XXXII.
If I thought my dreams were strange before, I am certain they are now. I dream of a young girl, with shoulder length blonde hair and too short bangs that stand up straight, thanks to a difficult cowlick.
"Tell me the story again, old man." She says, her arms crossed to her chest, a self satisfied grin on her full lips. There is a dark mole, sitting just beneath the left corner of her mouth
"Oh, c'mon kid, ain't ya heard it enough?" A blond man sighs, flicking a toothpick between his lips.
"No such thing as enough." She insists. "Tell me again." She looks at him with utter determination, leaning forward, eyes intense and prying.
"You're a bratty little sunovabitch." He snorts.
"You're an asshole." She grins up at him.
"Where'dja learn that word fro—never mind." The man laughs, heaving a sigh. He crouches down and the girl climbs up onto his shoulders. "Ain't ya gotta go bother that Yuki girl or something?" He asks.
"Yuffie." She corrects, pursing her lips. "Yeah, she's gonna let me play with her dolls later. I want you to tell me the story now though."
"Will this stop you from running off with those two little asshole boys later today?" The man sighs. The girl giggles, atop his shoulders.
"I never run around with them, they always come and bug me!" She insists.
"Buncha little twats." The man shakes his head. "You stay away from them, alright? This is why I didn't have kids. Specially not daughters. When you grow up, those two are gonna be the death of ya, understand me?"
"Sure. My mom and dad made you my godfather, I trust you." The girl reminds him, quite well spoken for a child.
"Yeah." He sighs.
"So tell me the story." She insists.
"Your momma was brave as all hell, tough as nails. She'd fight anyone who looked at her sideways. No one anyone would mess with. Your pops though, he was real smart and quiet like. Sharp, always had his eye on the prize, the best copilot I coulda ever asked for." The man smiles softly. "He and I flew for years before we settled in here. He met your ma, I opened up this shop, he joined the guard along with her and they had you."
"But they got into an accident." The girl says, though she certainly doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand the gravity of the story.
"Yeah." The man sighs. "On a mission, had to pick some supplies up from somewhere. They got in the Gummi Ship and…didn't come back. We searched for weeks, kid. We really tried, but wherever they are, they're gone now." The little girl is silent for a long moment.
"But they were heroes." She says, when she finally speaks.
"Yeah, I guess." The man says, though that is clearly not important to him, not after losing his friends. "I miss em every day."
"I think I wanna be a pilot. Like you and daddy." She smiles. "I wanna see all kinds of worlds." She spreads her arms wide, like the wings of a Gummi Ship and makes some sound effects.
"I'm sure you do, kid." The man laughs, shaking his head. "You're gonna be the death of me, I tell you what. I didn't sign on for this." But he's smiling the entire time.
"I didn't sign on for this." She mocks.
I wake up, with wide eyes, looking around mine and Axel's room. The light still shines bright, he sleeps soundly beside me. I cannot get the little girl's face out of my head in my mind's eye. Too big green eyes, full lips, a mole beneath her mouth. That fucking cowlick.
My cowlick.
I'm having memories of my childhood come to me for the first time in my entire life. Does this mean the darkness from the sealed room is seeping out, creeping into the remnants of my heart? I place a hand over my beating heart. I'm sure there's a heartbeat, but my pulse is pounding too hard for me to detect it.
"Axel!" I whisper, shaking his arm. "Axel!" I raise my voice a little. His eyelids flicker before he finally opens his eyes and looks to me.
"You okay, princess?" He asks, raising an eyebrow as he pushes himself up.
"I just had a dream about my past." I say. This wakes him up quite quickly. Suddenly, he is sitting up, ramrod straight, eyes wide.
"What did you dream about? Not the night that the world fell?" He asks, brow puckering together. I am sure he is worried about my nightmares, worried that they will start creeping in if memories of that night come back. Thinking about the Heartless crawling in, I know that he's not wrong for having that worry.
"No." I shake my head. "I was just talking to some guy about my parents. He was a pilot." I say. "So was my dad, I guess."
"Musta been that Highwind guy." Axel nods, wrapping his arms around me. "I think he raised you after your parents died."
"My godfather." I nod. "Cid." I don't know where the name came from, but it seems right.
"You remember all that." Axel whispers, apprehension in his voice.
