XV.
I don't know how long I sit on the basement floor, a hysterical mess, but if I had to warrant a guess, I'd say long enough. I am standing, with weightless and somehow incredibly heavy limbs, struggling to stay stable, when a portal opens in front of me. My heart skips a beat and for a moment, I say a prayer that it's Zexion, coming to fuck with me.
Axel walks out and the moment he lays eyes on me, his faces goes deadly serious.
"Rueki, hey, what's wrong?" He rushes over, taking my face into gloved hands.
"I killed him." I breathe.
"Zexion." He realizes. His lips come down onto the top of my hair and he pulls me close. I know it is entirely for my benefit, and not his.
"I had to!" I insist, and this is also entirely for my benefit, and not his. "He suspected you, he suspected both of us of betraying the Organization, and then you fucking killed Vexen and Lexaeus died fighting Riku and he swore that this was all the proof he needed and that Xemnas wasn't going to let you live after that and I know I wouldn't make it without you and—" My heart is hammering so loud, I can't even hear my own thoughts, my brain is moving too fast for my mouth to catch up with. I think I'm hyperventilating.
"C'mon hun, you did what you had to. You survived." My stomach twists at his words, wringing out like a damp cloth. Of course I did, I survived, but this wasn't for me. This was for him.
"I couldn't let you fail." I breathe. "I hate you." My legs shake as I struggle for breath, and he grabs my legs, lifting me up into his arms as we sit in the ground. I throw my legs around his waist and bury my head into the crook of his neck.
"I know." He murmurs.
"Why the fuck did you have to kill Vexen? I could've convinced him if you didn't!" I snap.
"Marluxia ordered it, I did what I had to, to play my role." He says, evenly, rubbing my back. "This is why I asked if you thought you could fake it with Larxene and him, I didn't need you signing onto anything you couldn't handle."
"So this is my fucking fault?" I tear away from him and once again, he takes my face into his hands and pulls us close so that our foreheads touch.
"Rueki." He says. "I did what I had to, is it really so different from what you—" I reach out and slap him. At such a close proximity to me, I see the recoil, see the shock register on his face.
"I did this for you." I insist.
"Okay, sure, you did this for me, thank you." He deadpans and I squirm beneath his grasp, trying to push him away. His grip tightens, fingertips pressing down hard into my cheeks. "Really, Rueki. Thank you."
"I didn't want to." I breathe. "He turned one of his clones into you."
Axel's face contorts, and I can see the realization of the pain that I must be in, dawn over him.
"I'm so sorry." He smooths the hair from my bangs that lays flat over my cheek.
"He almost got me." I confess.
"What did he say to you, Rueki, cuz you know it was all bullshit." He insists.
"It wasn't actually. And it wasn't what he said to me, it was what I said to the clone." I murmur. "He had me, I had to watch 'you', all doubled over, in so much pain and I raced to 'you' as fast as I could. I told the clone I loved it. Because I do. I love you."
His brow knits together. A thumb brushes across my lower lip, my heart hammers as I wait for something, anything.
"I wish you didn't." He breathes.
"I know." And I wish the words never left my mouth, but at the same time, I know that my time is running out with him. By the end of the week, if not the day, I will never see him again, and I know I would regret more, having never said the words at all.
"I tell you what though, Rueks. I'm gonna miss this." He closes the gap between us, pressing his lips to mine and my heart bursts. It's gone, done, completely unsalvageable. I grab his hair, in handfuls, drawing him closer to me, pressing my torso flush against his. He grabs my ass, grunting as I bite his lip, and I think to myself that I'm going to miss more than just this.
I'm going to miss the scorching heat that radiates off of him constantly, the smell of bonfire on his skin, the crunch of gel in his hair, the way it feels when he pulls me in tight and doesn't let go, even though we both know he should. I'll miss the feeling of gloved hands touching me, and how heavily he sleeps. I'll miss his high cheekbones, sitting in my hands as I cup his face and all of the nicknames he calls me. I'll miss ice cream trips to Twilight Town and fighting Heartless alongside him. I'll miss his over the top personality and waking up beside him.
