"Long time, no see..."

She held her breath. He was awake. Finally. It had been days filled with apprehension and doubt, with guilt and regret. Now all that felt so far away. He was here again. She let go of the breath she was holding.

"...Yeah..."

This was the closeness she'd been craving, the puzzle piece she'd been missing. But as she exhaled, she tried not to relax into him, tried not to lean against him, tried not to relay just how ecstatic she was that he was here with her. That familiar anxiety she always felt when he was around was back with a vengeance, and the last thing she wanted to do was accidentally ruin the moment, if this was indeed "a moment" and not a state of temporary post-coma psychosis on his part. She'd always played her emotional cards close to her vest. She didn't want to show too much or ask for anything. Still, when he gently nudged her closer, she obliged, even if it was a rigid motion.

She didn't know what else to say, so she stayed quiet. The combination of feeling so nervous and being so close to him was making her go insane. This was what she wanted, but what did this mean to him? With her head leaning gently against his chest, she could hear his heart beat and smell the detergent they used on the hospital gowns. With his cheek leaning carefully on her forehead, she could feel the faint sensation of his breath on her skin. Her hand, which was lightly resting against his side, fit perfectly into a groove that was long ago carved out by some scared, closed-minded fool. She was so close…she could tell him now…

But even as her heart screamed for her to tell him, to embrace him sincerely and let him know that she thought the world of him, her mind screamed for her to shut up and to get away from him. He was dangerous, not because he was the devil's helper and had annihilated cities and killed millions, but because at this moment, he had the power to destroy her. It would be incredibly easy for him to do, too. He might not even notice…

She was scared of him…because she loved him? That didn't sound exactly right to her when she thought it out loud, but that was how she felt. But…in cases like this, all she could do was fall back on what she knew, and what she knew was how to mitigate risk. If he was never given the opportunity to obliterate her soul, then he wouldn't ever be able to do it. Simple!

Soon, the safe, unfeeling analytical part of her brain kicked in, running cost-benefit analyses of the situation they'd escaped, of the amount of power Vash's equipment would be using. She wondered if the doctor would want to file a claim with her company for the expenses he'd accrued by taking them in. Vash would probably get an upgrade on his arm and maybe even some new gear as well. And there would definitely be a charge for the energy invested in confining Knives…

Soon, she'd managed to block out almost everything but her hypothetical scenarios. Her mind was buzzing with safe equations and comforting insurance formulas. She was so lost in thought that she was completely startled when Vash gently but firmly pushed her away, causing her to involuntarily hop off the bed to keep her balance. She quickly looked up at his face, but he wasn't looking at her. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were dead-set on the door. She looked, but nobody was there.

She looked back at him questioningly, but she was shocked by the change in his demeanor. His face suddenly had that old ridiculously enthusiastic smile on it and his hand was sheepishly in his hair. At the same moment, she heard footsteps entering the room.

"Hey Sempai, I missed you at lunch, so I brought you some-" Milly almost dropped the food in her hands when she saw Vash sitting up in bed. Before Meryl could do anything, Milly had announced Vash's consciousness to everyone in the medical bay and had tackled him in a death grip of a hug. People started streaming into the tiny hospital room, and as doctors, nurses, and old friends from all over the ship packed in, Meryl found herself being bumped and jostled by the enclosing mob. When it finally seemed the population in the room had reached some kind of stasis, Meryl found herself standing by the door looking on as all the well-wishers descended upon Vash. All these people were here to see him. They had been waiting for him to wake up, too. And as she looked around, she had the sinking feeling that there just wasn't any room here for her. She turned to leave, but was stopped by an unbelievably cheerful voice coming from the unbelievably cheerful face of one Vash T. Stampede.

"Hey Mer-...umm...Insura-...ahh..." he hesitated. A little kid jumped on him. "Oof… Hey! Where are you going?"

She looked at her feet and spoke to herself as she left. "I don't know..." A moment later, she plastered a smile on her face and looked up with mock enthusiasm. "Oh, you know…reports to finish…"

She didn't wait for a reaction. She left the room, a little shocked to be pushed aside so readily, a little disgusted at the fake display of enthusiasm (from both her and from him), and a little angry that she wasn't paying attention like she should have been. She tried to block it out, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she could have missed her only chance to let him know how she felt, and it stung that she wasn't in there right now by his side.

She walked slowly down the hall trying to get a grip on her emotions. It wasn't fair to be jealous of everyone else's feeling towards Vash and their desire to spend time with him. She knew first hand how easy it was to care about him. Plus, he'd just woken up from a coma… Everybody had been worried about him.

Meryl was so lost in thought, she ran right into somebody, a short somebody. She looked up and began to apologize as Doc looked at her concerned. "Miss Stryfe, is there something the matter?"

She shook her head, "No, I'm fine." She bit her lip. "Vash…he's awake now."