"Naminé warned me." I say. "That all of my memories from my past were somewhere in my heart that even she couldn't access. It was like my heart was a place with a thousand hallways, and at the end of all of them was a sealed room—my past. But the sealed room was breaking open, that soon, darkness would start spilling out, along with my repressed memories." And of course, I am excited, tantalized at the thought of my past coming back to me, but at what cost? I wonder, do I have to make the choice—my past or my life?
"Dammit." He whispers, and I can feel every muscle in his body tense up around me. "I'm going to find that little fucking witch, and when I do—"
"What are you going to do? Bully some little fifteen year old girl?" I ask, rolling my eyes. Axel snorts.
"Not quite the idea I was going for, but thanks for playing, sweetheart." He says. "I think something a little more serious than bullying needs to happen."
"So what, you're going to kill her?" I ask.
"What is it with you and murder?" He shakes his head. I chew my lip, wondering if maybe he's right. Is that really the only way I know of to solve problems anymore? "No, I think she just needs to be heavily encouraged, to go into your memories and… I don't know, do some spring cleaning." Axel says.
"You want her to get rid of my old memories?" I ask.
"I guess it doesn't really matter what I want, I know you. You're stubborn enough, you'll do whatever you want to. Plus, they're not my memories to change. But she made a mess out of one person's heart and I know that's eating you up inside. It wouldn't surprise me if she made a mess of you, with that empathy link, just as a last ditch effort to save Sora." Axel insists.
"She's a child. Why would she do that?" I roll my eyes.
"She's not as innocent as she looks, sweetheart. Child or no, she decided at one point in her existence, that it was worth it to screw with someone's heart. Who's to say you're not her next worthy cause?" He asks. "I just want you to be safe, Rueks. Whatever it takes, I will get you there, got it memorized? I'm not letting anything happen to you." He assures me. Part of me wonders if it is truly all about my safety, or if he really is just terrified that I will remember this dark secret that he has been keeping from me for months.
We have ice cream with Roxas for the first time in weeks, and I feel every second of Xion's absence. We vow to search for her, but I don't know any more what any of us are hoping for.
I dream of two boys, only slightly younger than Roxas and Sora. I cannot see their faces, only two pairs of eyes, one emerald green that burn like the sun, one sea green, with the serenity of the moon.
"I want everybody I meet to remember me. Inside people's memories I can live forever." The sun tells me.
"I won't forget you. Believe me, I try all the time." The moon tells the sun. They laugh as a little girl runs through the streets. Little pairs of golden eyes start to pop up, the moon's eyes wash from marine to yellow, the sun's eyes incinerate. As the golden eyes close in, the little girls screams a name.
"Lea, no!" She screams. "Don't go, Lea, don't leave me!" A blood curdling shriek pours from her lips.
I wake up in a cold sweat.
We don't find Xion. Weeks of searching yield absolutely nothing and we have torn apart every single world we can think of.
I dream, again of the little girl that runs through the streets. A flurry of firey red stands in front of her, between her and the sets of golden eyes.
"I'll handle this." The red says.
"You and what army?" The little girl asks.
"Don't need one." The red grins.
"Boys are so dumb." The little girl says, they throw themselves into the sea of golden eyes. They fight, relentlessly, though utterly without experience. What they lack in skill, they make up for in passion. They grunt and cry out and kick like the best of them. It takes a turn though, something dark as the girl gets attacked. The golden eyes lunge at her, reaching out, grasping at her. The red dives in front of her, just in time for the fire surrounding it to extinguish. Without the vibrant light, the little girl screams, darkness descends.
"Don't leave me, Lea!" She begs.
"It's no use." Roxas sighs.
"You sure neither of you are forgetting some place?" Axel asks us. I shake my head, sighing as I look down from the clock tower.
"I've been everywhere I know how to get it." Roxas says.
"Alright." Axel nods.
"The only place I haven't been to is Castle Oblivion." Roxas says. My stomach lurches, and I realize, that last time I had a vision of Xion, was of her standing beside an orb in Castle Oblivion. Axel chews on his lip, looking the epitome of uncomfortable. "It was just the other day that Xion was asking you what the place was like. And the day before she disappeared, she traded places with Rueki and said she'd go there."
"But she came back." I lie, quickly, for Axel, for myself, for Roxas and Xion, because I can't imagine the damage that could be done if Roxas finds out what Xion is, or any more about Sora than I've already told him.
"I can tell when you're lying." Roxas sighs.
