This chapter contains my favorite one liner in this entire fic. Points if you can guess what it is
XLIV.
Saix is the first one to confront me. Unsurprising.
I'm lying on my back, in the lounge type area—which is apparently called the Grey Area, not that that's important—on a couch and reading when he skulks into the room, like a wild animal, eyes narrowed into slits as they find me.
"Where is he?" I know exactly who he's talking about, but I don't give a quarter of a shit. For once, I do exactly as I'm told. I play dumb.
"The Keyblade Master? A place called…Timeless River?" I ask, looking into my empathy link. "Looks like the Heartless suck there. Grossly overpowered. You should go there sometime. Try not to get killed." I smile, sickly sweet at him, but that does not deter Saix in the slightest.
"Not the Keybearer, you pompous waste of energy. Axel." He corrects. I shrug, settling back into my book.
"I dunno. He said he had some things he had to do. I'm pretty sure he's off getting me flowers or something, he really pissed me off the other night, wanna hear about it?" I ask, an utter deadpan. It's a relatively good lie, I think. I mean Axel and I do love to push each other's buttons. And this would shut anyone else in the Organization down.
"He has other tasks to attend to than pretending to be infatuated with you." Saix rolls his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I thought he was one of the few that wasn't assigned to go harass Sora?" I raise an eyebrow. "Pretty sure you don't need to be up his ass today."
"Perhaps you don't understand the importance of this, but the Superior has requested his audience." Saix says.
"Oh, yeah, real tempting, considering you wanted to turn him into a Dusk not too long ago. Yeah, I wouldn't want to talk to you if I were him. Scratch that, I just don't want to talk to you. Bye." I twiddle my fingers, but this apparently is not the right move. He grabs me by my jaw and lifts me up off of the couch, my legs dangling in the air.
"Where is he, girl?" He seethes.
"I don't know, put me down you fucking dick." I flail, accidentally punching him square in the face. Accident or not, it is satisfying as all hell, and effective. He drops me to the ground and I rub my jaw, making a face at him.
"You truly expect anyone here to believe that?" He asks.
"It's not a lie." And it isn't, technically. He only left a few hours ago, he might very well have captured Kairi and be on his way to finding Sora. Doubtful, but he might've already made good progress. "We fought, he left. I'm sure he'll be back tonight, but you know me, I'm a useless whore, I'm really good at getting on my knees. He'll probably be pretty distracted by me sucking his dick. You might have to take a rain check on your meeting." I offer him a petty look. He rolls his eyes, face pulled into a sneer.
"Be warned, if Axel has deserted, he will pay the price." Saix mutters, turning away from me.
"Oh calm your tits, it's one fucking day." I snap as he storms down the hall.
Come on, Axel. Make this count.
Xaldin comes at me next, which seems an aggressive tactic, but I suppose that's the point. The following day, he grabs me by the arm, the second I am inside, still soaking wet from my Heartless wrangling adventures with Demyx.
"The fuck, dude?" Is my protest and I look, desperately to Demyx, who nearly recoils in on himself.
"Sorry, Rueki!" He calls out. "I'm not the guy for rescue missions."
"You're a dick!" I call back to him as Xaldin drags me down the hall, even with my heels dug into the floor, I am no match for his brute strength. I'm almost certain his fingers are going to bruise me. "What is your problem?" I ask him.
"Problem?" He raises one of his insane eyebrows. "I have nothing of the sort, girl. The Superior has requested your audience and demands answers."
"To what? Can't he just walk up to me and go 'Rueki, where is Sora?' Like, I'm not a monster, you can ask me a question like a normal person, and so can he. You don't need to beat me into submission every time you want something from me." He stills in the hall and I come skidding to a stop. I have to rock back to steady myself, and when I do, I find that he is meeting me with a penetrating gaze. He doesn't chill me the way Saix does, not by a long shot. And anymore, Saix mostly just pisses me off. Xaldin, however, radiates power. He doesn't need to tell me that I don't stand a chance against him, I already know this.
