XXVII.
I am not a damsel in distress. I am not codependent. I am not delicate. So when two weeks passes and Axel has still not returned home, I don't want to panic. I don't intend to. Whatever, he's a big boy and I'm an adult, we can function without each other for a little while. I am certain there will be plenty more situations like this, where one of us has to go away on business for the Organization, until he gets his heart back, and that's fine. I didn't sign up for any of this, but that doesn't mean that I can't live with it. Everything is fine.
I don't mean to panic, but I do.
It starts with a nightmare. Of course it fucking does.
Axel stands within the pristine, white confines of Castle Oblivion, as flames lick at his being and darkness starts to consume him. Just like it did with Zexion, I watch his limbs disappear in a cloud of inky blackness. As the darkness starts to wash over his face, I can make out the saddest smile.
"But you're alive." He whispers as he fades into nothingness.
This one doesn't wake me up screaming. No, fortunately, all I do is hyperventilate, my head between my knees, the heels of my hands slammed into my temples as I try to center myself. It doesn't take terribly long. I can still smell him on the sheets.
The second time it hits me, I am on a mission with Demyx. And by mission, I mean we are at the base of the Castle, fighting off Heartless. We laugh and poke fun at each other, me throwing grenades over my head and toward a cluster of Heartless at the back. This is something he and I have done several times since I got back from Castle Oblivion, several times since Axel left on his mission. This is nothing out of the ordinary. And yet, as a Neo Shadow comes barreling toward me, I swear I see Zexion's face on it. I shriek and hit the ground, my legs giving out completely beneath me. It claws its way toward me, a menacing grin stretching across its demented features. For a moment, I fear that this is the end. That my actions have finally caught up to me, and I will not make it. Zexion is finally back for revenge. I cover my face with my arms, but, just as quickly as the panic hits, Demyx knocks his Sitar into the Neo Shadow and it dissolves above me.
My eyes are wide, my pupils pinpricks as I uncover my face. My heart hammers, pounding all the way up to my temples and, try as I may, I cannot seem to catch my breath.
In the rain, I don't know if I am crying or not and perhaps that is a good thing.
"I'm sorry." I pant, voice weak and ragged. "I didn't mean to…I—" Another shadow comes crawling toward us, and this time, I have enough clarity to throw a grenade at it. My throat constricts, even as I stand on my wobbly legs. Demyx has the good sense to help me to my feet, his eyes soft as he looks at me.
"When did you start having panic attacks?" His voice is soft over the sound of the pouring rain. I slash into a Heartless, he stomps his foot and shoots a spike of water out of the ground.
"Oblivion." Is the one word I say. His mouth is a hard line.
"What the hell happened to you in there, Rueki?" He asks. I choke on a bitter laugh.
"You don't need to pretend you care." I offer.
"I used to have them all the time. When I had a heart." He confesses. "My friends and I were part of this stupid band. Aquatica."
"No fucking way." I snort.
"Yes fucking way." He grins, suddenly a lot more full of smiles, like normal. There was so much under the surface with Axel, I think I forgot, he's not the only multifaceted Nobody in the bunch. "I played guitar. I had really bad anxiety about it for a long time though. Like I wasn't good enough or they could find a better guy for the job, that I just wasn't cut out for this life." He rubs the back of his neck with a gloved hand as he sends out some water clones.
"What helped it?" I ask. He chuckles.
"A lot of beer before the show."
We laugh the rest of the time we are outside. I don't feel substantially better, but I feel distracted. Demyx keeps me talking through the afternoon and in the evening, I chatter unimportantly, without rhyme or reason at Xion and Roxas. I can tell neither of them know what to make of how over the top I'm being, but I feel that if I slow down, I am going to crash to a halt.
I don't sleep that night.
I'm exhausted, but I'm still hanging on to reality, even if it's by a thread.
I go two days before my body says 'fuck you' and I fall into a deep sleep. I remember reading somewhere that supposedly your body needs to dream, there's no known reason for it, but it needs to. And when you are deprived of sleep, your body will try to compensate by sending you immediately into that REM cycle. I remember all of this, but I am cocky. Or careless. I think that sleep is a problem for future Rueki and that as long as I don't fall into it, I am safe.
Del strokes my cheek with a long black claw. His eyes glow yellow, his entire body twitches and convulses while darkness courses through him.
