XLI.
We arrive outside of the throne room of the Castle That Never was, and I scream, a sound that is so utterly blood curdling, even Axel flinches.
"Come on, baby." He encourages, pretending to try to support me, though his knees start to buckle. All I can think is, these fuckers want a show? We'll give it to them.
Instantly, members start teleporting in.
Xigbar, Saix, Xaldin, Demyx, Luxord and finally Xemnas. Axel's legs shake and I hit the ground, clutching my middle desperately.
"Dammit!" I choke out.
"Rueki!" Demyx comes rushing over. Luxord's eyes are wide and worried, even Xaldin and Xigbar look inquisitive, and I think this is perfect. They won't turn Axel into a Dusk, not in front of everyone, will they? At the very least, this will give us some time, allow us to think.
Demyx is at my side, helping me up.
"Ran outta potions—" I pant, gripping his arms desperately. "Axel." I look, with wild eyes, at my lover, who is trying very hard to stand right now.
"Fuck, Rueki, of all of the times to underpack—" He starts.
"Fuck you, bring your own damn potions, I needed them!" I rasp out, instantly feeling pride. This fake argument sounds damn good.
"Damn." Xigbar drawls, looking between the two of us. "Never woulda expected kiddo to pack such a punch. What, was he all suped up on Elixir?"
"He had two Keyblades." Axel wipes blood off of the corner of his mouth, with a gloved thumb, limping a little closer to where Saix and Xemnas stand. A look passes between the two of them, and Xaldin, an interesting trio, all things considered.
"He was pissed. When he found out his 'new friend' was working with the bad guys." I mutter, leaning heavily on Demyx as he helps me stand.
"Well, hell. Maybe we should get the love birds a mega potion?" Xigbar inclines an eyebrow, tilting his head toward Xemnas. The Superior's eyes are narrowed as he looks at me. Not at Axel, but at me. I remember Axel stating once that Xemnas wanted me alive more than anyone else. I have no idea why, but I'm sure it has to do with the super secret no one wants to let me in on. I try to look extra pathetic as I lean against Demyx.
"But of course." Xemnas replies, in a very careful tone. "After all, our dear comrades tried their hardest to accomplish their mission." Tried. But failed.
"Oh ho." Xigbar seems to understand, a spark lighting in his eye, as though it was ignited by gunpowder. My stomach drops. Fuck. "Nocturne, Gambler, why don't you let Axel and little Rueki give us the rundown on their mission, while you two gather potions. Something tells me, they're gonna need as many as you can carry." Xigbar's expression pulls into something wolfish and while Luxord isn't paying attention to him, I'm certain Demyx is. He looks to me with wide eyes.
"Um. But…Rueki can't stand." Is his very meek protest, and my heart actually throbs. Demyx is good, possibly the only truly good one in this room. Even Axel and I have more morally grey area in us than I care to admit, but there IX is, not standing down, even if it is a very shy effort.
"Don't you worry, water boy. I'll take good care of the girl." Xigbar strides over and grabs me by the top of the arms. His grip is infinitely more vice like than Demyx's. Dammit, this is gonna be hella hard to weasel my way out of.
"Go on, Dem." I encourage. "Get us some potions." Because right now, I don't think Demyx standing in anyone's way will stop whatever happens. I should've cured myself. Fuck, I should've cured myself. I steal a glance at Axel who is perfectly unreadable.
Demyx chews his lip and looks at me one last time before he and Luxord disappear.
The second they are out of the room, things shift. Xigbar's got his arrow at my temple and Xaldin hurls his lance at Axel. VIII dances easily out of the way, even in his weakened state. And I do the only thing any cognitive female could do in this situation. I bend my knee and kick Xigbar in the balls.
"Oh fuck!" He doubles over and I go flying toward Axel, my arms outstretched as I stand in front of him. It's a risky move, a gamble I'm sure even Luxord wouldn't take, but if Xemnas wants me alive, this might stall him.
"Potion, my pocket. Now." I order him as I look at the four in front of us with wild eyes. I know how Saix fights. And Xigbar? Well, if I can handle the gravity shifts, I know he can't handle close range attacks. I can take them down, at least if I guzzle an Elixir first. As long as Axel has the other two… "Back off!" I warn, my voice not wavering, despite my heart hammering in my chest. I feel Axel rustle through my pocket. He grabs a potion for himself and slips one into my hand. I clutch it with an iron fisted grip.