"Just because I didn't see her come back, doesn't mean she didn't. There's nothing there anymore, anyway." I wave my hand.
"Well, Xion might be there." Roxas counters, stubbornly and I blink. This is the first time I think I've seen myself in him, and I don't know whether to be impressed or irritated. "Anyway, you promised you'd tell me a secret every time you lied to me."
"You did what now?" Axel raises an eyebrow at me.
"That was weeks ago, I kind of forgot about that." I admit.
"Sweetheart, what are we going to do with you?" He asks.
"Keep me and love me forever?" I offer. He shakes his head, but I see a smile play at the corner of his lips. "Xion came from Castle Oblivion. That's where she was born." I decide is an appropriate secret. Roxas' eyes go wide.
"What?" He asks.
"You heard it. That's probably why she was asking about the place." Axel nods and instantly, I feel my muscles uncurl as I realize this was indeed, a safe secret to tell.
"I had no idea." Roxas sighs.
"We only found out a little bit ago." I say, and that's not a complete lie. It's only been…damn, almost one hundred days now.
"Castle Oblivion…Xion…"
"So, this is Castle Oblion." The three of us make our way through, boots clicking through the hollow halls. It looks a lot emptier than the last time Axel and I were here, and I cannot decide if that is relieving or unnerving. With curiosity, Roxas takes several steps forward. It took great effort on his part, to talk us into coming here, but finally, after large amounts of whining, Axel opened up a portal.
"Yeah, a shithole. I wasn't lying, kid." I say, but before my words are even fully out, Roxas is doubled over, on his knees, his head in his hands. A violent cry erupts from his mouth. Axel sprints over to him.
"Roxas?" He asks.
"Agh! Ah! My head!" The boy screams. I'm at his side, in seconds, my hands on his arms as I try to pull him up.
"C'mon kid, I got you." I coo.
"What's happening?" Roxas asks. "So much rushing into my head." I struggle to get him to his feet, suddenly his memories come flying at me.
"To find is to lose and to lose is to find." Marluxia's cloaked silhouette says.
"My show now, Keyblade Master." Axel grins.
"Not everything is black and white, kid." I say.
Castle Oblivion, Sora's memories of us, of all of us, all flooding Roxas' mind. I gasp, my fingers pushing into his skin.
"Let's get out of here for now." Axel says, looking to me with panic in his eyes as he helps me get Roxas to his feet.
"No…wait…there's something…I can almost…" Roxas struggles.
"Don't fight him on this, kid!" I snap at Roxas, frustrated, irritated…So fucking scared.
"Giving up already? I thought you were stronger than that." An unfamiliar voice says, in Roxas' mind, but I know who it belongs to, through him.
"Riku!" He gasps.
"Open up a portal, Sora's memories are flooding his brain, I think this could destroy all three of them!" I warn Axel, my voice ragged. He nods and waves a hand, opening a portal. He grabs Roxas from my arms and throws him over his shoulder as the three of us stagger through a portal and back into Twilight Town. Axel lays Roxas on the street and I kneel down, touching the boy's face with my hand. My eyes go wide and in my mind, I see him, Xion and Sora, standing, as silhouettes, side by side. They look as though they are filled with light, and Xion with darkness. I watch as slowly, the light flows from Roxas and Sora, into Xion. They blink out but she shines bright.
I choke on air as I come back to reality, on my ass, my face in Axel's hands.
"Fuck, Rueki!" He chastises. "You can't do that to me, I thought I lost you too!" I want to snap at him, but I hear the worry in his voice and I throw my arms around him.
"She's killing them, Axel." I whisper. "Now that Roxas has been to Oblivion, they're tied. She didn't mean to, but I think she needed more strength, Sora must've run out, so she pulled from the next available source."
"Roxas." He gasps. "Dammit." He tears away from me and smashes his fist into the pavement. My eyes widen.
"That's not going to help things!" I snap.
"Nothing is!" He shouts. "Unless you can think of something, because by all means, Rueki, I'm all ears!" There's a venom in his eyes, though I know it isn't meant for me. Maybe it isn't meant for anyone. But in this moment, I am Hephaestus. I am the only god that can reach out and touch the fire, without smoldering.
"Gotta make a plan." I insist. "I…think we need to…Axel, we can't lose two to keep one." My words hang heavy in the air. He looks at me and finally, as the tension settles, he sighs.