I pull him in tighter, my fingernails biting down into his scalp. I want to brand everything he is into me.
My lips move down his jawline, onto his neck and trail across to draw his earlobe between my teeth. I nip, he groans and I try to memorize the sound.
"Don't call me Rueks." I murmur against his skin. I take his shoulders into my hands and shove him down, as hard as I can, into the ground. His eyes go wide and then a smirk spreads across his face.
"This is what we're doing?" He raises an eyebrow.
"One more time." I nod, unbuttoning my shorts as I start to shimmy them off my hips.
"Fuck it." He agrees, yanking the zipper of his coat down. I climb up off of him for just a moment to pull my shorts and panties down and still, wearing boots and a shirt. He makes quick work of the zipper on his coat, unbuttons his pants and has just enough time to push them down over his erection, before I sink back down onto him. I try so hard to ease myself down, taking a shuttering breath to try to adjust because it has been way too damn long and there has been zero foreplay, but before I can adjust, he snaps his hips up into mine, groaning loudly.
That is plenty enough to turn me on.
I splay my hands across his chest and start to rock my hips, in time with his violent thrusts as he clutches my hips, gloves the only thing stopping his fingernails from biting into my skin. My eyes meet his and my heart leaps into my chest.
I am going to miss the fullness of his cock slamming into me.
"Fuck, look at you." He chokes out, slowing his hips down, ever so slightly. The sensation is delicious, feeling the wetness of him pulling out of me entirely and sinking back in. My shoulders curl, a shiver of delicious pleasure rakes my body. I clench around him so that I can feel him stretching me and the sound of his moans is music to my ears. I grind my hips down hard into his, some of the friction sending shockwaves to my clit. His eyes spark, a fire relit, and one hand moves from my hip to tease my overheated nub. I burn up in his touch, Icarus and the Sun, a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I nearly fall apart as he plays with me, eyes watching intent with every single twitch of his hand.
I need him, I'll miss him. I love him.
I throw my head back as he shifts his weight, hands moving away from me. My head snaps, eyes flashing in irritation. All I want are his hands all over me. But I realize he is moving so that we're both seated upward, and I don't even have time to voice my displeasure, he grabs me by the waist and smashes his lips against mine. We're all teeth and tongue, biting, sucking, moaning. His hands roam my back, my ass, I feel a finger circle the rim of my asshole, his other hand comes around to my clit and I come undone, crying into his mouth. I feel him grinning as I convulse, tapering off like the licking of a flame. We pull apart, panting heavily and I lock my arms around his neck, rocking my hips with more vigor. He grins, hands falling away from my asshole and clit, so that he can grab handfuls of my ass, of my thighs, of my hips. He's groping so aggressively at my lower body that I know he's going to bruise me and I don't give a single fuck. I sink down on top of him, once, twice, again and again, knees crashing into the marble flooring, body searing against his.
I'm not ready for the end when I feel his hips jerk violently, unsteadily, without rhyme or reason, as he cums inside of me.
I'm not ready for this to be done.
I could cry as he comes to a standstill, no longer moving and breathing with me. My eyes, I know, are sad like an animal left in the rain, as he stops, the two of us panting, clutching each other with the knowledge that this is the end. I'm desperate to freeze time here. The look in his eyes tells me that he feels the same, but that implies that he feels, and that's no right. No matter how much I feel for him, no matter how content I am to give him everything I am and everything I will be, this will always be tragic, this will always be star crossed. It didn't matter how things began, or how many times we started over, we were always destined to crash and burn.
Maybe in another life.
I reach out to grab my shorts and, as quickly as I can, stand up off of Axel and pull my panties and shorts back on. I make a bit of a mess on the tops of my thighs, but my undergarments catch most of it, and I try to wipe my legs clean with my sleeves. Which is mildly gross but I really need a new outfit anyway. This one has been through the ringer.
"Um…What have I missed? Upstairs?" I breathe.
