It was bonfire night. Once every couple of weeks, the community had this huge bonfire in the middle of camp, where they ate and talked and laughed. It was barely dusk, and the boar was just starting to roast in the fire. Richard had been away for a year and a half, but people still talked of him like he had left yesterday. Occasionally, someone hunting too far even ran into him. So, it wasn't much of a shocker when they saw him stumble into camp.
"Richard! It's Richard!" Aqua heard the others say. She perked up too fast, faster than she should have, considering that she was in Warren's arms. She couldn't see Richard, for he was coming from the other side of the fire.
"Richard!" Ellie's voice was full of alarm.
Aqua immediately stood up, desperately looking for Richard. She spotted him just as he fell to the ground. This didn't make sense. Was it really Richard? What had happened to him? Aqua wanted to run to him, but she was frozen in place. Others did run, though, but she barely noticed them.
It was a strange feeling. She hadn't known she missed Richard that much until she saw him again. Aqua realized now that Richard leaving was like having a part of her missing. She felt complete now, though broken. Because there was something wrong with Richard. He was not moving.
Aqua saw as Warren and Charles lifted Richard up and took him to his former tent. She was breathing hard, and her vision blurred. She blinked, and she was crying. Why are you crying? Aqua? Are you alright?
She had to blink some more to realize that Selma was talking to her. Worry painted Selma's face, and she had her hand gently on Aqua's shoulder. Aqua wanted to tell her that she was fine, but words wouldn't come out of her lips. She couldn't even nod. She was paralyzed, and the shadow of Richard's inert body danced around in her eyes. Her brain went fuzzy, and she crumbled down. She felt broken; sure, sure, that Richard was dead. There was no other explanation.
Aqua didn't know how long she had been crying on the ground in Selma's arms when suddenly she was in Warren's arms. Selma loved Aqua, but she wasn't used to dealing with other people's emotions. She gladly passed Aqua to Warren and went to figure out what was going on by herself. Warren stroked her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear.
"Don't cry, honey. He's fine. He's alive. Richard's alive. He will be okay."
When Aqua registered Warren's words, she couldn't help but think that she didn't deserve him. Warren knew what had happened between Richard and Aqua, yet here he was, comforting her while she cried for another man.
The boar burned. Ellie came out of Richard's tent, her hands slightly bloody, and went straight to Aqua. Aqua had stopped crying, but she couldn't erase the vision of Richard tumbling down. Ellie kneeled down in front of her best friend, and she looked so grown up. Where was that angry teenage girl who had aimed her rifle at Aqua?
Aqua wanted to ask Ellie if Richard was dead, but she still couldn't speak. Ellie understood; she knew her too well.
"He's alive. Aqua, do you hear me? Richard is alive." Ellie had her hand on Aqua's cheek, and she nodded along with her words. "He's unconscious. He's wounded, but he won't die. I think we should all go to bed, and you can see him tomorrow morning, yes?" Aqua shook her head. "Yes, Aqua. Let him rest. Warren, why don't you take Aqua home?"
Aqua shook her head again but didn't protest when Warren scooped her up and took her to their tent. He gently laid her down on their cot, removed her shoes, and wiped her face. She was a grown woman now, but being tenderly cared for like this was always welcomed. Warren lay down with her, and she fell asleep in his arms, deep down, very secretly wishing they were Richard's.
When Aqua woke up again, it was at that moment of the night when everything is silent. The birds, the insects, the wind, everything was quiet. Warren had turned over and had his back to her, as he often did when he got too hot. It was perfect, because when Aqua got up, he didn't even notice.
Aqua tiptoed to Richard's tent, where old Peter, the medic, slept on a chair in a corner. She knew he wouldn't wake up. Aqua kneeled down at Richard's bedside. Illuminated by candlelight, he looked as handsome as ever and not a day older. Something in her chest stirred, and she couldn't help but tear up. He was here, next to her again! His hair was longer, and his beard was bushy. Aqua liked this almost raggedy look on him. He was bandaged all over: his head, his chest, his left leg, but he didn't look beyond repair. Ellie was right; Richard would be fine in no time. Tentatively, Aqua stretched her hand and gently stroke his face and hair. He stirred but didn't wake.
Aqua spent the night by Richard's side.
"Honey, wake up," a male voice was saying. Aqua –still half asleep– smiled, happy to hear Richard's voice again. But when she opened her eyes, it wasn't Richard but Warren who was stroking her arm. Her face went red in shame. Warren offered her his hand, and Aqua helped herself up. Her muscles and joints were sore because of the position she had slept in.