"Whatever information the Superior has called you for is not my business, however I am certain that the whereabouts of the Keybearer are not his concern, but rather, the whereabouts of VIII." Xaldin says, in a voice so deep, I swear it rumbles. I chew on the inside of my cheek, trying to look as expressionless as possible. Fuck. They're already determined to find Axel, more so than either of us expected, I think. I knew they'd be on my case to find him, but I thought I'd have a little more time. I remember his words, Axel imploring me to do whatever it took to stay alive, even if it meant ending the lives of every single member here. And I meant what I said to him, that I would try my hardest not to let him down. I'll fight, I'll run, I won't think twice about ending anyone here, not even my friends if they turned on me. But I look at Xaldin, and I pray that this isn't the moment that I have to test my strength. Against him, my abilities are meek at best, I know. Axel's got to work quickly, he's got to get Kairi before anyone gets wise. He needs to come and fucking save me. I know time flows differently between worlds, a fact Luxord told me of, in passing, but damn, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out if they're already sending in the big guns.
"I don't know where he is. We had a fight." I say, my voice small but steady.
"There is not a single one of us here that believe that. You and VIII were already dramatic in the presentation of your sham of a relationship." Fuck you, it's not a sham…
Why does that word bother me so much? The numbing fog creeps across my brain and relaxes me more than I have a right to be in this situation
"Not a single being here believes he would simply disappear, rather than behave like an animal in heat, as an attempt to settle your squabbles." He says.
"Regardless of what any of you wants to assume about me or him, the fact remains, I have no idea where he is. So, if that's the only reason Xemnas wants to see me, is to interrogate me, he's out of luck. Trust me, I want Axel to come home more than any of you." I remind him, and that's not a lie.
Xaldin looks at me once more with an unreadable expression before saying,
"Such emotions are useless and only cloud judgement. You'd do best to cast aside your loyalties." With that, he drags me down the hall so that Xemnas can tell me to imprint thoughts of Twilight Town into Sora's mind.
"You know, Rueki, you should run away from here." Demyx tells me one day, as we sit in his room. I'm in a chair at the edge of the room, legs tossed over one of the arms as I read the same line in a book over and over again, trying to get my mind to focus on something other than Axel. Axel, Axel, Axel, where the fuck is Axel? If my thoughts aren't on him, they're on my nightmares, which have started back up and then some since his departure three days ago. It is as if they were being repressed, bubbling under the surface, quelled by his presence alone, and it's always the same dream.
A little girl with blonde hair, green eyes and a terrible cowlick runs through the streets of a darkened world. She screams, tears rushing down her face. She pauses and then, with peril that makes me nauseous, cries out 'don't leave me, Lea!'. She holds the body of a boy in her arms, a hollow where his heart should be. She watches the light fade out of his eyes and looks up just in time to see a Neo Shadow descend upon her.
I wake up shrieking every night. It takes nearly an hour to calm me back down every single night. No more Axel, no more Roxas. I adore Demyx, but he's not going to stay up and hold my hand through the night the way Roxas did. And no one is going to come close to filling Axel's shoes. I wish he would just hurry, before I lose my mind. It seems like a race, at this point, with the way my mental state is now deteriorating. I catch myself thinking back to the days when I thought I needed to be less codependent on Del and Amaya. They have nothing on how intertwined my emotions have become to Roxas and Axel. The ones that I truly need to survive.
"I wish." I snort to Demyx, thinking this is a half assed attempt at conversation, as he strings his sitar.
"No, like, seriously." He mutters, and I look up, eyes flickering to his. There's a nervous energy, simmering beneath the surface of who he is. He wants to say something, but cannot find the words. He wants to act, but without a heart, cannot find the motivation. I close my book completely and set it on the floor, eyes intense as I look at him.
"Dude, what happened?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"It's nothing. It's just…do you really think Xemnas is gonna be too happy with Axel when he gets back? He's been gone for three days without notice. We were sent on a manhunt for Roxas and he'd only been gone half a day." Demyx reminds me.
