XLII.
Xigbar wakes Axel and I up at the crack of dawn, without even the courtesy of knocking on the door. I'm curled into Axel, completely naked under the blankets, and nearly jump a foot in the air at the sound of the Freeshooter's arrival.
"Fuck, man!" I snap, yanking the blankets up over my breasts. Xigbar bursts out laughing, a wild grin on his face, and I wonder what the fuck he saw. My face grows hot, I color from head to toe. "Dude, learn how to fucking knock!"
"Hey, hey, don't shoot the messenger, little Rueki." He howls, clutching his middle, like my reaction is the funniest thing he has ever experienced. Fucking dick. Fucking asshole. I wish there was something harder than a pillow to throw at him, but I settle for that, chucking it across the room.
Suddenly, Xigbar is on the ceiling, feet planted, hair hanging down in a straight line, getting him just out of the way of the pillow I threw. He grins, an upside down smile, as though the very act isn't disorienting in the slightest. I don't believe it, and the fact that he is unshakable pisses me off even more.
"Come on, Xigbar. I'm the only person in the Organization that could've got laid this morning. Now you come in and rile her up, and there goes my day." Axel sighs, next to me, running a hand back through his hair. I crane my neck as far as I can to glare at him.
"Oh, come on, kiddo. Don't play like that, everyone in this castle has heard the arguments you two used to have and the sex that followed. We all know what riling her up really does." Xigbar winks or blinks but I'm pretty sure it's a wink and I hate him.
"You're a dick. It's way too early for this shit." I shake my head, scooting a little closer to Axel, who is certainly the lesser of the two evils right now. Xigbar just chuckles at my actions, and Axel raises an eyebrow.
"Rueki's right, it is early. What brings you here? You don't make a habit of teleporting in randomly." Axel says, and suddenly, Xigbar is floating down, turning over midair, in the most graceful flip I have ever seen. Finally, he stands, feet planted on the ground again, which is at least nice of him to regard us like a normal person.
"Lord Xemnas wanted a status update on Sora. Says he wants to meet him in Hollow Bastion. Doesn't wanna miss our chance. So, I'm here to consult our resident psychic." Xigbar nods at me. I pout.
"I'm not a fucking psychic, I swear to…" I let my voice trail off as I search for Sora, traveling the length of the empathy link, which now feels like a tunnel I can traverse easily. "It looks like he just arrived in Hollow Bastion. He's on his way to someone's house. Someone named Merlin?" I'm not sure who Merlin is, and I can't visualize his house in my mind, but Sora's objective is clear.
"Perfect. Be ready in five. Meet in the throne room." Xigbar says, and as quickly as he appeared, he is gone.
"He made my shit list." I say. Axel cracks a grin.
"I ever tell you that you're a real bitch in the morning?" He asks. And he has, and I know it's true, but in order to retaliate, I tear his pillow out from beneath him and hit him with it before clambering out of bed.
Neither of us waste a single second. We dress quickly, Axel styles is hair, I refrain from putting mine up and make note of how I mildly look like a corpse, in my exhausted state. The bags under my eyes are more pronounced. There are little white scratches across my body, scars that have formed, a side effect of dosing up on potions. Yeah, things heal insanely fast, but not pretty. Not that I am particularly bothered by this, but I'm sure Sora won't be too pleased when he takes in the sight of me this morning. He doesn't remember what kind of a bitch I was in Castle Oblivion to him, and maybe that's for the best. The maybe Riku imposter seems to think I've redeemed myself…
I wonder if I'm supposed to bring my coat, and in order to avoid a thorough chewing out from Xemnas, I grab my coat and drape it over my arm before Axel and I teleport into the throne room, just in case.
