Thanks to TrisakAminawn and Sugar Pill for exceptionally thorough reviews. Alright, attempt #2 for chapter 30...

Oh no. This was not good. Not good at all…

Milly wringed her hands as she watched the patient lying peacefully in the bed next to her. He was sleeping soundly at the moment, but just a few minutes before…she didn't even want to think about it! Vash had entrusted his brother to her, but she couldn't do anything to help him at the moment.

Knives had lost consciousness earlier, which, once the shock had worn off, Milly had found rather odd. In fact, it wasn't the first time she had seen him go down for no reason. In general, the man seemed to have his wits about him, but Milly began to wonder as Doc examined him in the sick bay. Doc could find nothing wrong with him. It was the strangest thing. It was as if Knives every once in a while was just…shutting down.

She had been waiting for Knives to come to and wondering over all the time Knives had spent alone away from his brother. She wondered what kind of person could hurt Vash like that. It was true that she didn't know all the details, but still. Vash seemed to have faith in him, but Milly, well, she just wasn't entirely sure about this. His behavior was so strange towards her. He treated her with respect most of the time, but sometimes she caught him looking at her and it was as if he was waiting for her…to change, or to be someone else. Milly couldn't explain it. She could just sense it, and she had come to the conclusion that something was seriously wrong with Knives.

Oh, how right she was…

When Knives regained consciousness, she smiled and greeted him. She was expecting him to give her that same look that was recognition and need and regret all rolled into one. However, that's not what she saw.

The first expression to cross Knives' face was unadulterated fear. The second expression to cross Knives' face was confusion. The third expression to cross Knives' face was rage: pure, unbridled rage. Before she could move, he had his hand around her throat and was squeezing so hard, she was having trouble breathing.

"Where am I" he seethed.

She couldn't have answered him even if she wanted to.

"Who are you? What have you done with Vash?" His eyes shifted from side to side. "Where is Rem?"

Milly was pulling as hard as she could at the hand on her throat, but it wouldn't budge an ich. She was beginning to get dizzy. She knew she would lose consciousness soon, so she did the only thing she could do.

Milly hauled back and punched Knives in the face as hard as she could.

She fell back onto the floor coughing, gasping for air. Knives was shaking his head, trying desperately to get a grasp of what had just happened, but he seemed distracted. "Got…to find…a terminal," he muttered. He pulled the IV out of his neck with one hand and snapped off electrodes with the other. The machines started going wild. Milly used this moment as an opportunity to get Doc. She ran as fast as she could out of the room down the hall to the laboratory.

"Mr. Doc, sir," Milly rushed, her voice hoarse, "Knives…he…"

"My god, what happened?" Doc said as he took stock of the woman in the doorway.

"Knives has gone crazy. He attacked me out of nowhere! Please come quick!" With that, she turned and ran back to the room, not wanting to let Knives out of her sight. She was big enough to defend herself, but what if he got a hold of someone who wasn't?

When she got back, Knives was still there, sitting at one of the many terminals scattered all through the medical bay. "Stay back!" he shouted at her. "Don't come near me, you imposter." His fingers were moving so fast on the keyboard. She didn't know what he was doing or why he thought she was an imposter, but the whole episode was giving her the creeps. "I've got to find him," Milly heard him mutter to himself. "What did you do to him?" he shouted at her again.

Suddenly, his rapid fingers quit moving altogether. "Oh…no…" he whispered. Knives looked at her like he had just seen something that was truly horrifying. Then he started typing again. "Where are we?" he demanded.

"We're…we're on the SEEDS ship…in New Oregon," Milly started shakily. "Remember? We got here a few days ago. Vash was here, but he had to leave. Do you remember?" she asked again.

"New Oregon?" he snarled. "Where the hell is New Oregon? And who the hell are you?" Suddenly, Knives visibly blanched. "Did we…have we landed?" he asked no one in particular. He looked back at the screen, reading intently. "Stampede?" he questioned aloud.

