XXIII.

The first of several sunlit days is not darkened in the slightest, even by the cloud that is Saix's presence.

"Why didn't you report in?" He doesn't even bother to knock, which is awfully presumptuous, as Axel and I are completely naked underneath the blankets. "And what is that?" He gestures at me as though I'm a strange abscess on the side of Axel's face that would best be looked over by a doctor.

"I told you we should've just stayed in Oblivion." I roll my eyes. Axel holds a finger up, telling me that I probably should stay quiet, and of course he's right. I realize right then and there that he didn't say a single word to Saix or Xemnas yesterday. Demyx, Luxord, Roxas and Axel know I'm alive. As quickly as gossip seems to spread amongst Nobodies, I doubt it has spread this quickly.

Fuck.

I chomp down on my lower lip and wrap the blanket a little tighter around my torso.

"You know, she does have preferred pronouns." Axel says, I bite back a smirk.

I love this man.

"So clearly you feel that you are exempt from fulfilling your duties to the Organization?" Saix's eyes regard me coldly, as though he is hoping he can pierce straight through me with just a gaze. Axel doesn't even flinch though. He is all bravado and wild hand gestures and everything I could hope for in this situation.

"Or maybe I'm just thinking of the bigger picture. Rueki over here wants to be nothing but loyal to our cause and help us out. In fact, she knows exactly why we had to eliminate the traitors inside of Oblivion." The look in Axel's eyes is deadly, smart. For a moment, dread touches Saix's features, but it is quickly replaced by the look of pure hatred. "Everything that I know, Rueki knows. We wouldn't want anything bad to her when she clearly serves a purpose, hmm?"

Saix knows I know about his plan to overthrow Xemnas. I don't know whether this is brilliant or terrible, but I guess I have no choice but to trust Axel.

"If you feel a desperate need to let her lead to your demise, once again, be my guest." He hisses and I flinch. How did he know about me being the reason Axel lost his heart? Has Axel known this whole time? Was that story just a ruse to keep me at bay while he harbored whatever other deeper secrets he discovered? Or has Saix known the truth this entire time and withheld it from his friend?

"What, not even one little word of appreciation?" Axel teases. "We played our parts spectacularly."

"The only thing I've heard is that Naminé has gone missing." Saix says. "Clearly, you felt it more prudent to waste your time watching over a useless cause."

I have to literally bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from firing off at Saix. I taste blood.

"There one minute, gone the next. I don't know how she got out." Axel replies, with a dismissive shrug. Saix scoffs and rolls his eyes. How these two can even call themselves friends, I do not know. Unless they are much different with one another when I am not around. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with someone who acted like this to me.

"Did you search every room?" Saix continues.

"Are you kidding? You know as well as I do that searching through every room there is impossible." Axel says, waving his hand.

"She knows everything?" Saix mutters, this time a little more cautiously.

"She's smart. What she didn't figure out from me, she found out from others." Axel says and it takes a moment for me to realize that he's talking about me.

"Of course. You certainly aren't blinded by your obsession with having a heart, to the point where you're willing to pretend with this girl." Saix's voice is so utterly dry that even my best efforts do not keep me quiet.

"I'm right here, you could both at least pretend I'm in the room while you talk about me." I snap. Axel puts an arm up in front of me, his eyes still locked on Saix. Saix scowls at me then looks outside to the moon. I turn to look and realize that the heart shape of it is not quite full.

"And the chamber?" He asks, quickly changing the subject. "Did you find it?"

"Come on, I would've told you that much." Axel rolls his eyes. "I've gotta hand it to you… About Marluxia being one of the traitors. You knew exactly what was up from the start."

My blood grows cold as I realize that it was Saix who assembled the group for Castle Oblivion. It was Saix who picked out the traitors, it was Saix who made Axel his mole, it was Saix who made sure to send some of the senior members that he wanted eliminated, getting him that much closer to the top…

Which means it had nothing to do with Xemnas. It was Saix who wanted me dead.

My hands start to shake as I ball them in fists under the blankets.

I'm overreacting, I tell myself. It could have been an order for Xemnas, Saix might have wanted nothing to do with this, he might've just been trying to climb his way to the top. But if he did want me dead, it begs the question—what more does he know about me, that he isn't telling anyone?