As per usual, we gather in our chairs, and like usual, I sit, perched on the arm of Axel's, thankful to see that I'm not the only one who looks dead to the world. Of course, I noticed this morning that Axel took a pretty good beating from Roxas and that his chest is flecked with tiny white scars, that I want to run my fingers across more than anything else in this world. But Xaldin looks to be struggling to stay awake, Demyx has actually dozed off in his chair and Luxord is rubbing sleep out of his eyes. Of course, Xigbar was way too energetic to function this morning, but there's a blaze in his visible eye that I noticed early this morning but seems all the more pronounced from where he sits, way up high. This excites him, actually going out and doing something, rather than sitting around, having meetings, plotting to send people out to do stupid things. He may be II, but I have a feeling, that things would be very different for him if he wasn't following someone's orders. He is certainly more a man of action than Xemnas. Saix teleports onto his throne, looking composed and but somehow agitated at the same time. There's a set to his jaw as he looks around the room and then pauses on Axel and I. Axel notices, I'm sure, because he tilts his chin upward, and looks to me. He squeezes my hand, and while I'm sure he is trying to be sweet, I think it is more to vex Saix, than to appeal to me. Mmm, yes baby, give me that pettiness.
Finally, Xemnas teleports in, looking to be the most awake of anyone, even Xigbar, who is probably running on caffeine and manic energy. Xemnas looks at all of us like it is normal to be alive at this time, like it's acceptable and like the rest of us are a bunch of slackers for being so drowsy. If I needed any further confirmation that this man has lost his mind, this is it.
"Comrades," Xemnas begins, and I think I should be smart and gift him a Thesaurus. 'Comrades' is the way he starts every meeting. If I were in Axel's shoes and had been with this Organization for over a decade, certainly my brain would clock out the second I heard that word. "Through Rueki's connection, we have discovered the Keybearer has arrived in Hollow Bastion. As he no longer remembers his time with our fallen members in Castle Oblivion, I believe it is our mission to welcome him to the world of waking, to remind him just how great a foe we can be. And of course, to encourage him to persevere in fighting the Heartless."
"And we had to do that this early?" Demyx whines, finally waking back up. He very obviously wipes sleep from his eyes, and Saix delivers him the nastiest of looks, an expression he usually saves for me.
"Are you here to question the Superior's orders?" Saix snaps, and Demyx literally yelps.
"Uh no, nope. Sorry." He squeaks back. But hell, I definitely agree with Demyx and if I wasn't tiptoeing around broken glass with this Organization, so to speak, I might very well mouth off in his defense. Xemnas continues.
"We will arrive in Hollow Bastion, near the Bailey. You know of where I speak. We will confront him, intimidate him. And then, we will meet back here to discuss the Keybearer further. The remainder of the day is yours to do as you please, rest your weary shells, for Roxas' departure has put a strain on each of us." Xemnas says. So that's what it is then? It wasn't just Axel and I working ourselves to the bone? Has he sent everyone here on an impossible mission that has worn them into this state of exhaustion? And, if so, why?
"So…" I start to question if we are seriously going to Hollow Bastion at the ass crack of dawn to laugh, evilly, at Sora, but I try to remember why I'm being a good girl in the first place. For Axel, for me. Come on, Rueki, behave. "Am I going to pretend to be a member or am I going to pretend to be your captive?"
"Your cooperation is both impressive and respected. Thank you, Rueki." Xemnas nods, as though he is just pleased as punch that I am finally being a good little pawn. I squirm in discomfort. "I believe it is best to use you as bait for Sora. Let him believe his friend has been captured. The deep desire to save others seems to motivate Sora more than anything else that comes into his path."
So, I guess I didn't need my coat. Axel seems to read my mind, he opens up a small portal, likely to our bedroom and I drop it in, pressing a kiss to his cheek as I do. A smile flicks onto his lips, but I know my actions are nothing but annoying to the other members. I guess loving him is the one act of defiance I have left. I'll take it.
"And now, we depart. Keep your hoods up, I believe it is best to keep ourselves shrouded for now. We must waste no time. II, you will be in charge of presenting Rueki." Xemnas says, and Xigbar grins. I'm sure he already knew this though, maybe this is why he has been so annoying this morning, because he knew he was going to be the star of the show. I'm sure Xemnas doesn't trust Axel and I to pretend to be captor and captive, I guess the move makes sense. I steal a quick glance at Axel who just sighs before he puts his hood up.
"After this, we'll have fun." He assures me.
"Like a nap?" I ask. He snorts.
"You really need to learn to think outside the box, princess." He kisses me and teleports off. Suddenly, Xigbar stands where Axel once sat.