"Fuck." He hisses. "I didn't want to do this." He runs a hand back through his hair, sitting a little closer to me.
"I don't either." I draw him, by the back of his head, down to my shoulder so that I can rub the back of his neck. "I don't think we have a choice anymore." The weight of it all seems too much, I push it aside, not daring to feel it now. We don't even know where Xion is, there's nothing we can do, but maybe now, this needs to just be a me and Axel thing. Better to lie and have to tell Roxas that we found her dead, than have to face him when he knows we were the ones that had to end her. I catch myself laughing at the irony of the situation and Axel looks at me with an eyebrow raised. "It's just…back in Oblivion, I was so mad at you for keeping things from me to keep me safe. Even when you found out that secret in Shibuya that you still haven't told me, I was upset. And now? I'm just thinking of how we're gonna keep this secret from Roxas to keep him safe."
"I don't want you to change who you are, Rueks. I love you as you, you don't need to become what this Organization makes everyone. You're safe from all of that, as long as you have your heart." He tries, a desperation in his eyes.
"It's not what they made me, Axel. It's what I've become. You were right this entire time. The things you have to do to survive, the dirt you have to take to keep the ones you love safe…it's worth it." I nod. I watch his face fall. He opens his mouth to speak, but an empty noise comes out. This is when Roxas wakes up.
"Are you alright?" Axel tears away from me, like I'm on fire, to look at the boy.
"What…happened to me?" Roxas asks.
"You collapsed right when we got there. Don't you remember?" I raise an eyebrow, though I think he might be better off not remembering.
"I only remember going inside." He says.
"Just take it easy for now." Axel insists, and I hear in his voice, this pain, this need to protect everyone, even those that he worries he is failing to protect. Even me. But protection or not, it doesn't matter, I'm strong enough to handle this. I can make it through. As long as he is with me, I can always make it through.
"I'm fine, let's go back to Castle Oblivion." Roxas shakes his head.
"Do you even give a quarter of a shit about your life? Because some of us do! You can't just run around like an idiot, risking yourself every chance you get for someone else! Maybe you don't care whether you make it, but some of us do! I need you, kid, so stop being such a self sacrificing little asshole and take care of yourself! Because I can't always be here to scrape you off the ground!" I snap. Roxas' eyes narrow and he looks like he's formulating a comeback when a background noise sounds off. I barely hear it, but it seems to distract him.
"Xion?" Roxas turns his head from me and I feel my blood boil.
"No, I'm Rueki, pay the fuck attention to me, I'm right—"
"Rueki, Xion is right here." Axel snaps, my eyes widen. I turn to follow Roxas' gaze. Two figures stand, in black cloaks, one with the silhouette of a teenage girl.
"Xion, wait!" Roxas scrambles to his feet. The other figure, an older teenager or a young man stands between Roxas and Xion. "Rrrg, out of the way!" Roxas roars. I'm on my feet in seconds, barreling after Xion, not for me, not for Axel, but for Roxas and Sora. The man shoves me aside with such a force, that Axel has to catch me, by the underside of my arms.
"Careful!" He warns.
"We've got to go after her!" I insist. That's all the time it takes for the two of them to sprint off.
"Hey!" Roxas calls out.
"Roxas, wait!" Axel sighs, helping me to my feet. We chase them, through every nook and cranny of Twilight Town, right up to Sunset Terrace. Xion opens a portal, turning back to us. They disappear into it and it closes up, just before we get to it.
"Dammit!" I scream, stomping my foot, my pulse hammering to my temples.
"I thought the Imposter was sighted at Castle Oblivion?" I ask Axel, who just shakes his head.
"Me too, sweetheart." He says, and I genuinely believe the confusion on his face.
"Xion." Roxas sighs. "Why would she run?"
We don't find Xion that day, but the second Axel and I are in our room, I do discover something.
"Do you know who the other one was?" He asks me and I raise an eyebrow.
"No, I couldn't see his face, how could I?" I ask, though I couldn't see Xion's either, but that doesn't seem to matter. What I see her as changes as easily as the weather.
"I wasn't sure with your weird ass ESP connection with Sora." He shakes his head. My face is a perfect deadpan. "Sorry, insensitive?" He asks. I burst out laughing.
"No, that about sums it up. Continue."