"Well, Marluxia wanted me to end Vexen. That one I didn't mean for you to get involved in with Zexion and everything, I just needed proof of their plan before I let Naminé loose." He says, zipping up his pants as he stands. I want to beg him to go for round two, but instead, I keep my mouth shut and my eyes dry. Maybe this just needs to be done, for the both of us. I am mildly impressed at myself though for accurately predicting Axel's actions, to Zexion. "She rushed to help Sora, Larxene gave her shit and Sora didn't take too kindly to that. His memory is ten kinds of fucked up. She's probably gone by now, if they're not still currently fighting. No way was the kid letting her out of that one."
It makes my stomach twist, thinking of Sora watching someone fade. I think of all of the Heartless he's killed and how Larxene very well may be the first person he has ever killed and that seems like a lot for an almost fifteen year old to have to handle. I think of Roxas and how he was thrust into being a Nobody and doing the bidding of some demented man who claims to want to restore hearts, but I'm not so sure. I think of Naminé being held against her will by the Organization and being constantly on the brink of tears, despite not being able to 'feel' anything. I think of all of the time I have spent with these 'half-beings' and how much my entire world has been shaken and everything I am has changed, but isn't that what I wanted in the first place? Isn't that what I hated most about Transmute City? That my whole world was stagnant, that I was outgrowing everything my friends and the world we lived in, had to offer me. I was so convinced that they weren't enough for me and by time I find somebody who is enough, my love cannot be enough to save us.
"What about Marluxia?" I ask.
"He's pissed." Axel says, coat now zipped, keeping his distance from me. "That's why I came looking for you. Not that this wasn't a fun detour."
I want to stride over and wrap my arms around him.
"We taking him on together?" I ask.
"Yeah, if you're ready." He tells me. I pout.
"Everything has happened so fast." I say and he nods.
"Yeah." He says. "Wish it coulda been different."
"No you don't, you don't have the heart." I counter and he cracks a smile.
"You know me well, sweetheart."
"Zexion didn't have a lot of information about what you're looking for, by the way. I would assume it's the Chamber that pairs to the one only Xemnas has access to. You know, just based on knowing you." I smile a little, crossing my arms to my chest.
"You are a sly one. What'd he have for me?" He asks.
"Just that he thought it was tied to Xemnas' past and potentially that it might be a puzzle piece for restoring your hearts or Kingdom Hearts or something." I shrug. "But I assume you already know that."
"Yeah, unfortunately Zexion is like Demyx in the sense that he wants out of everyone's business. He likes to feign ignorance so that he doesn't get disturbed. If no one asks him questions, he doesn't have to look up from his book." Axel says.
"Didn't have to look up from his book." I correct. He reaches out and squeezes my hand. I don't stop him.
"Thank you for keeping an ear out for me, sweetheart. Even when I didn't ask you to. If I had to ruin some poor girl's life, I'm glad it was yours. You're pretty damn cool." He grins. I roll my eyes and shove him.
"Meh, don't patronize me. Let's go kick Marluxia's ass."
"You have some nerve to show your treasonous face around here, some nerve indeed." Marluxia scowls at us as we materialize on the thirteenth floor. "And I assume you've had her in on this the entire time? Was that perhaps why you were so eager to 'leave her out of things'? Was she unable to keep up with the charade? A shame, the conscience a heart leaves you with."
"Omigod, don't you ever shut up?" I roll my eyes.
"Treasonous? I don't know what you could possibly be talking about. What about you, sweetheart?" Axel leers, raising an eyebrow at me. I shrug, making a face at Marluxia.
"Why let Naminé go? If it weren't for your needless meddling…" Marluxia grumbles, eyes narrowed into deadly slits as he looks at Axel. "We could have turned the Keyblade master to come and serve us!"
"Ohh, right, your big plan. You use Naminé to rewrite Sora's memory piece by little piece. And he turns into her total puppet. Then, using Naminé and Sora together, you and Larxene overthrow the Organization. Am I right? I would say that YOU are the traitor, Marluxia." Axel snarls, suddenly equally as deadly and something tells me this is a fire that I absolutely must watch burn.
"Since when were you suspicious of us?" Marluxia asks, crossing his arms, indignantly, as though he is still somehow in the right.
"Do either one of us really have the heart to believe anyone?" Axel cocks his head to the side. "Well, except this one. When she came to me, telling me she'd overheard you and Larxene whispering in the halls, I knew for sure." He points a thumb at me.