"Alright, little Rueki, let's get this show on the road." He says. I stand, balancing delicately on the arm of the throne, when he grabs my arm, too hard, yanking me too quickly. Clearly, he doesn't understand that gravity is a danger to us mere mortals and should be feared.
"Fuck, dude!" I say, trying to catch my balance, but just as I try, I feel the jolting sensation of us teleporting, tearing through time and space, to a ledge near what I assume is the Bailey of Hollow Bastion. The other members have assembled. I hear Sora's voice before I see him, and I am surprised by the effect it has on me. Sora, Roxas. They're okay, and I played a hand in that. For what happened in Castle Oblivion, this feels good. Maybe, despite everything, I'm not an awful human being. My entire body radiates warmth, and I have to try my hardest to put on the act of being in danger. Not that I'm good at pretending to be a damsel in distress in the first place.
"The ones we need to worry about are the Nobodies." Sora says.
"And those Organization XIII guys in charge, too." Goofy seems to agree with whatever they're talking about.
"You called?" Xemnas asks as we all take slightly more 'in character' stances, attempting to look like less drowned rats. Xigbar is still gripping my arm, so I decide to go ham. I try to shrug him off, try to shake him away. If I'm going to play the captive, I'm going to do it in the most hostile, most Rueki way possible. Twilight knows, no one could actually take me hostage, without me kicking and screaming every step of the way. Sora's not going to believe me acting weak and delicate.
Sora, Donald, Goofy and a brunette man wearing leather and a lot of belts look to us, and I realize, instantly, that this is the man that chased me out of the wizard's house when I came here with Demyx, to scatter pages from some book. Granted, it was over a year ago, and only briefly, but I certainly remember the person who chased after me with a strange gun sword. And of course, how does one forget someone wearing that many belts?
"You're doing well!" Xigbar taunts from beside me, way too loud to handle.
"Dude, that was right in my fucking ear." I mutter, he just snickers.
"This calls for a celebration." Someone—Saix? Xemnas?—says, before summoning an army of Dusks. It's nothing that Sora can't handle though, within a matter of minutes, he and his crew have completely eliminated the threat. Someone speaks, again, I'm not certain who it is, in fact, I'm surprised by the fact that with their hoods up, I'm having such a struggle figuring out who is who.
"The Keyblade. What a truly marvelous weapon. Were it only in more capable hands." He says, and a series of voices sound off, laughing, as though this is the most hysterical thing ever. Only slightly more evil. And honestly, I cannot help but think of how utterly stupid this is. Really? An evil laugh? That's what I'm here, wasting my morning, wasting precious hours of sleep doing?
"Show yourself!" Sora orders and suddenly, he spins around and looks up to the ledge we stand on. His eyes scan the group and go wide as he sees me.
"Organization XIII!" Goofy cries out.
"Rueki!" Sora looks to me, eyes pleading. "Let her go, let's finish this!"
"What a shame. And here I thought we could be friends." I'm almost certain that's Xemnas' voice. I try to tear away from Xigbar's grasp, and to my surprise, he tosses me at Axel, who catches me quickly and tries to hold me in a way that is mildly threatening.
"Always falling into my arms, Rueks." He whispers, so low that only I can hear it, and I have to try to fight back a smirk and keep pretending to play the captive. Xemnas wants me to follow orders to a tee, here goes nothing.
"Be careful, Sora!" I shout, from the ledge we stand on. "Forget about me, just keep fighting away the Heartless and the Nobodies!"
"Rueki, what are you saying? I'm not going to let them hurt you!" Sora shouts back.
"Trust me." Axel whispers, and before I can think, he winds my hair around his hand and shoves me. I stumble forward, my heels digging into the edge of the ledge as he dangles me.
"Fuck! I cry out, and as gently as he can yank me back, he does. And while under certain circumstances, I might actually encourage him to pull my hair, this is not one of them. "Dammit, back the hell off!" I snap at Axel, rubbing my scalp as he releases me. It made for amazing effect though, because, Sora charges forward, looking around desperately for a way onto the ledge
"What happened, Rueki?" Sora cries. "How did they get you?"
"My ship crashed in their world. I—" I'm cut off over the sound of portals opening. Saix, who stood beside Xemnas disappears.
