A/N: I am reposting because I rewrote parts of this so that it hopefully flows better. This was not an easy chapter for me to write. Hopefully now it's a little less awkward :)

Further edited due to several good points made by Infinite Devil Machine.

It seems as though this is getting beta'd as we go along. FURTHER edited due to a good point made by Ducky Dame.

Keep the concrit coming :)

Meryl sat at the kitchen table of the empty house and recalled her conversation with Ms. Kenley:

"How should I put this dear...They, well, targeted your mother...because of...your profession." The older woman looked nervous.

"My profession? Insurance? They wanted to take out a policy?" Meryl had been thoroughly confused.

"Well, no..." Ms. Kenley started, trying delicately to reveal the truth without upsetting the young woman. "Somehow, I suppose, they found out who you were trailing. It's not exactly common knowledge, but word has gotten around that there are two insurance agents who are trailing Vash the Stampede. After all, news about a bounty that big travels fast." She continued, but didn't need to say anything else. Meryl had already put it all together before Ms. Kenley could finish.

Meryl's thoughts turned elsewhere as she sighed with regret. She was looking over some old photo albums that had been left behind, pictures of her life in this house with both her parents, then with just one parent, and now with neither. The suns had gone down long ago and she had gotten into her old night shirt and a comfy robe. She looked at the pictures without really noticing them, absentmindedly rubbing the long gold earrings she hadn't worn in a few days. Her mind was wandering, thinking about her job and its effects on nearly everyone around her.

There were some very positive things about it. She had met Milly, who quickly became her closest confidante. She excelled through the ranks at the office. She had seen more of the world than most anybody of her age. Adventure had become a way of life for her. After Augusta, along with being beside herself after not being able to find him, she was bored out of her mind back at the office. She might have been straight-laced and all business, but she she also knew the thrill of a gunfight, the rush after a close call, and the pride of being able to locate her target, whoever that may be.

Not everything was positive. Over the years, she had lost some things that could never be replaced. The sheer amount of time she spent on the job was one thing, time that could have been spent doing other things...

She turned the page of the photo album she was looking at and stopped at a picture of her mother and father smiling brightly. The picture was obviously taken from a very low angle. She smiled a little, recalling the moment she took that picture herself. She must have been 5 years old. Her parents looked happy.

Her parents had prepared her well for the world, but sometimes she longed for the days when she believed that justice always prevailed and evil was always overcome. It was silly, really, but every once in a while she thought about how simple things used to be. Catching up with the biggest outlaw on the planet? Facing assassins and bounty hunters on a daily basis? Dispatching unruly bandits who had a penchant for hijacking sandsteamers? These were all things that she couldn't even imagine when she was younger.

But now? Let's see: her assignment had been framed by his twin brother for the destruction of July, but not before marooning the remains of the human race on a barren planet to be swallowed up by the desert. Oh, and they also happened to be plants. Who were more than one hundred years old... And she might be in love with one of them.

Yeah, things weren't so simple anymore.

Meryl looked at the other photographs on the page. Her parents had provided a strong foundation for her, a foundation based on security and trust, but the rest of the world really didn't work this way. Then her father had been taken away so suddenly it was almost unbearable. And now with her mom: she was nowhere to be found, running away from things she shouldn't have had to deal with in the first place. She was running away from Meryl's enemies...from his enemies... Her mother was now a casualty, a statistic Meryl would have to file away in a report, another victim of The Stampede and his incredible bounty.

And then there was Vash. Should she file him as a loss or a gain?

Meryl sighed again, but this time out of exhaustion. She was so tired of protecting herself from all the hurt and heartache she potentially faced when dealing with this man. She never knew if there was a place set aside just for her. There had been times when Meryl had felt close to Vash, but he never acknowledged it as something that was special. It wasn't like it was ever something that was clearly meant just for her.

She thought back to their conversation in the saloon, and realized with a bit of horror that that had only been two days ago. At the time, she had figured that this was a sign that he really cared. He had come in late, he had hugged her, he had kept the handkerchief she had given him. HE'D KEPT THE DAMN HANDKERCHIEF. But the more she let herself think about it, the more foolish she felt. In the end, there was nothing really special about having a handkerchief in one's pocket, was there?