"I see, so the two of you have been conspiring as I suspected. Of course I wanted her on our side. The four of us could've been successful." He insists.
"But the thing is, your plan can't succeed." Axel says, though I don't have the same loyalty to the Organization, but what I lack for them, I make up for in him.
"And you? You have no interest in what Larxene and I had to offer? We could've gotten your little boyfriend a heart twice as fast as our 'wise' Superior!" Marluxia sneers, but I look at him with hardened eyes.
"The fact of the matter, Marluxia, is I would've taken your side in a heartbeat. I've got no lost love for the man in charge, but this is what Axel asked of me." I say.
"And what are you getting out of this?" He hisses.
"You asked me once how loyal I thought a man without a heart could possibly be. We both know this is crashing to an end. Axel's letting me jump ship before it catches flames though." I say. He snorts.
"So you never had any intention to follow our Superior's orders and eliminate her?" Marluxia asks. Axel shrugs. "Is your only loyalty to yourself then?"
"I'm loyal to every reasonable order I get. I owe Rueki, plain and simple. We're square now." He doesn't owe me anything but I don't correct him, it sounds good and with Marluxia cornered like this and the two of us coming off as the power couple not to be reckoned with, I am loving every second of this confrontation. Fuck XI and whatever games he thought he was going to play with either of us.
"So what do you call eliminating Vexen?" Marluxia hisses.
"He needed you to confess proof of your plan." I offer.
"Heh, right. That I didn't want to do, but it was your order." Axel concedes.
"And that was why you sent Rueki away, was it not? Why she conveniently intercepted Sora before he encountered Vexen? To test him, to test them both to see if they had what it took to do your bidding for you? Sora was not nearly ripe enough with rage, but you realized that dear Rueki was more than willing to go into the basement and lessen our numbers further, was she not?" He turns to me. "Tell me, did you realize before or after you killed Zexion that it was Axel's plan all along? One less for him to have to assassinate."
I look to Axel, brow furrowed, and suddenly, he will not meet my gaze. Suddenly we are not a power couple and I am everything everyone has ever accused me of being—Axel's puppet.
"How do you even know about Zexion?" I ask.
"We can feel it, you know. Those of us without a heart. When another of our ranks is gone, we can feel the bonds sever. Not that I blame you, Axel. It's certainly much simpler this way. No survivors means no one can tell Xemnas how you disobeyed him to save some girl from Transmute City." Marluxia looks upon me with a predatory gaze and for the first time, I feel like his prey. "A shame for her though, to have to live with the simple fact that she was just as in the dark as the rest of us. You may have saved her, but I was right in saying that you were completely incapable of being loyal to her. She has been nothing but a tool to you this entire time."
"I'm not…I didn't do his…We've been in on this the entire…What the fuck, Axel?" No matter how hard I try, I cannot keep my composure, my jaw is on the ground. "You told me so many fucking times to trust you, that you were going to beat the odds here, that you were going to manipulate all of these idiots and that you and I were going to come out on top and that Sora was going to be fine if I just listened to you! Now his memory is a train wreck and I will never not remember the look on Zexion's face before he faded! You could've been honest with me, you could've warned me or you could've taken out the fucking trash yourself and kept my hands clean and—" I go to shove the redhead, who captures my wrists in his hands.
"Now is not the time, Rueki." He hisses and I gape.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me. You know when the time would've been? Before all of this! Just tell me he's wrong and he's lying Axel, and I will forgive and forget like I do every single fucking time with you. Look me in the eye and tell me he's making shit up and we can go right back to being fine." I shout, but he just looks at me with a steely gaze. The fire is out.
I am the only one still playing in the ashes.