"You want her, Keybearer?" Xemnas asks. "Come and claim her." And with that, the Superior is gone, followed quickly by Xaldin, Demyx and Luxord. I feel Axel's hand on my back as he gently leads me backward into a portal of our own. The second it closes and we are safely within the darkness, I turn to him, eyes blazing. He pulls down his hood and meets me with a sheepish smile.
"Listen, Rueks, before you get pissed—" He begins.
"Oh, it was cool as hell for dramatic effect, but if you're gonna pull my hair, can you at least make sure next time that you're inside of me when you do it?" I ask. And to my pleasure, he grins.
"Have I told you lately that you're the one?" He asks, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.
"Probably, but you know I love to hear it."
"Yeah, but if I keep saying it out loud, that's just gonna feed that ego of yours." He taps my nose and I grin.
"Yeah, but it'll go straight to my ass, so I mean, is that really a problem?" I raise an eyebrow and he chuckles, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"You make a good captive. I should hold you hostage more often." He tells me.
"While I am certainly not opposed to that, I think we're supposed to head back to the throne room now, if we don't want to get our asses chewed out." I remind him. He makes a face.
"You know, I liked it better when you didn't have to worry about being cooperative. That smart mouth of yours is one of my favorite things about you." He says.
"Do you keep a list?" I tease. He cracks a smile once again.
"I change my mind, your attitude is a pain." He jokes, and with that, he leads me, the two of us walking hand in hand as we appear back in the throne room.
"It took the two of you long enough." Saix glares as soon as we are seated on Axel's throne. And no, I can't be defiant, no, I can't question Xemnas, but no one said I couldn't make snooty ass comments to Saix when he's being an absolute cunt. Which seems to be always.
"I was busy sucking his dick, be grateful I know what I'm doing and we didn't take any extra time." I snap and, to be extra obnoxious, Axel and I high five.
Demyx, Luxord, Xaldin, Saix and Xemnas, along with Axel and I, are back in the room, but Xigbar still isn't.
"What's taking him so long?" Axel raises an eyebrow, his voice as nonchalant as it was when I first arrived in this world, his mask of aloofness perfectly intact. I have to admit, whether it is an act for the Organization's benefit, or if he is just a little more at ease, I do love seeing him like this. No tension in his body or his voice.
"I have requested that Xigbar attempt to taunt Roxas out of Sora." Xemnas says. There's a discomfort, an awkward silence that falls across the room, and I have a feeling that the unspoken thought in my head is echoed by everyone save for Xemnas. Is such a thing even possible?
Finally, Xigbar teleports back in.
"That kid's gonna be a real pain in our asses. He's sure a lot more naïve than Roxas." Xigbar announces, which I could've told anyone.
"Do my eyes deceive me? Does he really have the power to wield the Keyblade? He is nothing but a boy." Xaldin says, dismissively, as though Roxas was truly so much more.
"Give him a chance." Xigbar chuckles. "It means he's straight as an arrow. He's pure of heart, unlike all of us here."
"He had better be, or else he's worthless." Saix grumbles.
"I truly hope he's enjoying himself on his adventure." Luxord replies, and suddenly, he summons a deck of cards, which he flourishes. "Maybe he'd like a hand to determine his fate."
"Hey, as long as it works in our favor!" Demyx pipes up. "We can let him do what he wants for now. Then we'll all jump in if needed."
"Those are bold words coming from you. Are you saying you'll volunteer to take care of it if things go wrong?" Xigbar asks. And I'm certain that Demyx won't be assigned to that. It'll be Axel and I stuck doing the dirty work.
"Huh? What? Me? No, you have the wrong guy. I'm not comfortable with that." Demyx shakes his head, and all I can think is that Demyx is an angel that must be protected at all costs.
"You act as though you have a conscience. When was the last time any one of us felt anything?" Xaldin inquires.
"Truer words were never spoken." Luxord concedes, his deck of cards vanishing. "Well, I suppose the fun will have to wait."
"Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably they destroy themselves." Saix says, very pointedly looking to Axel and I. I shift, my eyes narrowing as I go to fire off a retort, and I swear, Xemnas can sense something.