"Hm." Is his reply. "I merely rounded up and sent off the ones who were getting in the way." Me. Me. Me. Me.

"Whoa there!" Axel laughs, as though this is all some hilarious joke. "Was I one of the ones you wanted to erase?"

Saix looks from me to Axel and then replies "good to see you made it back safe."

You as in him, and certainly not me.

"Rueki knows about Zexion by the way. She was there when I disposed of him." Axel says and suddenly Saix flinches.

Without another word, he opens a portal and is gone from the room.

"What the fuck?" I snap, clambering out of bed. I must not reach around and punch my boyfriend in the face. My back is to him while my hands ball into fists, my fingernails biting into my palms in a desperate attempt to show some restraint.

"Just letting him know I moved things along the way he wanted…for now." Axel replied and I turn on him, eyes burning.

"So you felt like you should implicate me in Zexion's murder?" I snap, my throat tightening. Fuck. I didn't plan for tears to start forming, with the effort I am making.

"Come on Rueki, its' not like I told him you're the one who did it." Is what he says immediately, and he closes the distance between us to wipe my eyes. I smack his hand away. "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying cuz I'm sad, I'm crying cuz I want to kill you, and that's illegal!" I spin away, stomping off to the bathroom. I throw the door shut behind me and lean into it, taking a deep breath as I lock it. I feel Axel behind me, twisting at the nob.

"You know I can teleport in there at any time." He reminds me.

"You know there's a razor in here and I'm not above cutting you." Yes I am, but I guess verbal threats are a step above smacking him. Maybe I'm maturing a little.

"Would you stop being dramatic and think for a minute?" I'm about to fire back a shitty comment, but he's smart, he talks quick and stops me easily. "He knows that you know about our plan. I told him you watched Zexion die, not that you had any hand in it, as far as he's aware, you're innocent, Rueki. And now, he's gonna be on our side. He'll go to Xemnas and plead your case for us, because he won't want your running your mouth and exposing our plans to the Superior, got it memorized?"

Fuck. He's right. That is actually a damn good idea. I'm willing to bet Saix has infinitely more pull with the Superior than Axel or I might have. I heave a sigh and unlock the door before untwisting the nob and letting him in. I turn to face him and he catches my head in his hands.

"You could've let me in on this plan earlier." I say.

"When? He appeared in the room out of nowhere." Axel's hands slide down to rub the top of my arms. This man has the patience of a saint when he is getting laid, I swear. I sigh, leaning my head into his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just…" I shake my head. "Maybe one day I'll be less of a bitch, but for now you'll just have to deal with me apologizing every time I fuck up."

"Can I get it in writing that you'll actually apologize?" He laughs. I roll my eyes.

"How about I just suck your dick instead?" I offer.

"That, I will never say no to."

Saix quite literally throws a coat and a notebook at me the second Axel and I step into the main room to receive a mission. Despite having just gotten back from Oblivion, there is no rest for the wicked. With an 'oof' I catch everything in my hands and stare at VII with an eyebrow lifted.

"Lord Xemnas has agreed that we can find some way for you to serve a purpose for us, if you are so very intent on lingering in this world." He tells me. I snort.

"Yes, of course. Because I was the one so insistent on 'oh Rueki, you can never leave, you know too much'." I roll my eyes.

"C'mon sweetheart." Axel sighs, putting an arm around me. "The man's just doing his job." I am well aware of this fact, but I haven't forgotten how Saix regarded me just a few hours ago. And, well, every time he sees me.

"Your insubordinate tendencies aside, it has been resolved that if you are going to make yourself a fixture in this Organization, you will be required to wear the coat on missions." Saix informs me.

"Seriously?" I huff.

"Have I been known to joke with you? Should I say 'haha'? Would that make you feel better?" Oh wow, he can go fuck himself. I twitch and Axel's grip on the upper part of my arm tightens, he knows me all too well.

"Fine. Whatever. Why the hell do I need a notebook though?" I ask.

"We encourage new members to keep track of their missions and their daily life in a journal." He says.

"Right, of course. Because it's very safe of me to write my thoughts in here." I nod.

"No one will be snooping through your journal, although I doubt you have the mouth control to hold back any simple thought that crosses your mind in the first place." Ouch, well, he is certainly not wrong. "Alternatively, being that you will be carrying out tasks like a member, you will be expected to complete missions with those other than Axel as well." I make a face as he hands me a note card. I don't even take a second to read it, before a nasal voice sounds off and a hand claps me on the shoulder.