"Fuck you! Fuck you!" The weight of everything crashes down onto my shoulders, crumbling so hard and heavy that I can barely contain the weight of it all. I am just another cog in his machine, I am a tool that he has been using, probably more than anyone else because he knows exactly which strings to pull to make me dance. I am his puppet, his toy. And sure, maybe he intends to put me on a shelf when he's done playing instead of throwing me to the curb, but it doesn't make what he's done any better. It doesn't have me questioning every kiss, every touch, every word. It doesn't stop me from feeling dirty and nauseated about fucking him in the castle basement because now, instead of my lover comforting me in my time of need, now, my controller is using my desperation to his advantage. I am nothing to him. He has never had a heart in the first place and I wanted so badly to believe I was exempt from what that entailed but I'm not and I never have been.
He has never loved me. He has never wanted me. He has used and manipulated me because it was convenient and easy.
I think of how he begged for another chance because I made him feel like he had a heart and how that was bullshit, he was mostly likely just irritated that I foiled his plans to use me and needed to worm his way back in. I think of how he got so mad at me when I said that I couldn't lie to Marluxia and Larxene and how that must've put a wrench in things for him because he couldn't toy with my heart to get his way. I think of how many times he claimed to not want to make things any harder on me and how that was just a sick ploy to wrap me even tighter around his finger. I think of how he kissed me after ordering me to spy on Zexion and silence his doubts no matter what and how that had completely sealed the deal for him and he knew it.
"I've never been anything to you, have I?" I shriek.
My words echo through the room and I am greeted, for the too many-th damn time to silence.
"Rueki, we have other things that are more important than this right now." Axel says, in a very purposefully level tone, but I see right through it. He just confirmed everything I have ever feared. It takes all I have not to crumple to the floor.
"Oh, don't let me interrupt." Marluxia smirks and I turn to him, feral, like an animal, because like hell have I suddenly decided to side with him. Maybe Axel lied to me, but I know Marluxia would see me dead, I know it without a shadow of a doubt. And right now staying alive matters more than anything else. Make it out alive, and then get as far away from these men, no…these creatures as possible.
"Remember the order: "You must eliminate the traitor." I always follow orders, Marluxia. Larxene paid the price for disloyalty when she disappeared...You must do the same!" Axel snarls, eyes on Marluxia, and suddenly his chakrams appear. I ready Survivor. But Marluxia's scythe materializes as well.
Axel dives in, slashing the chakrams at Marluxia, who quickly blocks them. I leap into the air and swoop in for an attack from above, bringing my claw down onto him, but he quite literally whips me into the wall with the flat of his blade. I am surprised by how quick Axel is, throwing his chakrams at Marluxia, who is even quicker to block and I leap up with a kick from behind just in time for him to teleport out of the way and get himself at a good distance between Axel and I.
I pant, looking to Axel, eyes narrowed. We could be a storm but neither of us wants to be anything other than the lightning, no one will allow themselves to be the thunder. I know this will be our downfall, I think he does too, but I don't want to look at him again, let alone say another word to him. Besides, no way could we both handle fighting a verbal battle with each other while fighting a physical battle with Marluxia.
"The Organization's betrayed. In that name, I will annihilate you!" Axel says, tone scorching the air.
"That line's not you." Marluxia replies in a voice like velvet.
"Well, had to try it once, you know." Axel offers a shrug, but this time, I don't give him the chance to fuck up an attack on Marluxia. I fish for a grenade from my pocket…
Only to realize I have used them up on Zexion.
DAMMIT!
Axel runs to Marluxia and attempts to slash him, but XI is too fast. Not faster than me though. I charge, swiping survivor, and land a hit only to get slashed by his scythe. It stings, my eyes water and I'm too busy healing myself while Marluxia attempts to slash at Axel. He hops out of the way, but I sprint into the scene just in time for Marluxia to slice shockwaves in the air and fire them toward Axel and I. I block one, he blocks the other, but I feel the heat of it radiating against the leather of the arm of the claw, even as I extinguish it on the ground.
Marluxia laughs and with the wave of his hand, I watch, horrified as Naminé materializes in front of him, terror striking her features. He just grins from behind her.
"Is that your shield?" Axel scoffs. "Won't do you any good, I'm afraid."
"Are fucking kidding? How can you be so heartless?" I scream, looking to the blonde girl, who just shakes her head, begging me to pay her no mind and finish it.
"I wonder, are you listening, Sora?" Marluxia asks and my heart stops. Axel and I both wheel around, only to be greeted by the Keybearer.
