Caroline opened the door and stood in the hallway, listening to the sounds emanating from within; the humming of the fridge motor in the kitchen, the regular beats of the clock in the hall, and the sporadic scratching of a tree twig against a windowpane in the lounge. It was the first time she'd been back for weeks and the first time she'd been there alone for months. Now that her mother and Alan had moved out, her house felt empty despite all the furnishings from Conway Drive.

Caroline moved quietly through each of the rooms, reacquainting herself with her home. Surrounded by her things, Caroline became aware that while everything felt familiar, there had been an adjustment to the fabric of it. In the lounge, the couches looked more like they were staging a sit-in rather than inhabiting the room. It had been so long since she'd lived here that it felt more reminiscent of home, rather than home itself, a facsimile rather than the original.

She walked into the kitchen, pulled a bottle of Merlot from the wine rack and poured herself a glass. She sat at the end of the table and ran her hands over the dark wood, deep in thought.

When her father died, Caroline had persuaded her mum to come and live with her. That's when they found the house at Conway Drive, with the separate flat out the back for Celia. At the time it was an ideal arrangement. She could keep a bit of an eye on her mum, and her mum could help look after the boys if John was busy while Caroline worked.

It had suited everyone, until the arrival of Kate and Caroline's queer reawakening. Yet here she was again, rebuilding a home for herself and her family. The boys had effectively flown the coop although she'd always have room for them, so that left her and Flora, and Gillian if she wanted to be part of it. Caroline knew she was going to have to discuss this with Gillian. They'd both been dreading it. She sighed.

Caroline was aware that the night of the storm and her mother's reaction to it had pushed Caroline into moving in with Gillian, probably before they would normally have if they'd been left to their own devices. She wondered if that was a pattern of hers, to need external pressure to get her moving in her relationships. With John, it had been the pressure to be ticking all the standard social boxes. Kate had been about pushing bloody John out of the house. And Gillian, well, that had been about her mum.

So now she had a choice of where and how she lived, did she want to move back here from the farm? There were advantages. She really missed her things, the little knick knacks, the gifts made by the boys, the painting of the seascape that reminded her of the best holiday she and her parents ever had. The sense of having her own place was not a little thing at all and she dearly missed it. She closed her eyes and soaked in the thought of having her own space, if only for a short while. Feeling the texture of the wooden table under her hands, Caroline thought of her past, trying to see if there was a logical path to her future.

She stood up, collected her glass in her fingertips and walked through the back door into the garden. The sun was only an hour from the horizon and was already losing what little heat it had offered. It felt like the day was mirroring her own thoughts, the change from day to night a delineation between life fitting into cultural expectations and the chaos of challenging it, to a conscious choice to create the life and the family she wanted. The weight of the responsibility of that choice was heavy, and yet the opportunities to be really happy lightened the load to featherweight. She smiled to herself. It really wasn't a choice at all, if she wanted to be happy.

Caroline raised her glass to the coming sunset, drained it and went back inside. She washed the glass, grabbed the rest of the merlot and headed back to the car to pick up Flora. Her heart felt lighter, her head clearer, the decision made.

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Gillian had spent the last few hours drenching the ewes before mustering them and their lambs into a clean paddock. The summer feed was blooming in the top paddock, and the drenching would clean out any intestinal parasites so the ewes could make the most of the late summer growth to feed their lambs.

The bulk of the work done for the day, Gillian tinkered with a gate she was rebuilding in one of the sheds while she thought about the end of Raff's school days. Raff had finished his A2 exams and was waiting for results. She was crossing her fingers that he got into the course he wanted at Leeds, but he'd been studying hard and she had a good feeling about it.

It was a bit weird, she thought, to have a son just about to study at university, and yet here she was, still uneducated, still working a minimum wage job for a shitty boss, and still raising a child. She didn't feel like she'd moved at all since she was 18. The only changes were that she owned the farm and her knees ached at night. The one light at the end of the tunnel for Gillian was Caroline, and who could predict what would happen there. She knew they'd have to talk about it, but they were both dreading it and had obviously been putting it off for a while.

Alan and Celia moved into their new house in Holywell Green. She and Caroline had helped them to get everything set up during the week, and she'd visited them since. It was a lovely house, and very practical for them. It did open up the question about what Caroline would do. Would she want to stay living with Gillian now she could go back to her bigger, posher house? The question had been turning over and over in Gillian's mind for weeks, making her increasingly short tempered as the opportunity for Caroline to leave came ever closer.