"Ready to clear out some Heartless, partner?" Demyx grins.

The next two days are spent beating Heartless around with Demyx, having ice cream with Roxas and Axel, crawling into bed with Axel and willing the night to never end.

By the end of the third day, I whine at Demyx until he opens up a portal to the clock tower in Twilight town, and with my coat slung over my arm, I make my way through to see—

"No way…" Roxas, Naminé and Axel sit at the Clock Tower, all with bars of ice cream at hand. I feel like my breath has been ripped straight from my lungs, I nearly stumble back into the darkness.

"Watch yourself there sweetheart." Axel grins at me. "I'm not chasing you through the darkness."

"When did you plan to tell me that she…That you.." I choke out before Roxas turns to me, a big grin on his face.

"Rueki, we found Xion!" But that is certainly not Xion. The fair, wispy blonde hair, the soft eyes, the porcelain skin. I spent enough time with Naminé to know what she looks like. If memory serves me right though, I had only ever seen Xion with her hood up, obscuring her face. Could it be that Xion bares a striking resemblance to the witch? And if so, it raises the question, who's Nobody is Xion.

"Rueki, it's nice to meet you." Not Naminé says to me, though in a voice so similarly breathy and soft that I can scarcely tell the difference.

"Um…yeah." Is my really intelligent answer, and for a second, I am glad she doesn't have a heart—there are no feelings to hurt. "Did you happen to notice…" I begin, staring at Axel with an arched eyebrow. He heaves a sigh and grabs my hand, yanking me down to sit beside him.

"Mind your manners, Rueks."

"Don't call me that."

"And yes, of course I did." He sighs.

"Notice what?" Roxas asks, eyes bright and inquisitive and damn, if he doesn't look like Sora.

"Xion looks like someone we know." I blurt, unable to help myself. I don't know what kind of hold this kid suddenly has over me, but I'm assuming it's the guilt. I chastise myself mentally before Axel can even shoot me an irritated look.

"From Rueki's home world, right, sweetheart?" He pats my shoulder in a way that is a lot more dominating than not. Not that I especially mind. In fact, to prove a point, I lean in and wrap an arm around his waist.

"Yep, my friend Amaya." And suddenly, I'm visualizing Xion with short, choppy black hair, instead of blonde. I blink, utterly thrown off my guard, but sure enough, when I steal another glance at her, she looks just like Naminé again.

"Right, you're from a different world." And Roxas genuinely seems to comprehend it this time, nodding his head before taking a bite of his ice cream. I wonder what it was that Axel and I missed while we were gone, but my heart is warmed by the sheer fact that this kid, has turned into an actual person while I was gone.

"You're not a Nobody?" Xion asks, leaning past Roxas to look at me. I shake my head.

"Nope." I confess.

"She's just a pain in the ass." Axel says, leaning over to kiss my cheek. I smirk.

"He's not wrong." I agree. "So, what else did I miss."

"I can't use my Keyblade anymore." Xion confesses, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But it's alright, Axel suggested Roxas and I go on missions together. He's going to work twice as hard until I can remember how to summon my Keyblade again." And the way she looks at Roxas nearly takes my breath away. Her eyes become flooded with warmth, like the sunset baring down on the ocean. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was young love. Perhaps it is gratitude. Maybe Nobodies can feel that. "I just can't believe that someone would be willing to do this for me." She beams at Roxas. He grins back at her.

"Of course I would." He nods, all enthusiasm and heroics.

"Friends need to lean on each other every now and then." Axel informs her. "Ain't that right Rueki?" I want to tell him that I don't know, all of my friends in the past have sucked, but then I begin to realize, that isn't totally true. Maybe Del and Amaya and I didn't mesh the way I wanted us to, but there had to have been friends in my past, from before I have memories. And then, there's Sora, Demyx, Luxord, Neku, Shiki, Naminé…

Axel.

"Well yeah, but since when did you become Captain Sappy?" I ask him.

"Hey." He laughs. Roxas laughs too and even Xion looks to be biting back a giggle.

"If Roxas and I are friends…does that mean I'm friends with you too, Axel, Rueki?" Xion asks, and maybe I'm the one who has become a sap. Watching this Naminé look alike smile, laugh, seeing her entire being light up, I cannot deny her.