"Comrades." He stops and we all turn to look as he finally speaks. "The hero of the Keyblade has embarked on a new adventure. Make sure it is one he will remember. You are dismissed." And before even asking me another question, Axel grips me tight and I brace myself for the lurching feeling that I know comes from teleportation. I jolt forward, coming to a standing position on…
The beach. It's definitely the Twilight Town beach, the waves look pink with the ever present orange sky, always on the brink of setting. I know I haven't ever been here before, but something about it feels incredibly familiar. As though I have been here with someone, comforting a friend. The second I start wondering who I could've comforted here, the familiar fog creeps in, relaxing me, uncurling my muscles, pushing away any thoughts of gaps in my memory.
I look around, marveling at how very different it looks than the Destiny Islands. There are no palm trees, but instead, there is a mossy green line, right where the surf starts. There are no patrons on the beach, currently, but I remember, with great pain, that summer vacation is over for these kids.
"Why the beach?" I ask Axel, who is staring out at the hazy sun hanging in the sky.
"I dunno. We promised Roxas we'd come here. I figured if we all couldn't be here, the least I could do is spend a day on the beach with the person I love." He turns to me and I think I could possibly choke on how incredibly beautiful he is. I wrap my arms around his neck and gently press my lips to his. He responds by pulling my lower lip between his teeth. "Do you like it?" He asks as he pulls away, letting me go to look around the shoreline. I nod as I gaze, taking his hand in mine, squeezing gently.
"I like Twilight Town a lot, I'd really like if we could live here after you get your heart back." I say, stepping down on the heel of my boot to pull it off. I realize, offhandedly that we've only briefly talked about our future, and only in fleeting plans. This is the first concrete anything we've talked about. I take off my other boot, much in the same fashion I did the first one, savoring the feeling of the cool, dry sand between my toes. Truly, this is much nicer than the hot, coarse sand of the Destiny Islands.
"Are you really asking my permission?" He raises an eyebrow, smirking at me.
"Don't rub it in, I know I'm soft as fuck now." I roll my eyes, but he swoops in and nearly tears me off my feet, hands grasping my back as he dips me down low. I let out a yelp, my hair cascades beneath me and I cling to the front of his shirt for dear life. He meets me with a wicked grin and I pout. "Dick."
"You can have that later." He teases, kissing my nose and I slap his chest.
"You're the worst, I hate you." I say.
"Only makes me love you more, Rueks." And with that, he brings me back up to a standing position. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling too big. He releases me and sinks to the ground, sitting beside the shoreline and I join him, sinking my toes deeper into the sand. "So, we're living in Twilight Town?" He asks and I nod. "What about kids?" I could choke on the thought.
"I dunno. Isn't Roxas our child?" I laugh.
"I don't think that's how it works, sweetheart." Axel laughs in return.
"I dunno though, I guess. I'm only nineteen, I can't even imagine being someone's mom." I shake my head. "What about you though?" Because if I'm going to mother anyone's obnoxious little monsters, they're gonna be his.
"You know, there was a time when I would've definitely said no. But that was probably right around the time I told you that I was never gonna be your boyfriend." He says.
"Yeah, look how far that got us." I laugh. He looks to me, eyes burning like a thousand suns, and I think my life's entire axis might just revolve around him. I reach out, sliding my fingers through his. This isn't a sunset with ice cream on the clock tower, but it's special and beautiful all in its own right. He warms me to my core, washing away worries I had only yesterday.
"Now, I think I do want kids. And a home. And you, I want us to have something concrete, something just ours that no one can take away from us." He says.
"Axel…" I breathe, because to me, this is so overwhelmingly beautiful. We've been so willing to die for one another, so willing to suffer for one another for so long, that I think the two of us have both sufficiently forgotten what it feels like to live for one another, to be ecstatic for one another.
"Don't let this get to your head, sweetheart. But I want to build my whole world around you." His hand squeezes mine, but that doesn't seem like enough. Nothing could possibly seem like enough. I lean forward and press my lips to his, savoring the taste of him, savoring the smell of his skin, savoring the heat of his mouth. I'm not an idiot. I am not genuinely naïve enough to believe in soulmates or the idea that two people could possibly be made for each other. But I look into his eyes, and damn, how does he keep doing this to me, because I want to believe. I want it to be possible, because I cannot imagine someone more suited for me. Someone whose lips feel better against mine, someone whose shoulder my head fits more perfectly against, someone who curls more perfectly around me when we sleep. I am certain there is no one out there like this. There is no one whose fingers fit the spaces between mine more perfectly.
