Aideen - Gran 779

It was only through long years of training that I didn't break down sobbing. Lana and Larcei were almost captured, but Creidne played bait to protect them. And she suffered horribly. Not even just the bruises. From what I gathered, that… that general and his rabble had taken turns. So now, I had Creidne on the bed, sobbing and screaming, while I tried to make her all the medicines I could think of to help. I was on the edge of panicking, really, but I kept my hands steady. I imagined Alicia's gentle chiding to help me through it; she had always been almost too good at wearing the 'healer's mask'.

I glanced up briefly to survey the room, and winced when I caught the tail-end of a glare from Larcei. She was angry at me. Lana was angry at me. Seliph, Lester, Diarmuid, Ulster… they were all angry at me. Riona probably was too, but she wasn't paying any attention to me. While everyone else screamed and sobbed, and while I worked, she knelt by Creidne's bed, holding her hand and smiling with constant reassurances as Creidne slowly realized that she truly was safe.

I knew why they were angry. And they had every right to be angry. They had wanted to chase after Creidne. They had wanted to save her, instead of waiting as they always did. Waiting for Shanan and his group to rescue her. They had wanted to fight. And I had refused. I had even threatened to lock them in the house if they tried. Harsh, I knew. More than harsh, even. They had just wanted to save their friend. They had just wanted to be there for her. They were tired of being protected, tired of others being hurt so cruelly while they were safe. I understood all of that. I did.

But I had still put my foot down, because that was how this all started for Sigurd and our army. I had, stupidly, been kidnapped and Sigurd accidentally sparked a war while trying to rescue me from a horrible fate. And that was how it all began. That was how Sigurd had been tricked into conquering half the continent for Arvis's Empire, and that was what led to Sigurd dying so horribly. To Midir dying so horribly. To everyone… it was all my fault. If I hadn't been captured that day, if I had listened to Midir and run when I could, then it wouldn't have happened.

I knew that the children (really, young adults) would have to fight, one day. I knew there was no stopping them. While Oifeye and I had done our best, everyone else bore their expectations into them, and they felt it keenly. And now? Now, one of their friends had been among the suffering. So, I knew that soon, they would fight. But it had to be different. It had to be. If it was different, then hopefully the end of their journey would be different. Hopefully, they would win and survive. Hopefully… hopefully…

Even with such chaotic thoughts, I continued making the medicines and as soon as they were done, I administered them to Creidne, who finally fell into a peaceful sleep. Riona, Lana, and Larcei all stayed with her, so I left to tell her family, to tell the people of Tirnanog, that Creidne would be fine. Physically. Mentally, I was worried, but that would be for later. That would be for the days to come. However, that weight fell on me hard and I stumbled in the hallway, leaning against the wall as I struggled to get my own 'healer's mask' back 'on'. I couldn't break down in tears yet. Not when I was still needed as the healer. Not when I…

Something cold and wet pressed against my hand, which followed quickly by a distinct lick. That told me it was Riona's Hestia before I even looked down to confirm it. Mottled-grey just like Riona's toy, she hadn't exactly been my 'favorite' addition to the family at first. She was a lot of work, and was constantly getting into things. But it was during moments like this where I appreciated her. Hestia just knew when something was wrong, and had no qualms about being a comfort animal. And she also seemed to instinctively know what to do, like when Creidne first came home hours earlier, and she had blocked the men from her, realizing why Creidne kept screaming long before the rest of us.

"Sometimes, I wonder if Alicia sent you to help us out," I whispered, sitting down on the ground so that I could pet her. Hestia immediately leaned against me, so I just hugged her and slowly let myself relax. "Or that you are Alicia, truthfully, but I can't imagine Alicia being very happy as a wolf, and you're a very happy girl." It was also hard to imagine Alicia 'sending' a wolf, truthfully. I remembered how frantic she'd get whenever the topic came up. But perhaps it was Chulainn who had insisted on a wolf, knowing how much Riona would love her and how Riona wouldn't be able to resist. Knowing that we'd keep her, and have the perfect comforter, no matter how badly things went. "Thank you, Hestia." Sighing, I stood up and petted her head before brushing off the worst of the fur. Hestia shed. A lot. "Why don't you go to the girls? I'm sure they need your hugs."

Hestia tilted her head and jumped up briefly to lick my face before trotting down the hall and into the room where Creidne rested and the girls stayed beside her. I smiled and took a deep breath before nodding and continuing on to the main room, where everyone waited for a verdict. That was another reason why I thought Hestia was a gift from Alicia. No matter how badly I felt, or how much my resolved waver, a brief moment with her helped me recover, much like how Alicia, Sigurd, or Midir could help me recover.

For now, though, I had my jobs. I was the main healer for Tirnanog, and I was the 'mother' of a group of very varied children who were all very angry at the pain their friend suffered. I had to deal with both, and I would with a smile. Because it was the only way I could deal with my guilt at starting Sigurd's path to his death.

Author's notes: So, this is set very shortly before the start of Gen 2 in Memoirs of the Holy War (Chapter 30, Tirnanog), in the aftermath of Creidne's rescue. I wanted to focus a bit on Aideen's guilt over triggering the events of the First Gen (seriously, if she hadn't been kidnapped, we wouldn't have had the game), as well as detail that aftermath a little bit more (since it had such a big effect on the children). (I'll probably do another one later where she's more of 'being the mom', but I wanted the focus solely on her for this little snippet.)