"Finally, we match." He tells me before stabbing his claw into my heart.
I jolt up, shrieking, hands white knuckled as I grip the covers. My eyes are wild, my throat is raw. I look around the room desperately, trying to figure out where he disappeared to, what corners of the room he is hiding in. Even with the lights on, I see shapes playing in the shadows of the dresser, the closet, even the closed door seems to be casting darkness with its presence. The breaths I take are short and shallow and do nothing for me. I cycle oxygen faster than I can process it. My vision goes spotty, my head is so light, and that scares me even more. If I pass out, will I dream?
I swear I see creatures form in the shadows and I don't mean to, but I scream again and again.
I don't hear a knock on the door, I don't hear the commotion outside, but suddenly I see a portal to darkness. I hide my face in my hands, as death, I'm sure, has finally come for me.
A pair of arms encloses me. They're warm, but not warm the way I hope for.
"It's okay." Roxas breathes, wrapping me in a tight hug. I look up to him with wild eyes.
"I'm so sorry." I whisper. Not to him though, to Sora. I grab his face in my hands and pull him forward with such an urgency that it shocks even me. His eyes go wide as our foreheads touch and I look at him, searching those big blue eyes for forgiveness. Or blame.
Instead, he just looks at me with confusion. I doubt he even knows what I'm going through, and here I am, millimeters away from a kid that wouldn't know how to help me if I taught him myself. Slowly, with shaking hands, I draw away from him.
"Sorry. That was weird, I didn't mean to." I shake my head.
"It's okay." Roxas said. "Demyx said you were having a panic attack."
"I woke Demyx up?" I sigh, running a hand back through my hair.
"You actually woke the entire castle up." Roxas says, with a knitted brow.
"Of course I did." I groan.
"Saix was knocking on your door. I don't know what he planned to do, but he looked mad. No one else would do anything though, so I opened up a portal. I didn't think he'd probably help you too much." Roxas informs me.
"Yeah, I probably would've punched him." But my effort at bravado feels weak at best. I lean forward, setting my head down on Roxas' shoulder. Our knees bump. He sets his hands on my back and pats it. A very 'there, there', gesture, but it's something, which is nice.
"Rueki, why do you have these things?" He asks me. I snort.
"Because the universe hates me and wants to punish me for being such a sarcastic bitch?" I try.
"I think you're being sarcastic now." Roxas says, and I can tell, he genuinely wants clarity. I smile, in spite of myself.
"I think the technical reasoning behind all of this is that my body doesn't understand anymore, whether it needs to go into fight or flight mode or not. So instead of being able to rationalize and realize I'm not actually in danger, my brain and body both kind of lose it until something centers me." I confess, figuring the scientific way of breaking it down is what will make the most sense to somebody that doesn't have a heart. It will also probably traumatize this fourteen year old a lot less than telling him I murdered someone and am afraid to watch my loved ones fall to the darkness.
"But what happened? I don't remember this before you left for Castle Oblivion." Roxas tries. I sigh into his shoulder.
"Do you remember much from then?" I ask.
"Yeah. I remember everything since Xion showed up. I didn't completely know what was going on, but I remember everything." I feel him nod. "I don't remember you screaming and having nightmares, I just remember you screaming at Axel."
"I'll probably do plenty of that when he gets back, don't worry." And that's when the worry creeps into my head…
If he comes back.
I chomp down on the inside of my cheek so hard that I taste blood instantly. I must be shaking a little because I feel Roxas hug me tighter.
"This is right, right?" He asks. "I see Axel do this for you when you're upset."
"Yeah, this is how you comfort a friend, kiddo." I nod.
"Is this what you need…or?"
"This is fine." I insist. "You're a pretty damn good friend, kid."
"Has this gotten worse for you, with Axel being gone?" He asks. I smile sadly. This poor kid just wants to figure it out, and it's sad, because I'm a mess, but I am the only one here who can teach him about human interactions. I'm the only one who can show him what it's like to have a heart. He may think that he needs me, but the joke is on him. I'm the one who needs him.
I do certainly find it ironic that when I first arrived here I wanted to gag at the thought of teenage Sora running to my rescue. Now, his Nobody is, without a doubt, my hero.
"A lot worse." I say. "I just want him to come back."