She closed her eyes and gripped the galvanized iron bolt, hoping that she'd be enough for Caroline. Sure, the sex was brilliant; best she'd ever had. No one else came close on that front. What Caroline could do with her tongue was nothing short of miraculous. Who the hell had taught her those tricks she didn't know, but she presumed it was Kate. God bless that ghost.

It had been a change for her, coming out of the bisexual closet at 48. Her father had made a valiant effort and Raff and Ellie had just been wonderful. She smiled. She really couldn't be luckier with those two. Most people she knew had been fine about it. She was so used to feeling stares and hearing whispers behind her back that walking around Halifax holding hands with a woman instead of a man felt like just another round of gossip. However, there were quite a few of her old flames who generously offered the opportunity of a threesome once they'd seen the posh blonde with long legs that Gillian was squiring around. One of them had gamely offered his services in front of Caroline, who proceeded to shrivel his dick with a glare of death until he mumbled an apology and scurried off. Gillian laughed out loud at the scene as she replayed it in her head; Caroline was a gloriously snotty bitch sometimes.

Things had really changed for Gillian during the weekend of the school fete 6 weeks ago. Caroline had done something she didn't expect from anyone; she actually took care of Gillian as her first priority. She'd never been a priority before; it was a revelation. She'd never felt valued, not since she was 15 and had become such a disappointment to her parents. She loved her dad, but it had really all gone to shit after that. Raff was the only saving grace from the lot of it, she thought.

Something had shifted for Gillian that weekend. Caroline had helped her to get past some of the stuff about Eddie. She had noticed that she was drinking less and was feeling much more settled in herself. She was sleeping better, and the terrifying nightmares had lessened too. When they happened, Caroline had worked out that just being there was what she wanted. Robbie had never understood that. He would pace the room trying to 'fix' it rather than just sitting with her while she moved through the memories that haunted her. For someone not fantastic at dealing with her own feelings, Caroline was great at helping Gillian manage this terrifying history. She could see Caroline mentally trawling through the database in her head for the right approach whenever Gillian had one of her flashbacks. Caroline had been thorough in her research and had read a stack of books and papers about PTSD and responses to trauma, although she knew Caroline did her best to hide the fact. What was so surprising to Gillian was that Caroline would put the effort in to do this for her. It just wasn't something she was used to.

She could hear the Jeep coming up the drive. Gillian put the spanner back in the toolbox, sprayed her hands with a degreaser and wiped them on the clean rag hanging up by the shed door. She took a deep breath, letting go of her thoughts, and walked into the sunshine to greet her partner with a smile from ear to ear.

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Gillian had just finished the washing up after dinner when she noticed Caroline putting the clean plates back into the cupboard. Well, she noticed the fabric of Caroline's shirt pull tight over her breasts as Caroline reached up for the cupboard. Caroline's beautiful breasts changed shape as she moved her body, and Gillian was mesmerised by the lovely swell and sway of them.

Gillian hadn't quite understood that she'd become bewitched until those deliciously soft breasts started jiggling as Caroline laughed. Gillian had been sprung perving at her lover's tits. Again.

"Sorry. Sorry. I get distracted when you move. They just...Sorry." Gillian was a little embarrassed; she felt like a hormonal teenager.

Caroline was amused by Gillian's awkwardness, which didn't happen often. "I'm very glad you like them so much." She moved towards Gillian and gently pulled Gillian's head onto her chest. "You certainly pay them a lot of attention, and you know I rather like that. I'm delighted, actually."

Gillian breathed in and let out a contented sigh, wrapping her arms around Caroline. She always felt like she was in heaven when her head rested on Caroline's chest. The stress of the day fell from her body as she snuggled into her lover's body. "I could stay here forever."

Caroline grinned. "I know what you mean. Why don't we grab our drinks and adjourn to the couch for a cuddle?"

Gillian nodded, and then realising where her head was, started nuzzling the enchanting soft tissue under her face. Caroline chuckled, and took a step back, thinking that would break the spell. She laughed when Gillian followed her around the kitchen, attached to her like a contented limpet.