"Everything I am is yours." I breathe. "I just wish we could have this all now." I'm so sick of Organization XIII, the contrast between our lives, doing Xemnas' bidding, and our lives when it's just us like this, on a day off, wrapped up in each other, sharing our hopes and dreams, talking about the future, talking about our feelings, is so incredibly stark. It's so obvious where the source of the crippling pain that seems to be destroying our lives comes from. Not that I didn't know before, but it's been so long since Axel and I have had a day off together, a moment like this, I almost forgot how beautiful things could be.
"I do too." He murmurs. He pauses for a moment and then releases my hand, but spreads his arms. I raise an eyebrow, and he gestures with his head, indicating that I belong between them. I oblige, of course, settling in, my back against his chest as we look at the waves. "I wish none of this shit with Roxas ever happened. I miss him so fucking much." Axel murmurs against my hair as he hugs me tightly around my middle.
"I know baby, but we'll get him back." I remind him. We have to now, whether we want to or not. I'm ashamed of this price I paid to keep Axel alive. And I'd turn anyone into a Heartless if it meant keeping this man firmly attached to my side.
"You're actually going to go for that?" He asks. "Whatever happened to wanting to keep Sora alive?"
"We'll bring him back. Well, Kairi will bring him back." I correct myself.
"You really think Xemnas is gonna let that happen? I've got a feeling, he's going to slaughter whatever Heartless comes out of Sora, Kairi be damned." Axel counters.
"Then we'll turn the tables on him." I say. A silence falls between the two of us, his fingers dance up the curve of my waist. "Maybe we bring Sora back and sick him on Xemnas, let him finish the Superior off. And then it'll all be done." The very prospect of this nightmare ending is something I'm so desperate for.
"But who knows when Xemnas will give the order on when we're supposed to get Kairi. I don't want to fucking wait, Rueki." He shakes his head, his grip on me tightening, something anxious, something distraught.
"Then speed up the timetable!" I insist "I trust you, do what you have to but, dude, what are you so worked up about all of a sudden?"
He's quiet, and for a moment, I worry that he's going to retreat in on himself again. I fear that all of the progress we have made with vulnerability will all be for naught, now that the going has sufficiently gotten tough.
"Do you still have gaps in your memories?" He asks, finally, heaving a sigh. "About this past year? Like there's something missing, but you just can't put your finger on it?"
"Yeah." I say, pushing the fog down as it threatens to creep at the edges of my thoughts. "All the time. When I think about Roxas, when I think about the beach."
"For me, it's when I think about Naminé, or when I think about Sora absorbing Roxas. There's something about memories and tragedy. This thought just pops into my mind, and I think, hell, I used to remember everything, but now something is missing. Something important. And it always feels like it's right there, within my reach, but the second my fingertips brush it, it slips away." He sighs.
"It's not like that for me." I shake my head. "I'll just think of something and feel like there's something I'm forgetting. And then, it's like this laughing gas spreads through my mind, it clouds over the memories, and I don't have to fight it, it doesn't bother me. I just forget about it." And I think that's the very best part. Finally, something I don't have to lash out at. Finally, a problem that just disappears, instead of something I must rage against. Axel snorts, a derailed sound, his head comes down onto my shoulder, as though he is trying to bury everything inside of me. I only wish I could help him dig. My memories are fucked already. Naminé said it is only a matter of time before the sealed room overflows and I remember everything. I only wish there was a way I could squeeze Axel's hurt inside of there, to store for him, so he doesn't have to carry it on him.