"Me too, I miss him." Roxas says. Finally, I draw away from him, allowing him a moment's reprieve. I do, however, keep my hand on his wrist, hoping that this tiny bit of contact keeps me tethered to reality. "It's not the same, just the three of us. I'm sure he'll be back soon." Though the undying optimism doesn't suit Roxas quite the same as it does Sora. I don't believe it, at least not fully.
"Yeah." I say anyway, because what good would it voice my worries to him? He has already helped me enough, already shouldered enough.
"And then we can go back to how it's supposed to be." Roxas nods. And in a move that I think is so sweet that my heart leaps, he frees his wrist from my hand, only to squeeze it, reassuringly. For not having a heart, and not knowing what to do, this kid has a lot of good in him. Once he figures out how to tap into it, I have a feeling this Organization will be more worried about his rebellion than mine.
"Right. Ice cream, sunsets." I agree.
"And no more nightmares for you." He smiles softly at me, a quiet light shining in his blue eyes.
I am silent for a moment, this kid has done the unthinkable. He has rendered me utterly speechless. I catch myself laughing ever so slightly.
"Are you sure you don't have a heart, kid?"
I don't ask him to stay with me for the rest of the night. I absolutely wouldn't. He's far too young for me to lean on, far to innocent to bear the burden of the things I have done that have gotten me here.
I don't ask, but he does. He stays awake with me, telling me stories of dreams he has.
About islands, star shaped fruit and girls with pretty, red hair.
Luxord and I play chess. He doesn't talk much, instead, he just looks at me the way someone may look at an animal that they cannot adopt, but wish they could. I know I'm not imagining this, because he lets me win.
"Check mate it is then. I suppose my luck had to run out at some time." Luxord shrugs.
"Dude, come on." I roll my eyes. "I'm not that stupid."
"Oh, now? I suppose that depends on who you ask. Your very dear friend Saix seems to think otherwise." I know Luxord is just trying to get a reaction out of me. I sincerely doubt that I even cross Saix's thoughts unless he is thinking of things that irritate him.
"He can eat my ass." I toss my hair over my shoulder. "Someone might as well. Is this what it feels like, being one of you guys and literally never getting laid?"
"Has anyone ever informed you how well spoken and charming you are?" He teases.
"All the time. Just like I'm patient and emotionally stable." I nod. "Let's play again."
"About that…" He begins as we reset the board.
"Are you here to deliver a message from the great and powerful Superior again, that I need to stop disturbing the castle with my emotions?" I raise an eyebrow.
"What? No, quite the opposite, love. I'm here to speak with you for myself." He says. I stare up at him with raised eyebrows.
"This isn't you." I say. He cracks a little half smile.
"Right you are. However, I feel like someone of your…heart bearing status would expect an apology. About the mission to Transmute City. It was purely business, Rueki." He assures me.
"I honestly haven't thought about being pissed at you since that day, I promise." I insist.
"Now that is not like you." He chuckles. "It seems quite in your nature to hold grudges, I must say."
"Maybe hanging out with a bunch of children has made me go soft." I shrug, though I am well aware that it is not the case. Pissy as I may get, Luxord was right about the lengths my heart is willing to go to forgive.
"Mustn't have that." He grins, wickedly. "Never you fear though, I'm sure the next time you get sent out on Heartless detail with the Nocturne, you'll remember how to be a proper villain. Scowling and all."
"I'm not like you guys, Luxord." I remind him, my eyes hard as I stare down at the chess board.
"Yes, it would appear…" He sighs. "Rueki, love, you do know he's coming back, right?"
Of course, leave it up to a man to think my only concern is that my boyfriend isn't coming back. Ugh, that isn't fair. I'm not mad at Luxord, and even if I were, it still wouldn't be fair. He doesn't have the heart to understand how much of an idiot he is being. Plus, I really do miss Axel.
"You know, the more I hear that, the more I start to wonder if you guys are blowing smoke up my ass." I shrug. "But let's not talk about that, let's talk about the fact that you apologized? What is that, man? Maybe you're the one going soft."
"Oh, I assure you, it was purely out of self preservation. You are quite frightening when you're in a particular mood." He laughs, and with that, we play and he brushes my anxieties away. I can't decide if it's nicer spending time with him or Roxas. Roxas, who cares about my heart and handles my feelings gently, with care. Or Luxord, who has completely forgotten that I have them and doesn't force me to feel them.