"Oh?" Axel mutters.
"Axel and Rueki seem perfectly content to harm Naminé to get to me. You won't let that happen, now will you?" Marluxia taunts, and to my dismay, he, Donald and Goofy ready their weapons.
"Oh, come, now. You're Marluxia's puppet already?" Axel sighs.
"After I finish you, he's next." Sora declares and looks to me with hurt eyes. "He's the one then? The one you've been doing all of this for?" My face contorts.
"I'm sorry, kid. I got played too." I confess. "I stand by what I said, you don't deserve any of this. Get out while you still have some semblance of a heart."
"So you and Axel can keep making plans that hurt my friends?" He roars and my eyes go wide, my stomach lurches.
You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.
Guess I should've just let the Organization kill me when I crash landed in their world.
"No one is hurting anyone!" I want to pull my hair out.
"He's a monster, you didn't see what he did to Vexen!" He's not telling me anything I don't know. Would it really be so wrong to side with Sora and erase Axel from existence? I already know the answer, if I were to do that, I would lose any and all grip on my sanity. I have already moved mountains for the man I love. Might as well cross this one more bridge.
"Hmph. Now, Sora. We've got more in common than you might think. I'd really rather not fight you... But I can't dishonor the Organization, now, can I?" Axel surrounds the three of us in a circle of flames that just cut out Donald and Goofy.
I grab a potion and the last of a bomb fragment from my pocket and load them into Survivor, feeling the energy leave me as NullAll is cast on myself, in case this fire fight goes wild.
Sora runs at Axel, roaring but I intercede, throwing my weight into the Keyblade, knocking it out of his hands. I land one, two, three hits on him before it materializes in his hand again, and even at the ultra close distance, he's fought me enough to know a way around my strategy. With the butt of his sword, he shoves me back and the quick twist of his hand points the blade at me. He knocks me back, straight into the wall of fire and thank goodness for NullAll.
Axel whips his chakrams at the kid and as he does, I climb back up, running again at him. Catching up to the chakrams quickly, I leap into the air and off of one of them as they crash into Sora. To add insult to injury, I whip around, mid air and knock him back with a kick and a slash from Survivor. He falls to the ground and I go to attack again, but he blocks me, dodge rolling out of the way. He swipes at me, I jump back, knocking straight into Axel. We're not fighting as a team, but rather, we are two people attacking one kid.
"When I give the word, you take off. Understand me?" Axel asks, voice barely above a whisper.
"Fuck you, why the hell would I listen to a single thing you say?" I snap.
"Because if you don't you won't make it out of this fight. Naminé didn't leave enough room in the kid's heart for forgiveness." And once again, confirmation of what I've feared.
"Fine." I hiss.
"Your room. I'll explain everything."
And we have no more time for conversation. Sora comes barreling at us and knocks me straight into the ground. Smart, as I recover a lot quicker than Axel, I'm the first to be taken out. He smashes the Keyblade against me again and again until Axel throws his chakram at the kid. With a quick spin, he blocks them an I scoot back, clutching my middle, because holy shit Axel was right. There isn't room in Sora's heart for forgiveness. This kid has been turned into a killer. There is nothing left of Sora, just when I was worried there was nothing left of me, how self absorbed can I possibly be? I climb to my feet, arm around my midsection and when Sora comes back to me, all I can do is block him with Survivor.
Axel teleports to the two of us, slashing at Sora, his chakrams ignited in a blaze but Sora counters, slashing at Axel, knowing very well that I am not a threat as long as he doesn't give me enough time to run. I try to take off, because I know if I heal myself, we can do this. But I try to take a step and Sora whacks me, this time in the head. I feel my skull crack and I see white as I hit the ground, legs going limp.
"Sweetheart, are you alright?" Axel's voice. My vision comes back in specks, little by little as I see him attempt to dodge Sora's attacks, to no avail. The kid is hellbent and Axel and I can't fight with anything but hellfire. This is not a fight we were meant to win. I push myself up off the ground.