Milly heard Doc right behind her, along with four very large orderlies. "Please, Miss Milly, step aside for a moment, if you would dear," he said kindly.

She did as he asked. Knives looked up and saw the group entering the room and his eyes grew impossibly wider. "No…no… Don't come near me!" he shouted. As the orderlies approached him, restraints in hand, he continued to shout. He fought as hard as he could, but he didn't stand a chance against the four men who were approaching him. They pinned him down long enough for Doc to come up quickly and disable both of Knives' arms.

As Knives felt his appendages become dead weights, he looked at them in horror, as if realizing for the first time that they weren't really his arms. He began screaming incomprehensible sounds as Doc tapped the air bubbles out of a syringe full of sedatives. One of the orderlies pulled Knives' head to the side and Doc plunged the needle into Knives' neck.

Knives struggled for a few seconds, then began to twitch, and finally relaxed completely. After a few moments, the orderlies made sure the restraints on Knives' legs were secure, then lifted him back onto the bed. They then restrained him further by securing his arms to the sides of the bed, even though they were non-functioning at the moment.

Milly's breath was erratic. She didn't know what was going on or what had caused Knives to lose control like that. When she was sure it was safe, she walked into the room and looked at the computer screen. What she saw surprised her. She was looking at an old newspaper article, dated back over twenty years ago.

Why was Knives reading about…Lost July? Had he forgotten...the Great Fall?

Oh… What was she going to tell Vash?

Twenty three iles outside of December, Vash lay wide awake while Meryl slept soundly in his arms. He held her, her face relaxed and peaceful. Vash felt anything but. He had to fight the urge to squeeze her closely to him and hold her tight. He felt…happy for a change. He liked being with her. It felt good to be with her. And feeling good and happy made him feel nervous.

This was going to end. Something bad was going to happen. This kind of thing could not last.

His time with Rem hadn't lasted. It couldn't have lasted forever. He knew that, but it shouldn't have ended the way it did. Wolfwood died because of Vash. If Wolfwood had just followed his gut instinct and shot first, he would still be alive.

Wolfwood's death had been a cruel reminder that his way of life was deadly to mere mortals. They couldn't make the choices he made and survive. Sometimes Vash wondered if that had been the whole point of Knives sending Wolfwood to befriend him. "You're not like them. You are superior to them. You shout 'Love and Peace,' but they couldn't live that way even if they tried…"

He knew Meryl thought he was a hypocrite, but she just didn't understand. Letting someone in was like painting a huge red bulls-eye on them. Meryl was sure to wind up as just another casualty along the way. He should have stopped this when he had the chance, as soon as he had met her. Vash should have lost her right after he found out about the stupid surveillance plan. He had known it was stupid, but he played along anyway. It would have been simple to lose those two, but for some reason, he liked having the company.

Vash didn't know exactly why he had been willing to let them tag along, but he thought it might have something to do with Meryl's vehement resistance to the idea that he was actually who everyone else instantly assumed he was. Usually he had to act like a completely inept goofball to throw people off, but with her it was different. She just couldn't square the rumor of the monster she had been assigned to locate with the man she found, and he couldn't help but like that feeling. Even though they had gotten themselves out of and into trouble on several occasions, it still took her weeks to finally accept the fact that her junior partner had been right about him all along.

If he really thought about it, he knew he had used the girls to feel a little bit normal. Being around them let him forget what he had to do, that he had to find and face his brother. It was irresponsible and he knew it, but he just couldn't help himself. He liked them being there. It was almost like he had real friends.

Of course, in order to preserve this feeling, he did some really stupid stuff. He let the two of them get in way too deep. Even as early as when he was fighting Monev, he knew he was in trouble. Meryl hadn't just followed him, she had tried to protect him. She had been so reckless as to put herself in between that man and himself. And even after she saw what kind of enemy he was up against, she still searched him out in order to help. He remembered yelling at her that day. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but he knew that if he didn't do something, she would have followed him to her death.