She felt sort of conceited for this, but more than anything, she secretly wanted a man who could make her feel special. She wanted a man who thought of her first, who prefered her most, who loved her best.

And therein lied the problem: she cared for Vash in particular. Vash loved everyone in general. How many times had he done something stupid for someone he didn't know just because they needed the help? He tried to protect everyone regardless of whether or not they were trying to kill him.

What if he didn't want anything from her at all, she thought bitterly.

And this was the reason why Meryl's desire for a man who could make her feel special clashed so considerably with her need for security. She always imagined the relationship she would actually end up in would be a stoic affair. He would be, above all, stable. The trash would be out on time. The dishes would be washed. The house would be straight. The children would be on time to whatever engagement they were involved in, every event being planned well in advance. They would love each other just enough so that things would work. They would not rock the boat. They would accomplish their goals together. They would respect and appreciate each other. They would be equal individuals who had mutually agreed to be together in order to improve both their lives.

Love was terrifying in its ability to lay waste to the best of plans, and Meryl definitely subscribed to the "Better to have never loved" philosophy of relationships. Could she ever be like Milly? Could she just go for it? No, she thought. This kind of thing didn't work for her. She couldn't risk it. She just couldn't handle the aftermath if things didn't pan out in her favor...

That's why, when Vash got back, whenever he got back, she would tell him that she had decided to go to the Central Office alone and that he was to return to the ship to take care of his brother and to inform Milly personally that everything was alright. With the way things currently stood, there was no chance in hell that anything positive would come out of being with Vash, and if nothing good was going to happen, then there was no reason to torture herself by remaining in his presence.

It was for the best.

Some time later, a knock on the front door drew Meryl's attention away from her thoughts. It had to be Vash. She felt a sense of doom as she approached the door, knowing what she had to say. She checked through the peep hole, confirming his identity. She made sure the robe was securely tied around her waist, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

He looked better. His shirt was still bloody, but the swelling in his face had gone down some and he had washed the blood out of his hair. He stood silently, looking down, and Meryl couldn't tell if he was sullen or petrified. He suddenly looked at her and his gaze was so intense that she almost looked away. Unwillingly, a feeling of exhilaration flared up in her chest and she couldn't say the things she knew she needed to say.

"We need...to talk," he said warily.

A chill of fear raced down Meryl's spine. She imperceptibly shook her head, forcing herself to get a grip. Without saying anything, she moved to the side and opened the door wider so that he could come in. He waited as she closed and locked the door, then she turned without looking at him and walked back to the kitchen. Instead of sitting immediately, she compulsively busied herself by putting on a kettle of water for tea.

During this time, Vash had pulled out a chair and sat down, patiently waiting for her to complete her task. He was watching her, but Meryl was determined not to make eye contact until she was ready. Slowly, and with control, she made her way back to her seat and moved several photo albums to the side. She pulled her chair up, crossed her arms, and then waited.

"Mer- um..." he paused. He sat up straight, then a moment later leaned forward in his chair, as if he was trying to find some position that would be more comfortable. The smell of alcohol was on his breath and exhaustion was written all over his features. "This is..." he started again, haltingly. "This is hard for me...I haven't ever done this before." He ran a hand through his hair and Meryl snuck a glimpse of him. He looked...nervous. Meryl didn't know if she felt satisfied or more nervous herself.

"I don't...it's been a long...I don't really know how to start." He took a deep breath, then continued with a little more confidence. "I've been thinking about your question...the one you asked yesterday." That chill of fear raced through Meryl again. She could feel his eyes on her, looking for a cue, but she wasn't about to look at him right now. "You are probably the first...you are the first person who has ever asked me that, and...I've been giving it a lot of thought." Vash paused, then continued. "You are probably the first person who has ever asked me...what I want at all."

An odd mixture of fear and compassion mixed inside of Meryl as she waited to hear what Vash had to say. "I mean, people have asked what I want, but not ever...like...this." He sighed. "So I have been thinking about...things. It's kind of strange," Vash smiled. "I know what I want when it comes to big things, the things that involve everybody, but the small things, the things that I personally...I haven't really thought about." He started again. "That's not quite true. I wouldn't let myself think about it. I had a job to do, and I couldn't allow myself to want...much of anything... But now..." He trailed off for a moment. "So, first off, I want to apologize."