"Don't fucking call me that!" I snap, just in time for Sora to smash the Keyblade into me again, I fall to the ground again, this time, feeling every one of my injuries, my legs include. But nothing compares to the throbbing in my skull. I wipe my lip, feeling a warm, wet sensation, to realize it is my own blood.
Fuck.
I struggle to my feet and Axel's eyes lock onto mine. I watch him wave his hand, taking a blow from Sora to do so. A doorway opens in the fire.
"Now! Rueki!" He cries out and with every ounce of strength I have in me, I sprint, as fast as my legs will move, not looking back once. Not to see the portal close behind me, not to listen for the outcome of the fight, not to regard Naminé, Marluxia, Donald or Goofy. Not even to catch my breath. I don't stop moving until the door to my bedroom is locked behind me and I sink to the floor, heart hammering, lungs burning. I rummage through my pocket for a potion and tear the cap off of one with my teeth before knocking it back. Almost instantly I feel physically better. I remember as kids, Del breaking his leg. I had to synthesize a ton of high potions, but they mended his broken bone within a day. I touch the blood, crusted onto my lip and my stomach drops.
Axel said Sora would be okay.
And the second he springs into my thoughts, VIII enters my room, coming through a portal, looking thoroughly whipped. I retrieve a potion from my pocket and throw it at him. He catches it in one hand and downs it, taking a seat on my bed. I look at him through hardened eyes and he looks back at me, still panting. The silence that used to be comfortable between us is now heavy, the bitterness of every misgiving lingering in the air.
"You okay?" He finally asks me, thought it doesn't cut the tension.
"I'll live." I offer, turning to look away from him, suddenly very focused on my nails.
"That's all I wanted, Rueki. This whole fucking time I just wanted for you to make it out." He sounds so sincere, heaving a sigh, but I am past the point of believing him.
"That's sweet. If only you could time travel and say that to the girl that used to give a fuck." I mutter, pursing my lips.
"C'mon, all of this bullshit over something Marluxia said? He's a snake, Rueki, you and I both know that. He's conniving and manipulative, how do you think he got Sora to play along in his game so well?" He tries and I bark out a laugh, eyes darting back to his.
"Has this ever been his game? Because the way I see it, you've been controlling every single piece the entire time." I hiss.
"Oh, of course. Get pissy with me over keeping you and the Keybearer alive. Sorry that I had to play a few hands dirty to make that happen." He snorts, derisively.
"Fuck you, that wasn't your goal at all. Yeah, sure, maybe it was a perk or maybe it was just a bargain you had to strike to get me to play along, maybe you just wanted to keep your dick wet. But don't act like this isn't a totally selfish move on your part!" I snap. "I just want to know why you had to dirty my hands as well? You could've been singlehandedly responsible for the deaths of everyone upstairs, but no one in the basement did anything wrong! Why did I have to kill Zexion?"
He's quiet for a long time and I can tell he's struggling to give me any sort of answer. Finally, he sighs.
"For Saix." My stomach feels like it is being yanked out of my bellybutton. I fight the urge to vomit. "We had plans to overthrow Xemnas, get our hearts back faster, but he needed to climb up the ranks. Now there are only two members between he and Xemnas."
The reality of it all makes me want to die. Has Axel ever been there for me? Has a single word about my past ever been true, or was it a fabrication from Saix, who fucking hates me, passed on to a man I would listen to? Was that the sole reason I was pulled out of the fire of my ship crashing was so that I could be a pawn for them to use, Saix playing bad cop and Axel playing good cop.
"For Saix?" The words don't sound like mine, and feeling twice as hollow as I know the man in front of me is, my body moves of its own accord, rising and flying to the bed, arm cranked back. I don't even register what I'm doing until my knuckles make contact with Axel's jaw. His head jerks back and I throw an elbow into him, knocking him onto the bed. I go to aim another punch and he catches my wrist in his hand, looking up at me, eyes burning. "You used me for Saix?"
"We've got a plan, Rueki! I drop you off in some Back o' Beyond for a little while, I go back to the castle, assure Xemnas that all is well, within a month Saix and I take him down, I get my heart back and then I come find you! Happily ever after, isn't that what you wanted?" He shouts.
