XVII.
I wake up in the same place Axel dropped me in, what did Sanae call it? The Scramble Crossing? I have no memory of going to sleep, my head isn't throbbing with an impending concussion, the day just ended.
I'm standing on my own two feet, Axel stands a few feet in front of me, fumbling with his phone. I look to mine and see no new text messages with mission mail, there's not a timer on my hand, but thanks to our guardian of sorts yesterday, I'm not fool enough to believe that Axel will be able to open up a portal. He looks at me, face blank and uninterested, exactly what I would expect of someone without a heart.
"You're up." He says, curtly.
"I have absolutely nothing to say to you." I do though, I have a thousand insults I want to hurl and even more accusations I want to make, but saying I don't makes me sound a lot more above things, and maybe that's what I need to be.
"Good, because your voice was starting to irritate." I want to punch him, but instead, I keep my arms crossed tightly to my chest, balling my fists. Maybe he thinks I'll do what I always do and forgive him, all he'll have to do is push me to a breaking point and I'll crawl back into his arms. But he doesn't understand what it means to hate someone like this. To give someone my undying trust and have it slammed back into my face. He hasn't just hurt me, he has taken me into his hands and crumbled me into dust. There are no pieces to put back together because there are no pieces left.
My phone chimes and I look down at it.
'X= √ 4
Erase the pigs
T= 60 mins
Incompletes will be erased'
A timer burns into my hand and I wince, looking down.
60:00, 59:59, 59:58
I want to ask what the hell is with the fucking math, but I don't want Axel to be granted the satisfaction of hearing me speak, so I start calculating in my head. Well, the square root of 4 is obviously 2, and pigs…I wonder. I tap my Player Pin to scan the area and I grin. Sanae said that there were all different classes of Noise, we fought frogs yesterday, so why not pigs? Sure enough, I see two little green symbols that look like pig noses floating in front of me. I quickly rush in toward one, hearing Axel shout 'what the hell, Rueki?' behind me. I'm taken to the realm of combat, and I'm sure he's on the other end. Above the pig's head is a flame, which is obvious enough. I find what is left of a bomb core—hopefully this thing works and go to load it into Survivor, but before I can, the pig disappears. Good, Axel has sufficiently done his job. We leave the realm and he looks to me, eyes blazing.
"Seriously? Ever hear of, I dunno, having a conversation with me? You seem to have no issues running your mouth otherwise, maybe give me the heads up before you go chagrining into a fight! It's not just your life on the line, it's mine too!" He reminds me, but I just roll my eyes.
"Maybe don't slow me down, then." I tap my player pin.
"You wanna tell me what the hell you're doing?" He asks.
"Completing this mission, dumbass." I offer. "Erase the pigs, that was a pig. Square root of four is two, we've gotta kill off two pigs." Though I cannot see him now as I scan the area, I can suddenly feel his energy beside me as he does the same.
"I'll be damned." Is all he says before I charge at the other pig. I'm ready to load up my bomb core when I realize there's no flame above its head. And it is charging right at me, full speed ahead. I sprint at it, meeting it in the middle and unleash a combo on it. It doesn't knock it back, but my arm moves in a flurry, fast enough that it blurs in front of my eyes, and before the pig can escape, I erase it.
We're back in the Scramble again, me smirking victoriously.
"You're welcome." Is all I offer. Trust each other my ass, sure, I trusted him to erase a pig Noise. That's all he's good for. No matter how much the sight of him makes my blood boil, I cannot deny that he's strong. Strong enough to not get us killed at least.
"Look again, sweetheart."
The timers on our hands aren't gone. My heart jumps into my throat.
"What the fuck?" I mutter.
"Maybe this will teach you better than to be presumptuous. You always act like you know everything about everything, never willing to listen to anyone else's side of the story, because there can't be anything other than yours, now can there?" He asks, with a flourish of his hands.
"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me. Sometimes there's only one side. Maybe you'd do better to accept that this one is entirely on you and that you are the toxic person." I poke him in the chest, where there is only a hollow void.