"Come on. I want my wine." Caroline poked Gillian in the ribs, and finally Gillian released her grip.

"Oh, well, if it's about the wine, then." She lifted her head and kissed Caroline in the lips before turning to pick up their glasses and move into the lounge.

Caroline followed with what was left of the merlot they'd started, a warm smile reaching her eyes.

Caroline and Gillian slumped side by side on the old couch, feet and glasses of wine populating the coffee table. Gillian snuggled into Caroline, resting her head on Caroline's shoulder. They slouched in comfortable silence, enjoying the tranquility of the evening. Flora was upstairs, but she usually slept well before midnight.

Caroline lifted Gillian's nearest hand up to her mouth and kissed it softly. "This is nice, isn't it? Just the three of us."

Gillian nodded, and then nestled deeper into Caroline.

"How would you feel about making this a bit more permanent?" Caroline turned her head to watch Gillian's reaction.

"What do you mean, Caz?"

"Well, us living together. I went to my house today, and it was a bit weird. It didn't feel like home any more. I mean, all my things were there, but it was no longer home. But I don't think of this place as home either. I think of you as home, but not this place."

"So home is me, but not here?"

"Yeah. There are too many ghosts here Gillian. I can't help but think of Eddie in every corner of this farm. I have no idea how you manage it, but he's everywhere. I try to push him out, but from the moment I come up the drive, I can feel his presence pressing in on me; he's a constant in this place."

Gillian was shocked. She knew she was always dealing with Eddie in her head, but to find that Caroline was too was horrifying.

"Do you mean his ghost? Has he tried to hurt you?" Gillian was starting to freak out. She sat up suddenly.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I know you don't want me going into the barn or any of the sheds alone, and I don't do that because you asked me to. The problem is that I can't help but think of him, here, with you. It will never be home to me, it will never be ours, when he is everywhere."

"Oh. I see what you mean." Gillian lies back down, still a bit agitated by the discussion.

"What I was thinking, and it is just that, a thought, was that we could get something together. Something new for both of us. I think I'd like that." Caroline turned so she was looking directly at Gillian, to gauge her response.

"A new place? I only know how to farm. The only other thing I can do is work at a supermarket. No way I can afford a house on supermarket wages, Caz, you know that."

"I know. I wasn't thinking of a house; I was thinking of a new farm. A farm that you work, and close enough for me to get to school."

"A farm? You'd live on a farm?" Gillian was starting to scoff a little at this. Caroline's fondness for stiletto's and pencil skirts was the stuff of legend, not that Gillian didn't appreciate the gorgeous sight of Caroline in a pencil skirt and a pair of ridiculously high stilettos.

Caroline was a bit astonished by that reply. "Gillian, have you not noticed that I've been living on a farm for the last three months?"

"Oh. That's right. Sorry.'

"Twat."

"Yep."

They both chuckled.

"So somewhere new, you say." Gillian turned it over in her head. "But I love this place. This place is mine. It were never Eddie's. He never really worked it. It were always me."

"I know that. I know this is yours, and this is your dream. I just can't separate Eddie from it, when your dream is attached to this land. I'm sure you can't either, if you're honest, Gillian." Caroline started caressing Gillian's arm absentmindedly.

"I guess."

"I was thinking that a new farm would also allow you to expand, or diversify. I know you were talking a couple of weeks ago of how farming livestock in the UK was in trouble and even with the government subsidies that farmers needed to diversify to make a profit. How wonderful would it be to just work on the farm, and not have to do anything else? If we moved, we could look for something that gave you options for that. I think it's worth considering, Gillian. I really do."

"I hadn't thought of that. I guess I thought this place would be where I wound up, and that were it. I'd never thought of moving." Gillian pondered the idea for a while, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence that lasted at nearly ten minutes.

It was Gillian who broke into the stillness. "So you want us to live together, just not here. And if we move, it would be to a farm, one that would enable us to diversify so that I'd be able to give up the other job. And it would have to be somewhere close enough for you to get to work. That's the gist of it, yeah?"

"Yep. That's it."

"Why?"

"What? What do you mean 'Why?'" Caroline sat up, completely flummoxed by the question.

"Why? Why do you want to live with me, on a farm? Why?" Gillian thought it a legitimate question.

