Jim was crying. She was aware of this fact. She was also aware that she was crying in Spock's bed, in Spock's arms with her head buried in the hollow of his neck. She had a hard time comprehending the fact that Spock was holding her. Hell, he was comforting her. She thought that he would step away from physical contact, but evidently, she was wrong.
When she saw Spock in that bar, she felt overwhelmed. He knelt in front of her, brought her knees back together, took her face in his insanely warm and soft hands (that felt so good) and that was the moment (Jim was vaguely aware) when she started crying. Tears were falling down her face and she couldn't do anything to stop them. She was powerless.
Memory of her best friend Bones was blurry on her. Everything else was blurry. That loud crazy bar. People she hung out with. Her best friend's voice saying something about her not having an alcohol poisoning...
The only thing that was perfectly clear was Spock.
She remembers the tiny frown that appeared between his brows when she wouldn't (couldn't) respond to his question. She remembers the not so subtle widening of his pupils when the tears started falling. She remembers how gentle he was when he carried out of that stupid bar and she also remembers that she clung onto him when he tried to lay her on the backseat.
He could have said no. He could have just put her down and ignore her for the rest of the ride home. He had every right to do that. After all, Vulcans didn't like anyone in their personal space. Yet, he stayed with her. Why?
She remembers his long thin fingers going through her knotted hair that looked more like a birds nest that her actual hair. She remembers how not shy he was when he was rubbing comforting circles on her back. Then she remembers those strong hands lifting her up again. She vaguely remembers a short walk to his quarters and then once in his bedroom, he lowered her down on the soft sheets.
She remembers feeling cold. She felt alone. Lonely. She was alone her entire life. She didn't want to be alone anymore. With cat like reflexes she caught his arm. She begged him not to leave her alone. She begged. She never begged for anything in her life. Not even on Tarsus. She didn't beg in the worst moments of her life. So why? Why did a simple touch of his warm, gentle, soft skin caused such a breakdown?
He could have said no. He should have said no. She was prepared to be rejected. But then he took off her heels and then took off his boots and he climbed into bed next to her. She snuggled into the warmth he provided. And when the feeling of safe kicked in, she broke down. Tears started falling down again but this time they were followed with a heard wrecking sobbing.
Spock wasn't sure why he did what he did.
Why was he so worried when Nyota told him she insulted the Capitan? He knew Jim is capable of defending herself in any situation even when heavily inhibited. His heart almost stopped when doctor McCoy said she might harm herself. His hard stopped when he saw her in that bar, dressed in that figure hugging dress, knees parted, parted in particular way that everyone could see what type of underwear she wore. He saw. He also didn't want anyone else seeing. He leaped across the floor, crouched down in front of her, brought her knees back together (because it was inappropriate for a Capitan to behave this way, or at least, that's what he was telling himself) and took her face in his hands.
As soon as he did that, the tears started falling. Hot, wet, sad tears.
She couldn't walk so he carried her out. That's the only reason he did that. Not because he wanted to feel her soft skin on his again. Or because he wanted to show everyone in that bar that she is not available. Or because he saw a few male guys giving her lustful looks. No. He carried her only because he was worried she might pass out. Or hurt herself. Those were the only reasons. There could be no other... Right?
Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that. His human half mocked.
In the car, he didn't know why he stayed with her. His Vulcan half was telling him that he should just leave her in the back. But his human half, half that understood what she was going through told him he should stay with her. His human half won. It appeared that, when Jim was involved, his human half would often come out victorious.
He brushed her hair. He draw circles on her back. She sat in his lap with her head in the crock of his neck, nuzzling. And he let her.
If they were on Vulcan, such behavior would be seen as a very intimate act, and if there were Vulcan driving a car, they would definitely be thrown out. Luckily, for both him and her, that was not the case. He was vaguely aware that McCoy almost crashed the car but at that moment he chose not to comment on it.
When McCoy stopped the car at the academy's parking lot and opened the door for him and Jim, he wasted no time. He hoisted Jim into his arms and they crossed the campus to his room. Once there he gave McCoy access code to his room and carried Jim to his bedroom. He planned to just put her on bed and let her sleep, but when she caught his arm and practically begged him to stay with her, he couldn't resist.
He took off her high heels and then he took his own boots off and climbed into bed next to her. McCoy was standing there like a statue with his eyes that by now were the size of a smaller planet. And when McCoy left, Jim's control promptly collapsed and she broke down sobbing.