"It was Riku. I know you've never met him but—"
"Sora's best friend." I nod. "He told me about him in Transmute City. So he was the Imposter?" I ask.
"Yeah, I don't know why, but I doubt it means good news for Xion…" Axel sighs.
"She went along with him of her own free will." I say.
"I guess." Axel shrugs. "I don't think we should say anything else to the Organization about him though. Who knows what could happen to Xion if we do."
"I don't think we get a choice with her anymore, Axel. We can't afford to sit around. If it's her or Roxas and Sora, I know where I stand. Where do you?" I ask. His eyes flick to mine.
"I don't want to lose any more fucking friends, Rueki." He says. I wrap my arms around him.
"Then I'll do it." I say. "I'll do whatever it takes. Roxas can be strong, Sora can keep saving the world."
"And you'll lose your mind." Axel says. I scoff.
"Yeah, but I might be doing that anyway. It seems pretty heroic to sacrifice yourself for a good cause." I say. I expect Axel to lecture me, what he does is infinitely more terrifying.
In a soft voice, he says "you know, you might just be onto something."
I don't think twice when Axel wakes me from my reoccurring dream—don't leave me, Lea—to inform me that Roxas is chasing Xion. It doesn't surprise me. What does is his resolve.
"I spoke to Xemnas. He confirmed what you already though, though I didn't say anything about your empathy link and neither should you, alright? Xion is draining Roxas." Axel sighs. "You were right."
"I usually am." I sigh, dressing, quickly, and strapping into Survivor. "It's a blessing and a curse." He pulls me in and presses his lips to my forehead.
"Promise me, no matter what happens today, that you'll never lose that." He says. "The sarcasm, that sharp tongue. Don't lose what makes you, you, Rueks."
"Never." I smile up at him, though I'm not sure how much I believe my own words. "Let's go. One of us can distract Roxas, the other can take down Xion."
And that is exactly the plan. We hide behind a wall, listening to Roxas and Xion talk. I am fully braced to fly out at Xion and leave Roxas to Axel, when my partner does what he always does—proves to me that I cannot predict anything. He leaps out, eyes deadly and dangerous as he summons his chakrams. I don't know whether to be afraid or aroused, but Xion certainly know which she is supposed to be. Axel sends a chakram flying. Xion blocks it and it hits the ground before reappearing in his hand.
"Well, hello there, Xion." He drawls.
"Axel?" Roxas' voice shakes and my heart breaks. He shouldn't be doing this, not when I promised I would. This is my burden to bear, not his, I'm the one with the empathy link. And now I am the one who will have to hold Roxas down and hear him scream as Axel ends one of our dearest friends. Xion lunges at Axel.
"No, wait!" Roxas screams. I fly out at him and grab his hand.
"Come on, kid, we have to go!" I urge.
"Rueki, these are our friends!" He pleads.
"And so am I, trust me, it's not safe here." I can lie to him, I think. Tell him that Xion is dangerous, that she's gone rogue and lost her mind. I can spin a story so beautiful, a tapestry of lies that paints Axel as the reluctant hero who had to kill his best friend to save her. It wouldn't be a complete lie, he is a hero, just one saving two different people.
Beside us, Xion strikes Axel, but he blocks it with a wall of fire. Axel sends him chakrams at her, but Xion holds her Keyblade up in defense, before charging at him.
"Stop! Roxas cries out. That one moment is all it takes. Xion hesitates, Axel clocks her on her head and she folds like a house of cards. Without another beat, he scoops her up and opens a portal. I take off after the two of them, while Roxas stares, dumbfoundedly after us. We do something that I never would've expected to do in this almost year that I've been here—
We seek out Xemnas, meaning to give him Xion.
"You're sure things are better this way?" Axel asks Saix, the following morning. It's an unlikely trio, the three of us, it feels wrong, but I am reminded of the sun and moon in my dreams.
"I never expected you to question it. If you could save one of them...why would you choose the puppet?" Saix asks. "Has this girl infected your thoughts?" He seethes at me.
"Give her to me now, I'll kill her myself." I say, coldly, eyes meeting his with the same ice. For the first time, I think he believes me. I catch a smirk tug at the corner of his lips.
"I sincerely doubt you have the stomach for that. Despite the information Luxord gave us." Saix replies.
"Maybe not, but even I know this is the only option." I whisper.