Ellie was looking at her from behind Warren with an eyebrow raised and a judgmental expression; Aqua ignored her. Old Peter wasn't in the tent. Richard was still unconscious, or perhaps just sleeping, but he looked better than the night before. His peaceful face reassured Aqua, and she gladly went outside with Warren.
"Got a little panicked when you weren't there this morning," Warren told Aqua after breakfast.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
"It's fine. I understand why you were in his tent," he said with a shrug. Warren was not one to get jealous, and he had never really had a reason to.
"And why is that?" Aqua asked, trying to be nonchalant.
"Well," he shrugged again, "he's the first person you met when you got here. He was there for you when you found out about your family. He's your friend." What had she done to deserve Warren? Aqua's ears were hot. "You don't have to say anything else, honey. I understand. Well, it's my turn to hunt. See you later, love." He kissed her forehead and left.
As soon as Warren was out of their tent, a sudden urge to run to Richard flooded Aqua. She resisted it for as long as she could, but ultimately went to him once more. He was awake now and was talking to Ellie. He still looked convalescent, but as soon as his eyes found Aqua, his whole face brightened up. Aqua couldn't help but smile back at him.
"Oh, if it isn't Warren's girlfriend," Ellie quipped. Aqua wished she could slap her. "Well, I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you need to catch up." She gave Aqua a warning smile before exiting the tent.
Once alone with Richard, Aqua didn't know what to say. Why had she come here? She shouldn't have. Nevertheless, she couldn't leave. She was too scared that he would disappear from her sight again.
"Look at you," Richard broke the silence. "Thirty suits you." Aqua blushed.
"And you've looked better," she said. Richard smiled that swooning smile of his. "Oh, Richard. What happened to you?"
"It's nice to hear you say my name again." Richard still had ways to make Aqua melt.
"I've missed you." The words escaped Aqua's lips before she could stop them. Richard looked away apologetically. "You left without telling me. I thought I was your friend."
"You are. Of course you are. I'm sorry," Richard said meaningfully. "But it was too painful to stay here."
Aqua's heart broke. Of course, of course! She wasn't being fair to him. Not then, not now, not ever.
"The smoke monster," Richard said. "That's what happened to me."
Aqua kneeled down next to him, alarmed.
"What? Oh, Richard!"
"Don't worry. It wasn't the first time, and it certainly won't be the last one, I'm sure." He dismissed it like he wasn't lying in bed covered in bandages. "Really, don't worry. I've missed you, too, Aqua."
Aqua wished Richard hadn't said her name. Her name in his lips, his warm breath on her face, his handsome face finally home. It was too much. His voice was musical, too enchanting. Suddenly, Aqua was twenty-three again. She was twenty-three and alone. She was twenty-three and the tropical air of their cove was blowing in her face. She was twenty-three and Richard was singing to her.
Who knew that real love didn't go away?
Without thinking, Aqua closed the space that separated her from Richard and kissed him. His lips on hers, his rough hand on her face, his long hair tickling her forehead, everything, everything mended the hole that had been missing in her heart for eighteen months.
It was as if not a day had passed. Aqua could almost hear the waves and the birds from their cove in that kiss. She felt just as she had seven years ago, in the water, when she and Richard first kissed. Warren who? It was Richard, and Richard only, who flooded her head and her heart. Richard's smile, Richard's voice, Richard's laugh, Richard's body. Richard was everything.
But the spell broke when Aqua moved away. For five short seconds when she looked into Richard's dark, beautiful eyes, there was not a doubt in her mind. She wanted Richard. But the sounds of people outside the tent brought her back to reality, and she realized what she had just done. Richard looked slightly confused, but the hint of a smile danced in his lips.
No, this was all wrong. She shouldn't have kissed him.
"Aqua," Richard said, gently caressing her cheek, reading her expression.
"I should go," Aqua said hoarsely. She all but ran to her tent, where she screamed into her pillow and relived every moment she had ever spent with Richard.
For two weeks, Aqua managed to avoid Richard and Ellie. She spun around on her heels when she saw either of them; she pretended to go deaf when either spoke to her; she even claimed to be sick on bonfire night so she didn't have to see them. She knew that Ellie knew. Ellie always knew.
But she couldn't avoid Warren. Aqua spent every day and every night with Warren, but for fourteen days, she couldn't look him in the eye once. She felt terrible about kissing Richard, because she was so in love with Warren. Or at least she thought she was. It was impossible, though, to deny that Warren loved her more than anything in the world.
This kept Aqua up at night. The guilt, the shame. On the fourteenth night, she had a contrite expression on her face, and Warren spoke to her.
"What are you thinking about?" he startled her.
"Nothing," she answered, too quickly.
"You sure? You don't look like you're thinking about nothing."
