love him?" she wanted to know.

Thorin did not look at her. "Like a brother."

His eyes were still wet and he refused to look at her, although she undoubtedly saw through.

She didn't ask further, but took him in his arms. Thorin held her tight.

"I hate myself," he whispered. "I fear myself more than anything in the world."

The moment of Fili's funeral had came. Alyssae, Bofur and Kili had returned. Together with Kili he carried the gurney on which Fili was resting, but Kili avoided eye-contact.

Carefully they put the wooden bed on the ground when they had arrived at the pit. Thorin knew it was his task to say something, but no word came over his lips. In need of help he looked at Alyssae. Despite everything he still needed her. She was his last hope - and not in vain.
She stepped forward, out of the long row they had formed. She walked to the grave.

"None of us has words for this loss," she spoke hesitating, her voice colored by grief. "You were far too young to leave this world. I am in arrears forever and there is no way to pay my debt." She fell down on her knees and stared forward. "Your brother and you have helped me through all this the last months. I couldn't give you what you wanted." She was silent for a moment and started to cry again. "And you gave me what I did not want."

Her words made his guilt grow and he could not say a word himself. He listened to the loving words of the others and wondered in silence what they would have said when he had killed himself. Had they spoken this way about him too? Or would they have spit on his grave, saying the world would be better off without him?

Kili nudged his side because it was his turn to say something, but his lips seemed sealed. 'Sorry,' was all he could think of, but even that single word didn't come out. He only shook his head and lifted the gurney again, to lower Fili in his last resting-place.

When they lowered him in the grave, Alyssae started to sing. Her voice caused goose bumps over his whole body again.

Only when the body had reached to bottom, he dared to look up. She had closed her eyes, although tears slipped through her eyelashes while she sang words he would never understand. However, by his own distress he knew exactly what feelings she spoke of.

When her song had come to an end, they sang the lamentation that was customary by commemorating a dwarf life. His lips moved, but words still didn't come over his lips. He could not get around the truth that he belonged in that grave, instead of his young cheerful nephew.

Before they wanted to close the grave, Alyssae gave them all a white flower. She did not look at him while she offered him the flower and Thorin had the feeling his heart broke for the umpteenth time. One by one they had to throw the flower in the grave. It was his task to start and with a hollow feeling he looked for the last time in the dark grave. Then he let the flower swirl downward, as a last companionship for Fili. They would be together until they had both perished. For a long time he stared in the grave, until Dis stood next to him and took his hand. She let go of her flower while she squeezed his hand and then she led him away softly.

Thorin knew he couldn't bear much more, but after they had sealed the tomb, more unpleasant things were waiting for him. Alyssae was leaving. Would disappear out of his life as well.

With a terrible feeling in his stomach he saw how she embraced everyone. Even Dis, with whom she had exchanged only a few words.

He bit on his cheek when she observed him hesitating. He wanted a last embrace so badly. He wanted to hold her in his arms for one last time, but he believed she would turn him down.

In the end she sighed deeply and walked toward him. She dropped on one knee and looked at him. Tears were in her eyes. "I wish you the best, Thorin."

She wanted to stand up again, but in a reflex he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close. "Hold me one last time," he whispered. "Please."

Alyssae sighed softly and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, her eyes were glimmering like wet gems. She wrapped her arms around him and he placed his hand around her waist.

"I can't live without you."

Alyssae didn't look at him, but kept holding him. "Neither can I live without you," she told him and a sparkle of hope flamed inside. "Nor can I live with you."

She let go of him and kissed his lips for the last time. Thorin was so stunned he couldn't even react and before he could kiss her back, her lips were already gone.

"Farewell." She laid a hand on his chest. "Guard your heart. That is where I will be." After those words she stepped backward.

"You still get something," he mumbled and he turned around to get the promised gems. When he wanted to pick up the Arkenstone, his fingers scorched, leaving behind blisters. Cursing he put his fingertips in his mouth, while walking back to Alyssae and handing her the stones.

"You have to get the Arkenstone yourself," he grumbled. "I can no longer touch it."

Alyssae nodded shortly but Kili already went inside to take the king's jewel.

Those were the last words they spoke to each other. With pain in his heart he watched how she climbed her horse and went out of sight, together with Kili, Bofur and Nori. They would warrant her save return.

Even when they were out of sight for a long time, Thorin stood still there, staring at the horizon. Knowing he would do that for years, without seeing her face again, without knowing how things were going. Without knowing if she was happy.