"Laughing gas? That's gotta be nice." I don't even have to ask to know it isn't nearly that pleasant for him. "I don't get that, maybe that's one of the side effects of letting Naminé play around in your memories, but for me, there is no forgetting. It's like I'm on a leash, chasing something that will always be just slightly out of my reach, no matter what I do. And I can't get away from it. There's something missing and it's on my mind all the damn time, because whatever it is, makes me feel a hell of a lot of guilt. Like something is my fault. I let someone down, I hurt someone I cared about. I keep telling myself there was no one, only you and Roxas. But then, if that's the case, why do I feel like I'm the reason someone I cared so much about is gone? And why do I feel like it's happening all over again with Roxas? And once again, I'm on a fucking leash, just out of reach of the answers that will fix this. Rueki, I think we lost someone not too long after Roxas left the Organization. And now he's gone, and I know what that means. I'm a Nobody. I'm not meant to exist. I'm not meant to have you. I'm going to lose you if I don't die first."
"How the hell can you even say that? We don't know what happened, why would you speculate and just make yourself more miserable? I'm fine. We're going to be fine, Roxas is going to be fine, so stop worrying and stop saying that shit about yourself. You're the reason I'm alive. You pulled me out of my Gummi ship when it was on fire, you brought me to Sanae in Shibuya, you're the reason I'm fucking sane right now, if it weren't for you beside me at night, Axel, I'd be having panic attacks again, breakdowns again, nightmares all the time. You keep me tethered to reality. So, don't you say you're not meant to exist or to have me, because you already do have me, and you're here in front of me right now, so what does it matter how it happened?" I snap.
"I sincerely doubt you'd be saying that if you were in this position right now, sweetheart." He murmurs into my skin, and it's so difficult to be agitated with him wrapped so perfectly around me, but somehow, I manage.
"Well, I think you're wrong. I think I would." I counter. Suddenly, it's as though his whole body takes a breath, it's as though he is debating, thinking long and hard about something, watching his words carefully before he uses them, rather than blurt something out the way I would. There's an incredible apprehension about the very way he is holding himself right now. I wait, anticipating something climactic, but then he exhales, and I am certain his internal debate has washed away. "What?" I whisper. He kisses my shoulder, trying hard to pretend that moment didn't happen.
"I don't want to think right now, Rueki." He murmurs, kissing up my neck.
"Come on, Axel, after all we've been through—"
"Fucking no, Rueki!" He snaps, and for the first time, I am shaken. Usually the roles are reversed and I'm the one shouting at him. But the force of his words echo around me. This doesn't frighten me, but it does unnerve me. I become stiff underneath his touch, and to Axel's credit he does realize he fucked up instantly. "Dammit. I'm sorry, Rueki, this just… I really don't want to think about any of this right now. Please." There's a desperation I have never heard in his voice. I shift turning in his arms so that I am on my knees, facing him, his face held up in my hands.
"I pushed you. It's kind of a thing I do. I'm sorry." I mutter.
"I snapped at you, over something that isn't your fault. You shouldn't be sorry." Axel shakes his head, even as it rests in my hands. My brow knits together as I lean forward, my forehead resting gently against his.
"We're all we've got right now. Mistakes like this? They don't matter. This, we can get over." I insist.
"Now that sounds terribly, uncharacteristically optimistic of you, sweetheart." He says.
"No." I say. "Not optimistic, realistic. We've fought through much worse than this. I don't like fighting with you anymore, but I know it's water under the bridge. Because you've got me. And I've got you, and even if the rest of this fucking world is falling apart, I think of the sun, I think of wildfire, I think of your fingertips lighting flames against my skin, and suddenly everything feels right. And it's so damn cheesy, but honestly, us fighting is the least of my concerns. Because I will always be there for you, to call you out on your shit, to watch over all of your favorite dreams, to keep you going when you need it most. It doesn't matter what kind of fresh hell this world or any others cook up for us. We will get through it, as long as we're together." I assure him. Slowly, his hands come up and wrap gently around my wrists, thumbs stroking the back of my hands.
"You sound so sure of everything." He murmurs. "The future's not guaranteed." He reminds me. Still, this doesn't shake me.
"Yeah, I know. I guess it's just that…" I mull over in my head, trying to find the right way to phrase this. "Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all."
He pushes his lips down onto mine, sweetly, almost nervously as though he is utterly unsure. I meet him back with more resolve, deepening the kiss, closing my eyes and falling into him.
Suddenly, we're back home again, in bed, my entire body on edge as I tear away from him and gasp for air.