"Rueki, your ice cream is melting!" Sora grabs my wrist and I choke on the air I breathe, scooting back. Suddenly, Sora's face morphs into Xion's. I set a hand on my heart.
"Fuck. Sorry, Xion. I swear, one of these days I'll be less weird." When Axel comes home. I really hate to think of myself as someone who needs a savior, and maybe I don't, but damn, I think I might be able to sleep without having nightmares once again, when his arms are around me.
"Rueki…" Roxas looks at me, brow knit together. "How long has it been since you slept?"
"I dunno?" Three days? Four? The shadows start to creep at the edges of everything, especially in this twilit world that seems on the cusp of teetering over the edge, either into darkness or light at any given point in time. They creep, but they do not consume. I worry that the second I shut my eyes, they will devour me.
"Rueki, you need to sleep." Xion insists, and I catch myself getting annoyed. Like I don't know that. I really don't want to be lectured by a fourteen year old girl with all of the personality of a wet mop.
"Oh fuck off." I snap, and instantly regret it. Xion does not have the personality of a wet mop. She's sweet and shy and so much like Amaya that it makes my heart hurt. And I definitely shouldn't have told her to fuck off. I am so irritable and miserable, but I am so afraid of what is going to happen the second I take a breather. Maybe it's better like this, safer even, to push everyone away. After all, my heart was certainly in a lot better shape and my thoughts were far clearer when even my closest friends regarded me as an ice cold bitch. I look to Roxas and Xion and for a second, I see them as Del and Amaya, and it's not hard. Roxas with his golden hair and his conventionally good looks, Xion with choppy black hair and the sweetest smile.
Wait—
Since when has Xion's hair been short and dark? I could have sworn that she was fair haired and looked eerily like Naminé? And yet, as I look at her again, I wonder if this entire time she has had short, dark hair. It seems to suit her but…
Am I losing my mind?
"I'm sorry guys." I sigh. I really wish I could stop saying this. I wonder if perhaps I mix a sleeping draught, if it'll knock me out for the night? Of course, I'll still have miserable nightmares, I am sure, but maybe this way I'll stay asleep instead of waking up when things take a turn for the worst. After all, it's not like my dreams can actually kill me, right? "Could one of you open up a portal for me, I really should just try to sleep."
"Rueki, we can come with you, if you think having us in the room might help you sleep." Roxas offers, and I think this is how you know you've hit rock bottom—when a child offers to watch out for monsters while you sleep.
"That's right, we're you're friends, Rueki. Axel said friends have to lean on each other sometimes, you can lean on us." Xion's utter sweetness takes me so off guard, I do what I always do when something makes me feel this vulnerable. I deflect.
"You can't blame me for wanting to give our resident, young and in love couple some privacy." I wink and it is utterly lost on the two of them.
"What? We're not a couple." Xion wrinkles her nose.
"Don't you need to have a heart to be in love?" Roxas asks me. I heave a sigh.
"It was a joke, it's funny. It's okay, you can laugh." I mutter. "Open a portal."
He does, but I don't go to sleep, like I swear I will. Instead, I lay in bed, on my back, staring blankly up at the ceiling until I hear thirteen doors close. I begin to ponder why there are doors here in the first place, since everyone can teleport. I begin to wonder many useless things like that, until finally I resolve to go another night without sleep and wander over to the lounge area. Luxord has left a deck of cards out on the end table. I take a seat on the couch and contemplate playing solitaire to pass the time. That is as far as I get before sleep finally claims me.
I am a child, I am helpless. I run through the streets of a world that I cannot see. Everything is black, but I hear destruction around me. Chaos, screaming. I don't know what I am running from, all I know is that I need to move fast. I see a flickering of light at the end of my road and I will myself to move faster. The light is within reach, I move my hand out to grasp it, when something knocks me to the ground. A Neo Shadow looms over me, blood dripping from its claws. Before it descends, Axel steps in front of me. I watch him slump over as his beating heart is torn from his chest.
I watch the life drain from his eyes as he whispers "and they said I'd make it back, no problem."
I wake up screaming. My back spasms from the position I was in on the couch and the tears have begun flowing, violently. I don't even get to put a lid on how absolutely pathetic I am. My heart wrenches in my chest, even as I try to breathe, my exhales come out in shrieks.