Meryl looked at him with surprise now. "For...what?"

"You didn't have to, but you came after me yesterday. I am not...accustom to having someone look out for me like that. It has just been a long time...and I didn't know how to react. I know...that holding myself to this standard, taking responsibility for everything...it's not realistic, and I promised myself I would start living by my own ideals after I fought Knives, but, well...I guess I've gotten off to a rocky start." He smiled apologetically.

Meryl sat quietly for a moment. "I, um-" She was taken aback. She hadn't expected him to have thought so seriously about this. "I...accept your apology." It was a start.

Vash had a determined look in his eye. "I, well, second, I want...to say...to say your name. I want permission to say your name. I have been thinking about this a lot and it's...important to me."

Meryl really didn't know what to say to this. "You...spent years calling me 'Insurance Girl.' I wasn't even sure you knew my name for the longest time," she said offhandedly.

"I knew. I just couldn't...get too close," he said vaguely.

Meryl took a deep breath. "Yeah, I get it," she scoffed. "Kind of like how you should never name something you might have to eat. So you just...did you know it was important to me? My name? To know it? To...say it?" She felt like she was revealing her hand, but this was too much. And being angry felt safer than being sad.

Vash looked guilty. "I...I knew, and I knew it bothered you," he admitted, but he kept looking at her.

The kettle began to go off and she looked away. Without looking at him, she pushed herself away from the table and walked to the stove. She turned the water off, but did not move to get a mug or tea. She just stood there with her back to him. "And now what?" she asked quietly. "Now it's okay to call me by my name?" She heard Vash turn in his chair to face her. "Now it's convenient for you?" she turned around, anger holding back the sadness she would otherwise be feeling right now.

"I don't want you to be upset..." Vash started.

Meryl was incensed. "Well, I'm upset!" she stated loudly.

Vash sounded flustered. "I didn't do it to hurt you," he said in his defense. "I just couldn't get...too close to you, to anyone..." he finished lamely.

"Oh," Meryl started sarcastically, "yeah...that's right, since you made up ridiculous names for everybody, huh?" she asked, knowing it wasn't true. "And now I suppose you can get close to anyone," she said, finishing quietly, "anyone you want to." She didn't want to sound this bitter, but she couldn't hide the feeling anymore. "Fine," she said quietly, resigned. "You can call me whatever you want to."

"...Meryl..." he said, sounding a whole lot more concerned than she was expecting him to.

"Whatever," she snapped. "What's next?"

"Well...um, it's not like a checklist, really," Vash said, unsure. She could tell the conversation wasn't going the way he had planned it. She didn't respond, so he started again. "I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is that...now that everything is over, I want..." He took a deep breath and swallowed. "I want to...be closer to you."

If Meryl hadn't been so angry, she might have been flattered or shocked or happy even, but right now his words just weren't enough to get through. "Okay..." she said, sarcastic again, and took three steps towards him until she was standing right in front of him. Her leg brushed against one of his knees. "We're closer. Now what?"

Vash looked away, and when he looked back at her, she could see the hurt in his eyes. "You asked me. You asked me what I wanted. I didn't realize you..." He sighed dejectedly. "Never mind." He dropped his head into his hand and rubbed his face tiredly. "There are rooms at the saloon down the street. I'll stay there tonight." He lowered his hand, but his head still hung low. "I guess...in the morning, if you're going to go on from here, just let me know what your plans are for tomorrow."

He looked at her now and she was surprised and disturbed by the lack of emotion in his eyes, like he had just wiped his face clean of it. Like they'd just been talking about something as inconsequential as the weather. She deeply regretted her behavior towards him now and did not move away from him so that he could stand easily. "Or not, I mean, it's up to you."

She balled her hands into fists and stood there silently.

"Come on," he coaxed her. "We're both tired. It's been a really long day," he needlessly reminded the two of them. "I think we just need some sleep and then in the morning-"

"I'm sorry," she blurted out. Something flashed in his eyes, but he hid it just as quickly as he could. This was not a good sign. "I'm sorry," she said again. "Please...continue...if you want to..."