"I'm not fucking abandoning Axel so—"
"Oh, come on, I'm not trying to fight." He sighs, shaking his head. I sigh, biting my lip, too exhausted to argue further. "Xemnas wanted me to ask you where Axel is. I already pretended I did and said you didn't know, I knew you weren't gonna give him up."
"Then what are you—"
"Rueki, am I still your friend?" He asks. Without a doubt, I know the answer.
"Of course you are." I say.
"Then I need to tell you something that's been eating at me. I think a lot of what Xemnas has been saying doesn't make a lot of sense. I really think he's losing it. And I know everyone thinks I'm a weakling and an idiot, but I dunno, maybe I am. I've just been thinking a lot lately though." He heaves a gigantic sigh and looks away from me for just a second. "I'm gonna sound crazy." He says.
"I always do, too." I remind him. He cracks a smile at this, but it doesn't touch his eyes.
"Rueki. What if we have hearts? What if we all do? What if Xemnas has just been lying to us this whole time to get us to do his bidding?" The words hit me so hard that I get out of the chair and cross the room to where Demyx sits in bed. I take a seat at the foot of his bed, staring at him with wide eyes. "I sound nuts, don't I?" He asks.
But this might be the sanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm being baited. I know I am. What better way to wave something under someone's nose?
The door to the throne room is cracked open, I am passing by and I hear my name. Fuckers. They know I can't resist that sort of call.
I have no idea how Xemnas knows I am nearby, The Castle That Never Was is massive, there's no way he can sense my presence, I'm not a Nobody. But somehow, he has this sort of omniscience. I bite my lip and hold my breath as I hear my name uttered and pause just outside of the doors.
"She's a liability at best and a danger at worst. She is in no way, shape or form fit. Empathy link or not." Saix's voice, which makes my blood boil. Whatever he's saying, fuck him.
"Oh, come on. The girl's feisty. And that face will give us a leg up over Sora. His friends have always been his weakness. No way will he be able to face off against her." Xigbar insists, and I prickle. Who the hell is in this meeting? Xemnas and Saix, I would've expected, but is this a whole Organization thing?
"She sparred with him inside of Castle Oblivion, if Axel's reports are to be trusted." Saix spits.
"Yeah, but I don't trust the pyromaniac as far as I can throw him. He's had his own agenda for who even knows how long now. I don't even know if little Rueki has any idea what he's planning." Xigbar says.
"True, he is clearly comfortable withholding secrets from her, but I still believe she could be an asset. The final vessel. Even with our best laid plans, we have still fallen short. Imagine what she could be capable of, the direct link to the Keyblade Master, with darkness free flowing through it." Xemnas sounds off and it chills me most of all.
"Why not just teach her now? Get started early? She's gotten pretty cozy with the darkness. I think she's got it in her to really flex her powers." Xigbar says.
"You'd have someone so utterly rash in charge of such an important task?" Saix balks.
"Oh man, I get it, you hate her and all, but doesn't it get a little boring, being so one note all the time?" Xigbar laughs. "If she can play to our advantage, why wouldn't we pull her strings?"
"Superior, please. She is nothing more than a petulant child. And, as you have stated plenty of times before, she is utterly weak when it comes to matters of the heart. She is not equipped for a task of this magnitude." Saix insists.
"She must be tested, that is certain. Her loyalties are weak, without a doubt. However, we know she is plenty strong of will, or she wouldn't be here now. As for her strength of body, that is still left to be tested." Xemnas says.
"Allow me to, Superior. Please." Saix nearly begs.
"Ha, now that's not a bad idea. If she can handle you going Berserk, she's worth it." Xigbar agrees.
"I agree, Rueki must be tested. For there is no sense even developing her talents further if she will not use them in our favor. The secrets of her past will come to fruition soon, I have no doubt." Xemnas says. "If she proves herself worthy, we will finally realize the plans that have been made so very long ago, by the wisest version of myself. Finally, our purpose is within reach."