"Fuck you!" I scream, desperately trying to free my fist from his grasp, but he's a hell of a lot stronger than me. He flips me over with the twist of his hips and puts me on my back, restraining both of my hands above my head. "You have never given a single fuck about me, don't start pretending that you do now! You have proved time and time again that all I am is convenient to you! You couldn't bother to tell me the truth about not having a heart when you knew I was falling for you—"
"I thought you knew!" He roars.
"You couldn't bother to tell me the truth about what your plans were in this castle, you couldn't even bother to tell me the fucking truth about turning my friend into Marluxia's little fucking monster! Sora is a demon, no better than you, he is not the boy that saved my world anymore and it's entirely because you had to play your little games!" I spit.
"He's going to be fine, Rueki, it'll take time, but Naminé can put him back together!" He insists.
"But at what cost?" We stay like that, huffing and puffing, him restraining me for what feels like a century and I feel angry tears prickle at my vision, but I don't want him to be granted the satisfaction in knowing that he's broken me. "I wish Sora killed you in that battle. You're the one that deserves to fade."
He tears himself off of me and is suddenly half way across the room, bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers.
"You need to go." He finally says.
"Why? Cuz you're finally accepting that you fucked up?" I snap.
"No. Cuz if you don't get the fuck out of here, I'm going to hit you."
I climb up off of the bed, brushing myself off.
"Open a portal." I order, he does, and this time, I don't regret a single word I've said to him. "Why didn't you just let me die when my Gummi Ship caught fire."
"Cuz I've fucking told you a thousand times, I have done every single thing to keep you alive, to protect you. And when things started to get serious, I made choices that would get us one step closer to a happy ending." He insists, but with a cold gaze, I realize I don't believe him. And that is the hardest pill to swallow. "I wanted to love you so bad, Rueki. You were the one thing that I tried to hold onto."
I look from him to the portal, and I know I can change the course of everything right now. I can throw my arms around him and declare my love. I can hide out in whatever world he's sending me to until he shows up with a heart full of reciprocations and the promise of a happy future together. I can make the choice to forgive him.
But I can't forget this.
"You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me." I walk through the portal and—
I'm falling.
Falling through the air. Below me is a slate grey city, but unlike The World That Never Was, this one is sunny, lit by the flashing lights of billboards and the colorful attire of pedestrians. Fear grips me and I cannot help it, as I prepare for impact, a scream flies from my lips, a reflex.
Simultaneously, two things happen.
I hear Axel call out: "Rueki?" and I crash to the ground, but I don't crash. Like a specter, I float gently onto the world in front of me. For a split second, I wonder if people are going to look at me, if they're going to ask questions and wonder why the hell a girl fell from the sky. But although I hear their voices, loud and chattering noisily, I notice that if I reach my hand out, I pass right through them.
"What the fuck?" I shout, hoping my volume attracts attention. Suddenly, Axel is at my side and I narrow my eyes. "The fuck did you do to me?"
"I heard you scream, what's wrong?" His tone doesn't actually express worry, more a formality, I suppose, but now something is legitimately wrong. I reach my hand out and show him that I pass through people. His eyes go wide. "Shit."
"Get us out of here, you chose poorly, pick a different world, asshole." I order. He rolls his eyes dramatically at me and in the time it takes him to do that, a loud beeping noise sounds off from inside his coat and inside the pocket of my belt. We look to each other, eyebrows inclined, but I rummage through my pocket as he digs into his coat. The both of us pull out standard looking black cell phones—basic flip phones.
"This yours?" He asks me and I shake my head.
"I was gonna ask you the same thing." I flip open this strange new phone and see a text on the screen.
'Message From The Reapers:
X=208/2
T= 30
Incompletes will be erased'
"Is this math class?" I snort, but I look to Axel who has a horrified expression on his face.
"I fucked up." He breathes. "Rueki, we've gotta get the hell outta here now." But before he has the chance to wave his hand, a sharp pain pierces into the skin of my palm and I grunt in pain. He winces and pulls off his glove.
Etched into the skin of our hands is a timer, and it's counting down.
30:00, 29:59, 29:58, 29:57