In normal circumstances, Spock wouldn't know what to do, or what to say. Yet, here he was, whispering comforting (or at least he hoped they were) things to Jim.
Why? Why did he do that? He wasn't obligated to comfort her. By Vulcan standards, this would have been a pure act of rebellion. Touching someone so intimately, and whispering comforting things. No. This was definitely not a Vulcan way.
And yet, here you are. His human side peaked through.
After almost half an hour, Jim's sobs finally subdued and they turned into an occasional hiccup.
Jim was so embarrassed. She didn't cry in over 10 years, and now something as minor as an insult from a person that's not even her friend led her to a complete breakdown. And in front of Spock nonetheless.
Jim sniffed and slowly, reluctantly removed herself from Spock's embrace. He let her go, but it seemed he didn't want to do that.
Her head was tucked in Spock's neck and she was violently gripping the collar of his regulation science blue shirt. She even tangled her legs with Spock's and his left hand was drawing small comforting circles on her dress clad back.
Jim slowly lifted her head up so she could look him in the eyes. She was afraid of what she would find in those pools of dark chocolate but she was surprised when she found nothing but sympathy in them. Spock turned around briefly, his legs still tangled with hers, and gave her a tissue. She accepted and nodded in thanks and then proceeded to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. When she finished, Spock was still watching her.
"I am sorry." Her voice was rough and raspy, almost like when you're having a cold or you didn't use it for a while.
"Would it be beneficial if we, as humans say, talked about it?"
She shrugged, but untangled her legs from his and scooted away from him, removing herself from his comforting embrace completely now. She was now lying on her back, her head popped up on a pillow, her eyes starring at the ceiling.
When she untangled herself from him and settled almost on the other side of his bed, Spock thought that she wouldn't share her problems, but he was proven wrong when she took a deep breath and started speaking.
"After Uhura and I went out, we walked in silence for a few minutes. When we found a suitable park bench and sat down, she started talking shit. She told me how I had a perfect life, how I should stop trying to take you away from her, stuff like that and I just snapped like a rubber band because I could not not to crack under the pressure. I mean, you know my life story, you obviously knew it since that hearing because you had to do a research to find that information about my dad. By the time I finished my story, she was crying a god damn river and I just left. Spock, I - I didn't cry in over 10 years and now... I don't even know anymore."
"Lieutenant Uhura had no right to assume such thing."
"No, Spock. She had right to assume. She just didn't have right to bring out these assumptions in the form of accusations."
She breathed in and lifted herself up in he elbows, swung her legs over and stood up from the bed.
"I'm just gonna go. Good night Spock. Sorry for being a burden."
"You do not have to go. You may use my quarters for as long as you need."
"And be a third wheel every time your girlfriend comes over... yeah, I think I'll pass."
She picked up her heels and crossed the room in a few long strides, Spock right on her tail. Once at the door she turned around and almost crashed into Spock's chest. She looked at him, but this time her eyes were cold and Spock had to suppress a shiver.
"Thank you for your hospitality Commander. But since you will not stay on earth I see no reason for us to continue this... friendship. Good night, Minster Spock."
She then turned around and ran from his room, as doctor McCoy would say, 'a bad outta hell'. Spock just stood there, starring at the door. He took a deep breath to calm the impulse,that was threatening to break through, to run after the blue eyed beauty. He closed his eyes and gained the composure of himself then returned to his living room and took his PADD and wrote a short but formal nonetheless message to admiral Archer where he insisted that all the charges against Kirk should be dropped. A few minutes later, admiral responded that all of the charges will be dropped and that promotion will be held tomorrow at 5 p.m. and a formal dinner at 7 p.m. When that was done, he brought out his matt and candles and settled down to meditate. He needed to regain the control of himself.
Jim walked over the campus, her heels in her hand. She marched to her room, closed the door and leaned onto them. She took a calming breath, dropped her heels, unzipped her dress and let it pool around her dirty feet. She stepped over it and made her way to the bathroom. Just as she was about to enter her bathroom, her PADD rung, signaling an incoming message. She sighed and returned to her bedroom, took her PADD and carefully read the message.
All charges against her were dropped and she will be promoted to Capitan tomorrow at 5 p.m. and the formal dinner and ceremony will take place at 7 p.m. Promotion meant formal uniforms, but ceremony meant a long elegant dresses and all that shit.