I take off sprinting down the hall, trying to put as much distance between myself and the throne room as possible.
Demyx might have been right. Maybe I do need to run.
Axel, where the hell are you?
I have just gotten out of the shower when Xigbar teleports into my room. A brave move, but thank Twilight I'm wrapped in a towel still. My hair hangs, limp and dripping down the very subtle rise of my breasts. I clutch the towel a little tighter.
"Does no one in this castle give a quarter of a shit about privacy?" I snap, eyes narrowing. Xigbar laughs.
"Whoa, whoa. Temper, temper little Rueki." He waves his hands as though that will ease my annoyance. I raise an eyebrow at him as his visible eyes drifts over the boxy shape of my body through the towel. Yeah, I'm sure I look terribly sexy for a drowned rat.
"Have you ever thought of knocking? It might piss people off a little less." I inform him, curtly.
"Come on kiddo, everything's covered up this time, what are you so embarrassed about?" He teases, making me somehow feel much more exposed.
"What do you want then, that was so important that you decide to come popping in here out of nowhere?" I ask, mouth pulled into a pout.
"As if. You trying to tell me you don't already know what I'm here for?" And jeez, for someone with one eye, it sure is covering a lot of ground, zeroed in on me, like he's sighting the scope of a rifle. A shiver rakes through my body and a grin pulls at his lips, revealing canine like teeth. Have they always been that fucking sharp? "Xemnas wants to know where your little boyfriend disappeared to. Been six days already and he's still MIA."
"In case you missed it, Xemnas didn't hand out any missions to Axel. Maybe he just wanted to take a couple days to himself. I'm sure he'll be back soon." I wave him off the way I waved off Demyx, Xaldin and Saix already. Xigbar's smirk falls away a little, but he still looks too smug for his own good. Hhe sets one hand on his hip.
"You really think anyone believes that?" Xigbar laughs. I shrug.
"Doesn't matter. I flat out don't know where he is, you think I'd just let him ditch me and not try to run off after him if I actually knew where he was?" I ask. Xigbar seems to ponder this for a moment, setting his other hand underneath his chin.
"Now that, I don't disagree with." He nods. "Twilight knows the two of you are about as codependent as they come."
"So, tell Xemnas to piss off." I say. "And like…learn to knock, dude."
"Oh, come on, how could I have known you were just getting out of the shower?" He asks. I squirm, uncomfortable, because something in his tone tells me he knew exactly what he was doing. Whether or not his technique was just to make me feel awkward as hell or if he's just being a horny asshole, I'm not sure, but I don't love it either way. "No need to get a tude with me, just cuz the pyromaniac isn't here to warm your bed."
"Yeah, well." I shift my weight, still keeping my towel close. "Tell your fucking boss that if I'm being patient, so can he. Twilight knows I miss Axel a hell of a lot more than anyone else here."
"You know, I think I've got a way to help you with that." He says. I raise an eyebrow. "Your bed is cold, mine's not. Why don't you come join me in it sometime?" Even with only one eye visible, I can tell he is winking at me. I go red from head to toe, feeling more exposed than ever.
"Get the fuck out of here." I snap at him, my heart hammering.
"Okay, okay!" He laughs, putting his hands up defensively. "Can't blame a guy for trying."
"You're old enough to be my father." I remind him.
"Hey, if you wanna call me 'daddy', I won't tell you no." He grins. I grab my pettiness journal off the top of my dresser and chuck it at him. He quickly opens up a portal and disappears through it before my journal smacks him.
It would've been a shit hit, but at least I proved my point.
-
Luxord corners me when Axel has been gone for exactly a week. I am weary. Sleep is not something that comes easy to me. I nearly leap out of my own skin when his hand comes into contact with my shoulder. A scream pools at the base of my throat and I know he realizes he has done wrong when his eyes meet mine.
"I mean no harm, love." He insists, tearing his hand away from me. He holds both up, palms facing me in a defensive gesture. My pulse settles a little. I bite my lip and nod.