Doc shook his head. "I know. I was just on my way to see my most troublesome patient." He thought for a second. "Miss Stryfe, did you happen to mention Knives' status to Vash?"

Meryl shook her head guiltily. "No…I…it didn't come up."

Doc laughed jovially, trying to lift her spirits. "Please don't look so sad! I just wanted to know whether or not he'd been briefed on the matter. In this case, I'm sure I'll be peppered with questions immediately." Doc looked past her and saw the crowd of people in the hall trying to get inside to take a look at Vash. He chuckled. "Looks like I'm going to have to play referee." He looked back at Meryl questioningly. She was looking quite sadly at the crowd of people as well. "Why aren't you in with Vash? I was under the impression that observing him was part of your occupation."

Meryl frowned. "Yes…I…it is my job…" She looked at the doctor and tried to smile. "Milly is watching him right now, and I don't think he's in any sort of condition to be causing anybody trouble." They stood in silence a moment as Meryl's fake smile worked itself into a more natural frown. "Doc? Have you gotten the results back?"

Doc looked the girl over, knowing she was still anxious about the possibility of developing tumors. "Don't worry, my dear. Everything looks good. I actually do need to run some more tests, but not for tumor growth. You might have developed a rare condition called --"

"DOC!" Meryl and Doc turned their heads quickly to see a young man in a lab coat calling out from Vash's room. "It's crazy in here! I NEED HELP!"

Doc smiled apologetically and told Meryl they'd have to finish this conversation at a later time. She smiled politely and watched as he walked towards Vash's room and promptly began kicking people out.

She began to walk towards her room again. She was relieved by what the doctor had told her about not having developed cancer, but his unfinished sentence had left her feeling anxious nonetheless. Also, the feeling of completeness she got from being so close to Vash was beginning to wear her down. With every step she took, she felt a little more alone.

Once Doc had managed to get Vash's well-wishers out of his room and behind a closed door, Vash instantly dropped the act. His eyes and mouth fell into a well-worn expression of self-doubt and worry.

Doc continued to smile as he checked the status of a few of the machines in the room. "It's good to see you again, Vash." He sighed. "Although, your hair…that's bothering me a bit…I've looked into some research on the matter and frankly, it concerns me…"

Vash touched his head tentatively. "My…hair?"

Doc walked to the lavatory, got out a small hand mirror, and handed it to Vash. Vash's eyes widened when he saw his reflection. He touched his hair lightly. Vash looked to Doc for answers, but saw that he had none to give. Vash put the mirror down and took a deep breath. He knew that the hairs had something to do with his use of energy. His first black hairs had sprouted after Augusta. His fight with Knives had produced a neat under-coat of black. This last bleed off of energy, however, had caused the most dramatic change. He didn't exactly know what to think.

Considering there was nothing he could do about his hair at the moment, he turned his mind to more pressing matters. "Doc, where's Knives?"

Doc looked at Vash and smiled as reassuringly as he could. "Knives is in the lower deck. He's in a holding cell."

Vash looked concerned. "Is…is he alive?"

Doc answered calmly. "…Yes."

Vash looked confused. "Is he…conscious?"

Doc answered calmly. "Yes."

Vash's confusion grew, especially when Doc began to chuckle. The last time he remembered seeing Knives awake…was in…a hole in the ground…and Meryl had been there, too! And Knives had forced him…to use his… Vash looked absolutely stricken as he looked at Doc. Meryl was alright…but if Knives was this close to humans and was able to be contained, he must have been injured…and it must have been because of him…

"Here." Doc tossed Vash a small duffle bag which hit Vash in the side of the head. "I had some of your extra clothes lying around. Your boots are in the closet over there. Go ahead and change and I'll take you to your brother."

A few minutes later, Vash and the doctor walked to the transport that would take them to the lower deck. They didn't say anything. Doc could tell that Vash had a lot on his mind. He watched him while they rode the transport. In his faded jeans and worn in hoodie, Vash looked almost exactly the same way he had looked the first time Doc met him. The only visible evidence of change was the drastic juxtaposition of blond and black hair. Had that really been seventy years ago? He was now just a little older than Vash had been at the time. He had changed while Vash, for the most part, had remained the same.

He did not envy Vash.

--

This was like, the hardest chapter to write ever. I don't even know why. I kept wanting to write what comes next, but I had to write a connect-y chapter to link everything together….blegh… Next chapter, we have the grand entrance of one Millions Knives, and a certain insurance girl finds herself with a conflict of interest…

Anyway, to those readers who are still reading, and to any possible new readers, HELLO! Jaya Mitai, you get your way on chapter 5. And for some reason, ff ate the word "end" and I never put it back in. (I'm such a slacker...) I promise to make the next chapter in shorter order! The reviews make it go faster...