"The two of you were ordered to end Roxas or bring him home. Or else, suffer the consequences. What leads you to believe that you are above following orders, either of you?" Saix hisses, taking a step closer to us. With slow, deliberate movements, I uncork my potion, eyes flickering from Saix to Xaldin to Xemnas to Xigbar. These mother fuckers. I chug my potion and in a very showy move, pull a grenade out of my pocket.
"Oh man, little Rueki isn't pulling any punches today." Xigbar grins, and for a moment, I wonder if he actually even gives a shit about the outcome of any of this. Does he even care if Axel and I emerge victorious or is he just so desperate for a lick of excitement that this will suffice?
"Naminé told us she made too much progress, that Sora was due to absorb Roxas no matter what. You really feel good sending members on a suicide mission?" I ask. I feel Axel reach out and touch my arm, warningly.
"Sweetheart…" He begins.
"No. There was no winning this mission. Roxas either gets absorbed or gets killed. How the hell does that help the cause?" I ask.
"The boy is no longer of use to us." Xaldin says, eyes narrowed as he looks down upon me. "He was meant to be dealt with so that he doesn't become a problem."
"Who's to say he'll become a problem?" Axel asks. "Sora's good for getting rid of Heartless. Plays into our little plan just perfectly."
"And what happens when he discovers our true purpose, as he always does with his enemies? Do you truly expect him to simply go along with things?" Saix seethes.
"Oh man, too bad we've already figured out a solution to that." I can practically feel Axel smirking behind me and it burns a smirk onto my features. "All Rueks and I will have to do is capture Kairi. We get her, we'll get Sora and we can turn him into a Heartless again. That's all Ansem's Heartless had to do was bait Sora with Kairi, it'll work like a piece of cake for us."
"So, your assumptions that history will repeat itself are your excuse? Pathetic." Xaldin scowls.
"It's not an assumption. Sora would do anything for Kairi, if we use her as bait, he will take it!" I insist.
"And what purpose would that serve?" Xemnas asks, voice a little more level than the utter irritation that both Saix and Xaldin exude.
"We'd have Roxas on our side again. He'd have his memories back. And at that rate, we'll have two Keyblade Masters working toward our cause. Seems like a pretty genius idea if you ask me." Axel replies.
"Ha, the balls on you two." Xigbar cackles. "They've got a point, Xemnas, it's the best of both worlds."
"But it still doesn't solve the issue of Sora. Kairi was able to return his heart to him previously. It is likely she will again." Saix counters. "Surely, he will not be so accepting of the truth. He will become defiant."
"No he won't I can control him!" I blurt. A silence falls over the room. I hear Axel shift, anxiously behind me. I turn to him, questioningly and he looks petrified. Maybe this wasn't the best card to play, but fuck it, I'll play every single card in my arsenal if it means keeping us safe. "Naminé placed an empathy link on me and Sora. I can feel his thoughts, his feelings, I can sense where he is. And if I try hard enough, and his mind is open, I can project thoughts onto him."
"An empathy link, how is that even possible?" Saix regards Xemnas with an arched eyebrow. I watch a smirk spread slowly across the Superior's features and don't know whether or not to be frightened.
"Sounds like the little witch is working some pretty serious magic." Xigbar grins. "Why don't you prove it, little Rueki. Put your money where your mouth is. Where is the kid?" I think, long and hard, trying to reach out and feel Sora. It's a little more difficult than before, I'm so used to searching for Roxas, but with a little effort, I push through and find him.
"A place called the Mysterious Tower. There's some sort of wizard talking to him and Donald and Goofy about you guys. Warning them." I say and I snap back to reality, like a rubber band.
"Well I'll be damned. She's got you linked up tightly." Xigbar says, nodding in approval.
"How long have you had this link?" Saix asks.
"The start of the week." Axel answers for me. "She told Rueki that she needed to understand how far she'd come, that there was no turning back. Rueks had a gut feeling all week, no matter what we did to stop Roxas, we couldn't bring his memories back. Even if we dragged him here, kicking and screaming, he still would've fused with Sora. A complete waste of time."
"And why would you not report that?" Saix hisses.
"Because I didn't tell him until today. And he was still dead set on following your bullshit orders of killing Roxas, so I didn't think it mattered, thank you very much. But the kid beat us senseless. There was no way we'd have made it out alive. So, I told Axel to get us the hell out of there, and then I told him about the empathy link. We decided then that we could turn Sora back into a Heartless if push came to shove." I lie, keeping my jaw set and my face neutral. The fact that they're letting us talk, already means this is going better than I could've ever expected. But we're not out of the woods yet, and something tells me, Saix is burning to eliminate me and have Xaldin turn Axel into a dusk.
