Lachesis - Gran 765

Back when we lived in Agusty, Ayra insisted on learning how to cook, possibly because of how Shanan once nearly starved. I decided to join her on a whim, and it had been great fun. Deirdre had taught us, since the only other person with cooking experience was Alicia, and we were not cutting into her free time (or, more importantly, the time she and Chulainn used to awkwardly and adorably flirt with one another). Those days had been fun, and were even more fun with Deirdre had brought Seliph into the kitchen too. Nowadays, I remembered the lessons with a certain bittersweetness. After all, Deirdre had betrayed us. She'd married another man, and stood to the side while we all burned. While Sigurd, her real husband, the father of her abandoned firstborn, was turned to ash. Some days, I wished I had the energy to be madder about it, but it was just one more wound to my shredded heart. And those lessons were useful. It meant that Finn didn't have to do all the cooking.

"Ah, how am I going to make this last?" I whispered, eyeing the food we had warily. While we had done what we could, being constantly on the run from Bloom's forces meant that it was difficult to hold onto money. Even worse was that we couldn't just sell random jewels or whatnot. For one thing, no one had the money to buy them. For another, it was dangerous to show so much wealth, especially here in Alster, since Bloom liked staying here. "Has this always been 'normal' for people?" I could say one thing about all of this. It really highlighted how much of a spoilt brat I was. And I could understand a bit better why Alicia had always protested presents. She had once lived a life… well, she'd probably been better off than we were now. But still.

"Your face is scrunched up." Warm arms pulled me in a hug, and I couldn't help but smile as I half-turned to see Finn behind me, leaning against my back. "Is everything all right?" he asked softly, smiling slightly. It was smaller than his used-to-be-normal smiles, but after Leonster's fall, it had become hard for him to emote. Like his mind had to block off parts in order to make it through everything. If he broke down, he wouldn't be able to gather the pieces. And I understood, because in many ways, I was the same. "Did something spoil too soon?"

"Gods, I hope not." I sighed and looked back to the food. "No, I'm just fretting that we have to make this food last three more days." And the amount of food we had… well, at the risk of sounding even more like a spoilt brat, I'd eaten less for a single meal before. "That's all." I frowned. "Though, now I'm worried." Just a few months ago, there was this 'trader' who sold a bunch of meat which was devoured by maggots within days. Thankfully, I had chosen against buying some, but it had been a near thing. "Um…"

"Relax, they're fine." He tightened his hug on me and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Ah, but I was just noticing I'd put on a little weight. I'll skip dinner tonight."

"Finn, that's a damn lie and you know it." Finn was almost unhealthily thin. 'Whipcord and bone', I'd heard someone describe him, once. "And not eating is a poor way to lose weight anyway. Can't you hear Alicia scolding you?" I mostly could. I remembered being unable to eat after Eldie died. She'd let me, but kept a close eye on my health. "Oh, fine, fine. We'll both skip dinner." If we did that, then I was sure I could make it last. Leif and Nanna didn't eat that much, being little still.

"Lachesis…"

"Nope. You're not the only one making sacrifices in this family, mister." I turned fully this time so that I could face him, and poked his chest. "You know very well that I dislike one-sided protection anyway."

"Well, when it involves you." He chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. Both of us might've changed a lot over the years, thanks to everything that had happened, but his kisses were always the same. Warm, sweet, and mine. Which I was very happy with. "Selfina is going to be mad at us."

"Yep." Selfina hated when we skipped meals. Dorias would always get sad. "Glade is probably going to try and sneak us food too."

"More than likely." Finn smiled, though. "If the weather holds, I think I'll look for medicinal herbs to sell. That'll help our budget."

"That's quite true." Thank everything for Alicia, Aideen, and Claude for essentially teaching everyone how to identify herbs and make medicines. We saved a lot just from not having to buy every bit of medicine we needed. "If no one needs me at the tailor, I think I'll join you. We can make it a family day."

"Been a while since we could do that." He gently touched my cheek, studying my expression carefully. "I suppose the rumors we've been hearing haven't helped with your worrying and your 'I am going to just push through' mentality."

"...No, it's not." I sighed and leaned forward to rest my head again him. Rumors have been slowly meandering their way down from Isaach, speaking of vicious assaults from 'bandits' and the like. Which made me worry for the group that went to Isaach. Oifeye, Aideen, Shanan… Diarmuid… the other children… were they safe? Would they be okay? And then thoughts like that reminded me (not that I ever really forgot) that I had no idea where Ares and Grahnye were. We had been separated during the attack on Leonster, and while we had waited as long as we could… did they hate me? Did they hate me now? Were they even alive to hate me? All those questions bounced through my skull, leaving less space for ideas of how to solve my present predicaments. Like food. "Has the worry been making my face wrinkle or something?"

"Mmm…" Finn continued studying my face, taking the question 'seriously'. It made me laugh, which he knew it would. "Not that I see. Not that it would matter. You're as beautiful as ever, and always will be."

"Flatterer." I smiled briefly before looking down. "Some days, though, I wonder if we should go to Isaach."

"Leif and Nanna are too young for Yied." The words were quick, and a touch hard. I knew why, though, because it was for that very reason I hadn't insisted on it earlier. They were too young, and things were too dangerous. Especially for two mounted fighters that the Empire very much wanted dead. Quan, Ethlyn, and Altena's deaths… as well as the deaths of all their knights… proved that all too well. "I understand, of course, but…"

"There's no point in us trying to reunite with that group if we get ourselves killed in the attempt." I looked back up at him and smiled sadly. "Though, I do wish you could meet Diarmuid."

"I do as well." He smiled slightly in return, somewhere between 'wry' and 'bitter'. I knew well how much he wanted to see Diarmuid. Living to see that day was one of the things that kept him going, kept us going. "I have faith in them, though." He tilted his head suddenly and looked down the hall where the bedroom was. "I think naptime is over."

Finn proved right. Leif and Nanna soon stumbled out of the single bedroom we all shared, laughing and giggling all the while. Finn let go of me to go hug them, and I smiled fondly as Nanna immediately leapt for him and he caught her easily, swinging her up and around before pulling her close. Despite Finn's worries, and despite us having to be on the run so much, I'd been proven right. Finn was an excellent father. He continued to worry, of course, but that's just how he was. It wasn't like I didn't worry about being a good mother.

"Lachesis?" Leif, however, walked over to me and I knelt down to hug him. "Morning!" he chirped, grinning up at me. I chose against telling him that it was 'afternoon'. "Can we play?"

"I am, sadly, busy at the moment, but I'm sure Finn can play," I told him, kissing his forehead. He sulked a bit, but nodded and gave me another hug before running to tackle Finn's legs with a laugh. Finn yelped and barely kept his balance, while Nanna laughed and laughed, thinking that this was another game. "Oh dear." I thought about helping, but then turned back to the food to begin making Leif and Nanna a meal. My stomach grumbled bitterly, but I ignored it. This was not the first time Finn and I had skipped meals so that the children wouldn't be hungry. And it wouldn't be the last.

Still, despite the hardships, our little family was filled with laughter and warmth. Considering everything… well, I knew better than to ask for more.

Author's note: So, this is about three years after Leonster fell, four years after the Belhalla Massacre, so Leif is around five years old, while Nanna is three. Based on the Illustrated Works timeline, the group is in Alster until later this same year. (After that, they stay in Frest until 768, and then in Tahra until 771. It's about two years after that they end up in Fiana. While I'll probably be adjusting the years, I'll refer to this timeline the most for convenience.) Since they're in Alster, this means that Selfina, Glade, and Dorias are still with them, but for convenience, and to keep the focus on the family here, they're in a different house.