Tailtiu - Gran 768
I hurt. Not that it was a surprise. I always hurt. From the hole in my spirit where they'd ripped out my heart. If not for Tine, I wouldn't have even bothered clinging to the little tiny bits left behind. But I had to protect Tine. I had to. I'd die doing it, I knew, but I had to anyway. Though, at the moment, I just had to hold her. She was asleep beside me, napping so sweetly and serenely. I could see Azel in her so clearly. He wore the same dopey look when he slept, always had really. I'd tease him about it every morning; he'd counter with how I'd talk in my sleep. It had been a quiet, rough life in Silesse, particularly when the castle fell and we were separated from everyone. But it had been happy. We had been happy. And then my bro… Bloom's people arrived. Kidnapped me, kidnapped Tine. Did who the hell knew what to Azel and Arthur. Probably killed them. And if not, then me keeping silent was the best way to protect them. Because gods knew that no one around here was going to.
She had thought about it, going to Arvis for some sort of sanctuary. But she'd laughed at her own idiocy. Trusting Arvis? Again? Please. That was what landed them in this situation in the first place. They trusted him, they put down their weapons, and he massacred us. 'Battle of Belhalla', it was dubbed, as if we got to fight back at all. Fucking Travant gave Quan and Ethlyn more of a chance, and when you were worse than Travant, you knew you were on the wrong side of morality. So, no, I wouldn't make that mistake again.
And then there was Deirdre… sorry, Diadora. 'Treacherous bitch' was way more accurate of a name for her. Standing to the side while Arvis incinerated Sigurd. Watching the soldiers slaughter us left and right. Granted, I didn't really know her well. I'd joined Sigurd's forces after Deirdre had been 'kidnapped', or whatever the hell actually happened that day. But even after so many years, I remembered Ayra's broken-hearted expression when she saw Deirdre. I remembered Lex's gasp of disbelief. I remembered Lewyn stumbling back in shock. I remembered Erinys crying from pain. And I remembered watching Sigurd just shatter, right before he cursed Arvis and was reduced to less than ash. So even if I personally wasn't affected, I knew better than to trust her. She'd probably just play the sweet girl again while setting me up.
It would've been different if Alicia were still alive. If she was, then I would've run to her in a heartbeat, less than one even. But I hadn't been that lucky. By the time Bloom's soldiers dropped Tine and me off here in Alster, Alicia had died. And I thought about trying to escape, but where would I go? South to Thracia? No way. They'd probably kill Tine and me on sight like the damn hyenas they were. North to the Yied? Not with Tine. Tine was much too small to survive Yied. And hiding out in the Manster District… well, I supposed it was possible, except she knew Bloom would hunt for her. She knew Bloom wouldn't dare let her go. Just look at all the people going after Leif. On the sly, of course. Didn't want people to know that little Leif had survived. I wondered if Finn was still alive. I wondered if he knew what had happened.
Perhaps because she sensed my dark thoughts, Tine began whimpering in her sleep. I kissed her forehead and hugged her a little closer, even though the bruises on my back throbbed in protest. Hilda had been particularly brutal today. For whatever reason, Bloom was late from returning from Belhalla with Ishtar, and that made Hilda cranky. Probably because it showed Bloom wasn't completely under her thumb, and neither was Ishtar. I now understood why Hilda had always made me so damn uneasy in the past. She hadn't loved Bloom at all. She had just pretended, for the prestige of being married to a powerful lord. I was pretty certain Bloom had figured that out too, and I supposed some part of me felt sorry for him. The rest laughed because it served him right.
"Aunt Tailiu! Tine!" The door to my bedroom burst open, startling Tine awake and making me swing up. However, it was only Ishtar, beaming at us. "We're back!" she announced, rushing over and climbing onto the bed with us to hug me tightly. Though she accidentally dug into the bruises and lacerations Hilda had left, I simply hugged her back. No point in worrying her, after all. I just feared for the day Hilda turned her abuses on her and Ishtore, just as she tried to do to Tine. "Sorry we're late."