He smiled overly cheerfully and scratched the back of his neck. "It's stupid really, not even that important!" he exclaimed way too happily. "Really, nothing to even worry about Insura-" He stopped abruptly, his facade even faltering a bit. "I mean," he started, a little more seriously, "it's really not that important."

She tried not to start shaking. "It's important," Meryl said, her fists tightening, "to me."

Vash looked down and shook his head, completely downtrodden. "I...can't."

"Yes you can," Meryl said, a little alarmed, a whole lot more guilty. "You can. Trust me. I'll even...if I can, I'll do my best to make it happen." He looked up and peered at her. "I promise," she swore.

He continued to look at her, trying to decide whether or not he should keep going.

Several silent moments passed.

"I want," he finally started cautiously, his voice deep and serious, "to be closer to you."

"Like how?" she asked cautiously. "Like this?"

Vash shook his head. "I...can't explain it." He sighed. "Like...we were."

Meryl was confused. "Like we were? When?"

Vash shrugged. "I don't know...like, when we were in the cold-sleep chamber...or when we were on that cliff...I know it was a long time ago, you might not remember," he finished hurriedly.

Meryl was surprised at this. "I thought...I was annoying you."

He began to move his hand toward Meryl, but quickly stopped and made a fist instead. He shook his head. "No," was all he said.

"Oh." She had noticed his hand moving toward her before he changed course. "So...what else do you want."

He blushed. Meryl wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.

"I want...I mean, this is totally, umm, what I mean to say is, well-"

Meryl was growing impatient with anticipation. "Spill it."

Vash swallowed hard, seemed to brace for impact, then said, "I want...to touch you." He looked at her like he couldn't believe that he was actually saying this.

Meryl began to blush as well, but was too shocked by the current request to try to hide it. She took a deep breath, then pushed her legs past his knees a little bit so that she was standing in between his thighs. Then she took one of his hands and placed it on her waist. She took the other hand and did the same. Then, her heart beating incredibly fast, she decided to rest her hands on his shoulders.

She was surprised at how strange it felt to be able to touch him in this way. His shoulders somehow seemed broader than they usually looked. She couldn't believe she was doing this.

She was standing unbearably close to him. She heard him swallow again. "Like...this?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "Like this."

They were so close. She was almost too nervous to ask. In almost a whisper, she asked, "So...what...what else?"

He bit his bottom lip, then took a deep breath. "I want...to..." he whispered as he slowly leaned in. She felt his breath on her skin and her heart skipped a beat. She felt a peal of nervousness as he pulled her closer to him. She closed her eyes and suddenly felt his lips lightly touching hers.

He loosened his hold on her, but she stayed close, dazed by what was suddenly happening between them. She leaned in toward him, this time initiating the kiss, noting how wonderful, but foreign, it felt to kiss him, someone she had known for so long in another capacity. Sure, she had imagined it before, but for it to actually be happening, it was like-

"Meryl," Vash said quietly.

"Yeah?" she asked.

He smiled against her lips. "You're over-thinking this."

Before she could say anything else, he kissed her more passionately than he had before, and Meryl inhaled a sharp intake of breath. He covered her mouth with his, this time deepening the kiss, and Meryl couldn't help but let out a small sigh of satisfaction. This was all the encouragement he needed to continue further, starting with her mouth, then trailing his lips along her neck, all the while holding her incredibly close. After a few moments, Meryl began to play lightly with his hair with one hand.

Meryl felt an incredible thrill being so close to him, feeling his body so close to hers. He ran his hand down her back and pulled her closer, pressing her flush against him and she gasped into his mouth. His kisses were becoming more urgent, and she obliged him willingly. Her hands traveled from his hair, down his neck, to his chest, then back again. She pressed her lips hard against his, matching him in his need for closeness.

She suddenly felt a tug at her middle and realized with a start that Vash was undoing the knot on her robe.

"Wait," she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

He stopped immediately and looked at her, his eyes filled with passion. "We...can stop." The look in his eyes told her that was the last thing he wanted to do.

She shook her head. "Never mind," she said and continued to kiss him. After a moment, she felt him continue with the disrobing, sliding a hand inside along her waist. She couldn't help but sigh at the feeling. The other hand slipped inside, wrapping around her small frame. She gasped at the sensation as one hand slid down her thigh and back up underneath her night shirt along her leg, then her waist, then up along her ribcage. He began to trail kisses lower down her neck to her collarbone.