"Oh. Why do I want to live with you?" Caroline sighed heavily, not sure how to answer that. It was a big question.

"Okay." Caroline had a large sip of wine, carefully returned the glass to the table, and turned to face Gillian. She was stalling for time, trying to get her thoughts in order.

Gillian knew exactly what was happening with the tactic; she'd seen it often enough when Caroline was asked about her feelings. It was almost like Caroline had to wrangle them into alphabetical order or something before she could understand them. She waited patiently for Caroline to explain how she felt about the idea.

Caroline took another sip of wine, again carefully returning the glass to the table. She turned to Gillian.

Caroline breathed in and released a nervous breath. "I loved Kate, but in some ways it was like I never really knew her. There was still so much we had to learn about each other. We really only experienced the first part of our relationship. The second part, the bit with the meat on the bones, we didn't get to. We didn't have enough time and I'm really sorry for that. I think it would have been different if we'd been together for years, because it would have changed us, changed our relationship, and changed how we loved each other.

"However, you and I are a different story. We've known each other for over four years now. You've let me see the bits of you that no one else sees. The bits of you that are damaged and flawed, beautiful and loving, sweet and savage. All of it. And you've seen all of me; the good and the bad. On top of that, it feels like for the last six months we've been living in a hothouse, growing our relationship at a speed faster than normal."

"Oh. You mean 'lesbian years'?" Gillian interrupted.

"What?" Caroline was completely thrown. "What the hell are lesbian years?"

"That's the idea that lesbians meet, fall in love, move in, break up and move out. But instead of this happening over 20 years, it happens over 3 months. Lesbian years; when relationships are really intense and move faster." Gillian was surprised that Caroline hadn't heard the concept and was thinking about that when Caroline burst into loud laughter.

"Oh god, that's so true!" Caroline was cackling now.

Gillian was chuckling at Caroline's hysteria more than anything, waiting for her to get over the joke.

Eventually Caroline calmed down, took another sip of wine, and slouched back on the couch.

"Where was I... Oh yes. I was saying that we've really grown our relationship fast," she chuckled again before becoming more serious. "I have a sense that I know you better than I ever knew Kate. It's like you and I went past the first part of our relationship really quickly. Perhaps we did that when we were friends, when you first told me about Eddie. I don't know, but I'm just saying that I've grown to love the complexity and chaos and strength of you. I've grown to respect and love every part of you.

"It's not that I loved Kate any more or any less than you. It has felt just as intense, just as strong. What feels different is how I am within the relationship. It's me who has changed. I've been changed by time and by Kate, and it is me who is able to engage with you in a way that is stronger, more complex, and more forgiving of myself, and of you."

Ever so gently, Caroline took Gillian's face in her hands. She looked deeply into her eyes. "I guess what I'm trying to say, ever so awkwardly, is that I love you, Gillian. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Gillian could barely breath. The air was caught in her lungs, unable to escape. She was overwhelmed by Caroline's declaration. She sat up and leaned forward, capturing Caroline's lips with the shaky lips of her own.

"I love you, too."

Gillian's crooked smile betrayed how stupidly in love she was with this complex woman. "I can't think of anyone else but you. I can't imagine loving anyone else but you."

Gillian could see Caroline's relief that she wasn't on her own with this, this excruciatingly vulnerable feeling that would be so devastating if it wasn't returned. She reached up to hold Caroline's cheek in the palm of her hand. "I still can't believe how lucky I am. An uneducated slapper with a crappy past...what the hell am I doing with the likes of you? I still don't get it, but I love it, and I thank my lucky sheep dog every day for you."

Caroline smiled, kissing the palm caressing her face.

Gillian knew they needed to discuss her past. They'd been skirting around it since the school fete, but she knew they needed to deal with it. She closed her eyes and dropped her head, terrified that this would mean the end of it, this extraordinary thing that had happened between them.

Caroline moved her hand to Gillian's back, calming her as she moved her hand in large soothing circles. She could tell Gillian was going to go there, that place they both carefully avoided.

"When I think of Eddie, I can feel him clawing at me, trying to take me back there to that place. You feel like the future, to me. I can feel that it's lighter, and happier, but it's not something I know. I didn't grow up in that place. I'm more comfortable in the dark, so to me, the future with you is scary. It's not somewhere I know how to be. Who am I, if I'm not the woman dealing with Eddie? It's like I don't have a sense of who I am without him; he defines me."