"I'm sure. I just… can't sleep. That's all."
"Oh." Warren made a pause. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you?"
Well, damn. Did Warren know? He couldn't, Aqua thought. Or could he? Aqua tried to play it cool.
"Only that I love you." That wasn't probably the best answer, because she doubted the veracity of it.
"Oh. Well, I love you, too. A lot, Aqua." The tone of his voice was too deliberate, too knowing. He hugged her tight and kissed her face, and this didn't help Aqua's anxiety. She bit her lip to avoid crying, and she eventually fell asleep with a broken heart.
The next day, when Warren was out and Aqua was getting dressed, Ellie burst into Aqua's tent, ready to get some answers.
"What the hell?" Ellie exclaimed. Maybe Aqua could shove her aside and run away…
"Hey, Elle."
"What the hell?" Ellie repeated. She was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and she looked so imposing. There was no way Aqua could get away from her.
"Yes, Ellie?" Aqua tried to sound innocent.
"Richard told me."
Oh, no.
"Told you what?" Aqua asked, playing dumb.
"Oh, you know exactly what." Ellie's eyes were so accusing that Aqua would actually prefer to be slapped. Aqua sighed, defeated, and slumped down on her cot. "Why the hell did you kiss him?"
"I don't know, Ellie."
"Oh, yes, you do know." Aqua could swear that her mother's spirit had taken over Ellie. "What is wrong with you, Aqua?"
"Look, I–"
"No, be quiet until I finish scolding you." Aqua couldn't believe that a twenty-four year old was chastising her, but she accepted it. "How dare you kiss Richard? After everything you put him through? That's selfish, Aqua. You broke his heart without even telling him why, and you think you can just kiss him like nothing ever happened?
"You can't pretend like you're back in your little love beach. You're not. You're here, in a relationship, and Richard was already getting over you. You can't go around kissing him when it's convenient for you and messing up with his head. He's so confused, Aqua! He doesn't know how to feel anymore, because he wants you, but he can't have you because you're with Warren.
"And that's another thing. You cheated on Warren, Aqua. Warren! Who has given you everything and who has loved you to death! You're not just hurting one person, Aqua, you're hurting two of them. Two wonderful men who love you."
Aqua tried really hard not to cry. She knew Ellie was absolutely right, and she had already thought about all of it before. She knew she was a horrible person, but she didn't know what to do.
"Well?" Ellie asked. "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"
"No," Aqua answered in a whisper. "No, I don't. I agree with everything you said, Ellie. But I don't know what I should do."
Ellie glared at her a little longer, then sighed and relaxed her muscles. She sat down with Aqua, wisdom and maturity and anger in her blue eyes.
"I'll tell you what you should do. You should cut the crap and make up your mind. Stop hurting them both, and just choose. Warren or Richard. I'd rather you break the heart of one of them than have you making bad choices that will hurt all of you."
"I don't want to break anyone's heart," Aqua sighed.
"Yeah, well, too bad. You already broke Richard's. Keep on going like this and you'll break Warren's and your own." When had Ellie become an expert in relationships? "So, choose, Aqua. It's an order."
"Fine." Aqua sighed deeply. "If only the three of us could have a polyamorous relationship. It would make everything so much easier," she said to herself.
"Is that another one of your words from the future?" Ellie asked, and Aqua nodded. "Well, whatever it means, don't. You can't have them both. It's selfish. And I doubt they would want that."
Aqua smiled at her. She loved Ellie so much. Only a true best friend, a sister, could slap you with words that hurt but don't sting because they're true. She was so grateful for Ellie, but she wished she didn't have to do what Ellie had ordered her to.
"Oh," Ellie said, like she had just remembered, "and you will tell Warren that you kissed Richard. Who knows? Maybe he'll break up with you and make your choice easier."
"Ellie!" Aqua protested, hurt.
"It's the truth. Now, go tell him. Or else, I will banish you from the community."
"You wouldn't!"
"Oh, yeah? Try me." Ellie held Aqua's gaze, and her eyes were so authoritative that Aqua could never contradict her.
"Okay! Fine. I'll tell Warren," Aqua yielded. She knew, of course, that she'd eventually have to come clean to him.
"And you will choose between him and Richard," Ellie pressed on.
"Yes, I– I will try."
"Good. You're an idiot, Aqua, but I love you. This is for the best. You know that, right?"
"I do. Thank you, Ellie. I love you, too."
"Great. I need a drink." They walked hand in hand to Ellie's tent, where she kept her wine.
Aqua wasn't sure how she was going to choose between the two men she loved. But she really would try, for her sake, for Warren's, for Richard's. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.