"You said your empathy link will allow you to imprint thoughts upon the Keybearer?" Xemnas inquires.
"It should. I haven't tested it too much, but I think I can." And I can't remember where I tested it, but the numbing fog starts to creep into my mind and I have to swat it away. No, I need to stay sharp, need to keep my defenses up. Need to keep Axel safe.
"Then you will send Sora to us. You will instruct him toward Hollow Bastion." Xemnas says. I make a face, trying to map out mentally where these worlds might be. I know I've seen a map of the Gummi route at one point while working at the repair shop.
"That's almost a day's travel with the Gummi Ship." I remind him.
"It is no matter, it is a fitting stage for this show to begin." Xemnas says. Saix's eyes fly to the Superior's.
"You mean to keep the girl alive through this?" Saix asks. A smirk creeps across Xemnas' features.
"If she can prove herself useful, what reason have we to eliminate her?" Xemnas asks. "You're smart, Rueki."
"Superior, with all due respect—" Saix begins but I feel a rush of satisfaction course through me as Xemnas cuts him off. Haha, fuck you.
"If she can project thoughts onto Sora and track him, she is too valuable an asset to lose." Xemnas says.
"She is defiant and moody on her best of days." Saix says, and I mean, he's not wrong. "Who is to say that she won't double cross us."
"Me." Axel pipes up from behind me.
"He's right." I say. "Expunge Axel of guilt. Let him off the hook. I will be Sora's fucking puppet master, and I will pull whatever strings you want me to, but let him live. Don't turn him into a Dusk, don't eliminate him, don't even put him on probation."
"Unlikely." Xaldin scoffs. "VIII still must be met with punishment."
"After all, this is his motif. Defying orders, thinking a clever scheme will get him out of trouble. Or have you suddenly forgotten that is the sole reason you are alive today?" Saix asks. I have to bite the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood to keep my mouth shut. I want so badly to snap back, or to fly forward and punch him, but if I can control myself for just a little while longer, we might be safe. And Axel's life is worth infinitely more to me than getting the last word.
"Give me heavy probation. Stick me with some more icky jobs. I'll prove myself." Axel says, a note of infrequently used justice in his tone.
"Just let him live, don't turn him into a Dusk." I say, holding steady in my words, feeling the weight of the grenade in my hand. I look to Axel, he looks at me and we know, we both know. If they deny us this, it's the end. We will have to run until either Sora eliminates Organization XIII, or they catch us.
Silence falls, Xemnas regards us with a stony expression before finally he speaks.
"Heartless patrol, with IX, until further notice." Xemnas says. "And Rueki, despite your newly acquired talents, you are also on incredibly thin ice. You will follow orders to a tee. You will toe the line and if you slip up…your life will not be on the line, oh no. But his. From now on, the two of you will be tethered so tight to one another. One false move from either of you, and the other will pay the price." His words ring heavy, but I turn to Axel, looking at him for reassurance. He looks just as dumbfounded as I do.
"Really?" He raises an eyebrow. "That's all we have to do, play by the book?" It seems too good to be true and yet, fuck no, it doesn't. Everything we have done in the name of Organization XIII, how hard we've worked, the morals that we both have had to toss to the wayside…
But no. This has not even balanced the scales.
"Perhaps you've forgotten. At the end of the day, we are all comrades. I cannot fault intelligence, or a good plan that serves the cause. Consider this a pat on the back for cleverness. I implore you though, do not test my forgiveness." Xemnas says.
It is right then and there that Demyx and Luxord teleport in, stacks of Elixirs and Potion's at hand. Demyx nearly stumbles back, gasping loudly as he takes in the scene. Luxord is infinitely more composed, however, I do catch his brow puckering with both curiosity and worry.
"Um…we've got the stuff…" Demyx looks at the group of us. Finally, slowly, I lower the grenade and put it back into my pocket.