Suddenly, she very much wanted him to be wearing fewer clothes. She began unbuttoning his shirt, but he pressed his mouth against hers with more force than he had before, and she was completely absorbed in the sensation. She suddenly wanted more, and it scared her. Hesitantly breaking the kiss for a moment, she pulled away and looked at his face. His eyes were dark and wanting. After a moment, he moved again to kiss her neck as his hands continued to explore underneath her nightshirt. She moaned as he continued to press his lips against her skin.

She wanted more, more of whatever this was. His hands were doing devilish things to her, making her weak in the knees. "Couch," she suddenly breathed in his ear.

"Hmm?" he hummed against her skin.

She moved back and pulled him, and he followed, not wanting to break contact with her body. "There's a couch...in the sitting room," she said more explicitly, and he mumbled his agreement. They walked slowly, kissing each other passionately. At one point, Vash pinned her against the wall as his ravenous mouth pushed intensely against her lips and his body pressed hard into hers.

Slowly, they stumbled over to the couch where he proceeded to kiss her as he leaned over, placing her on the couch beneath him. He pressed himself against her and she couldn't help but moan as she felt his weight on top of her. He had started to unbutton her shirt as he placed his kisses lower and lower on her body.

Suddenly, with a heavy sense of responsibility, Meryl assessed the situation. He had four out of 6 of her buttons undone. She had nearly succeeded in de-shirting him. If clothes were coming off, she really needed to stop this. This was crazy! What was she doing here?

Suddenly, he moaned her name into her ear and that was all she wrote. This was going to happen. She had never heard anyone utter a more appealing sound in her life.

He began to shift his weight to be more directly on top of her and she realized that from this point on, things were going to get serious. She sighed as Vash continued to press his lips to her neck. "Vash," she said, a little timidly, but firmly.

"Yeah?" he questioned without stopping, his voice low. He had her shirt front all but open and was searching for sensitive flesh.

She moaned at his touch, but couldn't let this just continue without saying something. "Vash, do you...ah...have protection?"

"Huh?" he said as he propped himself up to look at her.

Meryl didn't realize she could blush any harder. "I mean...do you have a condom?"

Vash suddenly had a faraway look in his eyes as he caught his breath. "A condom?"

Meryl laughed out of nervousness. "Yeah, you know...a prophylactic? Some sort of protection?"

He suddenly looked at her as if he were seeing her for the first time that evening, and he looked surprised. Shocked even. He pushed himself off of Meryl, sitting up. Vash rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Ah...I think...that maybe...things have gotten a little out of hand tonight."

"...out of hand?" Meryl asked, confused by the rapid change in his demeanor.

Vash was trying to control his breathing. "Yeah, I think that maybe I should, uh, get going."

Meryl's heart sunk. "Get going? Why?"

Vash finally looked at her and she saw the doubt and worry in his face.

"Is...this...not what you-" Meryl started.

"Yes," Vash reassured her. "Yes it is."

Meryl looked confused. "Then why are we stopping?"

Vash sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I do know, but it's not-"

"Do you...want to stop?"

"I don't know." He sighed and looked around. "I don't know if this is the right thing to do..." he paused, "for you, for me..." Another sigh. "I mean, it feels..." he halted, covering his face with his hands, "but that doesn't make it right."

Meryl sat there as Vash held his head in his hands. She didn't know what to do.

"Look, I'm sorry," Vash finally said. "I just can't..." he trailed off.

He stood to leave, and this time Meryl didn't block his way. Just before he walked out of the room, she spoke up.

"So...that's it? You're just going to leave like that?" She didn't look at him.

He stopped, but he didn't say anything.

A torrent of disappointment and hurt welled up inside her. She wanted to crawl into a corner and cry her eyes out, but her defensive anger kicked in. After waiting a few more seconds for a response, she had had it. Her body was filling with righteous anger and bitterness. She let it come through in her voice: "You come in here unexpectedly, then you...you just...take advantage of the..." Her mind couldn't find the words. "I should have known..." she accused, but was cut off.