"I loathe to say it, but she's right." Saix says to Axel. "Or put it this way. Which would you rather suffer the loss of: some make-believe friendship, or a real one?" I wouldn't call Xion's friendship make believe. Nothing about it is false. Nothing about it is simple, but the moments on the clock tower, the chase we went on for Riku, her tipping a potion into my mouth after Saix hit me with a couch, those are real. It doesn't make it any easier to think about this.
Axel heaves a sigh and takes my hand. With a tug, he starts to lead me out of the room. Saix speaks, again.
"Things are finally right again. Of course we're better off this way. Xemnas is exasperated from all the "fixing" we've had to do. We have to set things right. There is simply too much on the line...Lea." Saix says.
Axel straight up pulls me out of the room, my legs go limp, my eyes wide.
"Lea.." I whisper, looking to Axel, my heart falling to pieces. "That's you." I say. He looks away from me, eyes hard, shifting his weight with discomfort. "I dreamt about you last night." And the night before, and the night before.
"You what?" He asks.
"Your name. 'Don't leave me, Lea'. I just heard myself scream that over and over again, it was dark, I couldn't see anything, I just heard a boy cry out and heard myself scream that phrase." I say. "It was you. It's always been you, hasn't it?" I ask, reaching out to touch his face.
"Stop." He shakes his head. "That's not me, Rueks. I'm not him, not yet." He insists. I touch his cheekbone, my thumb sliding across.
"You are though. He protected me. He gave his life for me, he cared enough about me that he decided I was important enough to watch over. And you? You've always had my back, from the very fucking beginning, even when I didn't trust you to. Lea, Axel, it doesn't matter what I call you. You have put me above everything else in your world since the very beginning. I wouldn't be alive without you." I sing praises, willing the warmth in my eyes to spring life back into his heart.
"Stop." He insists, grabbing my wrists and pushing my hands aside. "Rueks, you don't understand."
"I do." I say. "I'm so thankful for you. I love you so much." I lean up on my toes and press my lips to his. "Don't ever leave me, Lea." I beg. Like flipping a switch, Axel grabs the tops of my thighs and presses me into the wall, in the hallway we stand in. I lock my legs around his narrow waist, yanking him impossibly close as I grab onto the front of his coat. His lips smash against mine, nose drilling into mine, foreheads pressed together. He grabs my lower lip with his teeth and tugs, sensually, desperately, a growl forming at the base of his throat.
"Don't call me that name, Rueki." He says, as I lick his lower lip and press my chest against his.
"Don't leave me, Axel." I plead. His tongue draws a band from my lower lip, down my chin, my neck, to my collar bone. His teeth scrape across my flesh and I cry out. "Axel!" Suddenly, we're in our room, me on my back, in our bed. My eyes widen as I look up at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud, I—"
"Oh, no, I didn't bring you back here to keep you quiet." He grins, leaning down close to me. "I brought you here so that I could take my time on this perfect fucking body…" He lowers himself onto his elbows so that he can tuck his hands behind my back and unzip my shirt. I arch my back, giving him better access, and with my shirt properly unzipped, I toss it across the room. His lips graze, delicately, teasingly down my collar, to my breasts. He draws one nipple into his mouth. His teeth scrape it, his tongue flickers across it and I whine, curling into him. "Actually, I'd rather you make so much noise, this entire fucking castle knows who loves you." He says.
"I love you, Axel." I moan, desperate and breathy in his arms.
"Not half as much as I love you, princess." His mouth moves down my stomach, drawing my skin between his teeth, tantalizing the flesh of my abdomen. I grip the sheets, preparing myself as I watch him yank at the hem of my shorts with his teeth. My back arches, my muscles tighten, I make a pathetic little mewl. He works my shorts off of my legs and laps at my panties, soaking the thin fabric that separates the two of us. "I can't wait to taste that sweet pussy." He breathes, hot and heavy against my cunt.
"Axel." I choke, my hands weaving into his thick hair.
"Little louder, baby girl." He brushes his lips across my clit, through my panties. I clench, my toes curling, my eyes rolling back.
"Axel, I want you to touch me." I beg, doing exactly as he says, mouthing off a little louder. I feel him grin across the lips of my pussy.
"Do you like when I lick your clit, princess?" He asks me, hooking a finger into the waistband of my panties.
"Yes." I whimper, desperately.
"No one can wind you up like I can, can they?" Axel asks, swiping my panties down to my ankles. I kick them off the rest of the way, and I do the same with my boots and socks.