And it wasn't just her. He had revealed altogether too much shortly after that incident. She saw his scars. It wasn't something he planned for, but it happened, and he remembered her surprising reaction…surprising in the way she hadn't immediately bolted out of his room and found some paperwork to file.

He thought he had really shaken her off his trail after Augusta. He thought he would never see her again, and that made him sadder than he wanted to admit. But that terrorist priest had to find him and drag him back into his brother's game. And that meant that Meryl was sure to find him, too.

The fact that he was kind of looking forward to that scared him.

And then he'd gone and done the stupidest of all stupid things and brought his brother back to civilization-without a plan, without an exit strategy, without anything. He just waltzed back into town, threw his brother down on a spare mattress and resumed his game of house with the insurance girls. Really, what had he been thinking?

It could have all gone so horribly wrong…

And the fact that he was even contemplating the idea of a relationship seemed completely ridiculous. Was it possible for him to actually allow someone to get this close? What if letting Meryl get this close was doing her more harm than it was doing him good? He still felt like a fool for how he had acted that night. He had just wanted so much and the possibility that he could actually have it kind of made his sense of reason go off for a little while. Instead, his body just went on autopilot, feeling and sensing and touching and…

It had been so unreal to feel the way he felt. He had spent so long wishing to hold somebody close, to have her near him, to be with her, but whenever he thought about it, he felt completely hopeless. There were so many reasons why it was a bad idea. Why would a rational woman like Meryl see any point to being with a man like him?

It wasn't like there was much he could offer her. He couldn't offer her security. He didn't have a home. His immediate family was kind of crazy. Hell, he was a little on the emotionally sinusoidal side himself. His extended family…wasn't human. He didn't know how long they would have together, or if they should even be together. He felt so much uncertainty. He wanted to give her everything, but on every front, he kept coming up short.

She shifted in his arms and he noticed that the suns were beginning to shine over the horizon. He suddenly felt anxious that he had spent all his time with her worrying about why this shouldn't be and now it was almost over. What if she didn't feel the same way? She hadn't told him what she wanted, and he didn't know why. It had made him feel helpless and exposed. She knew his hand, but he had no clue what she was holding. What if this was the closest they would ever get to being together? And he'd just wasted it all worrying about things he didn't have control over anyway?

She shifted again as he lay still, holding her loosely. He could sense that she was beginning to wake up. He knew she was an early riser, but he thought it was kind of funny despite himself that she might actually get up at the crack of dawn.

He feigned unconsciousness as she stirred and almost winced at the sudden gasp he heard her make when she woke up completely. What did that mean? He felt her push herself up and stop for several moments, then very gently, she took his hand and raised it so that she could get up without disturbing him. Once she was standing, she carefully settled it back down by his side. He suddenly felt cold without her near.

Why didn't he just show her he was awake? He was too nervous to face her after hours of thinking about only her. He didn't know what to say or how to handle the situation. Waking up together? After last night? He didn't know where to begin.

Vash heard Meryl shuffling around the house, from the kitchen to the front room to the bathroom and back again. It sounded to him like she was getting packed up and ready to go. Maybe she meant to leave without saying anything to him…

Vash lay stock still while he listened to her quietly moving around the house. He didn't know what to do. Should he apologize for last night? Should he just let her make her decision and let her go? Maybe she knew it was a bad idea to get involved with him. She hadn't woke him up…maybe she was trying to sneak out.

Maybe that's what she wanted…

He lay there quietly, feeling completely out of place, listening to the small noises coming from other parts of the house. He didn't move until he heard the front door open and close. After that, he heard Meryl walking quickly down the front steps. Only at this point did he sit up and rub his tired eyes. He didn't know what to think. Had he come on too strong? Had she really wanted to know what he needed? Maybe she had just asked thinking that he wouldn't have an answer.

Vash held his head in his hands for several minutes as he sat slumped over, trying to figure out the situation. Should he stay here? Should he go after her? Should he wait?