"How the hell are you used to that? Come on dude, warn me!" I plead. He just chuckles and leans forward, pressing me back into the bed. He places both hands on either side of my head, and I sure cannot say I am upset about the view.
"Sorry, I just thought this was a more appropriate setting." He breathes, his voice heavy, his eyes sparking. I know exactly what he's trying at, and if this is how he wants to forget, I am all too happy to allow him this escape. I reach behind my back and unzip my top, and he wastes no time, pulling it off of me and discarding it beside the bed.
He starts at me sweetly, teasingly, his fingertips gliding ever so gently down my abdomen. My stomach does a backflip that I'm certain he feels, because when I look at him, I seem him smirking, a dangerous glint in his eyes.
"All that and then some?" He teases, but I grab his hand roughly, pushing it lower.
"I thought you didn't want to think, why are you still talking?" I ask, breath hitching.
"Because I know what it does to you, sweetheart." He nudges my jaw with his nose before pressing his lips to the hollow behind my ear.
"Shut up." I mutter, but he's right, and we both know it. He chuckles against my skin as his lips trail down my neck, so hot, so wet, I swear, steam could rise inside his kiss. I sigh, shifting beneath his touch, my leg locking around his waist, drawing him in closer. For a moment his hands withdraw and my eyes widen. "Hey!" I protest, but he silences me quickly, smashing his lips down onto mine. I open my mouth to suck in a breath I couldn't even take in the first place, when his tongue invades my mouth, warm and demanding. His hands return to my body, now ungloved, flames flicking across the tips of his fingers. My toes curl and I moan into his mouth as he swirls his tongue around mine. He starts to pull away, only to wrap his lips around my tongue, pulling it slightly from my mouth. He does something I don't expect, he sucks on my tongue and my body tightens with anticipation, his actions shooting thrills to the heat that begins to pool between my legs.
Finally, he pulls away, his eyes burning into mine, and I'm sure he's delighted to find that I'm already gagging for it.
"Let's get you out of these." His fingers start to walk down my abdomen, toward my shorts, flames kissing my skin.
"You're such a fucker." I sputter, though there is no malice in my tone, only the heaviness that comes with pure lust. Instead, I am utterly dizzy by the time he works me out of my shorts and panties and casts them aside as well.
"You love me."
"I do." I sigh as he slips his fingers down, brushing the lips of my cunt. think I hear him sigh too, in utter delight at my confirmation. The pad of his finger brushes teasingly across my clit. I suck in a breath, gripping his bicep tightly, which I feel him flex beneath my touch. Cocky fucker. I'm so turned on by him, it isn't even funny. His fingers dip, a little lower, sinking past my folds and into my cunt. I'm wet for him, already, we both know this. He begins working at me, parting my folds, urging my legs further apart, and I am all too happy to oblige. While he pumps a finger in and out of me at a speed that takes my breath away, there is little he could ask that I would not give. I throw my head back, choking on the beauty of the wet, slamming sounds his finger makes as he pounds it into me, and then, slips in another.
My hips shift, bucking upward, desperate to take more of him, anything he can give me, and before I know it, the sounds of my cries are filling the room. So needy, so hungry for him. His thumb pulses at my clit. purposeful, but gentle, tapping so lightly that I'm gripping at his back, nails biting past his coat, in no time. He growls, a low sound forming at the base of his throat, that I swear, I can feel reverberate inside of me.
"That's it, sweetheart. Just like that." His praise is gospel to me, filling in the silence between my breathy moans. With the vigor of his movements, my wetness has spread, deliciously, down the tops of my thighs, toward my ass, and finally, with a quick swipe of his fingers, he brushes across my clit, and I jerk, a spasming orgasm shaking me so beautifully. This time, he presses his thumb against my clit, almost as though he is hoping to relieve some pressure, and I'm almost certain it sends shockwaves to my limbs. I'm catching my breath, as I come down, watching the man above me with a sinfully powerful love in my eyes.
"Take off your clothes." I order, my legs twitching just a little. He grins.
"Was that for me?" He raises an eyebrow. Teasing bastard. He doesn't want to think about anything? Fine, I'll make sure that by the end of the night, his brain doesn't work at all.
We are so distracted, so lost in one another that I forget that I left my boots on the beach until after the tide comes in and takes them away.