"Takes one to know one, princess. Like you've never done a single selfish thing? I told you, everything I did was to keep you alive, if you wanna act like a victim because you made it through Castle Oblivion without Larxene slitting your throat, then be my guest. But maybe save the fuck ups for when your life isn't tied to mine!" He snaps, and I throw aside any façade of holier-than-thou behavior and I reach out to slap him. He makes a face. "Damn Rueki, if you were any more predictable, I'd accuse you of not having a heart either. Maybe Del was onto something. Maybe you're just a cold bitch and I'm your karma." My stomach drops. I wonder if he means any of this or if he is doing this just to get under my skin. Twilight knows I showed him all of the right buttons to press.
"Don't bring that shit into this, you made your chose to constantly keep me in the dark and lead me around like an idiot when you knew I would've done anything you asked anyway! I trusted you, I would've been happy to do whatever you asked and you know it, but instead, you decided it was easier to not communicate with me and just use me like a puppet!" I shout.
"You never trusted me for shit, let's not pretend otherwise. You are so incredibly closed off from everything other than what's going on in your own mind. You didn't trust me any more than you trusted anyone else. At the end of the day, all you ever think is how much better your own plans are than everyone else's. You did it in Motonui, when we needed Roxas to collect hearts but you wanted the glory of killing the Heartless yourself, you did it to your friends when they wanted to do a good deed for Sora, you cannot fucking help yourself. You act like just because you run your mouth and have an attitude that your opinion is the only one that matters."
"It is! Because you couldn't be bothered to tell me yours if your life depended on it. Not when it must be so much easier to lie to me. Why the fuck should I ever trust what comes out of your mouth?"
"Keep it up, sweetheart." He rolls his eyes. "I don't have a heart to break, don't think for a second you'll do any damage to me. But you're not fooling anyone, trying to act like you're not twice as selfish as I am."
"The fact of the matter is, I didn't force anyone to commit murder." I seethe.
"Really? I forced you? Because last time I checked, I wasn't there with a knife to your throat, telling you that your life depended on his. You say I'm toxic, but maybe you should reconsider just how easy it was for you to dirty your hands once I gave you the ammunition."
I'm going to punch him. I'm going to lose my shit again. My hands shake with the rage that I am trying so hard—and failing—to repress that I don't even know what to do anymore. Slapping him isn't going to shut him up, and it sure as hell isn't going to make me feel any better about myself. What the hell could I have expected from him, he doesn't have a heart in the first place. Maybe he's right, maybe this is on me. Maybe I'm just as much a villain as I thought I was a victim. All I know is that I cannot do this, I cannot be around him anymore. Not when he has burrowed so deep under my skin and in my head. Without even so much as a glance more at him, I stride off, not knowing where I'm going, but I want nothing more than to lose myself in the crowds that can't even see me. I want my very existence to fade away, to turn to ash like I feel like everything in my heart already has.
I hear Axel call after me and I take off into a sprint. Now that he can't teleport, there's no way he's going to catch me. I am a blur as I zip from one street to another, the timer still ticking on the palm of my hand. Until…it isn't. Perhaps we did clear the mission and there's just a lag on the timer? I slow to a walk as I find myself in an alleyway with graffiti at one end, a record store and a clothing shop at the other. It's a skater's paradise and my hideaway. I sink to the ground beside the graffitied wall, drawing in a shaky breath. I'm not going to cry, not any more, not ever again.
But I do, like an idiot.
