Merilyn felt the wind was finally blowing in a favourable way. From her high tower, she watched Arya scramble over the rocks near the gate entrance followed closely by Boaden and Rickon. Rickon threw up his wooden sword along with a challenging word, both aimed for Arya. His sister blocked in response and sent him backwards. They all laughed with the confidence and carelessness of young children. And Merilyn smiled so widely her cheeks ached.

She stood watching from her bedroom window, dressed lightly with her hair still unpinned and tousled from her night's sleep. It was early yet and the castle was hardly stirring – even Jaime still lay half-asleep flushed from their awakening activities. The youngest children had managed to beat everyone to the outdoors.

"Come back to bed, Merilyn," Jaime called in a low voice, "It's still early and the children are in no need of supervision at the moment." He gestured to the empty place in their bed and smirked.

Merilyn smiled in response, "Are you not tired from earlier?"

He raised a quick eyebrow, "Great men have questioned my stamina and were proved wrong in quite a painful way, my good wife. But if you shall not take those examples nor my word for it, I shall be forced to prove my significant stamina through actions."

She rolled her eyes, "Forced to, my lord? I see no one here taking away your free will."

She walked away from the window and towards the bed. He gave a light grin in response and closed his eyes, stretching his body out. Merilyn took a steadying breath in. She had thought to inform him of her news at a later date, but he looked so relaxed and almost happy that some instinct drove the statement to the tip of her tongue.

"Jaime," she began hesitantly.

The change was near miraculous. The relaxed form of her husband stiffened quickly and his face took on tension.

"It's nothing bad," she sighed impatiently.

"You use my name on two occasions – during lovemaking and when you're upset. Seeing as we're obviously not engaged in the first, it is safe for me to assume something is wrong."

She opened her mouth to argue the contrary and snapped it shut realizing the conversation would not go the way she wished. Suddenly irritated, she turned back to the window and lifted her hands to begin the lengthy chore of braiding her hair back. Her anger mounted as she twisted her hair more furiously, until a strand knotted and she yelped as her fingers got trapped into it. She yanked stubbornly, trying to peel the hair apart, ignoring her burning scalp.

She felt like fingers encase her own and tears sprang to her eyes unbidden. She merely wanted to have this conversation calmly and she wished him to be happy as a result of the calmly held conversation. She let herself be led back to their bed and sat silently as Jaime nimbly teased her hair apart.

She'd been surprised when one night, sitting near the fire on a shared bench; Jaime had begun to slowly braid her hair. The more she got to know him, the more she learned about her Southern husband.

Jaime eventually broke the silence, "I already know what you wish to tell me. Though I confess, I may not be ready to hear it aloud."

She twisted to face him, only a few inches of space between them now. He returned her gaze steadily letting her hair slip from his fingers with his face blank.

"You know that I'm -."

"With child," he cut her off, "Yes, I've known for a few weeks now. I'm sure half the servants know as well. It is hard to not notice."

She looked at him in shock, "But I only just came to this conclusion myself. How could you have known weeks ago?"

He shrugged, still looking her directly in the eyes, "You change. You fill out. Septas would say you shine. It is noticeable."

She swallowed her response and they sat in silence.

She looked down at her hands as she came to the realization that she had admitted to herself and her husband that she was carrying another child. It was no longer just an abstract thought but an idea that had become a reality. Her hands that she had been studying with a diligent stare fluttered towards her stomach almost unconsciously. She could so easily lose this child. That thought would never not haunt her. It couldn't have been an easy conception Merilyn had concluded, not with the amount of time it took. And Jaime's obvious unease only compounded her fear.

"Of course, you and your stubborn nature would conceive only after throwing the Maester from our home." His teasing tone broke the deafening silence and Merilyn gave a weak smile, leaning in to rest her head upon his shoulder. His hand traced across her back lightly following an undiscernible pattern.

"I'll find a better one," she stuck out her chin obstinately.

Jaime laughed lightly, "I think I would rather just keep you chained in here where you can come to no harm."

"Septa Alaine said –"

"Yes, I know she said 'a healthy mother means a healthy child and a healthy mother is not bed bound.' That does not mean I cannot wish it."

"It will be different this time," Merilyn's voice was hardly above a whisper.

There was an obvious tightening of Jaime's arm signaling that he had heard her low statement.

"It will be different," she replied only a little louder, "It has to be different."