The tears were falling down Caroline's face but she didn't move to wipe them. Instead she pulled Gillian into a hug so that Gillian was almost lying on top of her.

"Time will help with that Gillian. Don't you think I had to redefine myself when I came out as a lesbian at 46? Don't you think that made me re-evaluate absolutely everything that I knew about myself, who I was and how I relate to the world? It was hard. It was bloody hard, but I wouldn't change a second of it. Okay, maybe my mum, but you know what I mean.

"What I mean is, perhaps we need to help you to redefine yourself. Perhaps it is time to let go of Eddie. Perhaps moving somewhere else will help with that, if he's not always in your thoughts, not always in your home, in every room, in every barn, attached to every surface..." She breathed in, trying not to be as cruel as she really wanted to be about Eddie.

Gillian wrapped her arm around Caroline and held on tight. She nestled into the shoulder under her face, thinking about what had been said.

"The other thing I need to tell you, is that I've never wanted to shag anyone else since we've been together. I know that it would hurt you, but I've never..." Gillian paused, trying to find the words that wouldn't hurt Caroline too much.

Caroline said quietly, "It might break me Gillian. I'd understand it, but it might break me."

Gillian held on tighter. "I know. I think I know that." She paused, wondering how to explain it. "I can't see myself doing it again, but I can't promise either. When I get like that, it's like I'm not really in control of myself. I feel so shit and I'm so desperate for escape that I can't think clearly. It's like it's my only option." She hugs Caroline more tightly. "I know it isn't what you want to hear, but I can't guarantee it won't happen. I will try to come to you first, like I did at the fete. You saved me Caroline. I couldn't have done that without you."

"I'll do anything I can to help, you know that. Whatever it takes."

Caroline rested her cheek on Gillian's head, both of them drawing comfort from their embrace. They lay in silence thinking about all they'd said, the words floating in the air like confetti at a party, full of promise and possibilities.

Gillian quietly broke the silence. "Do you think we could try to live at yours for a bit, see what its like for me, before we go somewhere else? I could come back here every day, like a job. Or maybe get Raff and Ellie to live here for a bit, or something?"

Caroline smiled. It was a start, a first step in separating Gillian from Eddie and the trauma of that history. "Of course. That would be great. You can bring whatever you want to mine, and obviously there will be room for Calamity, and Raff and Ellie too if needs be. Of course you can. I would love it, you know that. To have my stuff with me and a house with heating and you; what a treat for me!" She kissed Gillian's forehead contentedly.

"Its a place to start Caroline. I want to be with you, and I know what you mean. It is time to move on. Thank you for being so understanding." She lifted her head off Caroline's shoulder so they could kiss tenderly.

"Besides, isn't it time we rechristened that kitchen table?"

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This is the final chapter for this fic. I did tell you it would have a happy ending :)

I had some help with this fic, with The Tempest and later chapters. Another writer kindly gave me some feedback which has definitely improved the work, although all the writing and the errors are mine. The last few chapters would not have been as good without your help. Thank you for your thoughtful, and constructive feedback. I've learned a lot and it has meant a lot to me to have your support. Thank you.

I have written more fics with this pair. There is a series of vignettes which follows on from Friday Night Dinners, which is called The Crushing Beauty of the Cosmos. In this series, I have attempted to write the lighter side of their relationship, revealing the moments they understand themselves, and their relationship, in a different way. There are also some one shots, which are NSFW, called Monday - Order of the Black Garter and the punchier Thursday Lunch - Stress Relief (this one I wrote after a very crappy day at work...you can tell!)

I've also written another fic with Caroline post S4, although it could also be post S5. In this one I've added a dash of emotional intelligence and a bit of gumption from Catherine Cawood, to get Caroline out and about for a night in Hebden Bridge. Monet Refuses the Operation takes this Caroline for a night where she lets her hair down, meets someone, and deals with some of her grief for Kate. I used a poem by Lisel Mueller about Monet losing his eyesight to guide the work visually and metaphorically, and used it as a way to practice writing intimacy. Some scenes are definitely NSFW. It is a slightly more gutsy, more intense version of Caroline. It is designed to be a bit raw emotionally for her, to push her to deal with her grief and loneliness.