"No. It's only you, baby." I sigh.
"No on else can make you scream their name like this, can they?" He asks.
"How about you stop talking dirty and show me what we both know that mouth is good for?" I ask. He grins, his eyes flicking up to mine. For a moment, they linger, burning into me in a way that might just make me combust. He spreads the lips of my pussy, deliberately and with his eyes still locked onto mine, he circles my clit with his tongue. I almost lose it then and there, the delectable wetness, the heat, the friction completely overwhelming me. My nails dig into his scalp. "Axel!" I scream, completely wanton.
He works into me, deep, needy, his tongue mapping out the contours of my cunt, sucking my lips into his mouth, lapping at my clit. He dips his tongue into my slit and my hips buck. He grins, pushing them back down into the bed.
"I love watching you, just like this." He grins. "You look so fucking perfect." And I'm sure I do in his mind. My legs spread wide, my hips twitching, my head tossed back as I lose myself in lust. I feel his lips latch around my clit and I force my head up so that I can watch him. The suction against my clit, the occasional flicker of his tongue, his hot mouth against me is almost too much to bear. And then, I feel him press a gloved finger into my pussy. My eyes roll back, my breathing grows shorter and more frequent as I savor the feeling of his hand fucking into me. Another finger follows, then another. With three fingers, filling me I the extreme and his plush lips, quite literally sucking me off, I come, screaming his name, my body convulsing, my hips bucking as I give into the most delicious heat I have ever know.
"Fuck me baby, please!" I beg, still shaking with my recent orgasm. He obliges. His coat is off of him and half way across the room before I have even stopped shuddering. I scarcely have time to watch him unbuckle the too tight pants that hang deliciously low on his hips, baring that perfect 'v' of his abdomen. The happy trail that is exposed as he yanks his pants further down. He is mine, all mine. What have I done to deserve this level of perfection? As I contemplate that, he yanks off the remainder of his clothing and grabs my hips.
"On your hands and knees, sweetheart." He orders. My stomach flips, my thighs clench together, but I follow directions perfectly, for him and only for him. He grabs my hips in his hands, and with such delicious ferocity, he slams himself into me. I feel his cock, sheathed completely inside of me. I hear him groan, broken and beautiful. He pounds into me, grabbing handfuls of my ass, so aggressively, I feel his fingernails bite into my flesh. An idea pops into my head.
"Spank me!" I beg and he does, the noise is loud and echoes across the room and I find that I enjoy it very much. Groaning, I myself come closer and closer to the edge. His movements are unrelenting, all instinct, all want. And I want him like nothing else in this world.
"I love you so fucking much, Rueki." He says, his balls move in time with his thrusts, teasing my clit.
"I love you too." I come undone again with a cry and he follows right behind me, spilling his seed into me. He clenches my hips, gripping them tight for another second before he pulls out. With zero regard to the mess, he scoops me into his arms and lays on his back, with me on his chest.
We lay there in the aftermath, folded into one another, limbs a tangled mess. I am drenched in sweat, but he still weaves a hand into my hair to play with that.
"I missed that." I laugh, referring to the feeling of his hands in my hair. "I forgot how amazing that feels."
"Everything I do is amazing, Rueks, got it memorized?" He grins, lazily at me.
"When you have a heart back, I hope every moment we spend together feels like this." I confess.
"I don't." He says, I flinch.
"Is this because of what I said to Saix, that I'd kill her myself?" I ask. "Because it's not like I want to, it's not like I'd take pleasure in…I just…" I don't think there are words that can make this right, no beautiful prose that will not condemn me.
"I wish I left you in another world, after Shibuya. You'd be safe from all of this. You wouldn't be turning cold." He mutters.
"Is that what you're worried about?" I ask. "That my heart is growing cold?"
"I can't lose who you are, Rueki." He admits, brushing my bangs out of my face to look into both of my eyes. "I know you're nineteen, you're going to mature, you're going to grow. But the Organization is good for breaking people down. We may be hollow, but I don't know…I've wondered a lot lately, if I was never told I didn't have a heart, would I be like this? Or would I still be the gold hearted boy I used to be? I've turned a lot of things off in my own mind and been thankful for not having a heart or a conscience more times than I can count…I don't want you to become what I have."
"And what's that?" I ask.
"A monster."