His voice was quieter than hers when he finally responded, "I wish this hadn't happened."

"You mean the child…" her voice trailed off and then she continued more firmly, "Or you mean as a whole – you and me?"

"Both. All of it. If you'd married someone else –"

"I doubt it would be much different. My body seems to be the problem."

"You don't know that. It could be very different with someone else."

"It doesn't matter. Nothing we will wish now can change the past."

He sighed quietly, "Just… just promise me you'll be careful, Merilyn? You say it will be different, but I still fear that something will happen."

"The mighty, former Kingsguard, afraid?" Her voice coloured with her own fears. She had been completely terrified when the septa had asked if she'd bled these past two months as she realised she'd failed to recognize the significance. While part of her was happy to have conceived, a bigger part feared the same outcome and wished it hadn't happened. Though never having children would've been a bigger nightmare. She just couldn't come to terms with her emotions at the moment.

Jaime interrupted her thoughts, "I don't know how much you remember. It was so quick. You were in so much pain and there was nothing I could do. I wasn't – I wasn't afraid of losing a baby. But losing you was looking like a huge possibility that night and that terrified me. Being that helpless and watching you struggle. Now you're in the same position and it could happen again. You're fragile. You're small. Obviously, I knew it was inevitable, but it still scares me."

He trailed off and was silent for a moment. Merilyn looked down at the ground, unable to think of what she should say to him. He'd never talked to her like this – like they were equals and both trusted each other with their fears and concerns. His hand under her chin brought her eyes up to his face again.

"And then after, you were so angry. I could see it reflected in everything you did. You wouldn't talk to me – you didn't need me. You never have. I couldn't help you, again. I couldn't comfort you. Many women… they think children are the only important things in their lives and when they become afraid they cannot bear them, they will turn to desperate actions. I was afraid of that, too."

"Afraid that I would… kill myself?"

"Merilyn, if you never have a child, it would not upset me."

She raised an eyebrow doubtfully, "It would upset your father."

"Who is going to die soon anyway."

"Jaime!" She rebuked.

"I am being serious when I say both things. He will die soon and children are of little consequence to me either way. But losing you is something I will not suffer through."

His eyes had grown soft with his words and his hand slowly slid up and down her arm. It was the sweetest statement she had heard and his hand upon her, coupled with his low voice, were comforts that she hadn't known she needed. The reassurance that poured over her now was empowering.

"Marrying someone else would be just too much trouble," he broke through her thoughts, his voice droll.

Merilyn reeled back unbelieving, "What?"

Jaime burst into laughter and his grip tightened preventing her from tearing away from him, "I jest. I jest!"

She pushed him away, less than amused, "It would serve you right if I died and you were forced to marry an old hag."

He faked a look of mock horror, "why would you wish that upon me, you wretched woman?"

She giggled softly and turned her back to his chest, reclining back against him. He kissed her forehead.

"Though it would be truth that if I were to die, you would be married to someone far less handsome than me."

Merilyn rolled her eyes, "Such modesty."

"Why bother with modesty when it's perfectly true that I am one of the most handsome in -."

A soft knock on the door interrupted Jaime's logic.

"Come in," Merilyn called, standing and pulling her gown further around her.

The door opened slowly to reveal Matilde, the young girl whom Jaime had sent to Tyrion's household long ago. The girl curtsied, careful not to look in Jaime's direction, as he had stood upon her entrance and, fully nude, was now stretching his arms above his head.

"Leila sent me, my lady, to see if you required any service this morning."

"Matilde!" Merilyn exclaimed, "What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you, but," she looked from Jaime to the girl, "I thought…"

"Lord Tyrion sent me back, milady," the girl cast her eyes over the room as she spoke, "I am married now." Though she could tell the girl was uncomfortable, a smile still lit her face.

"And your babe?" Merilyn asked hesitantly. It would be no great surprise if the baby hadn't survived. New marriages often didn't have much room for bastards.

The girl smiled widely at the question and looked at her directly, "he's a good, strong, healthy baby, ma'am."

Jaime broke in, "I assume, the man you married – he is the father and Tyrion succeeded."

Matilde curtsied nervously and nodded, "Aye, my lord, Tyrion did as he promised he would and I am in his debt."

Jaime nodded and turned away from the conversation. Merilyn saw the young servant's gaze trail after the sight of Jaime's bare ass and she cleared her throat quickly.