"Well, I'll be damned, Dem. We were so busy reporting in, we forgot to send someone to let you two know that Rueki found a few potions in her pocket. What a lucky coincidence, huh?" Axel asks, taking a step closer to me, wrapping his arm around my middle. Saix's eyes are narrowed into slits as he regards us, so hateful for someone without a heart. Xaldin, however, is emotionless to a fault and gives up on Axel and I, thanks to Xemnas' order. He looks utterly uninterest and assumes a slightly more relaxed pose, his hands clasping behind his back. Xigbar just grins at us, toothily and offers me a blink? A wink? I'm pretty sure it's a wink, but the reason why is lost on me and makes me shift with a fair amount of discomfort. Is this it? Have we really won?
"A lucky coincidence indeed." Luxord says, uneasily, his gaze moving to me.
"Alas, I believe the report is complete. Friends, colleagues. We have a new goal to strive toward. An empathy link has been placed upon Rueki's heart, linking her with the Keybearer himself." Xemnas says.
"What?" Demyx nearly chokes.
"The Keybearer will be meeting us in Hollow Bastion tomorrow. Expect a wakeup call promptly. And do not forget, despite Sora absorbing Roxas, our Key may not be lost to us completely. We still have much we need to accomplish and many hearts that must be collected. In the meantime, rest your weary shells. For we have all earned a moment's reprieve." And with that Xemnas departs, Xaldin quickly following him.
Saix's nostrils flare, his eyes still pooling with rage as he regards Axel and I. Finally, he skulks off, and I wonder if the effects of Berserk are twisting inside of him or if he really is just that angry he didn't get to kill me.
"Well, well, well. Look at you two smarty pants. Good job kiddos, hope your luck doesn't wear out soon. This has been pretty fun." Xigbar grins, and in that moment, he reminds me terribly of how Axel used to be, before we officially got together. Before a sense of moral alignment was restored to him. Before I etched myself into his very being. I wonder, momentarily, how things would different, how he would be different if I hadn't stumbled into this world, and then I realize, that doesn't even matter. Chances are, no one would have sparked this level of care in me if I hadn't encountered him. Together, we have become a wildfire, he burns and I pour gasoline across everything. We have become unstoppable. With a wave, Xigbar teleports off and Demyx promptly drops potions all over the floor.
"The hell!?" He cries out, throwing up his now empty arms as potions clatter to the floor. I relax a little into Axel's touch and burst out laughing. He follows after me and we cling to each other, giggling like idiots.
After filling Luxord and Demyx in on the situation—giving them the same story, of course that we gave the other four members, after all, our secrets can't destroy us if they're not secrets to anyone—Axel and I retreat to our room and collapse into our bed, exhaustion gripping us almost as tight as we grip each other.
"Fuck." I mutter.
"Yeah, I'd say that about sums it up." Axel chuckles. I laugh too and bury my face in his shoulder, breathing him in. "You know, its funny, I'm almost wondering if any of this is even real."
"You and me both." I nod against him. "Are we really alive or is this just like…the after life?"
"I don't necessarily know that I get an afterlife, princess." He cackles.
"If you wanna get morbid about it, me either." I roll my eyes. Like can he for once just be grateful about something and not make some stupid 'I don't have a heart' joke? Scratch that—when did I become an optimist? I used to pride myself on being such a cynic. Stupid fiery man and this stupid happy babble he has infected me with. "This just…it feels like a dream. It doesn't feel possible that we got away with any of this."
"We didn't." Axel says flatly. I snort.
"I'm really not worried about probation." I counter, because if it really came down to it, I'm sure I could cooperate. Staying alive truly is more important than getting the last word in, even when it comes to Saix. Of course, it'll be difficult, but I'm sure I can manage. In fact, I'm already thinking of a retort against Axel when he inevitably makes a joke about me not playing by the rules. But that joke never comes. Instead, he stiffens against me.
"We lost Roxas." His words hang in the air. I clutch him a little tighter, my fingertips pressing into him.
"Yeah." I thought I came to terms with this almost a week ago, when I decided that, no matter what happened, Sora needed to come back, that his life was far more important than Roxas', whether I liked it or not. My heart matters less than the hearts of all the worlds, but…
The ache doesn't soften.
Instead, it winds like a knot inside my stomach. I fear the pain will hit me much worse when the euphoria of emerging on the other side of victory, with Axel, subsides. For now, it's an uncomfortable, nauseous feeling, making my insides feel like they are about to fall out of me. I press myself closer to Axel, who grips me tightly.
"We'll get him back." I say, my voice a very strong, steady whisper. I don't know if he believes me, but in his eyes I see a pain that cuts me even deeper than the loss of Roxas. Somehow, I don't think anything I do will help absolve him of this agony.
We spend our victorious night grieving our dearest friend.