I don't know whether it's because I'm sad or I'm angry or because I just need to dispel all of these feelings that are being bottled inside, that not enough shouting in all of the world will take care of. Who the hell am I even, anymore? I used to think of myself as being composed, cynical, logical. Fiery and defensive when I needed to be, but overall, I was the least overdramatic person I knew. I was the cold bitch. And now, I am the only one around me with any semblance of a heart, screaming not just when I need to, but whenever I can, as though it is cathartic. I am heated, irritable, irrational, completely flying off the handle every single chance I get. If this is what feeling alive means, I don't know that I want it, because all I have felt since coming to Castle Oblivion is misery. I miss feeling numb, distanced. I thought Axel knew me, I thought he got what was going on inside my head but if he thinks that for a second I closed myself off to him and didn't trust him, he's an idiot. Of course I would've asked him why he wanted me to do something, but I would've gone to the ends of the earth and back for him. And that is just the problem, if I hadn't put him first, I wouldn't be in this predicament to begin with. So if he wants to accuse my lack of trust for the breakdown of…whatever our relationship was…then…
Then…
I pound my fist to the pavement, staring up at the sun. It's hot in Shibuya, I hate this world.
Fuck, maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just a miserable creature, content to only be happy when I'm unhappy. Maybe I'm selfish, proud and condescending, beyond the point of repair.
"Awwe, poor little girl, crying her little heart out." Says a voice like bubblegum, and for a second, I am convinced that it is Larxene and my heart stops. That would be the icing on the cake, wouldn't it?
But no, this woman has the same icy blue eyes and porcelain skin that Larxene has, but the similarities stop there. She has short, shaggy hair, bubblegum pink to match her lips, and a body even sweeter. Like seriously, how is that fair? She stands, in a trendy turtleneck, corset, shorts and high heeled boots, leering over me, a spark lit in her eyes. It takes me all of three seconds to realize that she has skeletal, black wings protruding from her back and two seconds after that, I remember what Sanae told me and Axel yesterday.
"Reaper's can't target players until Day 7." I say, voice heavy with the stupid tears that have finally stopped falling.
"Ooh, our lone wolf knows the rules. Good for you." My eyes flick behind the woman to a redhead man, wearing a sleeveless vest, jeans and sunglasses, a lollipop dangling between his lips. He too, has black skeletal wings.
"But I don't think she knows all of them, Kariya!" Bubblegum snaps up, tapping a well manicured finger to her chin.
"No, certainly not, or she wouldn't be out here wandering, all alone." The man, Kariya grins.
"I already finished the mission and am absolutely not in the mood for this. Go bother someone else." I wave my hand.
"Now, now, you didn't finish the mission." Kariya wags his finger. "Those other kids, Phones and the girl did, you just get to reap the benefits. That sound fair to you at all, Uzuki?"
"Nope! Sounds like we should punish her!" Uzuki singsongs, letting out a high, musical cackle.
"Okay, sure, why not." I roll my eyes. "You wanna break the rules and fight, let's go." I stand, limbs feeling heavy, but I roll my shoulder back. It wouldn't be the first time I've been on the wrong end of two on one, but I'm willing to bet they've never fought an Alchemist before. Maybe I'll end up with the upper hand.
"Oh no, we won't be fighting you." Kariya says with the wave of his hand. "Please, even if I could, I busted my ass last week. You're nuts if you think I'm doing it again."
"Um, you barely lifted your hand to sick Noise on the Players." Uzuki reminds him.
"Hey, aren't you trying to get promoted? Gotta save the glory for you." Kariya tries, though I have a feeling that he has pretty minimal interested in lifting a finger for anything, and without Uzuki egging him on, he'd probably be kicking back in a recliner somewhere.
"Riiight." Uzuki rolls her eyes at him. "No, we're not going to fight you, like Kariya said, I'm trying to get promoted, I'm not risking that for you. We'll have to save that fight for another day, if you make it. And by if, I mean you definitely won't."
"A joke's not funny if you have to explain it." I inform her and her eyes narrow.
"You might think you're being cute, little girl, but you're not." She insists.
"I'm like probably the same age as you." I say.
"That is so not my point." She rolls her eyes.
"Well, regardless, have fun playing kiddo, these Noise will keep you plenty of company." Kariya starts to grin, wicked and demented as it creeps across his lips.
"Hey, that is so not fair!" Another voice, across the alley, the girl from yesterday with the pink hair—thought more of a reddish pink than Uzuki's—has her hand on her hip and a stuffed animal dangling in the other. "Her partner isn't even here, how do you expect her to fight?"