"Sorry." I shake my head.
"Nightmares, again?" He asks. I shrug, because honestly, what does he care? This might be the first bit of one on one time we've had since he baited me into killing a man in Transmute City. He can't do that and then just start playing my friend again. I don't buy it. I curl my lips into a pout and cross my arms to my chest as I look at him. For a moment, it almost seems as though this saddens him. Just a moment though, because I know him, I know he's convinced that he doesn't have a heart. And unlike the man I am desperately waiting for, I sincerely doubt the gambler believes it isn't the end all be all when it comes to emotions.
"You're not really asking me. I know I've woken everyone up with the screaming. But Roxas is busy being inside of Sora and Axel isn't here, I don't know what you expect from me." I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I realize, with a jolt, that the feeling of my fingertips brushing my scalp is the only positive physical contact I've had all week and I shudder. I need Axel to come back. I miss him. I am going to crumble without him. Luxord makes a move to reach out, but seems to think the better of it and stops himself.
"Am I not allowed to express concern, Rueki?" He raises an eyebrow. I scoff.
"I think we both know the answer to that." A heavy silence hangs between the two of us. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other.
"Alas, whether you trust me or not, I come to you with only your safety in mind." He says.
"I don't believe that." I say, flatly.
"This, you might." He says. "The Superior is quite displeased with your beau's disappearance. If he is not back within the next twenty four hours, he will be branded a traitor and will be wanted dead. If you are able to relay a message to him, now would be the time to do so."
"I don't know where he fucking is, I wish people would stop asking me, do you think I'd be here still if I did? I can't sleep, I'm a fucking train wreck, Saix picked me up by my throat a week ago, I'm not exactly living the dream." I snap at him, throwing my hands up. It's unfair that he's getting the brunt of this frustration, but I suppose it isn't the cruelest thing one of us has ever done to the other. Maybe I was meant to even the playing field.
"I am quite aware of that, which was why I didn't ask." He says, slipping his hands into the pockets of his coat. He frowns as he regards me. "It is an unsafe time to be a part of Organization XIII. I truly mean it when I say, I wish you luck."
"Don't leave me, Lea!" I wake up, screaming, still in my clothes, still wearing my boots. I didn't mean to fall asleep, I must've sat down in bed and passed out from exhaustion. The bed is cold, I don't know if it is terribly late or incredibly early, but this time, as I clutch my chest, trying to calm the anxiety, someone stands in my room. My eyes fly around to where Xigbar stands, at the corner of the room, reading my pettiness journal. I'm barely awake, but conscious enough to be irritated. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I snap.
"Coming to collect you, kiddo." Xigbar grins at me, setting my journal back atop the dresser. "This is funny shit." He gestures to where the journal now rests, beside Survivor and my item belt. At least I was conscious enough to take those off before bed. That would've sucked to sleep in.
"Didn't I tell you to have some courtesy and knock?" I ask, my body trembling. "Or at least have the fucking decency to wake me up when I'm very clearly having a nightmare!" My voice has a note of hysteria to it, and I know he can sense it.
"Oh, come on. I hear you screaming for someone named Lea not to leave you, I'm intrigued. Who is Lea, Rueki? Do you actually know?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Fuck you." Is my response.
"And here I was, trying to make small talk. Okay, no more mister nice guy." He says, and with that, he comes over to my bed, grips my arm, and suddenly, we're teleporting. My stomach lurches. I clutch Xigbar for dear life as the miserably jolting feeling tears through my body. Unfortunately, he is the only solid thing at the ready. I'm panting as we stand at the doors of the throne room, my eyes wide, searching.
"What are we doing here?" I ask.
"Superior wants to talk to you, little Rueki." He says. "Have fun." When I do not immediately detach myself from him—honestly, Xigbar frightens me infinitely less and in my frantic state, I do not want to leave his side to crawl to Xemnas—he sets his hand on my back and leads me into a pitch black room.