"I'm very pleased you are back, Matilde. I do not think I will require anything this morning though."

Matilde bobbed her head and excused herself from the room with only a small backwards glance at the Lord Lannister.

As the door shut, Merilyn snorted, "Are clothes really so inconvenient that you must allow all of the servants to see you without them?"

Jaime turned to her smirking, "What? Did the girl's gaze linger just a bit too long?:

"You're incorrigible, Jaime Lannister." She tried to keep her face stern, but his laughter was infectious and she found herself smiling at him.

"Yes, Merilyn Lannister," he crossed the room, "I most certainly am. And you might as well grow accustomed to it;" he placed one hand softly on her lower abdomen, "for our son will be just as difficult and unruly."

Merilyn sat at the long dining table, cutting Rickon's meat while he chatted away to Arya who was making a point to actually listen to what her younger brother was saying. Jaime was talking in low tones to Ser Roderick next to him. She knew they were discussing Winterfell and The North's condition, but was unsure of the particulars. Further down the table, on the other side of Arya, Sansa had her head bent down whispering with the daughter of one of the Lords who was visiting Jaime and Castlerly Rock. Merilyn hoped that the arrival of a girl her own age would cool her sister's ardor towards Willas. It had become inappropriate with how often Sansa was flirting with him and made any excuse to disappear with him.

Jaime caught her eye as she looked up after prompting Rickon to take a pause from talking and eat a few bites. She inclined her head in a questioning manner and he smirked at her. Leaning in, he whispered in her ear.

"Ser Roderick and I have received word from your father that Winterfell is safe once more. He wishes for the men to leave shortly for the North with the children. Catelyn Stark will join them near Moat Cailin."

She smiled at him, "That will make the children happy. I will inform them after dinner."

Leila and Matilde sat further in the dining room at one of the lower tables and she saw the latter girl glancing up at Jaime more often than could be explained by mere coincidence. She stiffened at the thought that Matilde had borne her husband a healthy boy. She had accomplished what Merilyn had not. Pushing the thought from her mind and reminding herself that she was the Lady of Casterly Rock, she tore her gaze away.

Later in the night, she sat in the day room with her three siblings around her. Arya and Rickon hadn't paid much attention when she'd told them the news of the upcoming return to home except to ask when they would see Mother. Sansa had been nothing but quiet, hardly reacting to the announcement.

Arya sharpened her small knife that Jaime had given her for her to practice throwing, "Will you come visit soon, Mer?"

Merilyn smiled and nodded, having already discussed this with Jaime, "Yes, in just a few months we'll travel up to see you all."

The two youngest asked to be allowed to go play in the courtyard before bed and, happy to see them so happy, she had granted laughing that they only had a little while left. Merilyn refocused on her middle sister.

"Sansa, are you excited?"

"No," Sansa's eyes filled with tears.

Merilyn sat down on the couch with her sister and wrapped an arm around her, "I know you think Winterfell is boring but it is our home and even now I miss it. You shouldn't take it so much for grant –"

Sansa interrupted sobbing, "It's not that. Oh, Merilyn! I did something and I'm so afraid what you'll think of me."

Merilyn's eyes widen and she looked at Sansa in surprising, "Sansa, you know that you can tell me anything."

"I can't go home, Merilyn." She cried harder, "Oh, gods. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Sansa," she softly shook her, "Take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong."

"I'm pregnant."

Hi.

I cannot even begin to apologise adequately. This is getting extremely difficult to update but I am still going to keep trying. Hopefully this tides you over.

To address a few issues that have been brought up. No, Merilyn is not "bi-polar" or "crazy." She is a young girl in a patriarchal society that forced her in between a rock and a hard place. She is more temperamental and emotional than Jaime is because she is still learning who she is and how she should handle herself. She is developing and it takes time. Jaime has been in a sexual and twisted relationship since before puberty which gives him more experience (twisted though it is) than Merilyn. Be patient. She is growing as a woman just as I am as a writer. Another note, I've tried to keep Jaime as in character as possible - but it has developed into how I think his character would react in the situations I place him in not just direct book interpretations and if you think it's not a good description I would love to hear your reasons why and suggestions - not just "he's ooc." That's just poor reviewing.

Also, thank you to everyone who has been with me this long and all of you new joiners. I hope I can continue to please you all! Much love, Lady F