"Of course." I smile.

"Well if you're friends with Roxas and Rueki, then yeah, of course you're my friend." I can tell from the shifting of his weight that this makes Axel at least slightly uncomfortable, and to be honest, I feel the same. Going from having only a few friends, friends who I didn't particularly value, to throwing the term around like it is nothing feels quite foreign. But my caution and cynicism have gotten me nowhere. Axel makes me happy, I want to be happy now. And looking at these kids, with blue ice cream and even bluer eyes, I think this is my shot.

I think it's our shot.

"Thank you…Roxas, Axel, Rueki…" Xion breathes, staring out into the sun.

"Just eat your ice cream." I say with the wave of my hand.

"Little Rueki." Xigbar cackles as we hack through a strange forest with talking flowers and a purple cat. I don't know why Axel begged me trade places with him in missions today, truly I don't. Why anyone would choose fighting the Heartless at the base of the Castle over going to another world is beyond me, but I don't look a gift horse in the mouth. "You ever heard the phrase, the world works in mysterious ways?" He asks me.

"Of course." I wrinkle my nose, unsure of what he's getting at, as I peer behind a bush. "I think there's an entrance over here." I say.

"Not the one we want, kiddo." He waves a hand at me, and I'm not sure how he knows this isn't the entrance that will get us back to the room with the talking door knob, but I take his word for it. I huff a sigh and chase after him. "Well, I'd have to tell you, the world is awfully mysterious right now, bringing you back to all of us." I assume he's referring to Castle Oblivion and for a moment, my heart skips a beat. Is he going to kill me out here? "I mean damn, I remember when you were this big." He holds his hand to about hip level.

"You knew me when I was a kid." I realize, eyes going wide. He throws his head back laughing.

"Bingo, kiddo. I knew your mom and dad too, before they died. Your mom was a tough son of a bitch, not surprised you turned out well, to be a thorn in our great and powerful Superior's side." He says, turning to me with a predatory grin. My insides freeze, I brandish Survivor.

"If you think you're going to kill me then—"

"Whoa, kiddo, slow your roll." He snorts. "Don't you think if I was going to do that, I'd have done that when you had your head shoved into those bushes? Nah, I was just reminiscing on the days back when I worked with your dear mom and dad."

"Why hasn't anyone tried to kill me? I know Axel was supposed to, I know Xemnas wants me dead. And instead, I get a coat and a fucking journal?" I shake my head, setting my hands on my hips.

"Shouldn't you be asking your boyfriend that?" He asks me. "Or is he still the king of keeping secrets?"

"I want to hear it from you. You're II." I remind him.

"That I am." He agrees. "But I can't tell you. All I can say is that the noose has been untied from your neck, you're off the hook. It's top secret information, need to know only and you, little Rueki, don't need to know." He says, flatly. What a fucking prick.

"It's my life." I insist.

"Ha! What a look. You know, you may not have any memories from when you were a kid, but you don't need to. You're exactly the same as you were back then."

"I am never going on a mission with Xigbar again." I sigh, sitting down at the clock tower, between Axel and Roxas, with Xion on the opposite side of Roxas.

"Why?" Roxas asks. "He didn't seem that bad when I went on a mission with him."

"You've never been to Wonderland with him." Axel cracks a grin.

"Upside down one minute, on the table the next. He has no sense of respect, by the way. I told him to stop fucking shift the planes we were on. He just laughed. Then I puked. Then he laughed harder." I say, before noticing that Axel, much to my annoyance, is completely dry. "Did you even help Demyx with the Heartless?"

"Dem owes me one. I cashed in. Spent the day catching up on all of the paperwork I still needed to do from Oblivion." Axel says, handing me a bar of ice cream. "I swear, my hand was starting to cramp up." Poor baby.

"So you thought it'd be nice to leave your damn girlfriend to do your dirty work?" I ask and suddenly, I watch a panic flash through his eyes.

"Rueki, I'm sorry…" He starts, and I understand instantly where I went wrong. I wrap my arm around him and kiss his jawline.

"No, don't." I urge. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry." He pulls me in tighter and I sigh into his warmth.

"You two seem a lot different now." Roxas says. "Is that what happens, now that you're dating?"