Jim sighed. She dropped her PADD on her bed and went into the bathroom where she proceeded to have a long shower. Once she finished that, she brushed her teeth and not bothering to dry her hair or even put any clothes on, she collapsed onto her bed and fall asleep completely naked.
When she woke up next morning she brushed her teeth, threw some clothes on and walked to the hospital. Pike should be released by 9 a.m. and she wanted to be the one to wheel him out of the hospital. She gave her informations to the nurse and they took her to the room Pike was in. Jim knocked.
"Come in." When she came Pike was still lying on his hospital bed and was currently reading a PADD. But when she approached he put his PADD down and gave her his full attention.
"Ok, what's wrong, Jim? What happened?"
Jim looked him in the eyes but her own eyes displayed nothing. She made herself a promise that she will never show what she's feeling again. So right now her face portrayed nothing and that's what triggered Pike's worry.
Jim sighed.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly fine. Now tell me, are you ready to get out of here?"
Pike obviously knew something's wrong, but god bless him, he chose not to comment on it.
"You bet your ass I am. I just need to sign some things and then we're out."
Right at that moment a nurse came in. She held a medical PADD in her hand. She smiled at Jim and Pike and handed her PADD over to Pike. After signing up documents, he was given clothes, they helped him with putting his clothes on, the other nurse wheeled in a wheelchair, in which they positioned Pike in and Jim was finally able to wheel Pike out.
"So, where do you want to go now that you're free?"
"How about some nice little coffee shop?"
Jim nodded. "Deal."
The nearest coffee shop was 10 minutes away and they went through the San Francisco's park. When they finally settled down in their booth and gave their orders, Pike spoke.
"Congratulations. I heard they gave you my ship."
There was a teasing note to his voice and Jim couldn't help but to reciprocate the gesture.
"I think you'll find it's my ship now, Chris."
Pike just laughed at that.
"Did you send out an invitations?"
"Everyone that are not dead will be joining me. Why would they want to be assigned to another ship, when this is the best god damn ship in the Fleet?"
"What about Spock?"
Jim kept her blank stare.
"What about him?"
"Don't give me that shit kid. After what happened to him it would be only logical for him to join the remaining Vulcans. So, what did he say?"
Jim sighed. "He said he will be joining them."
"So that's the reason you act like someone pissed in your drink."
It wasn't a question. It was a fact.
"I'm fine."
"The hell you are. Don't fuck with me kid. I know you. Not as good as you know yourself, but I do know you. You like that guy."
Jim winced. "I don't see how that's relevant?"
"Jim, c'mon. Spill."
"There's nothing to spill, sir."
"You sure about that?"
"Absolutely."
Pike narrowed his eyes but kept his mouth shut. They drunk their coffee in silence.
"Any plans for today, kid?"
"I'm taking you dress shopping with me."
It wasn't a question.
When they finished their coffee, they collected their things and they were out. Jim liked to walk and Pike wanted to go 'sight seeing' so he and Jim walked (that is, Jim walked and Pike stayed in his wheelchair) for almost two hours through the city until they stumbled upon a boutique and Pike wouldn't stop nagging until they entered.
The boutique was pretty fancy with all types of gowns and shoes and tuxedos and all that cray shit.
"Can I help you?"
Jim wanted to say no, but Pike beat her to it and answered yes.
"We're looking for a ball gown, not too puffy or anything, but yet elegant enough for a ceremonial dinner. Also it shouldn't be too revealing. And while you're at it make sure the color of the gown matches her eyes. Thank you."
The girl nodded, smiled and went to search a perfect gown that will fit Jim.
When she left, Jim looked at Pike with growing curiosity.
"Just how exactly do you know so much about dresses?"
"I've been on a fair share of ceremonies organized by Starfleet."
At that moment a girl returned with a beautiful blue dress that was almost the exact same color as Jim's irises. She gave it to Jim and Pike ushered her into a changing room. Five minutes later, Jim emerged from behind the curtain and Pike was left speechless.
The floor length gown with a medium sized train had a massive slit right at the middle and it showed off Jim's gorgeous legs. The upper part hugged her body almost perfectly but at the waist it had a tiniest amount of puff. And the color suited Jim perfectly.
Pike was gaping like a fish on a dry land and when Jim did a slow and provocative turn, just to ease him, he swallowed, hard.
"How do I look?" Was Jim's question.
"Go fuck yourself." Was Pike's answer.