Vash took a deep breath and stood up. It had been a few minutes since she left, but he could still probably catch up to her. He made his way to the door and threw it open, surprised to find that on the other side, Meryl was reaching for the doorknob herself. She, in turn, looked startled to see him, but after a moment, her mouth curved into a shy smile. Vash couldn't help but mirror her expression. He noticed she had a bundle in her arms.

"Hey…did I wake you?" she asked quietly as she smiled.

Vash was surprised by her demeanor towards him. She wasn't leaving him. He scratched the back of his neck. "Ah…nope! I just woke up!" he said cheerfully, and this time he actually felt that way. He backed up to let her inside. "So…" he started, "what do you have there?"

Meryl looked up at him. "I remembered Ms. Kenley's sons being pretty tall, so I went over to see if she had any extra clothes you could borrow." She handed him the bundle. There was a pair of jeans and a blue sweater. "I mean, I can't take you to the Central Office looking like…that." She smiled as she reached up and tugged on his blood-stained collar.

"The Central Office?" he asked, a little surprised.

"What?" she asked. "You don't want to see where I work?" She was teasing him…

"No, it's not that," he said, a little troubled. "Isn't that kind of like…walking into the lion's den?"

Meryl sighed and turned around. "Yeah, I guess it is too dangerous. I suppose you could head back to the ship and just wait there for me while I tender my resignation."

Vash balked. "What? But you love your job!"

Meryl looked away. "I've…I've been thinking about this for a good while now. We both know I got lucky on this assignment. Really lucky. You weren't like the rumors said at all. Now that I have this case under my belt, I'll be the first on a very short list of people to deal with the most high-risk cases. I get the feeling that I'll be the last line of defense for the company before a 'specialist' is called in."

Vash thought for a moment. A "specialist," that was code for a government assassin. "So…you're just going to give everything up? But you've worked so hard!"

Meryl looked at him with a pained expression. "What am I supposed to do? The things I've seen while I've followed you… If I had had any clue as to how depraved and evil some people could be, I never would have taken your assignment in the first place! It was the first time I had been to the outer regions before…I was pretty naïve…"

Meryl? Naïve? That was an interesting thought… Although he did recall her early attempts at winning over hardened criminals with boxes of pastries.

"Anyway," she continued. "If you're worried about money, I have savings and lots of experience doing lots of things…and you could always get a job." She smiled at him.

"I'm not worried about money, I just want to be sure you're making the right decision. It just seems…kind of sudden…"

"Well it's not sudden! I've been thinking about this since Milly took me off the case almost a week ago." Meryl looked at him, daring him to fight with her on this. "Besides," she began more quietly, "if I stay with Bernardelli's, there's no guarantee I'll be able to have what I want…" She trailed off.

"Oh," he said quietly, wondering if she would continue.

"Well!" she didn't. "Get changed! I spotted some ration packs in the cupboard, so we get to have breakfast this morning. Those things are like cardboard," she muttered, "but at least we won't starve…"

"Yeah," he said a little disoriented, "I'll be right out." He began to move toward the bathroom, but stopped. Things felt unfinished. Despite everything he had thought about all night, he knew he had been honest last night when he told her what he wanted, and he definitely knew he didn't want to just forget last night and act as if nothing had happened. He saw her quirk an eyebrow at him.

"Oh yeah," he said, trying to sound nonchalant, as he walked over to her and scooped her into a one-armed hug. "Good morning," he said quietly into her ear.

She slowly wrapped her arms around him, a blush spreading across her face. She spoke up shyly, "Good morning to you, too."

A/N: So! They DO like each other! Also, what the hell is up with Knives? Psychotic break-down? I'm thinking that might be the case… Another fine installment in the increasingly lengthy saga known as The Long Slow Goodbye…

Reviews please! Concrit welcome! Thanks again to TrisakAminawn, Infinite Devil Machine, and Ducky Dame for help on the last chapter. Great suggestions!