Having forgotten completely that I am in a public room, I am thrown as Roxas comes sprinting in to the room, wearing pajama shorts and a T-shirt.
"Rueki! I came as fast as I could." He's on the couch in seconds, beside me, as is Xion, who looks bleary eyed and half dead.
"What's happening, are you okay?" She whispers, rubbing her eyes.
But I can't answer, my entire being is so stricken, it's all I can do to just shake and whimper as I bite my lip to quell the shrieking. But the damage is done. Xaldin teleports into the room.
"Such racket is useless!" He informs me, as though I wasn't already aware of this.
"Jeez, Rueki, what's… oh? You got this, Roxas?" Demyx asks, rubbing his eyes as he teleports in.
"Damn, kids." Xigbar pops in. "Some of us have to be up for an early mission, can't we all just hit the hay?"
"I see everyone else had the same idea." Luxord smiles haphazardly as he appears… Everyone is here.
Well, everyone except for…
Saix.
But of course I cannot be that lucky. The second he's in the room, I'm on my feet, my body still trying to debate between fight or flight. His face is twisted into the nastiest snarl I can imagine, as he steps closer to me.
"If it were apparent that you were going to scream like a lunatic, you would've been sent to Castle Oblivion instead." Saix hisses and I cannot help it. My muscles are tense, my body is still on high alert. I take one step toward him, I watch everyone in the room shift, defensively. I take a breath and spit in Saix's face.
Before I can even process what is happening, Roxas is standing, his arm around my middle as he pulls me back, just in time for me to watch Saix's hands close around where my throat was less than a second ago. Luxord suddenly stands in between the group of us, hands up as he faces Saix.
"Now, VII, was it not our wise Superior who told us it was best not to be stirred by the girl's emotions, hm? To remain stoic, as she is clearly a slave to her own feelings and is not quite stable?" Luxord sets his hands on Saix's shoulders.
"Oh no, I'm stable. Fight me, mother fucker. You wanna piss me off? Do it, I fucking dare you!" I snap. Roxas pulls me back further, Saix snaps forward and is barely yielded by Luxord's best efforts.
"This is not helping matters, Rueki!" Luxord clips.
"Come on, Rueki, you're going to get killed. Just come sleep in my room, you can take the bed and I'll—" Roxas begins.
"There's an invitation you can't resist. Crawling into the bed of another. Disloyalty must be a trait you and Axel share." Saix hisses. I notice from behind him, how incredibly full the moon is starting to look. I realize now that I never asked Luxord quite what Saix having control over the moon did to his power, but I don't quite give a shit. I'm tired, I'm cranky and I'm pissed at hell at his insinuation. I dig an elbow into Roxas and use the moment that he winces in pain to leap at Saix. Roxas catches the top of my legs before I can get much height though, and throws me back, with all of his might.
"Roxas!" Xion scolds, fluttering over to where I am now, having toppled over the back of the couch. "Are you alright?" She asks me, helping me to my feet.
"Unable to take a hit but still so intent on starting the fight." Saix scoffs. I take off my shoe and throw it at his face.
The air stills in the room. Demyx chokes on an uncomfortable noise. Luxord stands down and I don't blame him, because within a second, Saix shoves Roxas to the ground and quite literally has the couch in the air. He swings it like a baseball bat, directly into me.
I don't know how Xion managed to not get into the crosshairs, but I am thankful. Because I hurt in ways I do not think I have ever hurt before. The impact has completely stolen my breath, my head throbs hard and deep. The pain shoots down my spine, and were it not for the lurching of my limbs, I would be worried that I have lost the ability to use them.
Berserk.
That's what the moon does to him. Fuck.
I wheeze, even as he stomps back closer to me. The couch is back on the ground, but his weapon is now at hand. Before I can even think to move, Roxas is standing right in front of me, his Keyblade now materialized.
"Leave her alone." He narrows his eyes. I want to yell at him to not play a hero, but I can barely breathe. With shaky hands, I reach into my pocket. Xion quickly scrambles back over to me, seeming to understand what I'm doing. She tilts my head up with her delicate hands as I tip a potion back into my mouth. I swallow heavily, but am actually able to sit up now.
"You've no need to meddle in this, Keybearer." Saix's eyes sear into me. It looks like his fit of Berserk didn't last long, because now he can control his own actions. I choke briefly on the thought of what he would be capable of under a full moon.