Jim laughed. She couldn't help herself. His face in combination with his answer... she laughed so hard her stomach started to hurt.
"So, should I buy it?"
"Kid, if you don't buy it, I will."
She laughed again and turned around, marched into her cabin and closed the curtain. Two minutes later, they were paying for the dress and five minutes later, they were leaving the store.
At the same time, in Starfleet's hangar Spock was warping up his conviction with Spock Prime.
Spock Prime gave him the Vulcan salute and they parted ways. Spock was left standing there, more confused than ever. Spock Prime just told him to remain in Starfleet. And he was completely lost.
By the time Jim and Pike returned to the academy it was already almost 4 p.m. jim dropped off Pike in his apartment, took her dress and almost ran across the campus to her room. She took a quick shower, put on her red uniform and she was out the door. By the time she reached the room the promotion ceremony will be held in, it was 4:30 p.m. already and people started arriving.
By 4:55 p.m. everyone were in the room, but Jim didn't see Spock anywhere. The entire bridge squad was there, only Spock, the person that meant the most to her, was absent.
By 5:10 she had a medal attached to her red uniform and the entire room erupted in applause.
Pike was the first to congratulate her. Right after him came Scotty, then Sulu and Chekov, then Bones (that grumbled something about her having a death wish), and then there was Uhura that pulled Jim to the side.
"First of all, let me say I am extremely sorry for my behavior. I should have never assumed such things."
"You're forgiven."
"Look I know I made a mistake and I - Wait, hold on. Did you just say that you forgive me?"
"Yes, lieutenant, you're forgiven."
"Oh my god. I don't know what to say."
"Just say you will stay aboard the Enterprise."
"Of course I will. Oh, congratulations by the way Capitan."
Jim laughed at Nyota's teasing. But then she remembered a very important person and the smile died on her lips.
"What about Spock?"
Uhura looked at her shoes awkwardly.
"He's not joining us, is he?"
Uhura shook her head. Jim sighed.
After the promotion ceremony, Jim wheeled Pike back to his apartment and helped him get into his suit. When she was done, Pike thanked her and she went to her quarters to get dressed. She pit her dress on, applied some minimal make up, tied her hair up in a fancy bun, slipped on her 4 inch stilettos, grabbed her clutch and she was out.
Spock was having a second thoughts. Spock Prime kinda messed up his plans. 'Put aside logic, do what feels right.' He knew that logical thing would be to go to the New Vulcan and assist in rebuilding the race and everything else. But what felt right. Spock knew, if he indeed went to Vulcan, he would be unhappy. Between his peers, he was an outcast. A half breed. Here in Starfleet, it felt like home. Like he belonged here. He sighed. Maybe he should rethink his decision.
While he was thinking, he put on a classic black tuxedo, combed his hair a bit and he was out the door.
By the time Jim reached a section where the dinner and fancy ceremony was held it was already around 7:20 p.m. which meant she was officially (and fashionable) late.
When Jim entered, everything became quiet. A low rumble broke through the crowd and every head snapped in her direction.
Jim didn't blush, she almost never did. Besides, no one in this room deserved to see her blush. Except maybe Chekov.
She held her head high and marched through the room in couple long strides. It seemed as though the music was quieter too. Her heels clicked loudly on the marble floor, but she paid them no mind.
When she reached the table her bridge crew occupied, everyone were gaping at her. Every chair was occupied, except two. Hers and Spock's. But Spock's chair already had a used napkin, so that meant he was here. Before she sat down, she ran her eyes all over the room. May heads were still looking at her direction. She ignored them all and continued her search.
"If you're looking for Spock, he's right over there." It was Uhura that said that and she pointed to a table that admirals occupied.
Spock was in a deep conversation with Pike, but as soon as Jim looked at his direction, he snapped his head to look at her.
Spock was engaged in a deep conversation with Pike when he heard a rumble going through the crowd. Pike just smile (because he obviously knew what was that about) but didn't turn around and just continued his conversation with Spock.
Since Pike didn't stray from conversation, Spock felt like it would be rude for him to do so. He was just about to tell Pike about his decision not to leave Starfleet when he felt someone's eyes digging a metaphorical hole in the back his head. Even tho he felt that, he still didn't avert his eyes from admiral's until he heard Pike chuckle.
"I think someone's looking for you Mr Spock." Pike's eyes shined with laughter and he turned his head in the direction from which Spock felt the stare. He snapped his head in that direction so fast he feared he might get a whiplash.