"That's the point." Uzuki rolls her eyes.
"Haven't you two already caused enough trouble? I mean having to work all these weeks back to back is such a drag." Kariya sighs.
"It's literally been two weeks." Phones mutters, from beside the girl.
"Ahh, that's right. He's been tweaking your memory. Well, you wanna be heroes, be my guest. We erase you two and that's two less that we have to deal with." Kariya says.
"Besides, you two are worth way more points." A deadly glint lights in Uzuki's eye and suddenly, Phones and the girl disappear and I am left, blinking like a cartoon character.
"You lucked out, blondie. Catch you on the flipside." Suddenly, Kariya is gone.
"Erase you tomorrow!" Uzuki laughs.
And she's gone too.
Within a second, the girl and Phones reappear, both leaning over with their hands on their knees, huffing and puffing, hair falling in their faces.
"That one was a pain." Phones sighs.
"But hey, aren't you glad you wanted to check out Udagawa? I mean, imagine what she would've done without us?" The girl stands up straight and all but skips over to me. "Are you okay? It's not a good idea to wander without your partner. I mean, even though the Reapers can't personally fight you, you never know if you'll run into any Taboo Noise or—"
"What the hell are Taboo Noise?" I ask, because I really don't need a lecture. She's cute as hell and I appreciate her and her partner rushing to my defense, but the fact of the matter is, until she is walking in my shoes, she'd do better keeping her opinions to herself.
"Noise that can attack you, you don't have to scan to find them. They come at you and they hit hard. Trust me, you're lucky you haven't run into any." Phones tells me.
"You guys are veteran players, right? Sanae said something about a penalty game." I say, and I'm not sure if it's because of my cathartic cry, because he has less of an attitude or because he saved me, but I'm mildly less eager to start a fight with Phones today.
"Sanae?" The girl raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah, Honeycomb or something like that." I shrug.
"Hanekoma? Oh, Neku! I think she means Mr. H!" The girl says. Neku gives me a mildly irritated look, but at least has the good sense to shut his mouth.
"Right. Well, anyhow, thanks for help. And for clearing the mission. I thought I had an idea of what was going on, but I guess not. I'm not from here, I entered the game by accident." I confess.
"Yeah, well, none of us want to do this on purpose." Neku rolls his eyes and although I don't understand, I do crack a smile.
"It sucks rocks." I say and even he smiles a bit, though I can tell it physically pains him to display emotion.
"I'm Shiki, by the way! Shiki Misaki! And this is my partner, Neku!" The girl, Shiki, extends her hand to me and after a beat, I concede. I reach out and shake her hand.
"Rueki." I say.
"And I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?" Oh fuck me in half.
He stands at the other end of the alley, leaning against the wall, and I wonder how much of this he has heard, without me noticing, not that I really care. I didn't say anything about him. And even if I did, I wouldn't have said anything he didn't deserve.
"Oh, your partner!" Shiki smiles. Axel pushes himself off the wall and strides over, arms still crossed to his chest. "We were just telling Rueki, you guys've gotta stick together! You're totally defenseless against any attacks without each other! It's so much easier to just take things on as a team! You get more done that way, anyway!" Kill me now.
"You don't need to tell me that." Axel narrows his eyes at me.
"Go fuck yourself." I spit.
"Oh…um…" Shiki shifts from one foot to the other, anxiously and Neku heaves a sigh.
"Look, it's about staying alive, do you want that or not?" Neku grumbles, as though this a colossal waste of his time. He's not wrong.
"There are some things worse than death, kid." And I cringe even as it comes out of my mouth. Could I be any more annoying if I tried?
"You are so overdramatic." Axel says. I hate that he's right. I want to take the words and put them right back into my mouth, but that wouldn't do much to help.
"If you wanna be selfish, then just stay out of our way." Neku mutters.