"It's fine, Ishtar," I replied, doing my best to smile. It was tired and sad, not really a smile at all. I just couldn't manage it anymore. I could imagine, so easily, Lex teasing me about it. I could imagine Aideen fussing over me. I could imagine Sigurd reassuring me that everything would be well. But how could it, now? "What happened?"
"Conall nearly died!" Ishtar pulled Tine into a hug, tucking her under her chin. Tine blinked around before yawning and just going right back to sleep. While Ishtar was here, Hilda wouldn't do anything to us. "It was awful!"
"Really?" My heart stopped briefly, terrified. Conall… sweet baby Conall who always smiled at her… my precious nephew, Alicia and Chulainn's son… I hadn't really heard how he ended up in Belhalla, but I assumed that it involved kidnapping and trickery. Because Aida and Arvis. Thrud smite them both. "What happened?"
"There were these scary people. They set fire to everything and tried to hurt us. Conall punched them when they did and we ran. But we got into a dead end, so we tried to climb, and Conall got hit…!" Ishtar talked very fast. As fast as I used to, truthfully. "Then he wouldn't wake up! But eventually, he did. I'm going to prank him to get him back for how much he worried me."
"Scary people, huh?" I wondered if that meant assassins. If so, they really shouldn't have gone after the children. They should've just focused on Arvis, 'Diadora', and Bloom. Though, I did have to admit that I wished something had ripped their hearts to pieces. Just like mine. Just like all of ours. Because gods knew that if anyone deserved such a fate, it was those three. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Better now that I'm back here with you and Tine." Ishtar beamed, and I softened. Somehow, Ishtar maintained her sweetness, despite being raised by Bloom and Hilda. I swore it had to be Alicia's influence. Because there was no damn way anyone here in Alster or there in Belhalla knew about 'sweetness'. "I missed you both lots!"
"We missed you too, Ishtar." And not just because Hilda held back the worst of the beatings while Ishtar was here. Ishtar was an honest delight, and I knew that if I somehow escaped, I'd have to take her with me. Her and Ishtore both. Which was another reason why I couldn't run because there was no way I could manage that. "Well, besides that, did you have fun?"
"I had fun until that point, yeah!" She giggled and squeezed Tine tighter. Tine mumbled in her sleep, but didn't wake. "I brought gifts, but they're still in my bags. I'll bring them later."
"That's sweet of you." I ruffled her hair. "So, tell me. Did you pull any good pranks?"
"Well, of course!"
Ishtar immediately began babbling about everything she had done in Belhalla, from her boring lessons to her exciting pranks. While she chattered, I glanced up at the door, wondering if she'd remembered to close it. She hadn't, and so, I saw Bloom watching us with no expression at all. When his eyes darted to mine, I glared at him balefully, with all the hatred and rage I still had. I might no longer have the strength to act on it anymore, but I could still express it.
I hurt. This wasn't a surprise. I always hurt. And I knew, unfortunately, that one day, Hilda would kill me during her beatings. But what strength I still had? I'd use it to protect Tine and Ishtar and Ishtore. I'd protect them until my dying breath. Always.
Author's Notes: So, timeline, this is 2 years after Alicia's death, 2 years after Conall was captured and taken to Belhalla, and 2 years since Tailtiu and Tine were kidnapped and taken to Alster (a lot happened that year). It's also about 7 years after the Battle of Belhalla. It takes place shortly after Chapter 2 in Memoirs of Belhalla. Age wise, Ishtar is 8 years old, while Tine is 5. I'd have to check my timeline/math, but I think Tailtiu is 28 (which… actually, I think that's the age Alicia was when she died. Huh.)
Anyway, I thought about having Tailtiu be more melancholic, but I thought focusing on her anger made for a more interesting story (and an easier read). I also needed certain things to remain intact for story and characterization purposes (namely that Tine grew up with Bloom and Hilda), and wanted to show just why Tailtiu wouldn't, say, seek asylum with Arvis. Or try to leave. Enjoy?