And then he saw her.
And she was beautiful.
Spock's heart stopped. There is no other way of describing the sight he was seeing at that moment. His heart either stopped completely or his heart beat became so rapid that he couldn't feel it anymore.
He was absolutely sure he looked like a complete moron just standing like a statue with his eyes the size of a bigger planet. He was also aware of his mouth opening and closing but no sound came out.
He was brought down to earth when he heard Pike chuckling almost mockingly but he still had to avert his eyes from Jim.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?"
Spock swallowed. Yes, she was. She was so beautiful that he was left speechless. She wore a beautiful off shoulders gown, that followed every curve up to her waist. At her waist it had a tiniest amount of puff, so the gown now didn't follow the line of her body, It was pooling around her feet. But the most striking thing was the fact that her dress matched almost perfectly with the color of her eyes.
"Mr Spock, perhaps you should join your friends, we can continue this conversation later."
Still not averting his eyes, he nodded and made his way to the table.
Jim was now seated at the table, her gown almost all the way on the side where it occupied the most of the space on her chair and even on the floor. She was drinking champagne when she saw him approaching. She almost chocked on it, and she probably would, if Uhura didn't slap her on the back a couple of times.
But it wasn't Spock himself that caused such a reaction (ok, she's lying) but rather what he was wearing. Spock was wearing a tuxedo. Spock was wearing a tuxedo.
Just as he was about to sit down, a music started. It was a classic waltz. Spock was a bit perplexed because of sudden sound, but he recovered soon enough and while he maintained eye contact with her, he gave his hand to Uhura and they made their way to a dance floor.
"Kid, you wanna dance?" It was Bones that asked this question.
"No, not right now." Bones opened his moth to protest, but a quick glare from Jim shut him up.
Two minutes later a waltz was over and Spock and Uhura made their way over. Spock pulled a chair out for Uhura to sit, but just as he was about to sit too, music started again. This time it was tango. Spock looked at Uhura.
"Don't look at me, I Don't know how to tango."
Spock nodded went to sit down when McCoy said something.
"Jim can tango."
Jim snapped her head towards McCoy.
"I'll kill you."
"Doctor, if Capitan does not want do dance, I certainly would not want to intrude."
"No, no, she wants to dance, trust me." Bones was quick to answer and push her out of the chair.
Jim looked at him with a glare, but before she accepted Spock's offer, she looked towards Uhura, but she just gave her a small reassuring smile.
Jim sighed, but took Spock's outstretched hand nonetheless. They made their way to the dance floor.
Spock brought his hands in a classical tango pose and Jim copied his movements.
Music was almost half way done when they stepped on the dance floor, but as soon as musicians saw the two of them they stopped playing. Everybody else stoped dancing too and they cleared the dance floor almost anxious to see what these two were up to. The music started again.
They started slow. Nothing too crazy or fancy, but as the time progressed so did their movements. They were starring at each others eyes the entire time and they seemed almost unable to look away.
As their final move, Jim threw her leg over Spock's hip and Spock grabbed that leg and brought Jim down so low, that her hair would have brushed the floor, had it been down.
When the music ended, Spock snapped her back up. Jim still had her leg thrown over his hip and he was still gripping that leg almost as if life depended on it. They were breathing hard and save for that last move, they never broke eye contact.
The room was deathly silent. But then a few seconds later, it erupted into an enormous applause.
That seemed to snap the two partners out of their trance and Spock finally let Jim's leg go. They made their way to the table.
The rest of the night was, well awkward. Jim and Spock tried so hard to avoid each other's eyes, but somehow when one looked at another, their eyes would already be watching.
That's how they spent the rest of the night. Trying to avoid each other. Key word: trying.
Admiral Archer also made an announcement that the Enterprise will be leaving for his first voyage in two days.
At around 1 a.m. Jim was ready to go home. She said goodbye to everyone and exited the hall.
Spock was waiting for her. How did he know she would be leaving, she didn't know but without saying anything, he just followed her to her door. Once there she turned towards him and said,
"Thank you, you know for the dance and for bringing me home."
He just nodded.
"Well, good night."
He just nodded again. She sighed and opened the door.
Just as she was about to enter, a hand grabbed her forearm and turned her back around.
But before she could ask what's wrong, she was pushed against the wall and Spock's lips were on her own.