"Kind of." I shrug, not wanting to tell the kid that this is what happens when you go through hell and back with a person, and ultimately decide that above all things, they need to come first. I look up to Axel, whose eyes are alight as he looks at me.

"Is that what you mean by saying you're his girlfriend?" Xion asks me.

"That's right." Axel nods, answering for me.

"So that's different than friends and best friends, right?" Xion asks.

"Very." I agree.

"I still don't understand how." Roxas confesses.

"You know, me either." Axel laughs.

"Lucky you, my heart is big enough for the both of us." I take a bite out of my ice cream.

"Do you need to have a heart to be someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?" Xion asks. I frown.

"Typically. If you're dating someone, usually it's…" I squirm with discomfort, at knowing that Axel is going to hear me say the words to follow. "It's because you want to see if they're a good match for you. You want to see if they understand your heart and you understand theirs. If they don't, then you break up. Sometimes you stay friends, sometimes, someone's heart gets hurt and you don't."

"And what happens if they do understand your heart?" Roxas asks, staring at me intently. I don't know whether he or Axel have got me more uncomfortable, but Xion's softly inquisitive glance is the only thing that brings me comfort.

"Then you stay together. As long as you can. You share everything in your heart and life with that person. You give parts of yourself to them that only they can have, share secrets that only they can know. You fall in love." I take a breath.

"But, without a heart…" Roxas begins.

"You have to have a very large amount of patience." Is all I offer. "So, what's the deal with this whole 'best friends' talk?"

Xemnas holds a meeting to talk about the moon.

I wish I was joking.

Saix looks at me quite smugly and I contemplate punching him in the face. I think Axel senses this, because he keeps his fingers tightly laced the entire time. Still, I want to know what Saix is so very smug about.

"All this fighting," Roxas sighs. "I wonder what it's for."

"Come on, you know what it's for!" Axel insists. "We have to complete the great Kingdom Hearts. You saw it too, didn't you?"

"So hey, stupid question here. But what actually is Kingdom Hearts?" I ask.

"It's the gathering place of hearts…" Xion says so confidently, and then "isn't it?" The girl is a lot like Naminé, not just in looks but in her very demeanor as well. Still, if this actually were Naminé in disguise, I feel as though Axel would've mentioned something by now.

"It's where all the hearts wind up after they're released by our resident Keybearers. When we gather enough, we might finally get hearts of our own." Axel smiles, so very tantalized by this idea, but something stands out that bothers me beyond compare.

"Might?" I ask.

"Is Kingdom Hearts really that important?" Roxas asks.

"Are you crazy?" Axel cackles, as though Roxas' very idea is halfcocked.

"No, I agree with the kid. This is a hell of a lot to do for someone who 'might' give you a heart back." I insist. Axel sighs.

"Might is better than what we can do on our own, as Nobodies. No one else has come up with any better idea." Axel says. "I'm willing to take any chance I can get."

"That's so stupid." I shake my head.

"Do you really want to get into this, in front of the kids?" Axel asks me.

"Yes!" I snap. "Going in blindly? If you're not even guaranteed a heart, if we don't even get a chance to…" If at the end of this, he still cannot love me, what the hell am I going to do? I go to tear away from under his arm, but his hold on me tightens.

"I just don't see why having a heart is that important…" Roxas mutters, almost upset that he even spoke up in the first place, and got me fired up.

"Really, that's your take away on this?" I ask the kid, who just kind of shrugs, sheepishly, which is incredibly cute and satiates my anger just a bit.

"I just don't understand, since I don't have a heart." He replies.

"Roxas…" Xion murmurs, ever so softly.

"We'll understand when we have our own hearts." Axel says, and I notice the emphasis on 'when'. I turn to him and notice how steady his gaze is, unwavering, determined. And just when I thought I couldn't fall any harder. "That's why we fight. To find out what it's about." And I can hear the hidden meaning as, even with the other two sitting beside us, Axel places a kiss on my temple. I wonder if the roles were reversed and he were waiting for me to get a heart, if I would be as unflinchingly patient as he is. And the answer is of course, there's nothing I wouldn't do for him, nothing I wouldn't make possible. I sigh and lean back into him.

"Okay, I guess you're right." Roxas agrees.

With the flourish of her hand, Xion finally summons her Keyblade, a vibrant smile breaking out across her delicate features.