"You should have known what?" Vash shouted unexpectedly. Meryl was taken aback and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with anger and pain. "Look, I'm not trying to do this to hurt you. What kind of person do you think I am?" He turned. He started again with a more moderate tone of voice. "Tonight I have put myself on the line, and for what? For you to think I took advantage of the situation? I didn't hear you telling me to stop..." He sighed heavily. "What do you want from me?" he asked, throwing her words back at her, anger coming through in his voice.

What did she want from him? She was sitting there breathless with her shirt more than halfway unbuttoned, and he was asking her what she wanted? "What...do I want?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," he said.

She looked down, noticing how exposed she was, and began buttoning up her shirt. Her anger was withering under his gaze, and all that was left was intense sadness. Was he playing games with her? "I want to know...why you stopped."

Vash paused. "It's not going to make any sense."

"This currently doesn't make any sense!" she almost shouted.

Vash looked down. "I can't...get involved with anyone without getting them into danger. It might not be my brother, and it might not be his gang out to get me, but I'm always looking over my shoulder for the next attack. I can't relax. I'll make a mistake. I'll do something stupid. I'll be caught off-guard, and then..." Vash shook his head. "I can't risk it."

Meryl was frustrated to say the least, however, she did feel compassion for what he had been through and she knew he had reasons for saying these things. "But this is your life. Right now. Are you really going to live like this for the rest of your existence? Are you going to hide from it, alone, forever?" Meryl paused, lowering her gaze. "Some things..." she finished quietly, "are worth the risk."

Vash didn't know what to say. She was right, but he was right, too. "There are other things. I'm not...I don't even know what I am. I'm way older than you. I don't know what my lifespan even is, considering my sisters are all survivors of the Great Fall as well, and they're still going strong even as they're powering cities..."

Meryl scoffed. "I don't know what my life expectancy is. No one does. I could always get shot by some crazed lunatic on the street." She shook her head. "Save the excuses. If you don't...just tell me if you've changed your mind...about what you said earlier."

He sighed. "I haven't changed my mind," he said quietly. "But there are other things..." he stated inarticulately. "I mean, I can't let you do, this, just because I want to." He didn't look at her. "I know you've seen...but still, it's not..." He sighed again. "It's not something I want you to see."

"What, are you talking about your scars?" Meryl asked, almost indignant. Seriously...being told what she wanted?

Vash looked at her, a little uncomfortable. "No...not just them... My whole body...I've got bolts sticking out at odd angles from so many... I could hurt you just by-"

"Are you telling me...that I am sitting here in humiliation...because you are worried you're going to hurt me?" she asked incredulously.

"Humiliation?" he asked in return.

"What the hell, Vash?" She was more than a little frustrated now. "If that's all that's making you feel that way," her mind immediately switching to mitigating risk, "then, then...I could fish out my old pair of thomas chaps..."

Vash stood there in disbelief for a moment. He couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

"Is that..." he asked, confused and a little intrigued, "What you want?"

Meryl sighed again, and this time, none of the anger remained. She was too tired to continue with this conversation. She just couldn't do it. She just couldn't come out and say she wanted him to just...love her.

"Never mind," she said flatly. "I don't know what I was thinking. I think you're right: we should get some sleep." Meryl sat there, waiting for Vash to leave, but he didn't. The longer she waited, the sadder she got, and the sadder she got, the more tears welled up in her eyes. The tears started to fall and she covered her face with her arm to try and hide them.

Suddenly, she felt his arms around her in an embrace. "I'm sorry," he said as he held her, and she could tell by the tone of his voice that he was apologizing for everything that had happened that night. "I...I shouldn't have...asked you that so suddenly. I mean, it took me a whole day of thinking to put it into words what I needed to say to you.

Meryl wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. "I already know what I want," she said, holding him tighter.

Vash was surprised. "You...do?"

Meryl nodded her head. "Uh huh."

"Oh..." Vash said, and waited for a reply. Finally, he asked. "Do you...want to tell me?"

Meryl shook her head. "No, not right now."

A/N: So there...some resolution, yes? At least they know they like each other. At least, I think they know they like each other... It is a little questionable I suppose... But there is plenty more story for actual resolution to occur!

Hardest. Chapter. To. Write. Ever.

To those who have reviewed, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! To those who haven't, REVIEW PLEASE!