"Oh, c'mon, Neku! They've never done this before, and it's not like you and I didn't have our issues when we played last week! Where would we have been without Mr. H's help? The least we can do is encourage them!" Shiki tries, and really, the girl is too sweet. I feel like a dick, I don't deserve her kindness.
"You don't need to." I try.
"Sure we do, it's not gonna hurt anything! After all, if you and Axel get the mission's completed and so do Neku and I, we'll have twice the firepower! Pretty cool, huh?" She asks, and I can't help the softening in my eyes. What I wouldn't give to be so optimistic.
"See, what did I say, Rueks? You're selfish. You didn't care that my life was on the line when you took off running, and by acting out, you could've screwed these guys over as well. Nice job, princess. But please, tell me again about how I'm the asshole." Axel sneers.
"That's not helping." Neku grumbles, under his breath.
"Yeah!" I say.
"It takes two." Neku glares, oh what a prick.
"Hey, it's totally normal for two strong personalities to but heads! That's okay, you guys both have your strengths, it's just about working with them! You've just gotta recognize that your partner is good and bad at stuff, just like you are, I know you guys can make this work." Shiki encourages, I roll my eyes. "I mean when two people first meet, nothing ever goes—"
"He's my ex." I say.
"Oh, no more desire to elaborate? She killed someone and is blaming it on me." Axel snarks.
"He doesn't have a heart and manipulated me into believing it was a life or death situation by using my feelings against me!" I hiss.
"We should just go…" Neku mutters. "I know a lost cause when I see it."
"Neku." Shiki pleads.
"Look, you two need to figure it out, or you're both getting erased. It really is that simple. You don't have a choice. It doesn't matter if you hate each other or not, work together, make it seven days, that is literally all you need to do, I don't know how to spell it out any clearer." Neku rolls his eyes.
"I mean, you could've said it a little nicer." Shiki mumbles. Neku pouts.
"Fine, please." He concedes, though it is hardly sincere and I have a feeling that he's only saying it for Shiki's benefit.
"What do you want us to do, have a couples counselling session in the middle of the damn alley?" I huff.
"It's not like anyone can see you." Neku mutters. I look to Axel, he looks at me.
"Fine, thanks for not dying in any battles we've been in together. You're a champ, seriously." I roll my eyes.
"That was a good start but…" Shiki begins.
"Just say three damn nice things to each other. That's it." Neku sighs. He mutters something under his breath about this being hopeless and Shiki owes him chicken nuggets, but I can't make out anything more specific. I look to Axel, arms crossed to my chest.
"Ladies first." He says.
"Are you serious? You are the one that fucked up, you should be apologizing for—"
"Rueki, um, that's not really helping." Shiki says.
This is literally the dumbest thing I've ever done.
But I guess I do wanna live.
"Fine. You're strong, I'll give you that." I might have been being sarcastic when I said I appreciated him not dying, but it wasn't a lie. Unlike him, I'm not completely full of shit. "You're…creative." He's great at pulling nonsense out of his ass, but I mean, if he can spin words to make them sound lovely and convincing, then why can't I? "And stuff that other people say doesn't bother you, you're true to yourself." Because he's heartless and self serving, and there's no one else to be true to because every time someone lays themselves out on the line, he walks all over them. Or maybe that's just me.
I can tell that he's not excited, nor does he take my compliments seriously, but I guess we're both down to fake it until we make it.
"You're smart, Rueks, you might've been off in regards to today's mission, but it was a good guess. And you're driven, you don't stay down long no matter what hits you." He tells me, and I shift uncomfortably, because this isn't what I expected out of today. I doubt he's being sincere either, I'm sure he's in this just to stay alive, just like me and that's fine. "And, well, what you said. You're true to yourself, you didn't let Marluxia or Sora or anyone sway you." Except for Axel himself. And maybe that's what bugs me the most. The one time I follow someone else's agenda and it ends with me getting betrayed by the person I put above all others.
I've learned my lesson, compliments or no.
I'm never going to let him get a leg up on me like that again.