"Tadah!" Roxas grins back at us. I can't help it, in the victory of the moment, I reach out to high five both of them.

"Thank you, all of you!" Xion gushes as the teenagers plop down beside where Axel and I are seated on the clock tower.

"We didn't do anything." I insist to Xion. "It was all you."

"Still, if I weren't able to go on missions with Roxas…" She begins. "It's just, doing that made it possible for me to remember how to use the Keyblade. So thank you all."

Axel scratches his head, seeming to be deep in thought.

"How about you hook us up with some ice cream then?" He asks Xion, who blanches.

"Huh?" She blinks.

"Go buy them for us, and we'll call it square." I clarify for her, and with a newfound bounce in her step she nods and says "you got it, I'll be right back" before bounding off.

When she returns and we all have a sufficient amount of sugar in us, Roxas speaks up.

"I hope we can always be just like this, forever."

"Me too." Xion agrees.

"Not me." I murmur, and the blue eyed duo turn upon me with dropped jaws.

"What's that all about?" Axel asks, both Roxas and I.

"I just want these days to last forever. Hanging out, the ice cream, the sunsets." Roxas looks at me with hurt eyes, and I feel so deeply guilty that I push myself away from Axel to put a hand on the kid's shoulder.

"And I just want all of this, but in a perfect world, where the three of you have hearts." I say. "You might think this is nice, kid, but trust me. Wait until you can feel it for real."

Roxas's gaze lingers where my hand meets his shoulder, his lips parted, head cocked in confusion.

"Yeah." He nods. "That would be…really great."

"Well, hate to burst the bubble for both of you, but nothing lasts forever. Least of all for us Nobodies. But it's okay if things change and we can't always meet up." Axel nods and I turn back to him, blown away for just a minute, by how incredibly handsome he looks in the light of the setting sun. And he's mine, all mine.

"Huh?" Roxas asks and I flinch, retreating in on myself. For just the briefest of seconds, I forgot that anyone else existed, beyond Axel.

"As long as we keep each other in our thoughts, none of us will ever have to be apart. Got it memorized?" I do. My eyes trace over his jawline, his eyes, his hands, his torso. I drink in the very sight of him, thinking that if the world were ever to fall apart, this is exactly how I would want to remember him. Right here and now in this moment. Open, vulnerable, speaking from the heart that he doesn't have. I love every wild gesture, every sarcastic comment, every bit of snarky behavior that he graces us with, but this side of him? It's so incredibly different, so sincere, so honest. And somehow, despite him being so different, I feel as though, in this moment, I have never loved him more.

"Wow, that was so not you." Roxas finally laughs, breaking us all free from the spell of Axel's words.

"Hey!" Axel reaches over me to shove him and the four of us erupt into a fit of giggles, laughing harder than we ever have before.

I lurch awake, grasping at the sheets and then my chest, as though I am trying to make sure my heart is still safely inside. It is dark, pitch black, but I hear Axel groan beside me, shifting to an upright position.

"Sweetheart, what is it?" He asks. I shake my head, though he cannot see it. It takes me a minute to come to terms with the fact that whatever happened, was only a dream. Zexion is not here in the room, fingernails piercing the flooring as he drags himself, bloody and beaten across the room, to carve my heart out of my chest.

"Nothing, bad dream." I shake my head. "I need to…I've gotta get up and…" His arms are around me and he pulls me in to his chest as I hyperventilate.

"I'm here, Rueks." His hands find their way into my hair and he moves so close to me—impossibly close

Not close enough.

"I can't…" I choke. "I'm… Probably not going to be able to sleep for the rest of the night."

"Okay." He replies, in a voice so smooth, so accepting, I can hardly believe it is coming from the fiery asshole I know and have fallen in love with. Instead, I feel his arms circle around me and suddenly we are out of bed. My legs clench around his waist as I hold on for dear life.

"What the hell are you—" The lights flick on and there we stand, beside the light switch, wrapped up in each other.

"Would this help, do you think?" He asks. I furrow my brow.

"What?"

"The light. Nothing can get you in it, Rueki. You're safe as long as you're in it. As long as you're with me. Got it memorized?" I'm too baffled to even respond. Instead, I allow him to lead me back to bed, and that night I do sleep, and well at that.

I wish I would have know then:

The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.