Fine, if this is how I've got to go, at least when Axel gets back there will be plenty of witnesses to guilt him. I have certainly reached the level of pettiness where I would be okay dying out of spite.
Before I can make another comment that will likely get me killed, though, Xemnas appears.
"What is the reason for commotion at this hour?" As I turn to reply to him, I am stopped in my tracks.
I'm not sure what it is that get me, the slippers with fuzzy little Shadow heads on them, the black sleep mask resting on his forehead or the black robe with 'world's best boss' embroidered into the breast pocket, but I completely lose it.
Xion catches my head, seeming quite worried as I throw it back in a fit of giggles.
"Oh my—fuck!" I laugh wildly, hysterically, without any sense of self control.
It isn't long before Xigbar follows behind me and Demyx behind him. Suddenly Xaldin, Roxas, Xion—even Saix are fighting back laughter.
Xemnas isn't the hero I need, but I suppose he's the one I deserve.
I wake up on the couch with a hot palm resting against my cheek. My eyes fly open. I didn't even have time to dream yet.
"Hey, beautiful." Axel is kneeling on the ground, looking at me with tired eyes and more wrinkles on his forehead than I remember.
"You're home." I breathe.
"I know, I know, took me long enough." He offers a grin that looks incredibly forced. I wonder if perhaps whatever has happened at Castle Oblivion in this past month has left Axel as careworn as me.
"You can say that again." I mutter.
"You wanna tell me why you're sleeping on the couch?" He asks.
"There's a science to it." I inform him.
"I'm sure there is."
"If I lay down out here, it's uncomfortable, right? Not the normal bed I'm used to. Which means, I don't sleep. I just toss and turn most of the night, but hey, it gives me something to do. And, on the rare occasion that I do sleep, I'm either so uncomfortable that I wake up repeatedly before dreaming, or I just end up having nightmares like normal. Regardless, I've reduced my nightmare percentage by like…eighty." I explain, as though it is the most sensical thing in the world. Axel somehow looks even more tired than before.
"Sweetheart, how much sleep have you been getting?" He sighs.
"Probably like two, three hours a night? On average, calculating into it the nights that I don't sleep." I think.
"Dammit, Rueki." He breathes.
"How did you know to find me out here?" I ask.
"When you weren't in our bed, I came looking for you." He says, and I delight in how he says 'our' bed. Because that's how it should be. "Roxas heard me walking around and thought it was you, he was worried you were having a panic attack or something. Kid's developed a hell of a defensive streak when it comes to you."
"Well if you ask your boyfriend, it's because Roxas and I are fucking now." I roll my eyes. He raises an eyebrow before he seems to put the pieces together.
"How many times did you and Saix get into it, Rueki?" He asks.
"Only twice." But that seems to be too many in his book.
"Please explain to me, did I not stress enough the lengths I have gone to, to keep you alive? Because you seem to be doing a pretty shit job at making that worth something." He grumbles, sounding more agitated than anything. Well the joke is on him if he thinks that he can out bitch me.
"Was that the goal in leaving me here for a month without you? Because if it was, that was shit planning on your part, asshole, not mine." I snap.
"Oh, so it's my fault that you have no self control?" He snorts.
"He hit me with a couch!" I snap.
"I'm sure you did nothing to instigate it." He rolls his eyes.
"Oh fuck you. Why don't you curl up with him if you're going to take his side. I've found a way to cope just fine without you." I tear away from him and turn over onto my side.
"I've had a long fucking month, Rueki." Axel mutters.
"Join the fucking club. I've been having panic attacks pretty much non stop since you left. I can't close my eyes without seeing something horrific behind them. So please, go on thinking I spent my days eating ice cream and goofing off with a bunch of teenagers. I love when you act like I'm unimportant for having feelings." I shake my head.
"And I love when you throw them in my face!" He snaps. I freeze. He heaves a giant sigh and grabs my shoulder. "Rueki, I didn't mean that."
I don't say anything in return.
"It's been a really long month baby, can we please just go to bed? We can fight about this in the morning, I just want to fall asleep with you." His lips are suddenly at my ear.
"Okay." Without another word, he scoops me into his arms and starts to carry me to bed. I forgot how warm he is, how safe everything feels with him. "I missed you." I finally say as we get to our room.
"I missed you too." He kisses my forehead.
I sleep better than I have all month.